Need desperate Help: Can't Approach anyone!

Copper23

Hi all,
I'm sorry for this kinda post, I know theres loads but I'm desperate now for help.

I'm 24, I've had some bad experiences with girls. I've been single now for year and a half and haven't been near a girl in that time my confidence is so low.

I haven't the slightest idea how to talk to a girl. I really need help.

I don't know what to say or do any even the stuff I've read that supposedly works. I still can't bring myself to walk up to a girl and say it. I'm crippled with shyness.

I don't think I#m the worst looking in the world but I've been told I am aweful by exes. I tried asking my family if I needed to fix something but they juust say I'm "fine". I just don't know. I never get attention off any girls so maybe I am terrible.

I'm crippled by this. The thought of talking to anyone terrifies me, I just can't, what would I do or say. They'd never want to talk to me. I can't just randomly walk up to someone and say Hi, I'm Copper.... they'd laugh in my face. All the advice assumes you have girls eyeing you and you can approach. I've never had a girl eye me up. Why would they talk to me.

Please tell me what to do, I need desperate help. I'm in misery with this.
Thank you.

acid.rain

have you ever thought of going to the gym and working out? that's a great confidence builder and you'll feel an immense amount of self worth

Craft25

go to a counsellor!! preferably one that lets you lead the discussion & guides you rather than someone who will want to 'diagnose' you..

theres no shame in it.. it's a better man that swallows his pride, admits he needs help from someone and reaches out..

it will improve your life in the long run, so you'd be stupid not to do it, right?

Copper23

I spend a large amount of time in the gym. Its something to do when you've nothing else.

Its not as if someone is going to want to strike up a conversation on a threadmill is it. People always say this but tell me one person who's met someone at a gym? It doesn't feel good if you spend a lot of time in the gym trying not to look awaeful but you're told you are and nobody ever says otherwise.

I tried two different councellors when I was in college. Worst experience of my life. I was so embarrassed. I told 2 complete strangers every last sad detail about me and all both said was "Wwhat do you expect me to do, oh that'll be 50 euro this week thanks...." I can't beleive I told these people everything about myself. I'm so embarrassed.


I don't know where to turn. I'm worthless as a man if I can't even attract one girl.

Craft25

PM sent.. good luck

you are not worthless.. dont give up!

dorothygale

Go out there do it and fail. You're only gonna learn by falling flat on your face.

It's like any fear, to get over it you have to do it.

honru

To overcome shyness, you need to face and accept all the aspects of yourself that you feel guilty and shameful about. What do you know about yourself that you don't want other people to know about? Whether they are poor habits you indulge in or weak beliefs you have taken on, jot them all down.

I also suggest getting in touch with the relationship with the self. The quality of the relationship with yourself in turn improves the quality of your relationship with other people and the ability to make connections.

Copper23

But its like telling someone who can hardly use a crayon to paint the mona lisa... HOW?

Everyone just expects you know this stuff... you go out and people are so closed off, or at least they are to ugly guys.

I went out last night and was quiet but polite and just tried to have fun. The only girl who spoke to me was someone who swung her glass around kocked a pint of vodka and red bull all over my shirt so I was soaked and then proceeded to ROAR at me the *I* spilled her drink... why are people like this? Why are people not nice?

blackgold>>

why are you moaning so much, jesus....
Go read the game by neil strauss.

dorothygale

blackgold>> wrote: »

why are you moaning so much, jesus....
Go read the game by neil strauss.

Women actually like that book! met several who told me the read it. Me, I dunno, I think it's bit labor intensive... not very natural for some people that approach.

I get by being natural.

Copper23

I've read it and all the other PU stuff.

Do you really think you're gonna get a girl to talk to you if you come out of the blue asking about 80 dogs or something, it won't work.

I'm prob just a freak.

blackgold>>

The book isn't about how to pick up women.
It's about how he was just like our poster above and how he now is the no1 pick up artist in the world.
He's bald and not good looking so if he can do it anyone can.
Ya i know a few women who like the book.

Copper why do you want women to like or approve of you?

Wibbs

Copper23 wrote: »

I'm worthless as a man if I can't even attract one girl.

Nope you're not, but this statement and feeling about yourself will stop women in their tracks, unless you get very lucky. They will pick up on it and it's a big turn off. Doesn't matter if you look like johnny depp either.

Pain in the arse regarding the counselors that didn't work out for you. Maybe they were good, but you just didn't gel with each other. That happens, like the rest of life. There are a lot of charlatan quacks out there, the profession seems to attract it's fair share of them, but there are also bloody good ones too. If you can find a good one, it will really help you. I'm not sure how though. Word of mouth recommendation?

OK fair play for building your outer body and being healthy. Now it's time to up your inner man. Build that and you're flying.

