He called me his ex-girlfriends name :(

LegacyUser · 22-02-2009 3:37pm #1

Ok, so I met the nicest giy ever, really romantic, sweet and sucessful. Without sounding too soppy it finally felt like I found "the one". We hit it off instantly and he's just been amazing, flowers, chocolates, romantic gestures all the way! We made it official about 6 weeks ago and everuthing was so perfect until Friday night. We both had been drinking at a house party (him more than me) so we got home to bed, started fooling around, and as I was putting a condom on him he called me "Niamhy" - he went out with a girl called Niamh for 4 years...I didn't know what to make of it or how to react! He was so frustrated with himself, said he didn't know where it came from and I just asked him if he was really ready to move on (they broke up 18 months ago) and he said he is and that he never ever thinks about her ever. They are not in touch since they broke up.

So, in the morning he was really apologetic again and I knew he felt bad so I told him it was fine, I believe him, and I wouldn't bring it up again. We had another amazing day and it really did feel like there was no issue.

I do believe him, I'm just posting this in the hope that someone might know why he would accidentally do this? Does it mean he's not over her? Anyone any ideas?

Thanks x

Beruthiel · 22-02-2009 4:39pm

howtoreact wrote: »

I do believe him, I'm just posting this in the hope that someone might know why he would accidentally do this? Does it mean he's not over her?

It means nothing of the sort.
I've also done the very same thing as him. It is nothing more than just an accident.
When you've been with someone for a long time, you're said their name so many times that your brain forgets to switch over to the new name.
As I've said already, I've done this, it was an accident and it means nothing.
Hell, sometimes I call one sister by the name of another sister.
Brain - mouth - short circuit.

cantdecide · 22-02-2009 4:46pm

Absolutely nothing to worry about...

I have lots of trouble with names including calling people by their friends/ siblings names etc. I'm that guy who starts telling you about a film and then can't remember any of the actors names.

I've ALWAYS believed I've had the potential to do this too. I know I'm not alone so please don't read anything into it. It's a wiring problem a lot of people have.

MagicMarker · 22-02-2009 4:47pm

I called an ex by the wrong name once, it meant nothing what so ever, it was just a weird slip of the tongue.

tannytantans · 22-02-2009 4:49pm

It sounds like it was a total accident and I'd say your bf feels terrible about it.It was just a slip of the tongue doesn't mean he was thinking about the ex at all.

Dudess · 22-02-2009 4:50pm

Force of habit having been with her for four years - and he had been drinking AND he was really apologetic so surely that's reassurance enough? Try not to be so insecure.

Manic Moran · 22-02-2009 4:51pm

I've done exactly the same thing, it didn't do any good to the mood at all.

It really would have just been an accident, the brain gets conditioned to say something, it takes a while to 'uncondition' it.

NTM

liah · 22-02-2009 4:51pm

Have you ever accidentally called a teacher or someone ma or da before? Most people have, at one point or another. It's the same thing. Completely unintentional, no thought behind it. Wouldn't worry about it at all, unless he starts doing it consistently.

LegacyUser · 22-02-2009 5:06pm

Done it myself. Called my girlfriend by my ex's name. Just a slip of the tounge as I was so used to saying the other girls name and with a bit of drink your brain goes on holiday anyway! Sure my dad calls me a different name every time he sees me, even sometimes my sisters name. It happens. Try not give him a hard time over it

Balmed Out · 22-02-2009 5:31pm

it happens especially if hes becoming very comfortable with you in a way he hasnt been with anyone else since ex.

LegacyUser · 22-02-2009 5:46pm

doesn't mean anything. Normally i'd be the first to say it does but i've done it myself, and it totally was just force of habit...don't worry too much about it....

ShawnRaven · 22-02-2009 6:08pm

It happens, i wouldn't throw up a bunch of red flags over it. I remember years ago i'd called my current girlfriend (at the time) by the name of my ex in the middle of an argument. Force of habit because with the previous girlfriend, we argued like cats and dogs. But this was the first one with the current one.

