Anal 2nd time

LegacyUser

Out of the blue last year my wife and I tried anal sex.
A few beers on board, holiday scenario, very relaxed. At first we couldnt manage it - we couldnt get the angle right for penetration. Then after 30 - 40 minutes and most of a tube of lube we tried it with her on top. The plan was to ease in an inch or two but the next thing I know she has sat down on me and I am inside all the way.
It was incredible, but after a few strokes it was clear that she was uncomfortable so I withdrew and held her.
The problem is the experience for me was mind blowing. A few strokes and ten seconds after withdrawing I came like I never came before. I cant wait to try it again. The thought of it even blows my mind, however my wife though disliked the experience and wont even discuss the possibility of trying it again with more lube. less alchohol, more care etc.

I now find myself fantasising of this all the time and an scared this will lead me astray. I love my wife and find her amazingly sexy but what do I do? How do I get this out of my mind?

kizzyr

Unregistered wrote: »

Out of the blue last year my wife and I tried anal sex.
A few beers on board, holiday scenario, very relaxed. At first we couldnt manage it - we couldnt get the angle right for penetration. Then after 30 - 40 minutes and most of a tube of lube we tried it with her on top. The plan was to ease in an inch or two but the next thing I know she has sat down on me and I am inside all the way.
It was incredible, but after a few strokes it was clear that she was uncomfortable so I withdrew and held her.
The problem is the experience for me was mind blowing. A few strokes and ten seconds after withdrawing I came like I never came before. I cant wait to try it again. The thought of it even blows my mind, however my wife though disliked the experience and wont even discuss the possibility of trying it again with more lube. less alchohol, more care etc.

I now find myself fantasising of this all the time and an scared this will lead me astray. I love my wife and find her amazingly sexy but what do I do? How do I get this out of my mind?

If she didn't like it she didn't like it and I think you should leave her alone. You certainly shouldn't mention the " I might stay unless you let me.....". Also what are you going to do should you be driven to stray, ask any potential sexual partner if she likes anal within the first 5 minutes of the conversation?

LegacyUser

Cope onto yourself...you have a loving wife that was willing to try it in the first place and didnt like it so tough........be glad you have a loving wife to go home to....

I wouldnt dream of trying it as the stories you hear about you anus ....leakage etc....its just not worth the hassle and PAIN

LegacyUser

Man, you messed up! My god, you went whole hog without reading the rules? Of course she doesn't want to do it again.

However, I may have saved you here... read this to the letter.

*SNIP* NSFW

Also check out this:

http://www.amazon.com/Ultimate-Guide-Anal-Sex-Women/dp/1573440280

But dear christ don't bring up anal for another few months until you got your game on!

Also, and Chris Rock said this first, men can't go back sexually. For exanple once you've had anal (and you liked it), you're always gonna want anal. You're gonna want to try it with every women you'll ever have sex with.

LegacyUser

Anal sex is perfectly healthy and very enjoyable if you do it the right way. Those stories, are just that, stories.

kizzyr

Unregistered wrote: »

Anal sex is perfectly healthy and very enjoyable if you do it the right way. Those stories, are just that, stories.

and if the woman wants to do it. Clearly in this case she doesn't and shouldn't be coerced into doing it to stop her husband cheating on her.

LegacyUser

She doesn't want to do it because your man did wrong. He should chill out, let it go for now, but come back to it when he knows what he is doing and has the patience to let her work up to it, taking however long she wants.

it's about communication and being open minded.

MIN2511

I think some of the posters have been harsh.....

I know what how your wife feels after trying this myself.
It's like sticking a carrot in your **** Some people like it and some people don't!

Your wife clearly doesn't. I urge you to respect her wishes, she clearly knows you want it and if she hasn't agreed to it then it's no.
If you keep insisting she may never try it again....

Toots

Give your wife some time, if you leave the subject alone for a while she may offer to try it again, you need to let her offer on her own though, it's very unfair for you to keep asking her and putting pressure on her.

