Boyfriend not interested in sex

LegacyUser

Hi all,

I know there's a lot of threads on here about people not being interested in sex etc, and I've had a read through some of them. Most of them seem to be written about girls having no interest, and, in my situation, the opposite is true.

Basically, my boyfriend and I have been together a little under 6 months. He's really great, and I think I love him. But we hardly ever have sex - we haven't had sex since before Christmas. We don't get to see each other very often, usually just at the weekends because we live/work in different places. When we are together, going out for dinner, cinema, pub etc. we do have so much fun and get on really well. We sleep together, but apart from cuddling, nothing happens. We even went on a weekend away together to Barcelona, stayed in a lovely apartment and had a great time, but no sex. He even slept on the couch in the apartment on one night.

I don't know what to do - he tells me he really likes me and thinks he loves me, he introduced me to his family, he talks about what we'll do together in a few months/next year etc. He's affectionate and tactile, but he just doesn't want to have sex with me. Even at the beginning of our relationship, he wasn't really interested - we'd have sex but nothing else (no foreplay,oral - sorry if that's too graphic!), he's never given me an orgasm.

I've tried talking to him, but he doesn't want to talk to me about it, he just says things like "oh, we'll have lots of sex next weekend".

I don't know what to do - am I being unreasonable? I don't pressure him, I touch him or kiss him and he stops me. It's so frustrating, all I want to do is be close to him. I know he's not inexperienced, and has had long term relationships.

Basically, I'm just wondering, is it him or (as the book/film says) is he just not that into me?

Thanks for reading (sorry it seems to have turned into a bit of an long one!)

LegacyUser

Hi OP

Hmmm this is a common problem and you def wont ever be the last woman in this situation. He's lack of interest in sex could be to do with so so many things. As I list off these possible things dont take them to heart there are just possibilities

Low Sex drive (low testosterone)
abused or treated badly when younger
low confidence
no experience (remember you can date a girl for ten years and never have lots of sex)
fear of pregnancy or intamacy
not really into you but doesnt have the balls to leave
may be gay or bi or confused
may feel he's you know small?!!
May have had things said about his proformance from other women

It could be anything. It sucks as a solution but talk talk talk. No one else can really help you. You need to talk to him and tell him this is really getting you down. We all go through patches where we might not want sex due to work stress. I have a girlfriend that never wanted sex, I put up with it for six months, asked her about it, got a brick wall tried everything and then eventually had to leave.

Some people you cant help or talk to. You need to think of number one. Im single myself now and it took a while to get used to but now Im glad Im not with her, very stressful. I know your pain.

Best of luck, I hope he opens up to you.

E

Libertine2002

Maybe you should look at some of the reasons for low sex drive in men and see if any of them may apply to him. Here's one example, I'm sure there are hundreds more http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/index.php?term=pto-2659.html&fromMod=popular_sex He seems like he really loves you so I'd say yes.. he IS in to you! The problem is probably psychological.

Also you haven't been together very long. You say he has never given you an orgasm. I'm sure he's aware of this and this can be upsetting for a caring guy like him. He might be nervous about sex out of fear he will disappoint you. That would surely put him off sex. It's more likely that he's put off sex out of lack of confidence in himself, not a lack of interest in you.

ibarelycare

That's a horrible situation OP, I feel really sorry for you.

If I was in that situation I think I'd have no other choice but to break up with him. Sex is an extremely important part of a relationship IMO and to be honest, I don't know how you've lasted 6 months together with no passion. I know some people are going to say that some people like to wait until marriage before sex, but I'm sure they are still interested and tempted in it before their wedding night! Your boyfriend just doesn't seem bothered. What are the two of you like on a night out? Is there much kissing, touching, flirting, lusting??

It seems like a psychological thing really. Something may have happened in his early life to make him have this attitude towards sex. You should insist on talking about things to him. I know you love him but can you imagine spending the rest of your life with someone who doesn't seem interested in you sexually? You need to lay out all your feelings about the situation in front of him. The longer you put it off, the harder it's going to get. This probably should have been spoken about before you got as close as you are.

Katgurl

its really impossible for anyone here to speculate on why your boyfriend doesn't want to have sex.

what you'd need to figure out is if it is something that works for you - if you are prepared to be with someone where lots of sex may never be on the menu.

