Ex's gran passes away

LegacyUser

Should you go to the funeral of your ex's gran?

We broke up four month's ago after over 2 years together. I am 23 and working and she was still in college. We broke up because of the life stage difference and because it was a long distance relationship. We said we would be friends after a while which we have just started being. We talk every so often. We did break up on good terms and even though i didn't want to break up i know it was probably the right thing to do.

I do hope that with time apart and after we each live our own lives and experience new things that if we are meant to be we would give it another chance. I really loved this girl and i care for her a lot.

But is it wierd to go to her grans funeral in Cork when i live in Dublin? I knew the gran and went to see her a few times when i was going out with my ex and i got on really well with the rest of her family, but i'm not sure whether it's appropriate to go and whether or not she would want me to go!

LegacyUser

You could always just send a mass card!

grizzly

You ended on good terms so just call her and ask. She might like the support or she may find it odd. So call and find out.

Toots

I'd say she'd be touched that you are considering going. Give her a call and just make sure it's ok though.

I'm old school on this. I think you should always support the people, who touch your lives in times of bereavement. Even if you are in a bad place with them at the time.

SparkyLarks

There is nothing wrong in going and I'm sure your ex would appreciate it.
If there is a distance issue, getting off work and the like. then you could ring like you would any other friend and see how she's getting on.

Brien

Moonbaby wrote: »

I'm old school on this. I think you should always support the people, who touch your lives in times of bereavement. Even if you are in a bad place with them at the time.

I agree wholeheartedly. anyone who has lost someone important to them needs the strength and comfort of their friends. the only reason you wouldnt want to go is if you still had feelings for them and were scared of that, or didnt care about them at all; and that should not be enough to stop you supporting them

The Sweeper

Send flowers, don't front - that'd be my view. Especially if either of you would feel a bit raw still.

seamus

I'm erring on the side of MAJD here. 4 months might be a bit too soon. For her there may be a lot of emotion flying around and you making the effort to travel across the country for her Gran's funeral may be misconstrued (either by her or her family) as something that it's not.

shellyboo

If you feel you should be there or if you want to be there, go. Whatever about the breakup, blah, emotion - her gran just died, you're close with the girl, go.

RossFixxxed

I'd go with the mass card or maybe a phone call. But if there's a raw nerve there it could well make things worse. It's sometimes easier to concentrate on something like that rather than the bigger issue, i.e. she may just get annoyed at you rather than what's happened.... See my posts on my cat for a terrible example of that!

Femelade

I would definatley go.

I went to my ex's dad's funeral, even though we were not on speaking terms, but i knew his dad and his family so i went.

Poloman

I would go if it was local but its not so its a tough call. She is your ex so maybe a phone call to say you are sorry to hear the news would suffice.

TheDollyParton

I think that when it comes to funerals the more support the better. Can't imagine anyone would have any hard feelings about someone coming to a relative's funeral, especially if you ended on good terms. Its a very respectful thing to do.

4 months is quite a long time. My ex's grandad unfortunately passed away the same day I dumped him after finding out he'd cheated on me and I went to the funeral. I kind of felt like I had to as I'd met the grandad a good few times. It was awkward but not too bad.

Liam Byrne

Go, but don't overdo the "being there for her" as at emotional times like these it can send mixed signals.

Pass on your condolences, and be there in the background as "just one of many".....might be difficult for you to do, seeing her so upset, but it'll get the message across that you care without confusing her.

And fair play to you; I'm "old-school" too, in the sense that unless there's a really nasty reason for the break-up, then caring on some level doesn't stop just because ye decide that ye're not right for each other.

username123

The popular answer seems to be go - so I shall offer my tuppence worth which goes against majority.

I wouldnt go. But I would send a mass card.

I dont think its appropriate for ex's to show up at private emotional events like funerals - my own parents funeral was difficult enough without having an ex there to contend with as well.

You said you only met the gran a few times and itd mean a long trip to go - i dunno - it all just seems a bit over the top. If I was the ex Id prefer you not to be there - but I would appreciate the gesture of a mass card and/or phonecall.

Dubs

because it was a long relationship and yous ended it on good terms, i would go if i was you... just dont be getting stuck in