Anxious?!

LegacyUser

Regular poster going unreg for this.

I've really been needing to get this off my chest for a long time now, but recent events have made it an imperative. I find myself now aged 20 (I know: young, my whole life a head of me, etc.) as the only single guy in my circle of friends. In fact, it's possible that I soon could be the only single PERSON in my group of friends. But that's only the beginning...

I'm a very shy kind of person. Perfectly relaxed while within my froup of friends, but really dislike being in a situation where I have to hang out with people I don't know all that well. I'm self concious about how I look. I know I'm not the best looking lad out there, and I'm a tad overweight (195lbs & 5' 10"), and don't carry it well, at all.

I've never had a girlfriend, never a kiss, never anything. In fact I've never even tried chatting up a girl. I'm too affraid of the rejection or awkwardness or whatever. It's definitely not for lack of wanting to do these things. I mean, there have been nights where I've headed out with the intention of making myself do it, take the first step, so to speak. I always find a reason to get out of it. Hell, I even copped out in Copper's (no offence to users who go there =P).

I know girls don't bite or anything, and I understand them as well as, if not better than any guy I know. One of my closest friends is a girl. She, in fact, told me that she thinks I'm too cautious of other people's feelings/I think they have the same social anxiety that I have. I don't know...

I don't know why I'm like this, but I do know I don't want to be. I do want a girlfriend, not just to be like the others (but it does have some relevance, I guess), however I'm aware that it's not wise just to rush into something like that, for me or at-present-fictitious her.

Some insight into my confused head for ye!

Thanks for reading.

S.

Kevster

Hi,

I get the feeling that you are lost and have never found your 'niche' in society yet. I don't want to fill your head with ideas that your current set of friends are bad for you though (oh, wait, I just did). I was in a similar situation to you many years ago and I completely redirected my life. Might I ask if you are working or studying?

If you build-up the event of talking to a girl so much, then it will be a let down when you actually do it (It will be highly 'mechanical'). Just 'go with the flow', do whatever you want to do (and when you want to do it), and don't EVER be afraid of what other peope think of you. You have too little time to be procrastinating over this.

I had a crush on a girl for 13 years and did nothing about it. It's taught me a lesson - most definately - because now I don't delay at all in asking a girl out.

Kevin

fifomania

I'd try not to build up the whole process of meeting a girl. These things should happen naturally and when it feels right. I think the more aware of yourself and your awkwardness, the worse it's going to be for you. Are you confident in yourself? I agree with Kevster in that you sound like you haven't found your groove yet. To be honest (and hopefully not patronising) 20 is so young to be worried about being single etc and being around a group of friends who are all paired off won't help you!

MIN2511

I am honestly tired of the "things happen naturally" talk everyone keeps giving on boards...
OP only you can change your situation!

Suggestions

1. Join a gym, getting fit always gives people confidence
2. Keep approaching girls, some will say yes and some will say no but thats life...
3. Learn to GET OVER rejection, it's part of life!


Not everyone scores in Coppers! I go there all the time and i don't score! I am not a one night stand kinda girl and most times lads are very sleazy it's not worth it! I go to have a good laugh and i thats all i get from it


Don't worry you will be fine, just keep trying to talk to girls...

LegacyUser

Im 25 now and until about a year, year and a half ago I was the one im my group that never had a girlfriend, still a virgin, only kissed a handful of girls in my life. My first kiss was at 20! It really does get you down and you start to wonder whats so wrong with you that you cant get a girl when everyone around you finds it so easy. Ok, I was a little shy maybe but I was certailny no weirdo!!

I was so sick of everyone saying "it will happen when it happens" etc so decided to try do something about it myself. I hit they gym and hit it properly! This helped build my self confidence alot. I also just grew up, things you worried about at 20 will look so trivial at 24/25, they really will! I have gone from barely being able to look a girl in the eye at 23 to now being the envy of most guys that meet me when they see my stunning girlfriend. Chatting up women is now water off a ducks back. I could say with 99% certainty that if I really wanted to I could go out and pull tonight. If only I could go back 5 years and talk to myself.....

* try not to build the situation of approaching a woman up in your head, women are human too!
* dont put girls on a pedestal, they are your equal so treat them as such...never be overly nice or a push over!
* if you fancy someone just have a conversation for conversations sake without expecting it to lead anywhere, that way you wont have to face rejection if she isnt into you as it was nothing more than a chat in the first place.
* The dunken loud mouths you see pulling now wont always be the ones pulling. Late teens early 20's women seem to fall for these sort of guys but people mature and I find I now pull far more (well I have a girlfriend but before her I did and I still get far more opportunities from women now) than any of my mates do who were the drunken loud mouths when we were in our early 20's.
* Dont think too hard about things, second guessing every little thing a girl does. You will just over complicate situations that were never complicated in the first pace!
* Just relax, everyone is a little insecure about themselves, just some are better at hiding it then others.


Good luck OP.