LegacyUser

OP i am in the exact same boat as you.

he is just not interested and an time i try and talk about it to him he gets sulky etc. tells me that he tired or whatever - when we met about two years ago the sex was amazing and that was a majot factor in us becoming such a strong close couple but after about six months his interest just wained (sp?) and got less and less frequent under the sheets - i would say we have sex less than twice a month, or somethimes go for weeks and weeks wit nothing and for some strange reason we will have a really fun week and then nothing again for ages!

its so frustrating and it leeds to all these other feelings and insecurities that you think its your fault or your wearing the right thing, or he is seeing somebody else etc etc.

i woulnd even mind but we did live together for a while and even then it was almost worse than when we were living apart!

slowly our relationship just started to go down hill and i moved out, we are still together and working tings out but still, its sad that it has come to this.

i have a very high sex drive so i find it frustrating to be with somebody who is just not interested.

and what you say about the kissing and him pushing you away - that happens with me to, its lamost like he is afrid to be affectionate for fear it might turn into sex.

i dont know what to do either, as ive tried all the chats with him, and he asures me its nothing to do with me but rather just that his sex drive is borderline non existant - and it bothers me more because he used to have as high a sex drive as me if not higer!!

its more frustrating than people give it credit for and it can leave you feeling quite down so dont feel your being unreasonable at all.

i hope things start to look up for you!

LegacyUser

Hi, OP here again.

Thanks for your replies, I really appreciate them.

I was, of course, hoping that someone would give me a magic, one-step formula and we'd be having the best sex ever within days!

I think, on reflection, as "tempreg" mentioned in his list, it might be a confidence issue. When he's had a few drinks he says things like that he knows I like him but he doesn't know why. I tell him it's because I think he's great, but I don't know if he believes me. How do you build up somebody's confidence?

IBC, we do kiss and cuddle, hold hands, touch a lot - it just stops before we get anywhere!

Libertine - thanks for the article, I think sometimes googling when you have a problem is the worst thing you can do, but sometimes it must work so I'm going to do a bit of research.

Wibbs

Katgurl wrote: »

its really impossible for anyone here to speculate on why your boyfriend doesn't want to have sex.

Agreed. Along with all the psychological and physical possible reasons, he just may not have a very high sex drive. It's more common in men than I would have believed from what I gather from women mates and others. Of course "common knowledge" says the opposite. The pattern seems to be, great first 6 months/year and then tapers right off. I remember reading a stat somewhere that reported that in the case of lack of sex being one of the reasons for divorce it was more women that cited it as an issue.

You need to sit down with him and soon, to figure out what this is. Otherwise nothing much will change.

hello_there_jim

he obviously has a small weiner!

Wibbs

hello_there_jim Please read the charter of this forum about unhelpful posts. Thank you. Infracted. Next time it'll be a ban.

LegacyUser

Hi OP,

Maybe you've read my post a while back but I had the very same problem. It ended up that we were having sex about once every 2 or 3 weeks. I talked to him about it a few times and he mentioned my weight (which I'm not obese but am a bit over weight), being afraid of getting pregnant and that it simply wasn't a big deal for him in our relationship.

Not meaning to put a downer on the issue but as it turned out we broke up about 2 weeks ago. I'm trying to get on with things and looking at it realistically - we probably wouldnt have lasted and its better for me. We weren't very compatiable maybe. The reason we broke up wasn't because of the sex though so don't think it will happen to you. We were together only a year and in the end he said he just didn't think he loved me. I gave him the time he needed to think about what he wanted - but it wasn't to be. That might have been the reason too, that fact that the love wasn't there completely.

So thats just my 2 cents. I don't think I've been very much help but all experiences are a help in some way I think. I have a high sex drive too and it is sooo frustrating. I began wondering about us all the time and hoping that maybe tonight he would want it. I blamed myself and TBH its a fairly recent event so I still blame myself. It is a blow to your self asteem and your confidence and that is what you have to make him understand - that its you that's taking a blow from all this and that can be damaging. both to you personally and mentally and to your relationship. It is rejection in a certain form.

He has to come out and tell what the problem is here. Otherwise you are gonna begin resenting him and blaming him for eventually having little or no confidence, especially in the bedroom. Good luck with it and remember - it's he who has the problem - its not you.