Accept you're going to be rejected. Every guy has been and will be. Nature of life(goes for women too). Realise that even the most obviously gorgeous "unattainable" woman has had her fair share of being dumped on too. Realise that women have needs and wants the same as yours. They're not some fluffy magical creature from venus or wherever. Accept that this will get better and the man you'll be in 2, 5 and 10 years time is not the man you are now, or how you define yourself. You're still finding your feet. Shít I didn't truly find even one of my feet until I was over 30 and I still have a shedload to learn. Realise too, that there are few enough decent secure emotionally together men out there(ask any woman) and you have as much if not more potential than many other men as you see the issue. Next step is to work on the issue. That's half the battle mate.

Yu_Stin_Ki_Pu

I was in a similar kind of pit. I thought that no-one liked me and I was worthless and wasnt worth the love of another person. I realised that I was trying to hard to find the love of my life in the first person I met and then would be so down as a result of the outcome. I think the dating game is hard enough these days. There are no hard and fast rules as to how to get someone. Its not as easy as a paint by numbers.
And its not just people who think theyre ugly who are having problems dating let me tell you that.
Do you think your not just piling to much pressure on yourself? Over thinking things can seriously make people come across differently and the first impression is quite important.

BJC

Copper23 wrote: »

I've read it and all the other PU stuff.

Do you really think you're gonna get a girl to talk to you if you come out of the blue asking about 80 dogs or something, it won't work.

I'm prob just a freak.

You went from unsure if you're "awfull" or not to just calling yourself a freak, let me assure you this will not help.

-Go up to a girl, tell her you spotted her from across the room and you think she's gorgeous.
-It's cheesy as hell but straight away you'll know if she's interested. Work up a bull**** routine and make sure you lead the conversation and do 90% of the speaking.
-Buy her a drink but not more than one incase she's just a user.
-Be very nice to her friends and try and engage them if only for a moment and drop a compliment, if you're out with the lads get them to talk to the friends and keep them away from you and the one you're after because even if it sounds horrible, there's always some bossy obnoxious friend that's going to take her away from you out of jealousy or because she's just a b*tch..
-If her friends like you, she will be more comfortable with you.
-Ask her to dance.

If at any time throughout this you're getting seriously negative vibes, just say it was great to meet you and walk away. There's plenty more fish in the sea.

The key is taking the plunge, I'm not naturally confident but I try hard. You have no excuse not to. Be a man and bite the bullet.
And good luck.

Copper23

blackgold>> wrote: »

Copper why do you want women to like or approve of you?

People take this for granted. You go out any night and see all these gorgeuos women, they have their pick of anyone. And I certainly would never be one of them...
See how that feels? Most people don't but its aweful to feel so unattractive to ANYONE and no matter how you try to change, get fit, buy cool clothes, it doesn't matter, you can't ever have what you want.

My life is good in other ways, I just want to sort this out and be able to share it with someone so its just not so lonely. Fine if that makes me wrong or it sounds needy, its not, its just a basic human need to feel like they are worth something and not to be alone constantly.

Craft25

Copper seriously you can get your body as fit as you want but you have to get your mind fit..

and you sir have a very unfit mind.. just read through your posts and count the negative remarks!!!... you are going to have to go to the mind gym..

The mind gym.. you can do this writing a journal, stories, creating art, making soppy songs anything, talking through things with friends, going to college, meditation, philosophy, reading, music...countless ways of doing it..

but i put it to you because of the extent of your negativity there is no point even going to the mind gym for you, 'cos you will give up... you need a mind personal trainer... try a counsellor & like wibbs said if you dont like them, try someone else, it will work if you find the right person to help you..

BJC

Copper23 wrote: »

People take this for granted. You go out any night and see all these gorgeuos women, they have their pick of anyone. And I certainly would never be one of them...
See how that feels? Most people don't but its aweful to feel so unattractive to ANYONE and no matter how you try to change, get fit, buy cool clothes, it doesn't matter, you can't ever have what you want.

My life is good in other ways, I just want to sort this out and be able to share it with someone so its just not so lonely. Fine if that makes me wrong or it sounds needy, its not, its just a basic human need to feel like they are worth something and not to be alone constantly.

And putting yourself down every two seconds make people not want to help you never mind a woman want to be with you.

Craft25 is right, sort your head out. No woman wants be with someone so down on themselves.

You can change that, try a better therapist or group therapy perhaps. Keep the exercise up and have a gander at diets online that increase the amount of endorphins you get each day, drink your own piss in the mornings if you have to!

To be honest you sound depressed as hell. So untill you get your head screwed on tight you should forget about pulling women.

You'll get there though.

Wibbs

BJC wrote: »

You went from unsure if you're "awfull" or not to just calling yourself a freak, let me assure you this will not help.

It will not.

OK first off I think BJC is making some good points herein, especially specifics, but just a couple of things(obviously in my humble);

-Go up to a girl, tell her you spotted her from across the room and you think she's gorgeous.

I would advise against this. If she is gorgeous then she's well used to hearing this(or even if she doesn't believe she is) and will reject you as just another guy in the long line of guys that have said the same damn thing to her for most of her adult life, looking for the same thing. If she isn't gorgeous she'll think you're taking the píss and game over. Very very few guys will get away with this one, unless she really likes the look of you already and your majorly her "type".