I got a frozen stare for it, i'll never forget it, that was 12 years ago and i still remember it.

But it really is taken out of context a lot of the time, it happens, and it happens unintentionally. Go with the flow, if it feels right, then just got with it.

LegacyUser · 22-02-2009 6:27pm

means nothing. My father sometimes calls me by my brother's name. I once called a (male) friend by my sister's name. The "freudian slip" is basically a myth.

sardineta · 22-02-2009 6:34pm

It really means nothing at all, the poor lad is probably mortified. Sister's name would be another matter, however cf. rodeo sex.

tommmy1979 · 22-02-2009 6:38pm

means nothing... happens to the best of us.

Reminds me of primary school though (20 + yrs ago).. you know when one of the other kids in your class calls the teacher "mum!!!" and the whole class bursts out laughing.

T

herya · 22-02-2009 6:53pm

Don't worry about this - I have a pet name for my bf and several times I called my sister this... No idea where it came from apart from that I use it in conversations often!

Give him a chance to get used to your name not hers.

LegacyUser · 22-02-2009 7:00pm

Don't worry, I did the same thing to my boyfriend when I first started going out with him; didn't mean a thing! Forget about it and go back to feeling all loved up!

Caoimhe89 · 22-02-2009 9:01pm

All of my brothers tend to call me by their OH and kids' names. Our family is notoriously bad at names though. I frequently get called the entire (7 name) list before my parents get my name right.

Basically - this means nothing. Just a complete slip of the tongue.

And it's also the reason I call everybody 'hun'.

Kenno90 · 22-02-2009 9:08pm

listen it happens , I've done it before , and i know for a fact i wasn't thinking about the ex , i swear ,

don't worry about it

Toots · 22-02-2009 10:28pm

herya wrote: »

Don't worry about this - I have a pet name for my bf and several times I called my sister this

I've called my BF by my PET'S name!! The shame

Don't take it to heart OP, actions speak louder than words, from your original post, it sounds like he's one smitten kitten

wylo · 22-02-2009 10:33pm

Caoimhe89 wrote: »

All of my brothers tend to call me by their OH and kids' names. Our family is notoriously bad at names though. I frequently get called the entire (7 name) list before my parents get my name right.

lol, same as myself , my mother will list out all my brothers and sisters before getting to my name.

Dardania · 23-02-2009 1:11pm

It's most probably as association thing - he has strong memories of his girlfriend with sex so his brain did it subconsciously from being in the same situation with you - absolutely nothing to worry about!

shellyboo · 23-02-2009 1:15pm

Yeah, nothing to worry about at all... I've called bfs by my ex's name especially when fighting - something that happens when your brain kind of switches off and your subconsious takes over.

My Dad does it all the time... he once called our dog my brother's name, being more accustomed to shouting at my brother than the dog

GigaByte · 23-02-2009 3:33pm

This means nothing at all so I wouldn't worry about it. If you think you feel bad about it, its nothing compared to how he would have felt about it!!

This happened to me before and its really embarrassing!

doncarlos · 23-02-2009 3:34pm

ShawnRaven wrote: »

It happens, i wouldn't throw up a bunch of red flags over it. I remember years ago i'd called my current girlfriend (at the time) by the name of my ex in the middle of an argument. Force of habit because with the previous girlfriend, we argued like cats and dogs. But this was the first one with the current one.

haha exact same thing happened me. Took me a while to get back in the bad books

LegacyUser · 23-02-2009 3:43pm

howtoreact wrote: »

Ok, so I met the nicest giy ever, really romantic, sweet and sucessful. Without sounding too soppy it finally felt like I found "the one". We hit it off instantly and he's just been amazing, flowers, chocolates, romantic gestures all the way! We made it official about 6 weeks ago and everuthing was so perfect until Friday night. We both had been drinking at a house party (him more than me) so we got home to bed, started fooling around, and as I was putting a condom on him he called me "Niamhy" - he went out with a girl called Niamh for 4 years...I didn't know what to make of it or how to react! He was so frustrated with himself, said he didn't know where it came from and I just asked him if he was really ready to move on (they broke up 18 months ago) and he said he is and that he never ever thinks about her ever. They are not in touch since they broke up.