LegacyUser

Unregistered wrote: »

OP i am in the exact same boat as you.

he is just not interested and an time i try and talk about it to him he gets sulky etc. tells me that he tired or whatever - when we met about two years ago the sex was amazing and that was a majot factor in us becoming such a strong close couple but after about six months his interest just wained (sp?) and got less and less frequent under the sheets - i would say we have sex less than twice a month, or somethimes go for weeks and weeks wit nothing and for some strange reason we will have a really fun week and then nothing again for ages!

its so frustrating and it leeds to all these other feelings and insecurities that you think its your fault or your wearing the right thing, or he is seeing somebody else etc etc.


i have a very high sex drive so i find it frustrating to be with somebody who is just not interested.

and what you say about the kissing and him pushing you away - that happens with me to, its lamost like he is afrid to be affectionate for fear it might turn into sex.

!

this is me too...so much so i could have written it word for word.

getting turned down/brushed off every single night is heartbreaking and my boyf just will not talk about it.

he is going through a very stressful time at the moment and im putting it down to that but i miss our wild fun nights (used to be every single day) and sometimes it breaks my heart. but i love him so keep hoping that when his stress time passes -6or7 months from now- things will improve.

LegacyUser

I'm the same as that fella in my relationship. I dont really want to have sex with my partner anymore she thinks my sex drive has gone but it hasn't, I just dont find her attractive anymore. I only want to have sex with her when I haven't had sex for a while. I masterbate very regular as well. I do love her and every other part of our relationship is great, we have such a laugh together but I know deep down that one day I will be unfaithful because i'm starting to lust after other women more and more.

To the OP, I don't mean to sound mean but I dont think he finds you attractive anymore, the sexual spark that was there is gone and wont come back, what would you be like after twenty years together?

LegacyUser

OP,

I am one of those guys who almost completely lost his sex drive.
At first I didnt notice it, I just put it down to us setteling into our relationship. Then She dropped the bombshell, it had been over a month since we had sex. To be honest I didnt even notice.
Eventually I went and had all the tests done. Testosterone, thyroid, choloeterol, you name it, I had it done. They all came back fine.
We even tried the little blue pill, sometimes it worked, most of the time it gave me a headache
Not only does drink cause erection problems, but much to my surprise smoking can as well.
I discovered that my bedroom problems were in my head. I got really uptight that I wouldnt be able to satisfy her, and that only made things worse.
I was in pretty serious financial trouble at the time, money was constantly on my mind.
Also an incident that happened in my past (not sexual) came back to haunt me.

She did try to talk to me about it on a couple of occasions, but I just couldn't. I dont know if it was shyness, or embarrasment, or what, but the words wouldnt come out.

What I did find out was that it was a lack of confidence in myself.

Unfortunately for us this was all too late. She went somewhere else.

I know this is off topic, but maybe it might give you an insight.

Talk to him, but don't make him talk. He'll tell you when he's ready.

You say that he's had previous long term relationships. How many? How long were they?
Maybe he's afraid to get too emotionally involved in case it all goes all belly up again.
You really have two choices, move on or, asuming he admits there is something wrong, tell him that you are willing to help work through this.

Ladies remember this, a penis is what makes a man a man. If it isn't working right then he'll feel less of a man. I know, Ive been there

Wibbs

Unregistered wrote: »

OP,

I am one of those guys who almost completely lost his sex drive.
At first I didnt notice it, I just put it down to us setteling into our relationship. Then She dropped the bombshell, it had been over a month since we had sex. To be honest I didnt even notice.
Eventually I went and had all the tests done. Testosterone, thyroid, choloeterol, you name it, I had it done. They all came back fine.
We even tried the little blue pill, sometimes it worked, most of the time it gave me a headache
Not only does drink cause erection problems, but much to my surprise smoking can as well.
I discovered that my bedroom problems were in my head. I got really uptight that I wouldnt be able to satisfy her, and that only made things worse.
I was in pretty serious financial trouble at the time, money was constantly on my mind.
Also an incident that happened in my past (not sexual) came back to haunt me.

She did try to talk to me about it on a couple of occasions, but I just couldn't. I dont know if it was shyness, or embarrasment, or what, but the words wouldnt come out.

What I did find out was that it was a lack of confidence in myself.

Unfortunately for us this was all too late. She went somewhere else.

I know this is off topic, but maybe it might give you an insight.

Talk to him, but don't make him talk. He'll tell you when he's ready.

You say that he's had previous long term relationships. How many? How long were they?
Maybe he's afraid to get too emotionally involved in case it all goes all belly up again.
You really have two choices, move on or, asuming he admits there is something wrong, tell him that you are willing to help work through this.

Ladies remember this, a penis is what makes a man a man. If it isn't working right then he'll feel less of a man. I know, Ive been there

That right there is a helluva lot of insight and brave too. Kudos.

