Sending a birthday card to an ex

LegacyUser

I just wondered if any one can advise me on what to do. I broke up with my boyfriend four months ago. There was a time in this period where we nearly got back together but he is seeing someone else now. When we initially parted we agreed to send each other a birthday card but since than relations have become strained between us and we have no contact. He has hurt me incredibly with some of the things he has said and done and I have become so devestated by how things have ended up. I feel like I do not know him at all anymore. I just don't understand why he still wants to hurt me when he has moved on with someone else. The silly thing is that despite all this I still miss him. I know deep down it could never work but I miss the close friend and companion I once had. It is their birthday coming up and I don't feel like I can still send them a card, however equally it hurts me to ignore it. I know if he sent me a card it would still mean alot to me but I feel like he could possily take it angrily and see it as me iterfering and I can't stand more hurt. What should I do?

Pherekydes

Do what you want.

Do what you want.

Being friends is about respect and doing stuff for them, not about making them feeling bad.

My first wife wanted us to be friends after she ran off with someone else's husband (for the sake of the children :rolleyes:). I simply ignored any and all correspondence when I found out. The annoyance eventually stopped.

Overheal

Why would you want to open yourself up to more hurt? Why contact him? Why make yourself a target? Why dwell on bad memories?

If you want to consider his feelings why send him a card? Wouldn't it be better to just let him be, with his new hussey? Don't send a card, don't contact him just wish him well/pray for him/whatever and then put that chapter behind you.

I just don't understand why he still wants to hurt me when he has moved on with someone else.

You aren't in contact you said: so I don't understand this line.

girl2

Sorry for being so blunt, but to me, your post screams out that you still want this person.

If it were me, I would not be sending a card (actually, if it was me, I would be the same as you.....but the best thing is not to send a card).

Sometimes in life you just have to accept a situation as it is and move on. No matter how hard it is.

LegacyUser

Overheal wrote: »

Why would you want to open yourself up to more hurt? Why contact him? Why make yourself a target? Why dwell on bad memories?

If you want to consider his feelings why send him a card? Wouldn't it be better to just let him be, with his new hussey? Don't send a card, don't contact him just wish him well/pray for him/whatever and then put that chapter behind you.



You aren't in contact you said: so I don't understand this line.

He contacted me a few weeks ago and said some truly horrible things. He also seems to find a way of getting information to me through friends etc

Redpunto

no - do not send a card - what do you think will come out of it - that once he sees the card that he'll drop the new GF and come running back to you a reformed man??

The only way youll get over it is to cut contact.

jellie

Unregistered wrote: »

He contacted me a few weeks ago and said some truly horrible things. He also seems to find a way of getting information to me through friends etc

then why would you bother? seriously, what have you to gain? what is the point? what would it change?

hes clearly sending the message that he doesnt want to be friends, there seems little point in being nice to him.

cut all contact with him & try move on

Overheal

Unregistered wrote: »

He contacted me a few weeks ago and said some truly horrible things. He also seems to find a way of getting information to me through friends etc

Thats harsh. All the same it seems more reason not to invite contact, yourself. If you find yourself not reacting long enough, eventually, he will stop, and if he doesnt - Karma! He's just spent X amount of his life obsessing over tormenting an ex, and will probably die lonely. Happy days

Salome

Unregistered wrote: »

He contacted me a few weeks ago and said some truly horrible things. He also seems to find a way of getting information to me through friends etc

So let me get this straight - you want to send a birthday card to a man that made you feel bad and who abused you verbally? You obviously like being his doormat - quit while you're ahead. Move on. He has.

Annie Bananie

You send birthday cards to friends and family. He is clearly neither.

LegacyUser

Deep down inside, I think you know the only reason you're sending the card is that it will maybe garner some kind of positive response from him.

My advice; he's moved on, you should too. I know it's difficult to cut your losses and let go, but its the only way to progress through a difficult time and get to a good place again. Otherwise, you'll still be feeling like this in 6 months, 12 months, etc.

Femelade

Do not send him a birthday card..

He's with someone else now, he's been horrible to you lately, whay would you even WANT to..??

LegacyUser

Move on, he's clearly have or is trying to...as tough as it may sound..

Making unnecessary contact with an ex only shows weakness and he may think he can have you back whenever he wants. Believe me, you don't want that.

He is with another girl, fine, he should be getting a birthday card from her, not from you.

If the guy let you go, grand...his loss.. life may have someone better waiting for you. Don't have time for him (ex are exs, over, finito.., keep the good memories if you like but don´t get stuck in the past).

Men respect women who repect theirselves, chin up and move on!

_blank_

why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why,

is this even crossing your mind?

DO NOT DO IT.

Someone was on here a few weeks ago asking if they should text their ex for a birthday.

I told them that nothing screams "desperation" more than that.

Well, here we are, and I was wrong.

If you send a birthday to this man, you will be telling him, in no uncertain terms, that you are desperate to get back with him.

If you do send a card, be sure to put the return address on the back of the envelope.

Miss Desperate
Desperation Avenue
Desperateville
Co. Desperate
Desperateland

Permabear

This post has been deleted.

SarahSassy

Not a good plan. He has treated you badly and you want to reward him by sending him a card wishing him well..... come on.. It makes no sense..

It will only appear to him that you are not over him and are looking for his attention / reaction.. You deserve better than this... Move on and let him off.

LegacyUser

Sorry to hear about your hurt OP. I am in your exact position and I would strongly advise you not to do it.

If it was your birthday, would he send you a card??? Probably not. He's with someone else now. All you will do is give the two of them and his friends something to talk about. After break ups, people often take sides. Everything you do will be twisted. You may have the best of intentions but it won't be seen like that.

You are probably a very caring person. He didn't appreciate you and in turn doesn't deserve your attention.

When I was going through my immediate post break up phase, I heard this from many other people including close friends and I didn't listen cos i thought they were making generalisations. I felt I knew my partner better but I didn't. And I didn't recognise the person he had become either.

If someone changes their mind about you, giving them attention they don't want will make them more ignorant towards you. That's fact unfortunately. He has moved on. He does not think about you every moment of every day. He's not interested anymore. It's hard to hear and harder to accept but the quicker you cut him off the better. I know how you are feeling and you are fighting a losing battle.

All it will do will pro-long your pain and you will make a fool of yourself. Stop.