Constantly worried about money...

LegacyUser

Since i left home at 18 i find myself CONSTANTLY worried about money.Im with my partner nearly 5 years- living together for 2 and a half, Hes in his job nearly 2 years after 5 years of college.

i however have not had great luck in the work force. I gave up my last job (cleaning 3 days a week - 2 hours a day) to do a fas course which i thought would help me get a better job.
im currently unemployed recieving unemployment assistance.Thats just a bit of backround.

I got loans from creditors since 2005- just stupid reasons, borrow 100 euro if i had no money to go out the weekend etc- Compleatly THICK reasons.I was daft in my youth- didnt think of the future( im 24 now)

Finally cleared all my loans two weeks ago,but I still worry about money a lot.

ive always been bad with money, i only began saving the last few months- have 1000 saved in cred union and we are saving away for a deposit for a house.But every week (even though after rent/bills/shopping and saving money) im still sitting at the table worrying about money even though we have about 80 euro left after everythings paid.

I think i get my worry streak from my mam who died when i was 2
my sisters always said they remember mam sitting at the table on pay day sorting money with a worried look on her face, which i do even though i know theres no need.
And one of my sisters is over 20 grand in debt because (and her quote is) "its just money"
this from a woman with a new baby who just quit her job.She said she doesnt care about debts or worry about money because "Mam died worrying about money and she wont be the same"

I dont know whats going on with me- I was the same at Christmas we had 500 euro saved for presents/food/drink and nights out over christmas, and even though we very clearly had PLENTY of money left i was still sitting there adding figures- it drove my fella mad.

I cant stop worrying about money-even though i have no reason to, we are saving over 50euro a week in the credit union and have a good bit left after bills rent and shopping and i still lie awake at night worrying...

I dont know what to do:(

LegacyUser

please i know its long but please read it

useful_contacts

worried:( wrote: »

I cant stop worrying about money-even though i have no reason to, we are saving over 50euro a week in the credit union and have a good bit left after bills rent and shopping and i still lie awake at night worrying...

I dont know what to do:(

Maybe the fact you have spent the last 4 years in debt and its a habit more than anything is why your worrying

That and you dont want to turn out like your sister

p~b

Its natural and healty to have a certain degree of worry about money, everyone has. But you just have to set yourself a time during the week to work on your finance and then just put it all to the back of your mind for the rest of the week.

At the end of the day worrying is'nt gonna change your finance so why stress yourself over it.

Rowley Birkin QC

worried:( wrote: »

• do a fas course
  
  
• cleared all my loans two weeks ago
  
  
• i began saving.......... have 1000 saved in cred union and we are saving away for a deposit for a house.
  
  
• we have about 80 euro left after everythings paid.
  
  
  
• we had 500 euro saved for presents/food/drink and nights out over christmas
  
• we are saving over 50euro a week in the credit union

Well done.


Focus on these things. Again, well done.

MagicMarker

I can't wait for the blissful feelings on the day I finally paid off my debts.

You should be very happy with your situation.

Monkey61

Worrying about money can so easily become one of those irritating compulsive habits that take over your life. I find, for me personally, it's rarely even about the money itself, it's just another control issue. You know that you are fine for money and saving sensibly but the fear is about losing control.

We were horrendously poor when I was a kid and I went through a phase of being absolutely obsessed with money. I used to cry myself to sleep at night because I felt so out of control and my stomach would actually heave whenever a family member bought something that I felt we didn't need.

It's a horrible feeling. I know it might sound a bit much, but would you consider a few counselling sessions - just to help you work through the fears? As you know yourself it isn't a rational fear anymore (just like anorexia, in many cases, isn't about the food) and all the reassurance in the world probably won't make the feeling go away.

Well done on clearing you debts though. That is absolutely amazing!

LegacyUser

Monkey61 wrote: »

Worrying about money can so easily become one of those irritating compulsive habits that take over your life. I find, for me personally, it's rarely even about the money itself, it's just another control issue. You know that you are fine for money and saving sensibly but the fear is about losing control.

We were horrendously poor when I was a kid and I went through a phase of being absolutely obsessed with money. I used to cry myself to sleep at night because I felt so out of control and my stomach would actually heave whenever a family member bought something that I felt we didn't need.

