Ten year age-gap relationship

LegacyUser · 21-02-2009 4:04pm #1

I've been seeing a woman for about four weeks now. We've been getting on like a house on fire, spending loads of time together, not going a couple of days without seeing one another, we've even slept together a couple of times. There just seem to be lots of things we have in common and we can get lost chatting for hours. We find it ever so easy to spend time with each other and we find each other very attractive. But there's a slight twist. I'm 24 and she's 34.

I've always got on far better with people a few years older than myself, most of my best friends are in their late twenties or early thirties, but I've never had a relationship with an age gap like this. There are no real inequalities in our lives; it's not like I'm penniless or still living at home or anything! We both have decent jobs, our own money, our own places, I drive but she doesn't, neither of us has had kids, we generally lead pretty similar lifestyles. Even just a few weeks in, this just feels more "right" than a lot of relationships I've had with people of a closer age.

I get the impression that there's a lot of consciousness of relationships with a similar age gap and an older man, but it's not so "accepted" the other way round. There's a lot of talk of "toy boys" and similar rubbish, but I don't feel one bit like I'm in that position. It feels very equal. What do others think of the whole thing? Any advice...?

Wibbs · 21-02-2009 4:06pm

I'd reckon like all age gap relationships, if you're on the same page and at the same stage in life and you gel this well, I would say go for it.

21-02-2009 4:16pm

sounds great OP - don't let the age gap put you off just because of what other ignorant people think. If you're happy then there is no problem.

Salome · 21-02-2009 4:23pm

I'd say go for it too. It sounds like you're a mature 24 year old who knows what he wants out of life. Seeing as you're both working in good jobs, once there's no inequality financially, you're not a toyboy so if you're both happy, go for it!!!

kizzyr · 21-02-2009 4:48pm

If you get on well together and have similar goals and interests in life when the gap shouldn't matter at all.
Stop worrying and go enjoy your relationship:)

MIN2511 · 21-02-2009 4:52pm

Hey there....

If you started a PI about this then it's obviously an issue for you.
Age is nothing but a number, but there are a few things to consider.
This woman is in her mid thirties, her biological clock is ticking. Fair enough you both enjoy each other's company but what will you do when she wants more????

Are you ready for commitment? We all say age is nothing but a number and we should go for what we want but we have to be conscious of what we are, who we are, what we want and what we expect.

good luck
M

kizzyr · 21-02-2009 5:02pm

MIN2511 wrote: »

Hey there....

If you started a PI about this then it's obviously an issue for you.
Age is nothing but a number, but there are a few things to consider.
This woman is in her mid thirties, her biological clock is ticking. Fair enough you both enjoy each other's company but what will you do when she wants more????

Are you ready for commitment? We all say age is nothing but a number and we should go for what we want but we have to be conscious of what we are, who we are, what we want and what we expect.

good luck
M

The biological clock doesn't start ticking for every woman you know. Not every one of us actually wants to have children.

LegacyUser · 21-02-2009 5:30pm

Kizzyr - MIN2511 is not saying that all women want children - but of course most women do and it is something OP must seriously consider and talk about with his girldfrined before someone down the road gets hurt.

OP - the reason i'm saying this is because I've just broken up with some one younger than me 2 weeks ago. We were together for 1 year - I am 28, he's 22. At the beginning he was head over heals for me and when we did talk about the fact that I wasn't looking for just some fun he was more than willing to accept that and get invovled saying he wanted the same things - to settle down and all the rest - if of course it went well.
However, one year on and he has changed his mind. He thinks he'd be holding me back from meeting someone and having a family (btw I didnt mention it ever - he thought about this with no pressure or hints from me) because he is not ready to do that and can't see himself wanting it for at least another 5 years. So, no persuasion or willingness to wait as long as he wanted would do. He wanted out.

Although you are 24 and he is 22 he is very mature for his age. Of course I believe the bottom line is if he truely loved me none of the rest would matter and he would want to be with me regardless so ... if thats the way you feel about her then go for it. Age wasn't an issue - it was how he felt about the stage he was at in life - in the end a serious relationship was not what he wanted.

I do want children and thinking that I was willing to wait for 5 years or more was probably silly. Through this heartbreak and torture that I am going through at the moment I feel it is better that I move on and try to find someone my own age or older who is more on the same page as myself.

On the other hand I was in a relationship with someone for 4 years and he was 11 years older than me - no problems there at all. Age gaps DO NOT MATTER - what matters are the individuals involved and whether or not both of you are aiming for the same things in life.

LegacyUser · 21-02-2009 9:34pm

Hi OP - I am with my partner over 6 years, he is 28, I am 37.... I will be honest, there have been times when the age gap has caused us to think, but has never caused us to believe we should give up... Age is definately a state of mind... you sound like you really have your head screwed on, and are clued in enough to think of the inevitable concerns that may come up e.g. children etc... once you keep the lines of communication open and honest, like in any relationship, it has a better chance..... Best of luck!

glezo · 21-02-2009 10:20pm

GO FOR IT

age doent matter if your in love (so the saying goes)

ha-ya-said-what · 21-02-2009 10:27pm

7yrs between Bf & I, be two years together this year. Just depends on how ye get on together

LegacyUser · 22-02-2009 11:29am

If you get on well together then don't question just go for it!
It's so hard to find someone you're 'on the same page' with so when you do don't let it go and what is age at the end of the day?

LegacyUser · 22-02-2009 5:38pm

Hi, I'm the original thread starter again. Thanks for all your lovely replies x

I think I'm more ready for commitment than I've been at any point in my life so far. I've kind of "done" all the sleeping-around stuff, going out all night and getting smashed, it's just a bit boring; I've got no inclination whatsoever to go back there. I feel ready to settle down, as long as I'm with the right person. I know it sounds a bit sad, but I want to shop for sofas and pick wallpaper and make a little nest!

If I'm going to be honest, children are my biggest concern. While I value commitment in relationships and I'm ready to commit to one person for the long term, the thought of having kids very soon does scare me a little. But perhaps it's because we've only been seeing each other for a month! If things carry on as they are for a while longer, I'll probably feel easier about the idea. I certainly don't feel like I want to run off and start sleeping around.

And my other worry which I perhaps didn't articulate too well is... well, say we got on really well, became life partners or got married. How do people deal with one partner, not to put too fine a point on it, getting old before the other, retiring, all that stuff. For me, it feels so far away as to be an indistinct blur on the horizon, but perhaps not for her.

I know asking this stuff is really unromantic, but it has to be said...

Ten year age-gap relationship

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