From reading your post, you both went about it the wrong way. The phrase 'slow and steady wins the race' is particularly applicable to anal. You can't rush it, especially the first few times. For the woman, the first couple of times can be very uncomfortable, even painful, so it's essential that you respect that and let her dictate the pace. As you have already discovered, going straight as if you're having vaginal sex is a recipe for disaster, and you can actually do her damage (tearing etc).

Starting off with a finger or two is a good idea (obviously put fingers in latex gloves or a condom) remember to use lube, and be gentle. Ask her to tell you what feels comfortable for her and don't advance further until she tells you. Similarly with penetration, you need to do it bit by bit, don't just push the whole way in. You also need to realise that it could take a few attempts to actually get in the whole way, so patience is a must. As you already know, it will be worth it in the end, but you cannot push your wife.

You also need to realise that she may not ever want to try it again, and you need to respect that. As for having to stray to experience it again, get that thought out of your head. Would you really risk your whole marriage for that?? There are toys you can get which may replicate the sensation, maybe try one of those. Every time you find yourself obsessing about anal, think about all the things you love about your wife, and why you would never want to lose her.

LegacyUser

We had the same experiance
He loved it I didn't,
Asking for it drove me mad,
I felt he had no interest in regular sex,
I got very upset that we went from having a
great sex life to a very strained one,

Then about 6 months after the first try
we had another go except this time
he used his finger while we were having
sex,it blew my mind,the orgasm was so
much stronger.


Now every so often,when I have had my fun
I ask if he wants some bum fun,
he dosen't alway's say yes,which is nice,
but when he does he is very gentle and I get
a thrill about how much he loves making love to me,
every way!

LegacyUser

why the f*ck do lads like anal sex so much.. IT HURTS even after doing it many times.. most of my past boyfriends wanted it and me being stupid and not wanting to ruin the mood always went ahead with it.. that bein said the first few times are the worst and it does get a little easier but not much and it isnt as bad with the girl on top.. look if a lad likes anal sex so much then bein honest day shud jus turn gay and do it with a lad who likes it instead of a girl whos in sooo much pain after it.. leave your wife alone and dont force her or else she wont even want normal sex with u because she'll think u expect anal the whole time and she's jus not able for it!

Dankoozy

Unregistered wrote: »

why the f*ck do lads like anal sex so much.. IT HURTS even after doing it many times.. most of my past boyfriends wanted it and me being stupid and not wanting to ruin the mood always went ahead with it.. that bein said the first few times are the worst and it does get a little easier but not much and it isnt as bad with the girl on top.. look if a lad likes anal sex so much then bein honest day shud jus turn gay and do it with a lad who likes it instead of a girl whos in sooo much pain after it.. leave your wife alone and dont force her or else she wont even want normal sex with u because she'll think u expect anal the whole time and she's jus not able for it!

+1 LoL

dudara

Dankoozy: Helpful only posts please. Take the time to read the charter with regard to posting in this forum

dudara

LegacyUser

I was the original poster here.

Thanks for the advice, most of whats written I know already.

Cop on and get on with things, she is a fantastic girl.

The help I was looking for is how best to bring the subject up again in a way that has some chance of success.

I know my wife enjoys anal manipulation during oral and some times vaginal sex but the only time I broached penetration again I got a flat no.
I know I should leave it at that but I want one more request - any advice?
Im not looking to make threats of adultry or anything as stupid - just timing, mood technique advice.

thanks

Dave!

Get it out of your head buddy. Tell her if she's ever up for it to tell you, and then DROP IT.

Just accept that she's not into everything you are, and you are not into everything that she is. Enjoy the stuff that you BOTH enjoy, and be happy with that.

You and she should feel free to test your boundaries, and that's what she did. She decided she didn't enjoy it, and that's fair enough.

