My Bi GF jsut broke up and hurt me immensely

LegacyUser

I just had my first break up. We met during a social outing with the university club after training. My friends set me up with her. I wanted to be friends first and lo and behold we clicked like peas in a pod.
Ok. I am a hetero male, 20 years old. I was going out with a girl for 4 months. She is bisexual. I told her I was ok with that early on, not knowing what I was in for. But I was to learn... The puppy love started and dating, lunch, romantic walks, shopping, cinema. It was all good. I had my first kiss, my first sexual experience, eventually leading to losing my virginity on a special occasion... I had always been careful in sex while with her. She gave me her trust, and I did her. We had exchanged some body fluids but maintained using protection for penetrative sex. I trusted her, that she has regular check ups due to her medical condition she was born with. And so STIs weren't a particular risk for us as a couple, because we were both faithful.
Everything was great until the Xmas holidays. She started acting distant and I decided I maybe was clingy and needed to give her space. Which I did. The thing is, I was even invited to her home in the middle of nowhere in Cork to visit her family for a weekend. It took a lot of effort and courage, and time. It went exceedingly well. Her whole family loved me. Her family is protective of her yet open enough to let her go out, and to know she has a new boyfriend/girlfriend.

I am a real gentleman, and chivalry is natural to me. I cared about her very much, and that's why her family loved me for first impressions, especially that time I was there for her when she needed to see a doctor. Then she ended up in the hospital for because of her migraines. Her mother came up from Cork and I was the helper in all the commotion and stress. I spent the whole day with them...
So the set up is here. I cared for her, and was protective. Even my gifts for her Xmas and Birthday were heartfelt. Requiring hours of my creative designer skills I never used out side of academia, on top of what ever money I spent on the gift. Romance was something I utilised on a fortnightly basis when we went on a date, or went out to a nightclub together.
I learned to dance and became more open because of her... I was never into clubbing, and rarely drink. Even less drink ever since I had the car. I drive her home at nights usually. She has an air of vulnerability about her, ad everyone close to her says so. This fuels my knightly side even more.
This is, my first relationship by the way. I held back urges and sexual feelings for over a month from September to Halloween, even though she was always hot for me. Eventually we started going to "third base" in my car... The third month became intense, and I felt we fulfilled each other's needs, emotionally, physically.We were there when the other was upset, or had panic attacks from stress. And we had a healthy sex life to say the least. I was never rough with her, but we were both satisfied immensely.

But over the Xmas holidays, she avoided me. Became a recluse and spent all her time at home, avoiding her friends. Her friends confirmed to me she is like this usually. She never texted back or replied to e-mails, even though I only texted her every couple of days, even just one message per days. She eventually texted me saying she is sorry she wasn't in contact more, that she is reclusive on holidays and has a lot of emotional baggage to get away from. I told her I wasn't to burden her, but there to lighten the load. during my visit for the weekend, things were normal again...

except on the last day, when I kissed her, she turned away after a while. She usually doesn't react well to kisses or intimacy when on her period I knew... I don't even hug her tight anymore due to my awareness she doesn;t like it and has some claustrophobia, especially being hugged around the neck.

She went to a gay club to see Duke Special with her cousin in November... I was ok with it. We were still good and inseparable at that point, and she said if I was there it'd been perfect.
Then in late January when college started, she planned to go to that gay club with her wild cousin down in Cork on wednesday night, then get the morning bus back up to Limerick the next day just in time for lectures... I told her it was fine, and for her to have fun and enjoy herself. She was already out in the pub with the LGBT society on monday night. Something I didn't attend for not being part of the society nor did I have time.

I had accepted her bisexuality and trusted her not to cheat on me. She said she is faithful and wont let me go "now that [she] had her claws on me". It is one of her main morals not to cheat, or she would turn into her mom who had 3 boyfriends at the same time in college...

That was week one in college... She was so very distant whenever I met her. When I gave her a lift home, when I sat beside her in her house chatting to her housemates... She wanted to party every couple of days... but I didn't join her due to training and project work. But offered her a lift to the venue of LGBT meet up and offered to drive her home if she needed it later that night, on account I didn't want a girl to walk home alone at night.

