Being single!!!!

LegacyUser

never normally post on here but just wanna get this off my chest. im sure people type this same thing in here alot but im just interested in hearing what people have to say. thing is, broke up with my ex 6 months ago. was with her for 4 and half years. i didn't really wanna break up cause i was still mad about her but we where very different people and it was probably for the best.

anyway now 6 months on im p*ssed off being single. i miss doing things like going out for dinner, going away for weekends, going to the cinema, going for walks, doing new things etc... my life has changed alot in the last 6 months. im now out every weekend drinking or doing stuff with mates but im sick of it.

can't even organise to go away with friends cause they all have their own stuff going on and money is tight for them. even if we do go away somewhere for a weekend its not really the same as going away with gf, i dont enjoy it as much, it ends up being drink orientated. i dont really fancy going to places by myself either, im kinda a people person

dont feel my life has any direction either. ive gone from looking to buying a place with gf to back living at home being hungover at weekends or having nothing to do. drives me mad sitting at home!!! anyone in similar boat or been in the same situation before?

RacoonQueen

Why don't you try to meet someone new? You say you're a people person, you're out with your friends a lot, you must me a fair few girls. Why not start dating again?

Copper23

I'm exactly the same, but its been a year and a half.

I like going out with the lads but its just too much now. I'm24, most guys my age have found a nice girlfriend, a grounded one, not some hyper-psyho drama queenyou do when your younger... I'dust lke that, spend a saturday night doing something else s I' not wreckeand broke fro every weekend and kinda see that all the other areas in live you'veimproved are kinda, for something...

LegacyUser

I was the same been single for a year and a half also. Had been in a 4 year relationship, had bought a house(myself) 9 months previous to the break-up and gotten engaged 6 months before.

I spent the first maybe 8 months missing all those things, just having someone to do things with etc. Most of my close friends were also in relationships and I had sorted of drifted from my single friends and I felt that they would be thinking "oh she's loads of time for us now but we never heard from her when she was going out with someone". But I realised I was moping. I was feeling sorry for myself and seeing everything in a negative light.

I bet if you are really honest with yourself there were times in your relationship when you were envious of your single friends. Being in a relationship isn't all walks in the park and cosy nights in... it has it's down sides. So does being single but it has it's up-sides too.

You need to accept that you are in a different phase of your life now and you will be doing different things to what you would do in a relationship. You'll meet someone again and do all those things with them. Embrace the life you have and enjoy it. Go on weekends away by yourself. Go visit friends that have moved elsewhere,I bet there are quite a few you've neglected while in a relationship so get in touch and make up for lost time. Get a hobby, take up surfing or knitting or footie...whatever floats your boat. Enjoy the nights out and the hangovers, enjoy mammys home cooking and not having all the grown-up responsibilities for a while. You'll have them again someday and you'll be thinking back to how good you have it now!

Yeah ultimately we all want someone to share our lives with but if you start enjoying the life you have it's much more likely that you'll attract that someone special!

LegacyUser

OP I am in exactly the same situation, even the time scales are the same! I agree being single does suck and going out with my mates at the weekend has being tedious and repetitive. I've been trying to get them to go away for a few weekend breaks but none of them seem that keen and now all I do is pine for my ex and wish I had a girlfriend to spend time with.

Btw is it just me or is there way too many men around these days and not enough women. I was out on Saturday night and the ratio was like 10:1 or something ridiculous like that.

Being single sucks!

ciaranbyrne

Somebody very wise (a taxi driver) told me the other night that the reason people fall to pieces when they have these monumental break ups is that loosing somebody that was a part of your life for so long is not disimilar to experiencing a bereavement.

This makes perfect sense. If you are 25ish and you go out with somebody for 3 or 4 years - you must consider that this represents a large part of your known life, and in particluar the most part of your early adult years. So as you shape your hopes and aspirations for the future - you do so with your nearest and dearest at the time.

Where this goes array for many is that they go from being self-centred teeneage idiots, to selfless caring and loving individuals...its a mish mash of emotion.

Thats my two cents worth - now back to wallowing in self-pity

MIN2511

Half of boards are single and hating it... Me, you and probably the next people who post after me...