-It's cheesy as hell but straight away you'll know if she's interested.

Yes and no. Yes because a lot of the time if she's an ego hound she'll lap this up, but you'll get nowhere or she'll reject you for the aforementioned reasons.

Work up a bull**** routine and make sure you lead the conversation and do 90% of the speaking.

Again yes and no. Fine in the first minutes as you've been the one kicking it off, but listen as well as speak. You're trying to talk with her, not at her.

-Buy her a drink but not more than one incase she's just a user.

Only after you've established some sort of too and fro rapport with the person, otherwise it looks like and is a bribe to keep her interest.

-Be very nice to her friends and try and engage them if only for a moment and drop a compliment, if you're out with the lads get them to talk to the friends and keep them away from you and the one you're after because even if it sounds horrible, there's always some bossy obnoxious friend that's going to take her away from you out of jealousy or because she's just a b*tch..

Yea I can see that one.

-If her friends like you, she will be more comfortable with you.

Very true. People want their mates approval, especially women. It's a good defence for them against muppet bloke too so they're dead right.

-Ask her to dance.

Good plan.

If at any time throughout this you're getting seriously negative vibes, just say it was great to meet you and walk away. There's plenty more fish in the sea.

+1

The key is taking the plunge, I'm not naturally confident but I try hard. You have no excuse not to. Be a man and bite the bullet.
And good luck.

+100

BJC

Cheers for the constructive criticism Wibbs
I guess my approach is a bit direct and sometimes a little disconcerting but I try to just make it clear from the get go that I'm interested, we've all had those nights spending all night with a girl and getting not so much as a phone number for your troubles.

I advise the OP to mix and match techniques like this to one he feels most comfortable with.

But remember OP, you will not find it particularly easy. None of us do!

Copper23

Ok guys,
I'll try explain myself.

I look in the mirror and I'm not fantastic but I try to work out and dress well and I've had some compliments on that. So when I put in a little effort like if I'm going out for the night I look and I think, Hey, I'm alright looking.

But then my exes have told me horrible things and the fact that they were right in saying I'd never get another goirl or no girl would ever be interested in me makes me start thinking I am fooling myself by saying I'm alright looking.

So after going out in an initially good mood, I see all these beautiful girls, haven't a clue what I could say to them and then start to feel everyone is out of my league cos I'm fooling myself into thinking they might be.


So from past experience, if we are into a conversation and the girl likes me, I can keep it going, but I have no idea how to get to that point...

I know you gave suggestions but one says go up and say hi, another says don't, then all of a sudden we're talking about being in deep rapport with a girl... How do you walk up and get her attention and not come off all needy and weird and have a shot that she might like to talk to you and get to that point where you are chatting and having some banter?? I just have no clue... girls seem so closed off in groups and not willing to talk or they throw show much sh.it at you if you try to talk to them.

I'm lost as to how to make a complete cold approach, cos thats all I can do with no prospects form my inner circle.

scanlas

Take a bootcamp with "love Systems", " Real Social Dynamics" or "Puatraining"

BJC

Well first congratulations on properly focused post with less self depreciative remarks!

Have you tried approaching a few girls with some of your mates maybe in the smoking area? I say that because it's quieter out there and you can have a real conversation. Have topics in your head before you go over and make sure your mates know who you're goin for.
If you have nothing to say then start with a line. You seem to be looking for the magic opener, there is none. Just talk talk talk. Try to be smooth or goofy, charming or funny, all of which can work.
Don't be afraid to poke fun at her a bit and do try and crack jokes. This easily done by observing those around you and making fun of some random guy or girl. Nothing too serious and for the love of god don't let them catch you or your just being a dick.

Copper23

What would be good topics or ways to lead a conversation.

Also girls are in closed off groups. How would you engage them?

BJC

That depends on the setting. If it's a college scene then college related stuff. Ask her a question, Where she's from, what she does for a living, what she does in college? Then as soon as she gives you an answer, run with it! Try to be as witty as you can but it's not imperitive. Acknowledge her friends and lean in close to anyone you can't hear. It's ok to put a hand on her arm or possibly side if only for a second and any physical content charges you both.

For closed off groups I'd advise trying with a mate. Go ask for a lighter or pretend you recognised one on the group that you aren't going for. I'll get criticised for this I'm sure, but if she isn't particulaly good looking she's less likely to brush you off and she'll allow you into the group. But don't talk to her for long or you will be off limits to the other girls, including who you're interested in.

Wibbs

Copper23 wrote: »

Ok guys,
I'll try explain myself.

Coolaboola.

I look in the mirror and I'm not fantastic

Ok but who is?

but I try to work out and dress well and I've had some compliments on that.

More than I do anyway.:D

So when I put in a little effort like if I'm going out for the night I look and I think, Hey, I'm alright looking.