On saturday, last week of January, we were meant to go clubbing for the first time since December. To a gay event called Eden. I was up for it, as I trusted her and wanted to have fun too. It took a lot of work for me to be less possessive and open. We both have the moral, that "you can look, but can't touch".
She had a migraine that day (menstrual thing, very regular cycles I noticed) and slept in late, and decided to forego the event. So we were to skip our date which I had planned with a riverside walk and a dinner. But she wanted to stay in and have a movie night in instead. I called over around 5pm s she requested.

In her room...She wanted a Serious Talk. She was distraught. I had asked her, two days before, that I wanted to know, can I truly trust her. That I know she won't cheat. But I am not sure, and really needed to know, if he loved me as I did her. Did she need me as I did her. She answered me... it's been 4 months... and we dug deeper. She confirmed. I am a reserved person, but when it came to our relationship, I opened up and became lovey dovey and sappy. I won't argue with her when forceful. I was submissive and was blinded by love. She said she can't see us working, that it isn't working.

That saturday... She asked me... If I had considered marrying her one day. I answered it is a "fleeting thought, but that would be nice if we lasted that long and had no problems". Because I truly believe I loved her and not in love with the idea of love. She said I shouldn't... then she cried so much. saying that she doesn't want t hurt me.

It slowly dawned on me... when she said: I don't see a future between us. I can only see us as friends.I asked, what future... I never thought as far as marriage as certainty. But she meant future as the "one year mark".

The problem was, we were both submissive. And in a relationship, that never works.. according to her. I said, I could change. She says she knows it wouldn't be me. That it'd be false. That I'd be false to ourselves. She thought it was just a phase, my lovey dovey side. My devotion to her. My adoration of her. My commitment. They way I watch her in her sleep sometimes, and hold her to help her sleep better. That I touch her (not in the sexual way even, but her hair and face as a lover would). I was even the kind to give a back rub or massage if she is ever aching. I received that same treatment only a few times from her... despite my pain from training and stress due to my Final Year Project.

She says she can't return that commitment to me. She can't love me as I do her. she was never like this in her first relationship, so attached. And her 3 previous BFs, two used her, and one ignored her for 3 months, then she got over him in two weeks.
I didn't mind, as I saw it a chance to prove that her trust in men can be rekindled. That I am the genuine article. I may be aroused easily, but I don't let it control my actions, not like she does. I am happy being able to pleasure her and getting non in return unless she offers. Which she always did after my first experience on Halloween.

She says I need to forget her as a lover. And that she doesn't want to talk about it a second time. I noticed in the first week back in college, whenever I kissed her. She started avoiding my embrace and turned away. I figured it was because it was her time of the month, which occurs every 3 weeks so it was easy for me to keep guess. It is irritating to have soemone clingy when a period is so unpleasant... I learned that from my friends and from reading. After four hours of trying to fix it... I accepted and left.

And so, a tearful goodbye, I still have a handful of DVDs lent to her and a few volumes of manga.

But, a week later, I dropped a letter to her door. I said I still want to be friends. And that I never wanted to hurt her. I never wanted to use her, and in truth I never did to the extent that there was to be any guilt. She texted me saying she;d like to be friends I had given her a farewell gift the day after the break up... something I meant to give for Valenitnes... including 12 paper roses I made in 6 hours of effort. I told her i wouldn't throw them away, but would like her to have them as a farewell gift. I know that was clingy, but I assured her... I wanted it to be a gift from a good friend if she was honest about what she said. I also showed her he truth. I gave her my diary of the past 4 months. Everything I thought and believed was in there. I don't know if she read it or not...

Then the second week after, I arranged to meet for lunch. She shoved me on to thursday, way down a priority list... I texted on the day, and she said she was busy. She was to see the oil wrestling event in the courtyard. I couldn't go due to projects, and also didn't want to go on the basis that I'd seem like a clingy stalker.

I met her on friday the day after. She was distant, and boisterous, the thing she does when speaking to the masses/social peers. I noticed her dressed angsty, not something she ever did in the past 4 months I was with her.
She had a collar, and a cross on a chain. And wristbands and eye shadow. She wanted to avoid me and went off to the shop. She told me this day, that she went to Alternative valentines with "E". That she was auctioned off for a measely sum for charity and he was the bidder. She was taken around with a rope noose on her neck as a slave that night at the pub-Riddlers, which recently became a gay bar. Hearing this hurt me but I didn't say anything...