We have our lives in our hands.. I recently posted in PI(with my username-stupid me!) and i felt it was a cry for help...

It seems the only way to meet people is to go out-pubs/bars/clubs.... Most people suggest evening courses etc, but unfortunately no one has time/money to join a cookery club...

Dude, whenever you are out keep mingling!!!!! If a girl rejects you chuck it up as expereince and move to the next girl

Polleta

Am I the only happy single person in the world? I did spend the first few months after my last break thinking about him CONSTANTLY but it has eased off now I would only think of him if something happens to remind me in a particular way of him.

I meet a lot of guys through friends and work colleagues and don't feel isolated or that I'm missing out. Half of my friends are in relatinships, half are single.

SOme relationships are harder to get over than others and maybe you are just starting to coming out of your grief period. CLiches like times a healer etc are all true I think.

If you feel like you are spending all your nights on boys nights out you should probably look at your wider circle and go on more mixed nights out and you never know who one of your female friends might be friends with.

ciaranbyrne

Being single doesnt suck - it is a war of attrition out there. I know from enough girls that they are in the same boat...people are sick of meeting new people, but that meeting Mrs Wrong is the best way to find Mrs Right.

LegacyUser

I'm exactly the same. It's only been 3 weeks and we were only together 1 year but it's my second failed relationship. first one was after 3 and a half years. I'm sick of the weekends out with the girls and sick of the drink orientated social scene and I so miss the cinema and drives and just having someone to get up and go somewhere and do something with. Every day they are there for you and with you and bang - you have to cut contact, which is soooo hard to do and live your life without that person. Being single sucks! Grr. We should all meet up and have a good oul complain. He he!

banshee_bones

When you have been with the one person for a few years believe me it is very hard to move on it really is, but you really have to give it time and go and do things you like doing, keep yourself happy, keep going out meeting more people.

Dont just get a girlfriend just so you have something to do at the weekends. Be with someone becuase it makes you happy, not because its comfortable.

Most importantly the best people come in to your life when you stop looking for them.


Keep the chin up, and give it time.

LegacyUser

OP here, thanks for the comments, thought this thread had died a death.

i know everyone says go out and do the things i like, this is normally what happens though with me. i have plenty of friends and now that they now im not going out with anyone and usually available, i normally have someone texting me thursday to sunday asking me to go for a drink. because i am so pissed off sitting at home mid week i usually end up saying yes and next thing i know my weekend is over, im depressed and missing my ex loads and wondering will i ever be that happy again....

if i try avoid going out for drinks though i get even more pissed off cause im just sitting at home for the weekend. i feel im not meeting any new people and therefore can't see where my next gf can potentially come from...all this together just makes me unhappy and makes me think about how good i had it when i was with the ex......

i know people will probably suggest take up a new hobbie, but don't know where to start or what to do and most of my friends are too busy to join something with me......

MIN2511

Unregistered09 wrote: »

OP here, thanks for the comments, thought this thread had died a death.

No it didn't but it's quite similar to a lot of threads on PI

i know everyone says go out and do the things i like, this is normally what happens though with me. i have plenty of friends and now that they now im not going out with anyone and usually available, i normally have someone texting me thursday to sunday asking me to go for a drink. because i am so pissed off sitting at home mid week i usually end up saying yes and next thing i know my weekend is over, im depressed and missing my ex loads and wondering will i ever be that happy again....

I am the same, if you ask me today i have plans for tuesday, wednesday, thursday, friday this week. I am very broke so i dunno how i will afford all these anyways my point is we all live for the weekend, do you play poker? I find it's really cool to play midweek, keeps me busy, are you a member of a gym? Thats also time consuming

if i try avoid going out for drinks though i get even more pissed off cause im just sitting at home for the weekend. i feel im not meeting any new people and therefore can't see where my next gf can potentially come from...all this together just makes me unhappy and makes me think about how good i had it when i was with the ex......

It's amazing how we all think when we don't go out we don't meet new people... Sometimes i go out and i don't meet anyone new...

i know people will probably suggest take up a new hobbie, but don't know where to start or what to do and most of my friends are too busy to join something with me......