Rightfully so, but you're relying on your outward appearance and whether you fail or succeed on that basis. Your inner appearance will get you more female attention everytime. Don't get me wrong women like a good looking man, but you will also hear women say "oh he's gorgeous, but thick/sappy/arrogant etc.". More than men that's for sure. A man will take a lot more crap from a gorgeous woman than a woman will from a gorgeous man(unless they're 15).

But then my exes have told me horrible things and the fact that they were right in saying I'd never get another goirl or no girl would ever be interested in me makes me start thinking I am fooling myself by saying I'm alright looking.

OK let's break this one down. Your exes came out wth this guff and it was all about their feelings and issues not yours. I mean they presumably thought you were worth a punt when they went out with you? So lets imagine you're Quazifugginmodo. Real munter time. So what did they fall for? Or are they complete idiots? Ignore that guff.

So after going out in an initially good mood, I see all these beautiful girls, haven't a clue what I could say to them and then start to feel everyone is out of my league cos I'm fooling myself into thinking they might be.

Bingo.

So from past experience, if we are into a conversation and the girl likes me, I can keep it going, but I have no idea how to get to that point...

You have to extend your social circle. Join clubs, go to a boards beers, meet mates of mates you wouldn't normally meet. Stuff like that. Both men and women. 50% of the worlds population are women, so by extending the guys you know and places you go you'll meet more and more of them.

I know you gave suggestions but one says go up and say hi, another says don't, then all of a sudden we're talking about being in deep rapport with a girl...

Eh nope. That's your negativity filter kicking in there and seeing what you want to see. People would much rather be right than happy. You have a worldview and even if things go against that you'll reject them out of hand as being "wrong" or twist them so they are. People said go and talk to women. BFC suggested saying hey gorgeous, I simply said I didn't agree that may be the best plan(though it works for him). Neither of us suggested not saying "hi". best chat up line ever is a simple "hello".

How do you walk up and get her attention and not come off all needy and weird

By not being needy and weird basically. Yes I know, I know, easy to say. Like telling a fat bloke eat less move more fatty. Both are true BTW, but it's the tools you need to achieve these things that are missing from such short easy answers. The fat bloke needs tools like the gym and personal trainer and plan and diet info and help with motivation. You're a gym bunny in good shape. It's easy for you. You have the tools. The fat bloke who looks at you probably thinks he could never be you. He envies you. Something that comes naturally to you that you barely think about. You need tools for this like some counseling and increasing your social circle, accepting rejection and moving on. Sticking your neck out and not worrying about that. You will fail sometimes. Guaranteed. But you will have success too. Maybe not ending up in a pash by the end of the night, but a little further along than you are now. Success breeds success.

have a shot that she might like to talk to you and get to that point where you are chatting and having some banter?? I just have no clue... girls seem so closed off in groups and not willing to talk or they throw show much sh.it at you if you try to talk to them.

Yep common enough, so as I say increase your social circle first. Get used to just talking to women. Don't try to pick them up at first. Just talk with them. The more comfortable you are in your ow skin just chatting to them the more comfortable you'll be aiming for more down the line.

I'm lost as to how to make a complete cold approach, cos thats all I can do with no prospects form my inner circle.

I would put good bloody money you've more options to extend your social scene from within your inner circle.

scanlas wrote:

Take a bootcamp with "love Systems", " Real Social Dynamics" or "Puatraining"

Hey it's an option. Personally I don't think it's going to be money well spent. If you do want to go down the PUA road, there's been enough free links bandied about here in the last few weeks. Seems to boil down to culturally specific chat up routines at worst and learning to be confident in yourself at best. Google the free stuff and save yourself the cash. Spend your money on going out, socialising, traveling, counseling etc. Money better spent IMHO.

LegacyUser

I'm a girl, was out last night and found that the nicest things that guys said were the simple things, just a simple "hi, are you having a good night? / are you enjoying your night?", which covers the hello and also initiated a conversation because they had asked a question. Nice and simple. The guys who took that approach were the ones I found I was most attracted to.

What I didn't like was that so many of them were drunk and came across as being very full-on very soon into the conversation, which I then found a turn off. It was like they expected stuff to magically become physical after a few minutes...Don't understand why some guys drink so much, I find it really off-putting. I'm much happier just chatting for a while and seeing if I feel I'm enjoying myself. I think it's really important to feel that you enjoy the other person as a person, and then if there's a physical attraction too (which isn't all about looks btw, sometimes I get a real sense of how someone is feeling about themselves, and if it's good, then that's attractive), great!

As regards approaching in the first place, sometimes it seems to be down to chance, e.g. I might be sitting down taking a break from the dancefloor and suddenly someone nearby might just turn around and say hi. On the other hand, if someone does directly approach me, that's very flattering, and how i react depends on the vibe i get from them...if i feel they only want to hook up with someone for the night, then i'm not interested...but if they genuinely seem like they're interested in me as a person and not as a bed buddy, the i feel flattered...as long as they're not arrogant. There seems to be a fine line between arrogance and confidence. Someone happy in themselves and just wanting to make the best of things...that comes across clearly and is much more attractive than arrogance. But the "chance" hellos are just as nice as the forward hellos, maybe the chance hellos are even nicer because they're completely natural and spur of the moment.

