Burning bridges

LegacyUser

This post will probably sound ridiculous but anyway.

In the last month and a half or so I have had a serious falling out with three previously very good friends. Two of them are going out so I suppose those are linked really. My falling out with person A was basically due to what I percieved to be a lack of common decency and kindness, we live together and one morning I walked in and he simply refused to speak to me. After that I simply decided F*ck you in a childish manner and have never spoken to him since. His girlfriend B and I have known each other and been best friends for over two and a half years. After a night out she rose the issue and in my slightly(read very) inebirated state I told her to stay the hell out of it, and since she was going to take his side anyway she could f right off as well(for a college student my drunken vocab is pretty limited). This was in the company of C, another of my flatmates, who attempted to intervene, claiming he was sick of watching me 'burning bridges'. Since then, he and I have had a very tenuous relationship also. Now the whole living in a so-called divided flat doesn't really bother me all that much, I'm rarely there and when I am mainly stay in my room.
After the incident with B; threats were made by A regarding personal property, to which I responded( more colloqially I told him that if one finger was laid on my things I would ensure he went out the window with them.) The only consequence of this is that I do sometimes worry about my 'stuff' in the flat, which is obviously annoying.

Since then I have discussed the issue with the rest of our large group of friends, and the division of opinion is about 50-50 in terms of apologise and get on with it, or leave it fester and lose three of what were great friends. In terms of A, that simply isn't going to happen, as I am not willing to maintain any sort of relationship with someone who makes such threats.

Now well meaning intereners have been trying to force B and myself to make things up. I'm not really inclined to do so, since I feel wronged and view losing C as something akin to collateral damage.

This is the crux of the matter, in that I am being blinded by my own pride, and although willing to acknowledge it as a flaw, am not willing to take steps to redress it.

This has turned into a rant of sorts, but really would appreciate some insight on this, in terms of ideal reaction to and how best to proceed.

girl2

"An eye for an eye and the world goes blind".
Ghandi

Why dont you all just grow up and start talking. Youre all as bad as each other. These are supposed to be the best days of your lives, college life and all that. What is wrong you dont all just get along??

zuroph

a simple bit of hassle from living together has spiralled out of all control due to your stubborness and unwillingness to deal with the situation in a grown up manner. you now have an opportunity to do the adult thing and apologise and move on, or end up losing some friends forever,and have to move out. choice is yours. If ur posting here though, u already know ur gonna be told that, so im guessing you're fighting against the stubborn side of you. Take the plunge and let the stubbornness go, and you'll feel much better for it.

LegacyUser

Sounds to me like the alphabet's gone crazy!!
Seriously, sounds like a whole lot of mess to me... Talk to these people and sort it out.

CDfm

You have been a bad boy.

This really is playground stuff about who said what to whom in what stage of drunkeness or hangover.

No one has died and a cat hasnt gotten run over but you are behaving like a 14 yo schollgirl.

You should apologise to everyone and keep your mouth shut from now on as you seem to be broadcasting to everyone what an ass you have been.

acid.rain

suck your pride in. kiss. make up. life goes on.

puglover

CDfm wrote: »

You have been a bad boy.

This really is playground stuff about who said what to whom in what stage of drunkeness or hangover.

No one has died and a cat hasnt gotten run over but you are behaving like a 14 yo schollgirl.

You should apologise to everyone and keep your mouth shut from now on as you seem to be broadcasting to everyone what an ass you have been.

+1

Sounds like a bunch of hormonal teeny boppers!!

Nevyn

Unhelpful and off-topic posting will get you banned from this forum.
Do take time to read the charter which contains the rules and abide by them.
Have a nice day.
Thaedydal

seamus

Funnily enough you don't describe what the initial issue was, all you say is, "My falling out with person A was basically due to what I percieved to be a lack of common decency and kindness, we live together and one morning I walked in and he simply refused to speak to me." This leads me to believe that you made the initial move which caused the problem, you know you're in the wrong on this issue and this board will tell you so. The comment made by your other mateabout "burning bridges" seems to confirm this.

Everything else stems from this initial issue. So it's time to drop your stubbornness and fix it - because you started it.

It may very well be too late, but at least if you extend your hand in peace now you've a better chance of fixing it.

mud

Sometimes friendships just aren't built to last. A very good friend of mine went all weird in November, stopped texting, only sent me cursory responses to my efforts to stay in touch, ignored me over Christmas and New year, you get the picture.

I got a text from her a couple of weeks ago saying she wanted to sort things out, the reason she fell out with me (she claims) is that I didn't text her one day to ask her how she got on with an info meeting she was going to and that 'I was the only one who didnt text'

I have no interest in keeping up our friendship now, not only did she treat me badly she's shown herself to be attention seeking and shallow and although we were very good friends I now have ZERO interest in her or her life so I'm moving on and hope she does too

CDfm

mud wrote: »

Sometimes friendships just aren't built to last. A very good friend of mine went all weird in November, stopped texting, only sent me cursory responses to my efforts to stay in touch, ignored me over Christmas and New year, you get the picture.