I texted her later... told her I don't want to see her upset or hurting. I told her in the time we were apart, I had finally begun to accept she can never love me as I did her. But that I still cared, because I care for my friends. I would never allow them to hurt themselves. I told her I barely recognised her today, the way she acted compared to the 4 months we were together.
And she needn't hurt on account of me because I have begun to move on.
Despite all my firsts with the first ever relationship. After all, my father is dead 3 years. Something like this isn't too hard to deal with with my maturity. It took me a year to get over losing my father who died suddenly of a heart attack.

She told me on MSN on sunday night... which was last night.
Said I should kow this... She and "E" has this thing. It's not a relationship.
I was shocked... 2 weeks since the tearful break up. And on the week of Valentines. She was f***ing him. My first response was, It's up to herself what she does with her life.

I can't tell her how to life her life. And if she is going to degrade herself, or started having casual sex and give in to promiscuity. Know this, if she is hurting herself, she is hurting me. Because I care. And I care for my friends.

She lashed back: "Don't insult my DOMINANT. You can't even begin to understand what "E" and I have"
then apologised: "Sorry I didn't mean to blow up on you. I do that whenever someone insulted you too" "E" won't do anything I don't want him to, so it'll be ok. I just feel this is what I need. I'm sorry"

She goes on to tell me. She rather I hear it from her, rather than from an acquaintance of "E", who is pretty well known on campus. And of course, a well known pervert. One of those students that aren't good academics but are active as hell on protests and in the student newspaper.

She said she isn't hurting herself. She knows what she wants. That people have gone years judging her, and she doesn't give a F***.

I asked her on the night of the break up, is it because of the sex. She says if that is what I think, then I must think her really shallow. Guess what... this confirms she is really shallow. All my friends have been telling me since Xmas, that she doesn't deserve me. That I deserved better. I didn't accept that.
I thought of all the romance, and the rose tinted glasses... her happiness and how she said she "felt comfortable with me around, that she can be herself and not be false. that she had been through some tough times and with me they feel so insignificant"

But this was the final straw. She picked the week of Valentines, my first ever Valentines I could never have nor experience because she broke up with me. And to have gone for another two weeks would have been false.
And was having BDSM casual sex with a scavenger pervert. Her collar she wears, is a symbol of her as the "SUBMISSIVE", and it made me sick. She was being used. She knows this.

I told her, that her family, her friends, and I love her. They will hurt if they know she likes to be a doormat and be treated like "****" and degraded in the name of eroticism, and gave up someone's love and caring. The irony is... I want to protect her. But she doesn't want to be. She wants to be hurt, and relive past experiences of being used. Of being enslaved. Being almost the victim of sexual assault when she was 16. Her psychiatrist may have helped her somewhat get over these things... But I think I see... some of her friends left her... for a good reason. And she was upset over that, that they "are all leaving her". I understand why now...

She doesn't want a protector, but wants to be used, and be treated like a tool, like a sex slave. And she says she doesn't' expect me to understand it and I can even hate her for it.
For me, one who worshipped her, and cared for her. It hurt so much I got sick, and I am coughing every minute as I type this story.

After this... I have decided, I can't care about her anymore. I gave my heart. My care. My devotion as a lover, and then a friend. But she trampled all over them. My best friends told me to sever all ties with her. My only sister whom I can turn to in the family told me the same thing. I decided... I will take the first step. And just not care anymore. I can't offer a hand to someone who doesn't want help. But I can't be harsh and cold to sever all ties with her. Especially since she is friends with two of my friends who I am close to, but not best friends with.

Of course those of you who read this... will say: that "I" wasn't right for her, it is my fault for being so attached or committed.
or that she didn't deserve me. I loved her so much. So that was why I thought it was worth keeping that friendship she offered me. It's not everyday you find someone you click so well with.

Then she comes around the first itme we meet since breaking up and tells me of her partying in Riddlers pub, of her slavery role play.
And then told me her casual sex with him over MSN (althoug masking it calling it "A Thing, but not a relationship".

I never asked to know these things... And it hurt like hell. I could have gone on fine not knowing anything and maintained a normal friendship, perhaps awkward at first considering our 4 months relationship... But I really saw it possible at the time. Until this hurt me.

So in conclusion... an honestly, caring, loving, strong, young man whose heart was won over by this girl... was shattered without much remorse.She said she didn't want to hurt me. But she knew exactly what she was doing.