I know there isn't much structure to my post as I'm typing off the top of my head but I hope it makes sense. If not, let me know

honru

OP, you are focused on what exactly to say to girls, but I think there is a much much bigger picture here than chatting up members of the opposite sex. Fixating your attention on what to say to girls is a band-aid solution; it blocks your creativity and leaves you managing your words in a careful manner which women can intuitively pick up on.

The fact of the matter is there is a charming and charismatic guy underneath the shyness, but the shyness is clogging up your system.

It's not confidence you want, it's self-trust. Trust that you can handle all situations with consistency. I think there is some validity to the fact that people generally trust others who trust themselves. And when you trust yourself, you can freely express your personality with ease. That is what is attractive.

Trying to go after confidence doesn't work, it's something that arises naturally when you are living your life in the right way.

Also, the victim mentality is probably the most unattractive thing that is coming across from your posts. Learn to overcome that first and foremost and you might find more women respond in your favour.

A Primal Nut

Copper23 wrote: »

Ok guys,

But then my exes have told me horrible things and the fact that they were right in saying I'd never get another goirl or no girl would ever be interested in me makes me start thinking I am fooling myself by saying I'm alright looking.

Think how this doesn't make sense - all your exes said no other girl would go out with you - obviously they were wrong if you have multiple exes and they aren't your most recent girlfriend. If all your other girlfriends were wrong then chacnes are your most recent one is wrong too.

Pac1Man

Some good advice here, should help alot. I actually urge anyone who has self-doubt to follow this simple philosophy.

[url][/url]

xniamhx

Maybe you should try approaching girls in the mindframe that youre just looking for a friendly convo, rather than putting so much pressure on yourself trying to attract or hit it off with someone.

Theyre not going to bite you, even if im not interested I'm rarely rude to guys when they approach me in a friendly, non sleazy way cause I realise it takes a lot for some people to do so.

Splendour

Copper23 wrote: »

I'm prob just a freak.

The guys who are 'freaks' are the ones who drink too much and expect to have sex at the end of the night with some random girl-this however is now accepted as the norm, hence to alot of people it doesn't come across as being 'freakish'.

Bottom line-damn the looks.Girls like a guy who they feel confident and safe with. They like a guy to be independant with leadership qualities so when the sh*t hits the fan, they know their bloke will be strong enough to deal with it.

Why not ask a woman to dance? That shows leadership qualities straight off, and it shows you're willing to take risks, which gives off an air of confidence.

Whatever you do, if you get into conversation, don't agree with everything she says. Don't hide your light behind a bushel, give your opinion whether or not you think she will concur with you!! This is showing her you are strong mentally which women really appreciate...

deadhead13

Your just lacking confidence. I say "just" but I know gaining more confidence is very difficult for some people. The thing you are fearing most is rejection. Everybody does to some degree. But this kind of rejection is normal in a pub or club. It happens to nearly everbody. Experience brings more confidence and a more rational mindset about the possibilty of rejection and your reaction to it if it happens. "Feel the fear and do it anyway" is an awful cliche but their is some truth in it.

Wibbs

Pac1Man banned for a week for posting browser hogging link.

Kimono-Girl

Copper23 wrote: »

Ok gu.

But then my exes have told me horrible things and the fact that they were right in saying I'd never get another goirl or no girl would ever be interested in me makes me start thinking I am fooling myself by saying I'm alright looking.

ex's will always say horrible un-true and hurtfull things in the heat of teh moment, it's why they are ex's!

chances are they just wanted to knock your confidence so dont let them or they've won!

you seem to have a lack of confidence in yourself, which only you can fix! it doesn't matter if you wear fancy clothes, or work out in the gym 5 days a week or if you drive a flash car, without confidence no girl will find you, never mind find you attractive! its a cliche i know and over used constantly but be yourself! if you are busy pretending to be someone else to get a girl, she's not going to get the chance to know the real you,


so try as hard as it may be to forget those awful comments made by people who were clearly bitter about losing you,

gain some insight into you and your best assets!

and go out there making yourself your no1 priority and you may just be surprised at who comes along!

its tough but who ever takes the easy path? it goes no where!

adagio

Hey Dude,

There are several approaches to sorting your particular issue out.

One: The Micro approach: Focus on your shyness in a practical manner. Break down what you are anxious about and figure out a way to address each one individually. For instance, if you find you can't speak to a girl because of the possible outcomes, that you are obviously anxious about, take the pressure off your self and decide to set the goal as saying hi to a girl. If the response is good talk about the atmosphere in the place...etc - then walk away when there is a pause in the conversation (not abruptly, but as naturally as possible). Try this step several times over several nights, preferably not in your local town. And take it from there. Be logical!

Two: Go to a councilor and get professional advice.