I got a text from her a couple of weeks ago saying she wanted to sort things out, the reason she fell out with me (she claims) is that I didn't text her one day to ask her how she got on with an info meeting she was going to and that 'I was the only one who didnt text'

That excuse is lame. I havent got a phone who tells me who doesnt text.

If that what she is like cool - dont waste your time.

LegacyUser

I am being blinded by my own pride, and although willing to acknowledge it as a flaw, am not willing to take steps to redress it.

This says it all !

You refuse to sort yourself out, then how can you expect things to improve!?

Life is going to be incredibly difficult for you buddy if you continue with this unbending attitude. You are going to be the one that suffers, slowly you are going to alienate everyone and end up lonely.

Be it on your own head.

*Honey*

What happened in the first place to make this happen? Was it only that he wouldn't speak to you one day and you got annoyed? Or was there something else behind it... I mean, it's not usual for a good friend to suddenly stop speaking to you for no reason whatsoever.

I would say that some friendships just end in time.. some will last a lifetime, most don't. It could be that you've just reached the lifetime of these friendships.

If it weren't embarrassing, would you like to sort it out? If you're answer is yes, I'd suggest you swallow your pride, and say to all involved "Listen lads, can we have a chat?". I will guarantee you that they want to talk about it to but don't know how to approach you.

CDfm

*Honey* wrote: »

What happened in the first place to make this happen? Was it only that he wouldn't speak to you one day and you got annoyed? Or was there something else behind it... I mean, it's not usual for a good friend to suddenly stop speaking to you for no reason whatsoever.

I would say that some friendships just end in time.. some will last a lifetime, most don't. It could be that you've just reached the lifetime of these friendships.

If it weren't embarrassing, would you like to sort it out? If you're answer is yes, I'd suggest you swallow your pride, and say to all involved "Listen lads, can we have a chat?". I will guarantee you that they want to talk about it to but don't know how to approach you.

OP only need to start by apologising to 1 -either B or C to start a chain reaction and possibly a love in .

af_thefragile

I do agree with other speakers that you need to grow up and speak to your friends.

There have been a good few times things went bad between me and my friends. A friend says something that ends up annoying you and you get pissed off with the friend. Or a friend acts weird with you and you feel rejected and get pissed off again. All these happen on quite a constant basis. Especially when you're close, your friends start taking you and the friendship for granted and stop caring much about the consequences to their actions.

When something goes weird between me and my friends (which it does quite often, between the close friends of mine) we might get pissed with one another (or one of us might get pissed with the other) and we won't speak for a while. Then the next day we're back to normal and life goes on.
A little insignificant incident is not worth losing a good friend. Even when they happen, you just ignore them, put them behind you and continue on as normal. As it always was. As it never happened.

There is no point of escalating the whole thing out of proportions that you start up rivalries between your friends. Yes, i've been there and i've done that too and i've lost some pretty good friends myself. Was it all worth it, no!.
So just forget what happened and patch the bridges back up before they completely crumble apart. Cuz seriously, its not worth it!

CDfm wrote: »

That excuse is lame. I havent got a phone who tells me who doesnt text.

If that what she is like cool - dont waste your time.

That is lame indeed!!
No one breaks up a friendship over a stupid text.
I forgot to wish my best friend on his b'day this year. I know, my bad! He was quite pissed (as this was the 2nd year in a row), i told him i'ld make it up to him somehow someday and well, we kinda forgot about it and we're still cool friends... Until maybe next year when i forget to wish him again... which i'll make sure doesn't happen!!

Kidchameleon

OP Wrote:

"After that I simply decided F*ck you in a childish manner and have never spoken to him since"

Not spoken to him since? You sound like the childish one to me!

Hope it all works out for ya anyway,

Regards.

dave.omeara

Unregistered wrote: »

Now well meaning intereners have been trying to force B and myself to make things up. I'm not really inclined to do so, since I feel wronged and view losing C as something akin to collateral damage.

Why would you be prepared to lose more friends over this incident, especially ones that seem to be trying to help. If your prepared to lose friend C as collateral damage then it doesn't say much about the value you placed on the friendship beforehand. That goes for friend B too.

Talk to them, apologise to them, at least try. At least then you'll have tried to rebuild those bridges, and that may go some way to keeping some of your other friends on your side. If it doesn't work then look into moving. The living envoirment in the house will not be healthy for any involved. And thats a bad place to be in.

Good luck with it.

Salome

It sounds like B was trying to stop the situation turning into a huge palaver by intervening. You don't mention why A stopped talking to you. I think this might explain what's really going on here. Suck it up, be a man and sort it out. No one needs to live in a crap atmosphere. Sort it out or look for somewhere more harmonious to live. Life's too short.

Jack B. Badd

OP, could it be the flat share that's contributing to this issue? Personally, I have a number of great friends that I've shared houses with during college and I'm sure that if I ever lived with any of them again our friendships would be over. We are just not capable of living this that kind of proximity and not pissing each other off. Fortunately we are aware of this so it no longer is a problem.