JohnGalt

You need to think of sex as a war, and you would be a soldier on the front line

Wibbs

ehhhh sorry, don't see where you're going with this. Could you elaborate? Just so we're all clear.

scorpioishere

One of my friend had the same problem. He was dating a girl 10 years ago. She got pregnant. Then they decided to get married. After marriage he was not interested in having sex anymore because he told me he was not sure about his sexuality. He lives with his wife but no sex at all. As a best friend of mine, he told me he is attracted to men and not with girls anymore. So the wife doesn't know about this but think he is with her for the sake of their child.
So may be your boyfriend is gay and he doesn't want to hide it. Also i have a comment of one of my colleague to you. He is gay and he wants to share his experience. He told you that he had met many married men in ireland who likes men, likes having sex with men etc etc.. they said they always been interested with men but due to the society here in ireland they had to pretend they are normal by marrying a girl.
So i hope this gives you an idea, so may be your bf doesn't want to get you pregnant and have a child on his shoulder for the rest of his life, may be he plan to come out soon and doesn't want to hurt you.

LegacyUser

..What can i say but- ME too!!..

Yup- last three years and sex only twice with my boyfriend.

I'm not too sure of the reason, i know he is a little overweight, his little man..is well on the 'little' side, he never had a girlfriend before me and has general issues surrounding confidence and self esteem.

I tried talking to him several times about it... and he just shut down.. he said that i was putting too much pressure on him and then it caused several arguments.

Since then we have made a special effort to be 'intimate' but that was a disaster too- he feels under pressure to satisfy me and i feel under pressure to be 'satisfied' which results in an all round bad experience for us both. I have to say that we have a wonderful relationship and really do love eachother-together for the past six years living together for the past four.

One of our biggest problems is that he always knew that i am always 'up for it' (i have such a high sex drive)-and he always loved the thrill of the chase i told him i was not interested in being intimate at all- that was two months ago and i've had nothing more then a cuddle since..

So all i say is thanks to everyone who posted here-its been great knowing that i'm not the only person going through this.. and best of luck to all the other women in there that have found themselves to be in the same situation-i can't say i have any advice to offer as my situation has gone from being bad to worse but what can i say- i feel like i've said and tried everything but nothing has worked and we are at the end of the line when it comes to sex and the phisical side of our relationship which is both upsetting and sad.

LegacyUser

Hi all, OP here again.

Thanks for all your messages, even Hello There Jim, made me laugh! (I wish it were that simple!)

I think this weekend we're going to have to sit down and have a chat about it. If this relationship is going to go anywhere, we'll have to be able to talk about things and we might as well start now. Somebody said we should have done it earlier, and they were right. Of course, it's a lot lot easier said than done! Any advice on how I should go about it?!

And thanks especially to the guy who was so honest, it really put things in perspective. My boyfriend must be feeling as crappy about the whole situation as I do.

Unfortunately, the my whole situation has been made slightly more complicated because I effectively lost my job yesterday. One problem at a time I suppose.

LegacyUser

Unregistered wrote: »

I think this weekend we're going to have to sit down and have a chat about it. If this relationship is going to go anywhere, we'll have to be able to talk about things and we might as well start now. Somebody said we should have done it earlier, and they were right. Of course, it's a lot lot easier said than done! Any advice on how I should go about it?!

I was in a sexless relationship for about 6 months too & what you've said there is pretty much the only advice I can give you. Talk to him. Id brought it up to my gf but we never really talked about it. She'd make a dismissive remark & id leave it for fear of hurting her feelings, which in retrospect really didnt do either of us any good. By the time I couldnt take any more & had to have a proper talk about it, the relationship wasnt salvageable.

Having said that when you do talk to him, the key things are to know exactly what you want to say beforehand, make sure you keep things calm, & give him plenty of reassurance while you do it. Remind both of ye of the good times while your chatting, & try to make it as comfortable for him to open up as possible. Let us know how you get on.

LegacyUser

scorpioishere wrote: »

they said they always been interested with men but due to the society here in ireland they had to pretend they are normal by marrying a girl.

OP, either he has a naturally low sex drive and is unaware that this is a problem OR he is gay and using you as a cover.

This is the most selfish of the selfish in my opinion. No gay man has the right to use a straight woman as a smokescreen to cover his sexuality. It is the height of selfishness and despicable behaviour imo.