If you stray over something as silly as this then just be a man and end the relationship.

dny123456

Unregistered wrote: »

why the f*ck do lads like anal sex so much..

because its tighter.

Toots

Unregistered wrote: »

I know my wife enjoys anal manipulation during oral and some times vaginal sex

Hmmm, maybe when you're next doing this, try using one finger, then see if she likes two, and then if she's really relaxed and enjoying it, see if she would feel comfortable for you to try a small amount of penetration, but not full anal sex. Alternatively, you could be a smallish sex toy and use that next time you're trying to have sex - one that's a bit bigger than two fingers, but not as big as your penis, then if she's comfortable with it and enjoys it, she may be open to trying anal again.

CDfm

Mmmm. There should be some give and take.
What if she suggested giving you anal I wonder if you would be as enthusiastic.

Lighten up and less fantasising and maybe it will arise- but it should be for mutual pleasure.

kizzyr

CDfm wrote: »

Mmmm. There should be some give and take.
What if she suggested giving you anal I wonder if you would be as enthusiastic.

Lighten up and less fantasising and maybe it will arise- but it should be for mutual pleasure.

I agree. I think if a bloke is willing to allow his female partner use a strap on, vibrator/ whatever in his anus then he may well understand why his wife/ girlfriend isn't keen on anal sex. Stimulation of the anus with a finger or even two is a world apart from actual penetration with a penis.

Nevyn

Unregistered wrote: »

The help I was looking for is how best to bring the subject up again in a way that has some chance of success.

I know my wife enjoys anal manipulation during oral and some times vaginal sex but the only time I broached penetration again I got a flat no.
I know I should leave it at that but I want one more request - any advice?

thanks

I suggest that you consider buying some toys for anal play as she already enjoys the stimulation in that area and that way ye can maybe graduatlly increase the size of the toys.

CDfm

But OP lashings of beer have probably blurred your recollection and your senses and memory somewhat.

I wonder what her recollection is?

Not speculating but from what you describe it may not have been great for her. If its bad its very bad.

LegacyUser

Hi OP,

Im double checking to make sure Im logged out! (no pun intended!)

When one of my lovers in the past suggested anal, I never complied. It was a mixture of fear of pain and the unknown and the whole general "dirtyness" of it. He always wanted the perfect other half and I felt pressure to be perfect all the time as I never felt good enough. We tried it one night and I thought he ws going to rip me in half no joke. After that it was a no no but as time went on he respected my no less and less and eventually one night it was a stand off situation.

I told him how it made me feel but what came out in the end was how "he" made me feel. Fast forward a short period of time and we split up. It was the brute force with which he was determined to get his own way on it that finally sent me packing.

Fast forward again and in a new relationship. Amazing sex life as opposed to being given sex as a reward when I wanted it or it being taken when he wanted it. New lover was kind and considerate with just the right ammount of kinkiness. When the suggestion of anal came up I ignored his request for a while until he began pressing more. But it wasnt the same kind of pressing that the ex had done. It was more exploring why I was so against the idea and after a few of those nights where you just lie there after sex cuddling, I told him why I was so against it.

As the others have suggested, it really is a case of easing slowly into it. Again, no pun intended. There are so many sites with advice and quite frankly a huge spliff goes a long way at the start. Not encouraging drug use but thats what worked for me. Im no longer with that lover but he really taught me that it is all about how you approch it in a good way and not just make her think its all you. It took me a long time to admit that I love it in the right way and its not dirty or anything to be ashamed of if you like it.
Ease into the suggestion of it again. Dont frighten her off. It IS painful at first and but that is because I was tight with nerves. Its all in the approach and how you handle her feelings about it.