Three: Micro option: This is the option I would recommend most - Take the pressure off yourself and refocus. Try to resolve you shyness but not in a direct manner. Try something that has a social context but that you are interested in... for instance Rock Climbing is an amazing social sport where the interaction between strangers is crucial to the safety of the sport. If you enjoy your first outing....repeat...repeat and so on. You will gain confidence from and feel more self assured - this will then translate to the resolution of your personal issue. Rock Climbing may not be your thing - if not, try something else. (If you are interested in Rock Climbing, check out the courses that available from Bren Whelan (check the MCI mountaineering council of Ireland) - I am in no way affiliated to Bren.

In conclusion - regardless of how you feel now you will get over this issue. But the thing that will stay with you is how you deal with it.
Take the pressure off dude and focus on something else - you'll be fine.

LegacyUser

Love Systems offer a money back guarantee on their bootcamps, if you don't feel it was worth the $2950 you get your money back, simple as.

Puatraining are based in london and offer bootcamps for £549 + vat.

Real Social Dynamics bootcamps cost $2000.

There are independent forums and sites where people give their reviews of their bootcamp experiences, the majority say it was a life changing event.

The techniques in the game are about 7 years out of date. Most pick up companies these days teach natural game. You don't have to pretend to be someone you're not. They teach you to channel your personality in a very attractive way.

I don't know your financial situation, but I feel the expense of a bootcamp from a top pickup company is an investment for life and well worth the money. People on this forum aren't going to realistically be able to help you by giving you advice. You need a professional instructor out there with you pushing you past your comfort zone chatting up women in different situations. You won't become amazing with women after one weekend, but you'll see dramatic improvements, you'll have to continue to carry out their advice for months after your bootcamp to see yourself complete your transformation to someone who pulls quality women with ease.

Best of luck

LegacyUser

OK Op.

I will give/share some of my experience.

One thing that I realise lately was that Women don't care if you're Bradd, they would prefer, they want someone that can take care of them, that are willing to put his foot down no matter what to make to prevail his point. Basically they want someone with leadership qualities, trusthworthy, fun and reliable.

Now, how do you will improve your inner game to show that qualities??

Well first of all FORGET your fears when you leave the house.

Don't mind if people will laugh at you (you can mastery that in your advantage, you're already making them laugh).

Go to the dance floor and interact with everyone (you will notice the ammount of girls that will notice you), don't be a wall flower.

Build mystery around you... if you do that they will want to know you...

Say hello, Make open questions and let them talk, but listen, women love that!! Study the setting and use that on your advantage

(ie - Pub with a picture of a whale in the wall

You approach a girl.

- Helllo, Did you notice the whale picture on the wall? I was thinking how hard it was to bring the ocean over here for taking that picture,what do you think?

-It have been pretty hard indeed...

-By the way my name is ...

-I'm .... )

Just Go out to have fun and not looking....if it happens even better.

My 2 cents

AARRRGH

Copper23 wrote: »

I haven't the slightest idea how to talk to a girl. I really need help.

The beauty of having a conversation with a girl you don't know is she'll be dying to talk about herself. So you just ask questions, act like a good listener, and if possible say funny things every now and then. Basically you let her do most of the talking.

The quesions you can ask are really simple.

What do you work as?
Do you like your job?
Where are you from originally?
What do you think of this place?

These sound like retarded questions, but if you let her do the talking, and seem really interested in what she's saying, she will think you are a great conversationist.

Oh, and remember, she won't know you are terrified inside. Just try to appear calm and she will think you're calm.

SarahSassy

Why dont you try internet dating and get to know people online before you arrange to meet them. In a worst case secnario, even if you dont meet the love of your life then you will have 'practiced' talking to women on a one to one and in a social setting....

What interests do you have? Read the papes, get up to date with music etc and practice general chit chat with your friends. Girls are human too you know

Copper23

I tried setting up a profile on plenty of fish. Very few girls reply or are interested in meeting.

Again thats another reason I think people must think my looks are off.

I know you can just ask normal questions but she'll get bored really quickly and move on unless she's really into you already with boring questions like that. And since she's rarely into me to begin with, how do boring questions build any attraction?

I know I've a lot of "but what if.." questions but thats the dillemma I'm in, feel like I've tried everything. The simple stuff doesn't work for me.

SarahSassy

You are putting women on a pedestal and not treating them as human beings... Plenty of women are nervous when they go out and talk to guys too. In fact, when I was single and any time I was out on the town I was always nervous talking to guys but I dont think it showed.

Your lack of confirdence is evident and to be frank can be a put off for women. People want to meet someone on a level playing field and not someone with emotional issues. Relationships are hard enough to start off with. I would suggest you drop all ideas of meeting women until you are mentally and emotionally stronger and counselling (again) may be an option for you.

SS

PS change your profile and dont put up a pic if you are worried they dont fancy you.

AARRRGH

Copper23 wrote: »

I know you can just ask normal questions but she'll get bored really quickly and move on unless she's really into you already with boring questions like that. And since she's rarely into me to begin with, how do boring questions build any attraction?

You need to stop with the self-loathing. That alone is going to turn women off.

If you think you are bad looking, do something about it.