It's a horrible feeling. I know it might sound a bit much, but would you consider a few counselling sessions - just to help you work through the fears? As you know yourself it isn't a rational fear anymore (just like anorexia, in many cases, isn't about the food) and all the reassurance in the world probably won't make the feeling go away.

Well done on clearing you debts though. That is absolutely amazing!

I never taut of my money worries as something i could go to councelling for, theyd prob only put it down to..

(a my mother
(b my sister

I guess clearing my loans is amazing- this is the first time since 2005 i wasnt putting money aside for creditors

Monkey61

worried:( wrote: »

I never taut of my money worries as something i could go to councelling for, theyd prob only put it down to..

(a my mother
(b my sister

Sure but that doesn't make it any less valid. It's blindingly obvious where most people's problems come from, but knowing that doesn't make them go away. Counselling would show you how to deal with those feelings and ultimately make them disappear. It's just something to bear in mind for the future anyway if you are still struggling with the fear. You owe it to yourself to be able to relax and enjoy your life!

marzic

It looks like you have worked really hard over the last 4 yrs to become debt free, and you should congradulate yourself for that. You may have done silly things in the past with money but you obviously fronted up to your responsibility and turned things around. being responsible with money can take dicipline but you can become obsessive too if you're constantly thinking about it! maybe while you are looking for your next job, you could try to find other ways to fill some of the spare time you may have, I dont know, charity work, further study, gardening, something which fills the time which might normally be filled thinking about money. Best of luck

neosmaster

Well done to you....
You are in the smaller percentage of people in our age group ( 24 -31 ) you are not in debt...
I cannot wait to see what it feels like to make that final payment to the creditors and be free of debt.

You should be happy about that and not drive yourself mad thinking about money.As a previous poster said put aside an evening to do your finances and try not let it play on your mind at other times
From the sounds of your message you have a good head on your shoulders now and that is all that matters.
Good luck with the savings....

cantdecide

To be able to relax about it is the key. It's like people at the moment who are worrying about losing their jobs. I was working for a contractor in a US company back in 2001 and after 9/11 we all thought we were going to be fired.

After 3 months of tearing my hair out, I was finally let go. I was actually relieved. No more worrying about losing my job!! It is true in your case too. The thought of getting into financial difficulty is far worse than it actually happening and you are in a very very good position right now so give yourself some credit (no pun intended).

In the situation with your sister, I'd try to realise that there is a happy medium between you and her. As a consequence of your mother's experiences, neither of you have a 'healthy' attitude to money.

First of all, talk to your other half but if the worrying continues because worry is one of the most awful things you can experience in life. If you can't see a definite change in your attitude, you really should try to find someone to speak to...

LegacyUser

cantdecide wrote: »

To be able to relax about it is the key. It's like people at the moment who are worrying about losing their jobs. I was working for a contractor in a US company back in 2001 and after 9/11 we all thought we were going to be fired.

After 3 months of tearing my hair out, I was finally let go. I was actually relieved. No more worrying about losing my job!! It is true in your case too. The thought of getting into financial difficulty is far worse than it actually happening and you are in a very very good position right now so give yourself some credit (no pun intended).

In the situation with your sister, I'd try to realise that there is a happy medium between you and her. As a consequence of your mother's experiences, neither of you have a 'healthy' attitude to money.

First of all, talk to your other half but if the worrying continues because worry is one of the most awful things you can experience in life. If you can't see a definite change in your attitude, you really should try to find someone to speak to...

My partner and i have talked and he admitted to me that its getting to the stage where he doesnt even want to go out and buy a loaf of bread because when he gets back ill want to know how much he spent on it (i got a bit like that when i was seriously in debt before) He says hes delighted that we are out of debt but that now its worse as im trying to save every cent (thats kind of true - i get 135 euro unemployment benefit a week and straight away i put 100euro into the credit union) so i kind of see where hes coming from.

I remember something else from when i was ten(this may have nothing to do with my money worries but i remembered it) Me and 2 of my friends bought some tarot cards and a book on how to read them, my friend read mine and said that it said I would always have money problems and be in a lot of debt and die owing money. I remember being very upset and crying. I dont know what that would have to do with it but i was thinking it might have some relevence