LegacyUser

You will get over it. The anal canal is really for excreting feaces. So think of it that way. AND would u fancy having something stuck up yours????!!!
Not all people are into this so you need to accept this
If you can imagine leaving your wife over something like this then you must be pretty shallow pal. as someone previously said. "Cop on"

LegacyUser

OP I don't think you realise how unbelivably PAINFUL it can be for some women. I tried it once and it hurt like hell. Even though my boyfriend was as gentle as possible and I really tried my best because I know he wanted it but we had to give up because it was so sore. If she didn't like it leave her alone, try sticking a cucumber up your bum, you might have a bit more understanding of what your wife feels then.

SarahSassy

OP you are being incredibly selfish and immature.... Do you really love this person when care more about yourself and your orgasm than not causing her pain. If it didnt hurt and if she liked it then ye would be doing it again.... Obviously, it hurts her.... Am I missing something here?

unreggd

OP, it just seems you did it completely wrong, hence so much pain/discomfort

Its not just a second vagina, u cant just ram it in from the get go

Look up a starters guide to anal sex

Why did she originally do it? Did she want to, then change her mind because of the pain, or did she do it sort of like a favour to you

Talk to her about it, without bein pushy

and if after some research she still doesnt want to, then you have to accept that

CDfm

kizzyr wrote: »

I agree. I think if a bloke is willing to allow his female partner use a strap on, vibrator/ whatever in his anus then he may well understand why his wife/ girlfriend isn't keen on anal sex. Stimulation of the anus with a finger or even two is a world apart from actual penetration with a penis.

You seem to suggest that the OP submits first?

kizzyr

CDfm wrote: »

You seem to suggest that the OP submits first?

My point was not about submission at all. I think its pretty easy for a man to like the idea of anal sex because it is not his anus thats being penetrated and so he has no real understanding of how painful and unpleasant it can be for a woman. So if a man had roles reversed and his wife/ girlfriend penetrated him with either a strap on or vibrator then he may understand why he was being refused and not think that it was simply his partner being awkward or difficult simply for the sake of being so.
In the case of the OP his wife has already tried it and has decided she doesn't like it. I think that should be enough for him and that he should leave well enough alone and respect her wishes.

Wagon

At the risk of sounding sympathetic to the OP:

Don't bring it up at all mate. Don't mention it and don't suddenly try it without warning and see what happens as time goes on. She might actually come around to the idea herself eventually if she's comfortable with it and then you can both try it then. OR it might never happen, who knows? Putting pressure on her isn't the right way to go though, both parties must be willing.

CDfm

kizzyr wrote: »

My point was not about submission at all. I think its pretty easy for a man to like the idea of anal sex because it is not his anus thats being penetrated and so he has no real understanding of how painful and unpleasant it can be for a woman. So if a man had roles reversed and his wife/ girlfriend penetrated him with either a strap on or vibrator then he may understand why he was being refused and not think that it was simply his partner being awkward or difficult simply for the sake of being so.

I think you are being a bit harsh. Its not my bag but if the OP is open to the idea it would build trust and he might be more senstive to his partners apprehension and develop a better and more sensitive technique.

shellyboo

I think everyone is being way harsh on the OP. The guy is not intending to force himself on his wife, he's not even getting upset at her for not wanting to do it... all he wants is some advice on how best to discuss the possibility with her.

To be honest, there's not a huge amount you can do to change her mind... if she's ok with having fingers up there then it's not the *idea* she's against, it's the fact that she's had a bad experience.

Now, some people are saying 'she doesn't like it, stop hassling her'... but y'know, you have to try some things twice. If we all judged any kind of sex on the first time we did it, women would all be celibate cos it bloody well hurts the first time too.

Your plan of action? Invest in some SMALL anal toys. Butt plugs, slim vibrators, that kind of thing. All you can do is keep going a little further and a little further... tiny tiny steps... until she feels ready to try it again. Don't press the issue, she'll tell you when she's ready. But if you're really really well-endowed, that might never happen!!

Sammag

shellyboo wrote: »

I think everyone is being way harsh on the OP. The guy is not intending to force himself on his wife, he's not even getting upset at her for not wanting to do it... all he wants is some advice on how best to discuss the possibility with her.

