Labeling Sexuality...?

Aoifums

I'm a 16 year old girl. I'm planning on coming out soon but I'm just having major trouble putting a label on myself. As far as I can tell, you kinda need a label when coming out, you can't just say "I like girls". And I'm just finding labels so restrictive. But I’m not even sure how much I like girls vs. guys. At the moment it’s over 90% for girls. But I’m still super worried about the less than 10%.

And I'm also having a load of "what-ifs". Like what happens if I come out as gay, but then in a few years time I meet a guy I like. Or if I fall in love with a guy. I know it won't happen but I've heard the horror stories where teenagers have been too quick to come out and as they mature, so do their preferences.

I know I totally rambled but it took me nearly an hour to write this because I am so awful at expressing myself. I’m just looking for some advice, or to hear from people who were in similar situations.

Thanks

unreggd

Well, you said it yourself

label are useless. and noone really fits them 100%

Just say you're not straight

Untense

Aoifums wrote: »

you kinda need a label when coming out, you can't just say "I like girls".

Why not? Sounds like a perfectly truthful statement to me. Nobody will come back in 15 years time and say you didn't like girls.

And I'm also having a load of "what-ifs"....I know it won't happen but ....

The 'I know it won't happen' is that part that sticks out to me.
Despite your fear of the 'what-ifs', you seem fairly certain of your sexuality. So I'm wondering are they legitimate concerns are irrational fears.

I’m just looking for some advice, or to hear from people who were in similar situations.

Looking back I see that I would have been a lot healthier and less unhinged had I just accepted who I was at that time.
Yet, you seem to have accepted this aspect of yourself and come across as being comfortable with it. It's great. Coming out doesn't have to be a grand announcement to the world, and it doesn't mean you have to identify yourself with a label.

I've heard the horror stories where teenagers have been too quick to come out and as they mature, so do their preferences

I know what it's like to be sure of my sexuality. So far, at 25 years, I haven't had an experience to indicate my sexuality is going to change. Although I did spend my teenage years denying I was gay, and waiting for attraction to girls to happen. I'm glad I came out as being attracted to men, because I don't have anything to hide. If someone lovely comes along and I'm drawn to them, it can be an experience I can enjoy sharing with my friends, family and that person.
Should I wake up tomorrow and feel attracted to a woman, well that could be great too. It doesn't have to be a horror story.

nxblues

heh there,

Listen, i read over your post and I have to say that I very much understand what you are feeling with labels. I come from a small country town but now living in Dublin and for a long time i struggled with labels as well. I knew i liked guys but didn't like the stereotype that associated itself with it, plus i was dealing with the whole, what if's as well. All I can say is this, identify yourself with however you feel most comfortable today. Times will change and so will your identity, until then, it's no big drama and though society may find it confusing to understand you just remember it's not up to them to make you who you are. That is for you to do, plus it will make you a stronger person for it. I myself, thought i was Gay for a long time though i never wanted to sleep with guys. I later discovered that i am what society calls asexual. All of a sudden all these labels came down on me like a heap and i just couldn't take it anymore, so i just stopped. I realised, i'm not here to be catergorised and when someone asks me "what am i?" i say to them, i am what i am, whatever that may be. And if i change emotionally in time, that's ok.

Just be comfortable lass and you will grow stronger for it. Hope this helps.

Bottle_of_Smoke

Aoifums wrote: »

And I'm also having a load of "what-ifs". Like what happens if I come out as gay, but then in a few years time I meet a guy I like. Or if I fall in love with a guy. I know it won't happen but I've heard the horror stories where teenagers have been too quick to come out and as they mature, so do their preferences.

Then you pursue the relationship with the guy as you normally would. It's not like you sign a contract and have to stick to the terms.

If you want a label, say you're bi

claire h

Aoifums wrote: »

As far as I can tell, you kinda need a label when coming out, you can't just say "I like girls".

Sure you can. It just means doing a bit more explaining about it, and trying not to get too bothered if anyone tries to slap a label on you that you're not entirely comfortable with.

Maybe try 'bi leaning towards gay' if you're stuck? You seem pretty sure of yourself, but if you'd rather not have to embrace a label you're not 100% sure of, then try combining or qualifying one as shorthand for explaining to people that you're not straight. Like '92% gay'.

Monkey61

I'd just like to back up all the already very good advice that's been given. If you want a label you can go for bi, or bi leaning towards gay or whatever you want. Or you can just say that you like girls. People are always going to have follow up questions anyway, in which you can explain further. There's no harm in saying that you are leaning more towards the girls, but you never know what the future will hold.

I'm gay and people used to be always asking me if I could never consider the idea of ending up with a guy. I always gave the same answer. If I ever met a guy who made me feel like any of the girls that I have been mad into have, then sure. I don't think there's a chance of that happening in a million years - but if it did then of course I would go for it. I'm sure within the bounds of extreme possibility the chance is always there for the majority of people.

Aoifums

Ok, thanks everyone for replying. I was really freaking out and this helped calm me down a good bit.

Untense wrote: »

If someone lovely comes along and I'm drawn to them, it can be an experience I can enjoy sharing with my friends, family and that person.

Monkey61 wrote: »

If I ever met a guy who made me feel like any of the girls that I have been mad into have, then sure. I don't think there's a chance of that happening in a million years - but if it did then of course I would go for it. I'm sure within the bounds of extreme possibility the chance is always there for the majority of people.

These were exactly what I wanted to hear. And perfect for quoting to people if they ask

OneArt

Just compare yourself to someone. ie, I just say I have a David Bowie-type sexuality. :P

monellia

Aoifums, I'd just like to remind you that it's important not to let society dictate to you who you are. You are your own person and everything about you, including your sexual preferences, is unique. So, as you acknowledged yourself, it's futile to try and label yourself. If you let society pigeon-hole you as being straight, gay, bi or asexual, you'll feel obliged to comply with their expectations and this can prevent you from realising your natural preferences. Instead, embrace a more liberating attitude and label yourself as "me-sexual" Stop giving so much thought to this and just go with the flow. If you like a man, so be it. If you don't, more power to you 'cause they're all pricks.

JonThom

monellia wrote: »

If you like a man, so be it. If you don't, more power to you 'cause they're all pricks.

Ahaha! Comedy gold.

smileykey

A lot of people don't use the word gay when coming out. I didn't always, I just said I wasn't into boys. Although my mam saw that as me questioning when I used the word gay a year later she had a mini freak attack but all's good since. Say whatever you feel is true to you at the time. If it changes no one is going to judge you for it. If you don't think you can apply any of the common labels to you then don't. They're just used to make it easier for others to place you in a box and think they know you.

AARRRGH

A label is just a name for something. For example, we could all say we drink tea out of a machine made, uncapped, storage device, or we could say we drink tea out of a cup.

Just like you could say you like both men and women, but mostly women, or you could say you're bisexual.

I would define myself as 100% straight, but a lot of people would have some sort of bisexual tendencies, whether that be 90/10 like you, or 50/50, or 10/90.

The most important thing is to not worry about it and to live your life the way you want to live it.