And she is insecure about it. If not, why did she worry about other people talking behind backs of her F****ing that well known perverted scavenger and me finding out that way.
I was moving on in life, in my final year's college work. Until she brought the issues up. These details of her life which were non of my business since we broke up. I have no more care for her... My best friends agree she isn't worth it. My friends who are friends with her are shocked... That she'd do this and say this to hurt me.

She was such a lovely girl... family so wonderful. interests so similar. But her one sexual urge to be treated like thrash and be used... it ruined everything.

I have no regrets, and no regrets for not caring about her anymore. I lived my life based on good karma. It was how I was raised. That is why I am known for my kindness and caring.

I only tell you folks this... to let you know... how some stories aren't meant to be happy. A genuine, real deal, good guy, with the biggest heart.. torn to bits by a girl he once thought was wonderful and had little flaws. He just wanted to be there for her. For her to be happy. It isn't enough... He should have learned to be heartless.

Although I still won't change. I don't want to agree with "treat em mean, keep em keen".

I believe, although I am born in the wrong era... there must be a woman out there somewhere that appreciates my honourable devoted care and chivalry. I still allow them independence... but to see them allow themselves treated like dirt... I cant allow friends to do that...

bp1989

you've said yourself that you allowed her independence. Well be true to your word and let her do what she wants. She will only learn from her own mistakes, and not from your advice. She is obviously a stubborn and confused individual, who doesn't know what she wants. She had you, a caring, loyal bofriend, but she wanted something else.

It may be hard, but I think you should try and forget about her. Advising her isn't working, and will never work from the sounds of it. Let her make her own mistakes, and one day she might finally realise that all you wanted was to protect her.

there are plenty other girls out there who would crave a guy like you. believe me.

claire h

It is my experience that guys who go on about how great and thoughtful and amazing they are to their girlfriends, how much time they've put into gifts or whatever, are usually not so great. Or rather: just because you're prepared to do all that does not entitle you to anything. Relationships are not business transactions.

The fact that you talk about 'allowing' women independence is quite frankly pretty creepy.

I am not sure why this is on the LGB forum - is there no 'self-righteous poor-wronged-lover' forum?

Weidii

You come off as being very strange. Get over her and get out socialising with your friends, someone else will come along.

Why is this in the LGB forum?

Boston

I imagine it's here in the hope she'll read it.

Nevyn

Fair play to her for figuring out what she wants in her life and going for it.

Too bad for you that you were not what she needed but you have to let her live
her own life and make her own choices.

So when are you going to stop stalking her and stop casting judgement on her choices
and start making some of your own ?

LegacyUser

People above are correct in saying so. I am moving on now. It was only on Sunday I found out she was with this guy, all in the name of their "DS play"... something I don't understand nor need to understand.

I have been spending my time with my close friends who were there for me these past few weeks.

And the funny thing is... My ex, the thing they had going on. They are very open about it. That mere acquaintances and strangers have heard of it on campus. I heard it from a friend today who I haven't seen in months.

I don't want to comment on what people want in this world that makes them happy.

I don't know who deserves better. Because for her, I think she found what she wants. I don't know if she will ever see it as a mistake, as I see it. Btu her parents think she is an angel... and I feel so much remorse and pity for it.

I cut all ties with her on monday morning after getting my stuff back off her. I can no longer care for someone, who I think is hurting themselves or going off the wrong direction in life, into something that will be a shame to themselves and their wonderful family. Granted fantasies are important in a relationship... but this is ridiculous. 4 months of a relationship weighed against DOMINANCE and wanting to be used, either it be in the bedroom, or in everyday apport. She thinks she can trust that guy... But no one will be there for her when something goes wrong.

And so, those are the final conclusions with this part of my life, my first ever relationship.
everything deleted, social networking, e-mail, phone... My friends were right in their advice. After this final post. I am moving on. I think this is in the LGB section, becasue the issue started that she was Bi- and then was into the whole DS play, which ruined the core of our relationship. I didn't buy her love, I showed I cared.

hot2def

your going to find opinion will lean towards the "alternative lifestyle" in this forum dude.





on another note, there is nothing you can do. she should have been kinder, and not dragged it out. you have to move on.

Monkey61

I'm very sorry that you have been so hurt, but all it comes down to is the fact that she just wasn't that into you. It's nothing to do with her being messed up or anything that you were doing - she just doesn't like you that much. It is harsh but true.