The poor woman goes through years of thinking she is repulsive to the opposite sex because her husband/boyfriend doesn't touch her. Feeling like a weirdo when her friends talk about their rampant husbands never leaving them alone. Feeling guilty for feeling these feelings etc etc

Yes, the gay man has it hard trying to come out, but THINK ON....2 wrongs dont make a right A gay man has NO RIGHT to destroy any womans life just for his own selfish ends.

It is unjustifiable behaviour if this is the case.

Zaph

Unregistered wrote: »

OP, either he has a naturally low sex drive and is unaware that this is a problem OR he is gay and using you as a cover.

This is the most selfish of the selfish in my opinion. No gay man has the right to use a straight woman as a smokescreen to cover his sexuality. It is the height of selfishness and despicable behaviour imo.

The poor woman goes through years of thinking she is repulsive to the opposite sex because her husband/boyfriend doesn't touch her. Feeling like a weirdo when her friends talk about their rampant husbands never leaving them alone. Feeling guilty for feeling these feelings etc etc

Yes, the gay man has it hard trying to come out, but THINK ON....2 wrongs dont make a right A gay man has NO RIGHT to destroy any womans life just for his own selfish ends.

It is unjustifiable behaviour if this is the case.

Perhaps the OP's boyfriend is gay, we don't know that, but please stay on-topic and don't divert this discussion into one about the rights and wrongs of married men staying in the closet.

Thanks

BenGunn

Unreggie...12 wrote: »

Yup- last three years and sex only twice with my boyfriend...

...One of our biggest problems is that he always knew that i am always 'up for it' (i have such a high sex drive)-and he always loved the thrill of the chase i told him i was not interested in being intimate at all- that was two months ago and i've had nothing more then a cuddle since...

you obviously don't have a very high sex drive if you could basically go without for three years; that or you're a doormat.

To all the other women posting- it would be better if you talked to your boyfriends than posted here. how do you get to the situation where it has been years? how do you even get to the situation where it has been weeks?

Unfortunately, in most cases, it's not going to improve- whether they're gay or have just gone off you or whatever. so i guess you just have to decide whether you can live with that or whether to cut your losses.

m5ex9oqjawdg2i

Does he have a job? Is he successful? Is he worried about anything? I know from experience, stress SERIOUSLY reduces my sex drive.

Take other things into account, and it might be a little harsh, but it's reality. Have you changed in any way, have you gained or lost weight? Changed your look, done anything to turn him off. Just a few suggestions, hope it helped. Anyway, talk to him and see what the story is

Pherekydes

BenGunn wrote: »

you obviously don't have a very high sex drive if you could basically go without for three years; that or you're a doormat.

I think you're confusing 'sex drive' with 'sex life'.

You can have a high sex drive and still not be getting any (or much) due to circumstances.

Back to the OP's problem: I found that my sex drive declined as I put on weight and became unfit. In the last year or so, I've lost some weight (about 20 lbs) and gotten some of my fitness back and my sex drive has returned to a much higher level.

Just another slant on things.

CDfm

It could be lots of things - maybe he read that sperm can cause pregnancy:D

Why dont you encourage him to go down to his GP - better still you go wit him and ask for something for La Weekend .

LegacyUser

Is it possible that he is suffering from depression ?

I did myself several years ago and was unable to have sex. Its difficult to explain but I wanted to, my partner wanted to but I just couldn't. Thankfully she stuck with me and as soon as the depression went my libido returned. Not sure if this applies in your case but thats how it was for me.

LegacyUser

All I can say is me too and its not just a simple case of talking to him.

I have been going out with by boyf for nearly 9 years, living together for nearly 7 and it only happens once every 3-4 months if I'm lucky!

Yes, I have tried talking but he clams up, no explanation (only excuses that wear thin after a while eg, tiredness, busy etc etc)and when it does happen, I get promises of things will improve - but they never do. It doesn't even happen on romantic weekends away etc - so I am coming to terms with the fact that things will not improve at this stage.

I don't want to walk away cos I love him and he says he loves me and yes I have thought about leaving........

I always think everyone has a more exciting sex life than me and when I see sex scenes on tv, films etc I wish that was happening to me but after a few years of occassional sex I'm beginning to realise its never going to happen and just have to make a decision can I live like this for the next 30 years or so.

Is there anyone out there who has a successful relationship with very little sex???? Does it get easier to get over the fact that your partner does not want to make love to you??

LegacyUser

Unregistered wrote: »

Is it possible that he is suffering from depression ?

I did myself several years ago and was unable to have sex. Its difficult to explain but I wanted to, my partner wanted to but I just couldn't. Thankfully she stuck with me and as soon as the depression went my libido returned. Not sure if this applies in your case but thats how it was for me.