- Gym
- Nice clothes (buy from www.karmaloop.com if you have no fashion sense)
- Nice trainers (buy from "size" on Wicklow Street)
- Get a facial if you have bad skin
- Get a good haircut
- Go to the Dentist regularly

All of the above will make you look better, and will give you a lot of confidence. I especially recommend the gym. You can change your body in about 12 weeks with a good weights/diet regime.

The thing about "boring" questions is the girl won't think they're boring, as she's getting to talk about herself. Girls love talking about themselves. I'm telling you, I have never had a problem meeting women, mainly because I am not afraid to talk to them. All you need to do is talk to them, listen, and if possible say some funny things. Smile a lot and in general just act confident and interested.

It really isn't difficult - it's just a mindset.

mizzoni

Unregistered wrote: »

Love Systems offer a money back guarantee on their bootcamps, if you don't feel it was worth the $2950 you get your money back, simple as.

Puatraining are based in london and offer bootcamps for £549 + vat.

Real Social Dynamics bootcamps cost $2000.

There are independent forums and sites where people give their reviews of their bootcamp experiences, the majority say it was a life changing event.

The techniques in the game are about 7 years out of date. Most pick up companies these days teach natural game. You don't have to pretend to be someone you're not. They teach you to channel your personality in a very attractive way.

I don't know your financial situation, but I feel the expense of a bootcamp from a top pickup company is an investment for life and well worth the money. People on this forum aren't going to realistically be able to help you by giving you advice. You need a professional instructor out there with you pushing you past your comfort zone chatting up women in different situations. You won't become amazing with women after one weekend, but you'll see dramatic improvements, you'll have to continue to carry out their advice for months after your bootcamp to see yourself complete your transformation to someone who pulls quality women with ease.

Best of luck

do not,i repeat,DO NOT waste your money on any of that pua bullsh1t.it is one of the greatest money making scams on the planet by these idiot yankee gobsheens who preach doing a song and dance,dressing like a freak,acting feminine and memorising scripts just to impress a woman.i cant believe this guy telling you to do this.a bootcamp to teach you how to talk to women-WTF!?? hit the gym,toastmasters and subscribe to player supreme show on itunes and you'll have women in your life

Copper23

I know my thoughts are negative.
But when things aren't working out how can you not doubt yourself? I know when things were good for a little while ages ago, I felt really good but I don't know how to get those times back.

I know I sound like I'm waaaay over-complicating this and focusing on it too much. Its NOT that I have an unhappy life. My life is very sorted out in other areas. I spent a lot of time over last number of years in education, sport, work, everything. In those areas I think I'm doing ok for myself.

But this... its something everyone else just seems to get, yeah, you can't get every girl in the world but if you loose one, its no big deal, just try and you'll get another. With me its, try try try but just never get it. I don't know quite whats missing.

Went to a house party last night with a friend. I didn't know anyone. Its just that I found it so hard to fit in. Everonye knew each other, its hard to butt in and try talk to someone but my main prob is always being interesting. I know I harp on WHAT to say. Its because I'm not a talkative person. Even with friends and housemates and stuf I'm quiet cos I don't know what to talk about. I find myself making short statements in conversations instead of just talking and talking cos I never know what to say. Its weird.

Wibbs

Copper23 wrote: »

I know my thoughts are negative.
But when things aren't working out how can you not doubt yourself?

It's natural to doubt yourself, particularly in an area you feel uncomfortable in. That goes for everyone. Tide goes in, tide goes out. Sometimes your on top of things sometimes you're not.

I know when things were good for a little while ages ago, I felt really good but I don't know how to get those times back.

Well look back and try to figure out what was different then. You'll likely find that there was f all difference. It was down to your perception of the situation.

I know I sound like I'm waaaay over-complicating this and focusing on it too much. Its NOT that I have an unhappy life. My life is very sorted out in other areas. I spent a lot of time over last number of years in education, sport, work, everything. In those areas I think I'm doing ok for myself.

Well then concentrate on those areas for a while. Nurture that side of you and forget about trying to get a woman for a while.

But this... its something everyone else just seems to get, yeah, you can't get every girl in the world but if you loose one, its no big deal, just try and you'll get another.

You reckon? There are a few guys that you describe like that out there but I would say for the vast majority, they get lucky more than anything. It's really a numbers game. The more they go out the more women they meet and if they've any confidence at all, sooner or later they get someone. The PUA stuff that's the fad de jour is popular for a reason and seems to be gaining popularity.

With me its, try try try but just never get it. I don't know quite whats missing.

Confidence. I know I know, but it really does boil down to that. Confidence and access.

Went to a house party last night with a friend. I didn't know anyone. Its just that I found it so hard to fit in. Everonye knew each other, its hard to butt in and try talk to someone but my main prob is always being interesting. I know I harp on WHAT to say. Its because I'm not a talkative person. Even with friends and housemates and stuf I'm quiet cos I don't know what to talk about. I find myself making short statements in conversations instead of just talking and talking cos I never know what to say. Its weird.