So, in the morning he was really apologetic again and I knew he felt bad so I told him it was fine, I believe him, and I wouldn't bring it up again. We had another amazing day and it really did feel like there was no issue.

I do believe him, I'm just posting this in the hope that someone might know why he would accidentally do this? Does it mean he's not over her? Anyone any ideas?

Thanks x

Just look where all the blood was, having left his brain?

Nothing to worry about, at all. Give him plenty of lovin and you both will be OK

MicraBoy · 23-02-2009 4:04pm

My ex repeatedly called me by her ex's name. This was even three or four years into our relationship. She used to do it when she was annoyed at me mostly.

I think it has to do with a certain situation triggering some underlying memory or feeling. It isn't a concious thing and I think most people will admit to doing this.

I wouldn't get hung up on it at all if I were you.

Annie Bananie · 23-02-2009 4:08pm

It happened to me and I accidently done it to others.
I would not think of it again

Grats for finding such a great guy btw! Wish you all the best!

Singer73 · 23-02-2009 4:08pm

Been there, bought the tshirt (and the flowers, chocolates). Spent about half hour explaining the mix up - married now - still can't get her name right...

23-02-2009 4:10pm

Easy thing to do so don't read too much into it, OP.

My mother occasionally calls my husband Rex (our dog who died ten years ago!) and I've done things like that. Your mouth just gets so used to saying certain names that your brain doesn't kick in.

Plus, as others have already said, he had a bit to drink and was pretty distracted!

m5ex9oqjawdg2i · 23-02-2009 7:10pm

I have done this a few times, and it has been done a few times to me too... No big problem, bursh it off and have a laugh about it. Do NOT take it serious though. Even if it happens a few times, once it is not every day. I wouldn't worry about it too much.

Princessa · 23-02-2009 7:19pm

just sounds like a slip of the toungue to be honest i wouldnt worry about it.

23-02-2009 7:24pm

Means nothing. I called my BF by my ex's name and he was a bit hurt but it really was out of pure habit. I also used to call my ex by my brother's name because they were similar.

LegacyUser · 23-02-2009 8:32pm

ok if this happened to me- I would not like it. fair enough it was the slip of the tongue - but he mentioned his ex when he was having sex with you. eeww. she obviously was on his mind for him to say her name. id suggest you talk to him about it again. i know i would!

23-02-2009 9:22pm

Unregistered wrote: »

she obviously was on his mind for him to say her name.

He was putting on a condom- the only thing on his mind was "I'm getting some!"

Annie Bananie · 23-02-2009 10:50pm

Unregistered wrote: »

but he mentioned his ex when he was having sex with you. eeww. she obviously was on his mind for him to say her name.

I seriously doubt that tbh.

Sage'sMama · 23-02-2009 11:30pm

Total accident don't let it bother you or affect you!

LegacyUser · 24-02-2009 10:27pm

wylo wrote: »

lol, same as myself , my mother will list out all my brothers and sisters before getting to my name.

LOL my mum used to go through the WHOLE family list...including the pets....before stumbling on my name

nice to feel important

aspasp1 · 24-02-2009 11:49pm

i think only an accident, nothing to worry about.

liger · 25-02-2009 12:10am

I remember doing this with my first gf in college, I called her by her housemates name, I was in the dog house for about 20mins when she had to forgive me because while telling me to feck off she called me her brothers name. ha ha, over 10years ago and i still remember that.

I still struggle with names. thank god for pet names.

yellowcurl · 25-02-2009 12:47am

It's happened to me too, sure it upset me but then he explained and apologised and all was well with the world again after a little while. Truly don't think that guys really think about these things too much, your bf has prob forgotten about it completely by this point. You should too, no point worrying over nothing.

He called me his ex-girlfriends name :(

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