This may be whats behind the problem. I went through a period when I was pretty depressed and the relationship I was in suffered because of it.

OP, you really need to sit down and discuss this with him. If it's the case that it's depression causing the problems then he should be able to get help.

LegacyUser

Reading this is depressing. I have been unable to have sex with my boyfriend, as was with my first boyfriend. I didn't know much about what i could do when i was with my first boyf and he was just a prick about it. not understanding in the least and insisted we do other things, that i didn't want to do. Didn't do anything to help me. It was my problem.

Current boyf is different. I've been with him three years. And now i'm kinda wondering since he hasn't been too bothered about it, maybe he should be. The thing is a while ago he was looking up stuff on some curvature things cos he thinks he's a bit curved to the side. I don't know really cos i thought it was normal. but maybe he's put off sex anyway cos of this, getting his confidence down.

I'm really unattractive anyway so that's what i put it down to... hard to think of it actually being down to anything else. But he seems to be attracted to me. so i really don't know. my sex drive isn't high, but that's probably down to lack of confidence, stemming from not being able to have sex for so long. Still can't

AlRocks

Hope this helps anyone with the same issue. I am a male and have been with my girlfriend for just under 3 years now. We used to have sex 2 and 3 times a day and then it slowed down, naturally. But it got to the stage where the gap was getting longer and longer. As a male I felt she wanted to have sex all the time and it really put me off her. Everytime we were in a pub with friends she would be feeling me up and kissing me and I found it kind of irritating. I felt that she was smothering me and I needed to get away. I think that her sex drive is extremely high and mine is average. But alas I am still with her, we have sex more frequently, not 2 or 3 times a day but once or twice a week. I found that once she layed off me and stopped harrassing me about sex, I become more interested. Like what that girl said about the chase. I think your onto something there. As soon as a guy knows he can have it on demand, he doesn't want it anymore. This is LIFE. Take away the pressure, dress sexy but don't annoy him about sex, refuse to have sex with him when he wants it and watch him ask more often.

Hope this helps a bit

Talliesin

What's "sex drive"?

A drive to actually have sex? Or a general horniness that affects one from time to time?

We talk about sex drive as if it's some sort of simple one-dimensional thing. And then in the next PI thread we're wondering why some people are treating sex as if it's some sort of simple one-dimensional thing!

There is so much stuff that goes on when someone is having sex, and sadly, the deeper the relationship the more complication there can be. After all, most of us want it to not just be about sexual release when we're with our lovers, don't we?

And because of that, there really isn't any good way of second-guessing what's going on here. I could be a low sex-drive. It could also be that stress about something else means he feels he wouldn't be giving his all to it, and he doesn't want to reduce being sexual with the OP to little more than a release of sexual tension. It could be he has serious issues with sex itself. It could be that he reäcts against the pushy nature of some men (and many men can think of men they've known who were extremely pushy) and in not wanting to be like that, he becomes overly resistant to any sexual moves.

It can be so many things. Which is a problem here, since it doesn't make this an easy PI thread for people to opine usefully on.

CDfm

drink lots of water - if you have low blood pressure it will help you build up a head of steam

Darthhoob

could be a multitude of things hun. i've been in a similar situation so i know how hard it is for you. my OH is 10 years older than me, we met when i was 21 (26 now...nearly 27 lol). i have a much higher sex drive than him but sadly not the self confidence to instigate it much. i do feel comfrtable around him i just dont feel sexy...no fault of his, he actually makes me feel sexy...when HE is in the mood for it mostly lol! but my past experience of relationships have been.....less encouraging

i used to feel unwanted at the times when i wanted sex and he does't i felt i wasn't sexy enough. i knew he loved me but as i am overweight i didnt feel good enough. even though he actually likes cuddly women. i spent ages feeling like this, till i came to realise that he DOES fancy me, he just doesn't have a high sex drive. i have to say though that since having his baby (his first and my second) he'll hardly leave me alone i think the midwife must have done a great job on those stitches! haha

honestly though i think one of the major things that contributed to om OH's low sex drive was the fact he had a tooth abcess, before he had the op to remove that (he had it for 10 years as has a dental phobia) he was 'sickly' compared to now...plus he was working a job with long hours. tiredness and sickness doesn't help really. so it could even be something trivial like that was lol.

BEST thing to do is talk, although i know it's hard to do so as even when your boyfriend is telling you nothing is wrong you probably wont listen...i know i didnt for ages.