Cheated on

LegacyUser

so on valentines day i discovered my boyfriend of three years who dumped me at christmas slept with someone else. we broke up for about a week, two max so its obvious he broke up with me to sleep with someone else and when that didnt work out he came back to me. to me this is the same as cheating. he also mentioned he was seeing someone when we kept in touch over this christmas breakup but denies he was seeing someone now. but ive heard he was, i know it.

problem is, without him im worse off than i am with him. i miss him terribly. im aware im a doormat but i cant help it. i went out immediately after valentines with some close friends who were intent on keeping my mind off him, and i ended up meeting someone else. we texted a bit but hes just nothing like my ex.

i would forgive my ex if he was even sorry. hes rang me a few times on the 15th but i didnt answer or listen to his voicemails, i was too upset. and i said some pretty horrible things but i was so upset. i felt heartbroken.
and now i dont know what to do.
i want to call him or something.
ugh.

Do you still have the voicemails?

MagicMarker

So call him, you weren't with each other so he didn't do anything wrong. You can't possibly know if he broke up with you specifically to have sex with someone, so why assume so?

On the other hand, you could continue to be a jealous, immature child, and never see him again.

Which would you prefer?

LegacyUser

everyone is different I suppose but Im a guy and if I was dating a girl for 3 years and she broke up with me and slept with some other guy within a couple of weeks and then came back id tell her where she could go! If you want to get back with your boyfriend you have to be willing to leave all that behind and not hold it against him, if you cant do that then move on.

You met 1 guy and he didnt live up to your ex.....its ONE guy!!! A person who you dont now a fraction as well as your boyfriend of 3 years. You will need to give people a chance. I know when I meet new people im quiet stand offish and it takes me a good while to come out of my shell but when given that chance women who didnt seem that into me at first end up head over heels about me!

Bottle_of_Smoke

This guys never gonna like you as much as you like him. Move on.

Monkey61

Unregistered wrote: »

so on valentines day i discovered my boyfriend of three years who dumped me at christmas slept with someone else. we broke up for about a week, two max so its obvious he broke up with me to sleep with someone else and when that didnt work out he came back to me. to me this is the same as cheating. he also mentioned he was seeing someone when we kept in touch over this christmas breakup but denies he was seeing someone now. but ive heard he was, i know it.

problem is, without him im worse off than i am with him. i miss him terribly. im aware im a doormat but i cant help it. i went out immediately after valentines with some close friends who were intent on keeping my mind off him, and i ended up meeting someone else. we texted a bit but hes just nothing like my ex.

i would forgive my ex if he was even sorry. hes rang me a few times on the 15th but i didnt answer or listen to his voicemails, i was too upset. and i said some pretty horrible things but i was so upset. i felt heartbroken.
and now i dont know what to do.
i want to call him or something.
ugh.

Okay to the first point - that isn't necessarily obvious at all. But however is he did say that he was seeing someone, all within a week of you breaking up, that's a bit odd more than anything else. Also very quick for him to pursue something new and it not to work out.

To the second point, you met somebody six days ago and texted a bit but he's nothing like your ex???? You were broken up for a day. You met a random bloke the day you broke up with your boyfriend and you are surprised that you haven't fallen in love with him already? Would you actually have been willing to hop into a new relationship the day your three year one ended??

And to the third point, you think he isn't sorry, but he has phoned you multiple times and left messages and tried to contact you. And you haven't even listened to his voicemails? Were you not interested in what he might have said if you really wanted him back?

From what you have said, he didn't cheat on you. You acknowledge the fact that you had broken up. He wasn't with you, he was entitled to do whatever he wanted and you can't be that angry at him for that. You may be disappointed, but he has done nothing wrong (unless he was already cheating, which we don't know)

smares

Bottle_of_Smoke wrote: »

This guys never gonna like you as much as you like him. Move on.

Yep i agree. And the fact you called yourself a doormat means he defo knows your one ,so can do as he pleases.

girlbiker

Uh huh agree, run girl now, but something makes me think you wont do it and and will stay with this guy until he decideds he's had enough of you for good. Take the decision into your own hands and move on to greener pastures.

AARRRGH

The most important thing is you are broken up now, so it is time to move on with your life.

Keep yourself busy, be kind to yourself (e.g. treat yourself to things), and set yourself some sort of goal so you have something to look forward to.

Looking back and thinking what if and inventing theories on things is just going to make you sad, It's in the past and it's over.

Nitxteha

That's a rebounce. You did it too so you know how it feels, do you think you cheated on him? Rebounce is childish, but people do it (nobody is perfect, I suppose..)

This is something very personal and it's only up to you to decide what you should do now. Why did he break up with you? Ask yourself these questions: Is he a good person and he loves you? Would he be interested in getting back with you with no bull****?

The only think I could say is that it may be good to meet him for a coffee and get some explanations, if those explanations don't convince you, close that chapter and move on.

LegacyUser

One word - Doormat.

OP I was in your position before I was with a guy for 4 years and I was a complete doormat, now he never cheated as far as I know but he treated me like utter cr@p for years just wrecked my self confidence etc and you know why he did it? Because he could, that is why your bf is like this because he knows at the end of it you will be there waiting for him. It's not easy but you need to leave him, you dont think you can but you can, and you will be a lot happier without him.