I hate when people suggest things like cookery/wine tasting... Gym, online poker are relatively easy and wouldn't cost you much in time/money.

LegacyUser

Unregistered09 wrote: »

OP here, thanks for the comments, thought this thread had died a death.

i know everyone says go out and do the things i like, this is normally what happens though with me. i have plenty of friends and now that they now im not going out with anyone and usually available, i normally have someone texting me thursday to sunday asking me to go for a drink. because i am so pissed off sitting at home mid week i usually end up saying yes and next thing i know my weekend is over, im depressed and missing my ex loads and wondering will i ever be that happy again....

if i try avoid going out for drinks though i get even more pissed off cause im just sitting at home for the weekend. i feel im not meeting any new people and therefore can't see where my next gf can potentially come from...all this together just makes me unhappy and makes me think about how good i had it when i was with the ex......

i know people will probably suggest take up a new hobbie, but don't know where to start or what to do and most of my friends are too busy to join something with me......

Seriously OP, stop feeling sorry for yourself. Nobody is going to live your life for you and nobody is going to come on here and post some miracle "cure". No-one is making you stay in mid-week, join a gym, footie, rugby, tennis, take up a course in something, theres 101 things you could be doing. If you do something worthwhile during the week you mightn't feel so bad about going out on the pi*s at the weekends.
No-one is making you drink so much that you get depressed either, or even drink at all... do you really need that much to enjoy yourself?

Personally I would go out nearly every weekend. I have always been a member of a gym and I went back to college 2 evenings a week. I'm living my life and enjoying it & I know I will meet someone at some point but I'm not going to waste my days waiting for that person. TBH it's a bit pathetic and very off-putting to the opposite sex.

holdmyhand?

we should set up a boards singles night.

JohnGalt

Being single is the default position, I would consider somebody who can't take being single to have too little going on in their life.

LegacyUser

I'm in the exact same position, boyfriend for 4 1/2 years, single for 6 months now... and back living at home after living with him. Couldn't have stayed with him for reasons I won't go into, but definitely miss the nights in, it's just not the same spending Wednesday night with the parents and the dog. But ya know what it's not the end of the world, and it's not like I'm gonna start going out with any Joe Soap out of pure boredom, just enjoy it, take something up- like volunteer somewhere, or do a sport...do it on your own- don't wait for your friends, you'll make new ones... it'll take you're mind off the ex and when ya do meet someone, you won't feel so much pressure for everything to turn out right!

jenny4385

ooooo boards singles night??? i like the sound of that.... been single for 3 months after 5 years and im only 24

Copper23

Hey all,
OP here. Des anyone havany advice for pubs/clubs. I know some ppl say its not a good place but in reality in Ireland for people around my age, this IS were people enevitably meet.

My problemreally is that I fel really ugl in these places. I'm strong, I'm tall,I'm not overweight. I sometimes think my face and hair aren't like theguys the girls go for so I end up ust paralysed at the thought of going nea a girl.

Usually girls are all dressed up going out and look stunning. I sem to get intimidated and feel ver ugl lke I'm not good enough cos I never get attention from these girls. Is it just me? Or would I be getting more attention if I was better looking?Or how do I get over it?

Thanks

MIN2511

Next time you see a girl you like, talk to her......

It's easier said than done but you can try.... There are loads of singletons out there, we just have to make the effort


goodluck! It's paddy's weekend, loads of people around...

Dudess

JohnGalt wrote: »

Being single is the default position, I would consider somebody who can't take being single to have too little going on in their life.

Depends - and this thread is not aimed at anyone in particular. Despair at being single is understandable if you're newly single having become used to being in a relationship, it's also understandable if you've reached an age/stage in life where your friends have settled and you'd like someone of your own... and there's nothing wrong with pining for being in love with someone and all the wonderful things that come with it.

But being e.g. in your early to mid 20s and just wanting to be going out with someone to validate yourself (not even being that concerned about being in love) rather than being happy within yourself and seeing all the positives of being single... seriously, work on the neediness.