You don't need to change who you are in relationships, but for the future it may be an idea to lighten up and not throw yourself so wholeheartedly into something so quickly until you have given the other persons feelings time to grow as well.

Also being so judgmental is not an attractive trait for anyone so you should probably try to tone that down a wee but as well.

FMG

Dude you seem to think she should be into you because you are the perfect gent,it rarely works that way .strange but true.Live your life as the person you are let her live hers as she is,treat it as a learning experience and move on to hopefully better things.

Rebel021

Move on man and don't dwell on it.
That was a long read btw

PeakOutput

you were only going out with her for 4 months talk about drama queen

she is into what she is into its none of your business anymore move on find someone who is into the same stuff you are

edit what has her being bi got to do with any of this by the way?

prinz

Weidii wrote: »

Why is this in the LGB forum?

Is there a straight forum, where straight people can post, excluding and questioning others? That's the kind of LGBT minority close-mindedness and arrogance that annoys me most. Fight fight fight for your rights etc etc. I once asked a gay friend of mine what he'd think of a Straight Pride Parade, he told me he'd protest against it as being discriminatory. Whatever.

LegacyUser

Well man I can tell you, even as a gay guy, I've been there with girls whom I've loved and who have hurt me by doing exactly that.

I know you don't want to agree with 'treat 'em mean, keep 'em keen' but this philosophy is an unfortunate reality. Things like chivalry and devotion are not what women look for in a sexual partner. They are bonuses, not selling points.

She's getting a kick out of the stuff she's telling you. If she didn't want to hurt you mate, she would be keeping her mouth shut. Don't talk to her anymore. Most women do prefer a man who can be dominant and take control in a relationship, so keep that in mind in future.

Last words of advice, the hurt will pass with time, even though it might not seem that way now.

shay_562

prinz wrote:

Is there a straight forum, where straight people can post, excluding and questioning others?

...it's not so much closed-mindedness as there being particular forums for particular things. If he had posted this in the forum of whichever university she goes to, or something else that relates to her but not in any way to his problem, that'd also be weird. Given that his girlfriend's bisexuality has nothing to do with his problem, PI would probably be more appropriate as a place to post this rant.

Boston

prinz wrote: »

Is there a straight forum, where straight people can post, excluding and questioning others?

There is a forum, yes. Your righteous indignation is somewhat misplaced.

prinz

Where is this Straight Forum then?

rainbow kirby

prinz wrote: »

Where is this Straight Forum then?

Every other forum on the site

PeakOutput

there is a relationship sub forum of pi now

prinz

So LGBT couples aren't relationships now? And as concerns "every other forum on boards"....... i'd like to see the reaction here if there was ever mention of a Straight Forum, or any such thing. It's just a quirky thing that I have noticed in some gay friends and friends of friends, Dont get me wrong, I am not trying to bait or troll, but I do take exception when certain people cry foul when theyre not allowed to do x,y and z, but then deny other people the same rights, ie in this case "why are you posting here"... why not?? There is an LGBT Forum, but I and Im sure you could see the outcry if there was a forum for Straight Heterosexuals... see my example of talking to a friend about a hypothetical Straight Pride Parade....... i for one would love to celebrate my sexuality with a parade ~( good place as any to meet a few girls ), but the thought of that made him angry, thats what I dont understand, respecting your rights, implies a respect for mine, so while I would take no issue whatsoever at a gay couple posting a problem on the Personal Issues forum, some people here immediately had a problem with the OP for daring to post on this forum. Maybe he was looking for sound advice.

Boston

You have no rights on boards.ie, its privately owned. This is the LGB forum for specifically discussing topics of an LGBT nature. When LGBT topics appear on PI they are moved here unless otherwise requested. You seem to take issue with something having a specific purpose.

Nevyn

Actually Boston they are not automatically moved unless the op wishes it.


The relationship forum does not discriminate.
Personally I would love to see a more diverse range of relationship types posted there.
I look forward to the they when there is one on a polyweb which has a complete range
and cross over in it of people.

If the mods of this forum which to move this thread to the relationship forum then
that is fine by me. PI and it's new subforum are not hetrostrestricted.
Anyone who's posts on any thread which are not helpful can be infracted
and banned on PI.

For example
If someone who happens to be male and happens to have a problem in their relationship
or pre or post relationship with someone else who is male was to post and some tard
has a go then the tard gets banned, simple.