OK so you walk into a party where you don't know anyone. Fine, but they don't know you either so they may be less confident too. A little more than you if they know people there, but trust me most people are not particularly confident with new people. They just cover it up better with methods to make themselves feel better. Drink is the obvious one. Look how gregarious people become after a pint or two. It gives them false confidence. If most people were confident then beer sales would be hit badly.:D

As for what to talk about? Well for a start, talk to everyone, men and women. You'll be more comfortable talking to blokes as there isn't the underlying dating lark going on. When you get to the point where you're talkng to men and women without the pressure to score, then you're on the right path. You're into sport, so that's a start. Maybe talk about your job. Your education, your hobbies, topical stuff in the news etc. The worlds an interesting place with loadsa stuff going on. Listen more. That's important too. Forget about what you're going to talk about. Kick off a discussion and let others jump in. As most are low level nervous with strangers, that'll make them feel better and more comfortable.

As for the PUA courses etc. Yes some get stuff out of it, but your money and energy would be better spent elsewhere. Money back guarantees are all very well, but it's easy to be buoyed up temporarily and think you've gotten something from it, when you haven't. Plus by the nature of things like this, they're well designed to keep your money. The simplest way is by blaming you for not doing it right etc.

karen3212

Some good advice above,

When I was single, I did not expect a guy to be some super duper interesting wikipedia, when I met them. So I wouldn't have been bored by the bog standard conversation. Also I think it is better to meet the person rather than a pretence.

You really do need to work on being happy with yourself and accepting yourself before you expect anyone else to be happy in your presence, you don't have to think you are the greatest thing since sliced pan, just accept you have failings and give yourself a break.

I don't know how all women think, but I never expected approval from my friends for the men I chose, nor do I remember anyone of my friends looking for approval for their choices. Past the age of 12 that is.

Good luck op,

there is a CBT thing online from the NHS in Scotland, perhaps you could try that by yourself, it helps people understand how thinking affects behaviour.

Gholimoli

Dude unfortunately there is no magic pill that you could take and boom, everything is ok and you’re getting women every night…

I have nothing new really to add to what has been said:
• Above all you must have the right mind set.
• Accept your faults, work on the ones that you can work on and accept the ones you can’t work on…
• Know that every one has got faults …it’s how comfortable you are with your self as a whole that really matters.
• People have different personalities ,they like and dislike different things…if you were to shape your self or base your happiness on the approval of others then you will constantly have to change your self…this constant struggle will make you very unhappy…the very first thing you need to do is to be ok with your self…
• Being confident is just a state of mind…it can come from different places…you can be confident in something cuz others tell you it’s so or you can be confident because you think it’s so…the latter is a lasting one and brings you more happiness.
• When you become ok with your self then you are not as easy shaken by a rejection or negative comment or an embarrassing incident…you will start to realise that getting rejected by women is really common and is not a reflection on you…once this happens then you will not be afraid of trying…all this looking for “what to say to them” ,”how do I get their attention” ,”how do I start a conversation” is all because you are looking for something that is guaranteed to work because you fear the rejection because you see it as a problem with you…once this mind set goes away you will just be your self and comes become more natural…this is confidence…the more you realise it the more confident you become and other people will pick up on that and that on it’s own is a very attractive attribute to have…it’s like a vibe that you give out and people can tell trust me…so again you need to get your thinking straight and trust me it’s a lot easier than you think to do that…except you really gotta want it …

shellyboo

Some great advice in this thread - but one thing I want to add.

OP, you need to get it out of your head that other people can have any partner they want. Nobody can have anyone they want, not even those super-hot girls you see in clubs. It's about compatibilty - so you need to worry less about finding someone, anybody, anywhere and think about someone who's right for YOU.

And the person who's right for you will be interested in you. No need to be someone else or affect personality traits that aren't yours. All you need is to believe in yourself, that you're worth loving (and everyone is worth loving) and it will come. No-one can love you if you don't love yourself first.

I know that may sound trite, but think about it: Have you ever looked at a girl (even an unattractive girl) and thought, she'll never get anyone, she'll be alone forever, she doesn't deserve anyone's time or affection? No? Then why are you thinking that of yourself?

Wibbs

scanlas blanket copy and paste posting is not welcome. Your opinions only please.

puglover

Hi Copper23, I haven't read all of the posts because I just came across this thread so apologies if I repeat some of whats being said.

It seems to me that your only problem is that you are lacking in self confidence. I know it's can be daunting to try and strike up conversation or even contribute to group conversations if you have a fear that you are going to come off stupid or daunting & there really is no quick fix. I've been there myself, even when I had a massive fear of talking to people, at the same time I felt stupid for not contributing... catch 22.

There isn't any quick fix but you have to start believing in yourself, if you don't have confidence in yourself no-one else will either. Just say things wether you think you'll sond stupid or not(mostly likely you won't) & it'll get easier as you go. Once you have a little bit of confidence everything else will fall into place.

Justs out of curiosity, don't need to answer this but are you a "Copper"??