Boston

Don't take this the wrong way but I'd be deeply against moving threads from here to there. Here if someone is condescending or derogatory towards a poster asking for advice they're banned and the posts deleted. You also tend to only get replies from people with actual advice to give as opposed to someone wanting to vent their two cents. Its taken a lot of years to establish this place as somewhere people could ask questions without harassment, I'd hate to see that eroded.

Nevyn

I would not be for automatically moving threads from here to there,
unless the thread starter asked for it to be done.
The same applies in PI/RI the threads are not automatically moved with out consent.

If a person has started a thread here then it is thier choice and that has to be respected
as the community here and the ethos here has played a part in them starting the
thread here.

I am just making the point that PI and RI are not for hetros only.

prinz

As regards me, this is should be my last post on this topic. i was just interested in seeing if anyone else had comes across or shared the kind of heterophobia i have encountered in some people. ( Such as earlier posters not offering any advice to the OP other than to question his right to post here, presumably due to his being in a hetero-relationship ) If find that attitude particularly annoying given the same people are the first in line to claim gay-rights and to decry any dissent as homophobia. Again, as has been pointed out I have no rights here but I wouldn't dare question a post on another forum based on the sexuality of the poster. Straight-Haters :rolleyes:

And I was here because my L & G friends give the best advice I've ever received.

Marshy

prinz wrote: »

There is an LGBT Forum, but I and Im sure you could see the outcry if there was a forum for Straight Heterosexuals... see my example of talking to a friend about a hypothetical Straight Pride Parade....... i for one would love to celebrate my sexuality with a parade ~( good place as any to meet a few girls )

I myself would have no problem with a hetero parade but seeing as the vast majority of social events are straight-orientated by default it would be unnecessary I think. The primary reason there is a Pride parade every summer is because the LGBT community is in the vast minority.

prinz wrote: »

As regards me, this is should be my last post on this topic. i was just interested in seeing if anyone else had comes across or shared the kind of heterophobia i have encountered in some people. ( Such as earlier posters not offering any advice to the OP other than to question his right to post here, presumably due to his being in a hetero-relationship ) If find that attitude particularly annoying given the same people are the first in line to claim gay-rights and to decry any dissent as homophobia.

In relation to heterophobia, you'll find that there are people like that in all walks of life, gay people are no different. In this instance however, the issue was that the OP's post was largely irrelevant in this forum. As pointed out already it would've been better placed in the relationships forum.

Nevyn

I think most people got through a rejection of what they no longer id with,
how sever that is and how long it last differs person to person.

Some of the most bisexual intolerant people I have meet have been gay,
and some of the most anti children people I have meet have been gay.

I so think that as being lgb becomes more seen with in the range for what
is normal the less reactionary all types people will be.

prinz

Marshy wrote: »

I myself would have no problem with a hetero parade but seeing as the vast majority of social events are straight-orientated by default it would be unnecessary I think. The primary reason there is a Pride parade every summer is because the LGBT community is in the vast minority.

could we use rainbow flags Good to know you wouldn't have a problem with it but I have to disagree with your assertion that everything is straight-orientated by default. I have never in my life seen any social event organised around the heterosexuality of the participants. The majority of people are straight yes, but does that mean we are any less entitled to celebrate it every year? And on that point i dont get the whole reasoning between celebrating your sexuality, anyones sexuality. Celebrating should be kept to the bedroom i find it a bit bizarre. That said had a great time watching last year's. Loved the drummers.

Mary D

God how long was that post. Thanks be to god, he was only going out with her for 4 months........lol:)

I'm sure it was nothing you said or done...she's just not that into you. When you people "click" they click and no one knows why it just happens. Maybe you should lighten up a bit. I think the fact that you saw her as someone you had to protect maybe pi**ed her off a bit. Sounds like she just wanted to live her life and get on with things, try not to be so protective in your next relationship.

Marshy

prinz wrote: »

Good to know you wouldn't have a problem with it but I have to disagree with your assertion that everything is straight-orientated by default. I have never in my life seen any social event organised around the heterosexuality of the participants. The majority of people are straight yes, but does that mean we are any less entitled to celebrate it every year? And on that point i dont get the whole reasoning between celebrating your sexuality, anyones sexuality. Celebrating should be kept to the bedroom i find it a bit bizarre. That said had a great time watching last year's. Loved the drummers.

Events aren't organised around heterosexuality beacuse people are generally just assumed to be straight. You may disagree but that means there doesn't need to be any extra emphasis on it, simply because 90-95% of people are that way. A straight only party would just be like any other except without the odd gay person.

I myself wouldn't see it as celebrating one's sexuality, it's more a pride in being oneself.

Reflector

A heterosexual parade??? For what purpose, are heterosexuals discriminated against. The gay pride parade is a celebration of being proud and out and I'm sure that there is not one gay person on here that has not felt ashamed at who they were at some stage of their lives. Also the parade has many straight people in attendance anyway. Friends of gay people, children of gay people. Also people just wanting to express their desire to see a more equal and open society. In a way it is a celebration of peoples freedom of their sexuality as each of us has our own unique sexuality which is individual to us and helps define who we are as people.

sorry for going off topic as well, to the OP, sorry for your loss I hope that you can move on and that you take something away from this experience

LegacyUser

you come of as strange for me as well ... I didn't even read the whole story ... but can tell you this :

get over her ! there's plenty of fish in the sea bigger and better maybe ...

prinz

Reflector wrote: »

A heterosexual parade??? For what purpose...... Also people just wanting to express their desire to see a more equal and open society. In a way it is a celebration of peoples freedom of their sexuality as each of us has our own unique sexuality which is individual to us and helps define who we are as people.

Oh ok, people are only free to celebrate their sexuality as long as they're not hetero. Ok. That's exactly the misplaced attitude that invites a homophobic reaction. I am straight, I go to watch the pride parade, brilliant craic. On the other hand I can't see why others would then have a problem with a straight pride parade. I am as proud of my sexuality as anyone else is of theirs. Freedom of expression and sexuality for all doesn't mean just the gay community as many seem to think. If it's good for the goose it's good for the gander. How can you claim discrimination and then deny the rights to straight people for a parade of their own. As i said before i don't see the need for any parade. The concept is ridiculous. There might as well be a Ginger Pride Parade for redheads.
As for the dragging of kids into, don't get me started. I was disgusted at last years parade at some of the things i saw involving kids and i hope it wont be repeated. Using kids as a propaganda tool is out of order.

Reflector

prinz wrote: »

Oh ok, people are only free to celebrate their sexuality as long as they're not hetero. Ok. That's exactly the misplaced attitude that invites a homophobic reaction. I am straight, I go to watch the pride parade, brilliant craic. On the other hand I can't see why others would then have a problem with a straight pride parade. I am as proud of my sexuality as anyone else is of theirs. Freedom of expression and sexuality for all doesn't mean just the gay community as many seem to think. If it's good for the goose it's good for the gander. How can you claim discrimination and then deny the rights to straight people for a parade of their own. As i said before i don't see the need for any parade. The concept is ridiculous. There might as well be a Ginger Pride Parade for redheads.
As for the dragging of kids into, don't get me started. I was disgusted at last years parade at some of the things i saw involving kids and i hope it wont be repeated. Using kids as a propaganda tool is out of order.

It's not a misplaced attitude, I am just wary of why such a parade would be held. No straight person as been told "ugh you fancy the opposite sex you sick f*ck". That is why the pride parade has been set up. For awareness and to allow people whom have been made feel ashamed and have had to live a lie to come out and be among people who have had similar experiences. I see no harm in dragging the kids along. There was no alchohol allowed at it last year and unless you have an issue with some transsexuals or guys in drag I think that its just another event for anyone to enjoy. Obviously later on the pubs are hit and there is a lot of alcohol which is unsuitable for children.

Dark Artist

prinz wrote: »

Oh ok, people are only free to celebrate their sexuality as long as they're not hetero. Ok. That's exactly the misplaced attitude that invites a homophobic reaction. I am straight, I go to watch the pride parade, brilliant craic. On the other hand I can't see why others would then have a problem with a straight pride parade. I am as proud of my sexuality as anyone else is of theirs. Freedom of expression and sexuality for all doesn't mean just the gay community as many seem to think. If it's good for the goose it's good for the gander. How can you claim discrimination and then deny the rights to straight people for a parade of their own. As i said before i don't see the need for any parade. The concept is ridiculous. There might as well be a Ginger Pride Parade for redheads.
As for the dragging of kids into, don't get me started. I was disgusted at last years parade at some of the things i saw involving kids and i hope it wont be repeated. Using kids as a propaganda tool is out of order.

What you're forgetting is that society has never given straight people a reason to not feel proud of their sexuality. That's why you yourself are proud, because there's no reason to not be, and you've never been told that you should be ashamed. You have never suffered fear or been trapped because of your sexual preference.

On the other hand, society for many years has made homosexual people feel ashamed. A massive chunk of homosexuals are afraid to express themselves as a result. The gay pride isn't just about expression, it's about giving courage and inspiration to the people who are not proud of who they are.

As a gay person I would feel absolutely insulted by a straight-pride parade.

Nevyn

There are plenty of straigth people who's sexual preferenceshave been supressed and indeed thier sexuality, like hello this is catholic ireland.

Sexuality ingeneral was a taboo topic as well as homosexuality being illegal.
As for having kids around Pride I don't see any harm in it at all.

dan719

Dark Artist wrote: »

As a gay person I would feel absolutely insulted by a straight-pride parade.

:rolleyes:

And as a gay person I am absolutely insulted by the gay pride parade. Well not really, but I do feel it is outdated. Ireland is far more tolerant today and as the zeitgeist moves inexorably forward will become more so, it is not hard to imagine in the not too distant future where someone's sexuality is accepted as being completely fluid, and labels don't even exist.

The parade simply encapsulates the very worst of the gay community as perceived by heterosexuals; the willingness to flaunt sexuality and use it as a weapon rather than simply accepting sexuality is incidental, a desire to create a counter culture opposed to modern 'straight'(:rolleyes:) society and so on. The hijacking of the movement every year by extreme left wing socialist groups creates an image of unity between these parties and 'the gays', not something I personally want tbh. In short 'gay pride' portrays homogeneous gay culture, and does not emphasise the individuality of each and every person whatever their sexuality, it stereotypes, and is that not what so annoys you about those pesky breeders?

prinz

Thaedydal wrote: »

As for having kids around Pride I don't see any harm in it at all.

I do. Having seen a number of kids in last years I felt that they shouldn't be there, no more or less than I would advocate them being included in any sort of sexualised event. Just two instances that stick in my mind was a little boy in a tutu, and a little girl with a microphone leading "gay and proud" chant. i take issue with that sort of utilisation of kids, in the same vein I hate seeing kids being brought on strike marches and protest marches.

At the risk of going too far off topic on this one we can see the whole cross section of opinion on this. I just find it interest in the fact that people would be offended by a straight pride parade, while defending the right to the gay pride parade. It wasn't so long ago that others were supporting heterosexual society and frowning upon homosexual expression of any kind. Any now the roles seem to have been reversed. Being hetero- and proud seems to now be identified immediately with being homophobic.

prinz

dan719 wrote: »

:rolleyes:

And as a gay person I am absolutely insulted by the gay pride parade. Well not really, but I do feel it is outdated. Ireland is far more tolerant today and as the zeitgeist moves inexorably forward will become more so, it is not hard to imagine in the not too distant future where someone's sexuality is accepted as being completely fluid, and labels don't even exist.

The parade simply encapsulates the very worst of the gay community as perceived by heterosexuals; the willingness to flaunt sexuality and use it as a weapon rather than simply accepting sexuality is incidental, a desire to create a counter culture opposed to modern 'straight'(:rolleyes:) society and so on. The hijacking of the movement every year by extreme left wing socialist groups creates an image of unity between these parties and 'the gays', not something I personally want tbh. In short 'gay pride' portrays homogeneous gay culture, and does not emphasise the individuality of each and every person whatever their sexuality, it stereotypes, and is that not what so annoys you about those pesky breeders?

Bingo

CerebralCortex

prinz wrote: »

Is there a straight forum, where straight people can post, excluding and questioning others? That's the kind of LGBT minority close-mindedness and arrogance that annoys me most. Fight fight fight for your rights etc etc. I once asked a gay friend of mine what he'd think of a Straight Pride Parade, he told me he'd protest against it as being discriminatory. Whatever.

:pac:

prinz

CerebralCortex wrote: »

:pac:

Necromancer.

CerebralCortex

prinz wrote: »

CerebralCortex wrote: »

:pac:

Necromancer.

Lol, wot?

rainbow kirby

Don't resurrect 2 year old threads.