The way I read it, he did discuss it with her and she said she's not into it aka "No thanks I don't want you to stick your dick up my bum again" but he's not accepting this and trying to find a way to talk her into it. Aka convince her to do something she clearly doesn't want to aka he's being bit of a selfish twat.

Personally I found the way he described his liking for the 'subject in hand ' a tad OTT and desperate sounding possibly and it wouldn't surprise me if he hasn't just asked her once to try it again. I think he should spend a bit more effort and time trying to get this new fascination out of his head for a while, that or start chatting up the hoover.

CDfm

Sammag wrote: »

The way I read it, he did discuss it with her and she said she's not into it aka "No thanks I don't want you to stick your dick up my bum again" but he's not accepting this and trying to find a way to talk her into it. Aka convince her to do something she clearly doesn't want to aka he's being bit of a selfish twat.

Personally I found the way he described his liking for the 'subject in hand ' a tad OTT and desperate sounding possibly and it wouldn't surprise me if he hasn't just asked her once to try it again. I think he should spend a bit more effort and time trying to get this new fascination out of his head for a while, that or start chatting up the hoover.

LOL

Are we there yet?

shellyboo

Sammag wrote: »

The way I read it, he did discuss it with her and she said she's not into it aka "No thanks I don't want you to stick your dick up my bum again" but he's not accepting this and trying to find a way to talk her into it. Aka convince her to do something she clearly doesn't want to aka he's being bit of a selfish twat.

Or, he's trying to talk OPENLY with his wife about a sexual issue that's bothering him. How dare he display such good sense and maturity, when everyone knows the proper thing to do is just repress his feelings until he gets resentful! Lock the man up already, he's clearly a danger to society with that kind of attitude. :pac:

He has realised he messed up their chance to enjoy this act - which his wife also wanted to do - and so is trying to reopen the lines of communication about it. I do not see how this is selfish. The woman has had a bad experience, and if I was speaking to her, I'd be telling her to give it another go. Sodomists all over the world can't be wrong.

And she clearly IS into it if she allows fingers and things up there and tried it in the first place. She's just scared it'll hurt again - a common fear which is most likely misguided.

Sammag wrote: »

Personally I found the way he described his liking for the 'subject in hand ' a tad OTT and desperate sounding possibly and it wouldn't surprise me if he hasn't just asked her once to try it again. I think he should spend a bit more effort and time trying to get this new fascination out of his head for a while, that or start chatting up the hoover.

I'd say he's been bugging her about it too... but just because he's been a bit annoying about it doesn't mean he doesn't 'deserve' it somehow. He just needs to readjust and be patient and inch her along. Like I say, since she's tried it before it's unlikely that anal is a hard boundary for her, it's just a physical pain thing - pain which was most likely induced by too much alcohol, not enough lube, and not enough knowledge. All easily fixable if he has the right attitude.

CDfm

Maybe its time that the OP ends all the speculation and comes back and elaborates on this.

Because there are a few schools of thought here

a). Dont ever mention the subject again
b). Mention it again and keep nagging
c). Say its easy and offer to go first
or d) Experiment and invest in toys

LegacyUser

OP here again.

Update on affairs.

We have both tried it since.

I told my wife about the posting, she read the comments and agreed to try again once I also agreed to be penetrated by a dildo. Of course she chose a brute of a dildo.

I found the penetratration pleasurable but the withdrawal uncomfortable unless done very slowly. The more aroused I got the easier and more pleasurable it was.

However even with loads of lube and time my wife hated our second and final attempt at anal sex so that subject is dropped.

Unexpectedly we have come full circle as I really enjoy the sensation of being penetrated so we have purcgased a strap-on that stimulates her while she is riding me, this generally is fantastically pleasureable until she approaches orgasm and starts speeding up frantically - this can be a bit teeth gritting but what a sensation.

Not something I could do much more than once a month but Wow.
An unexpected and happy ending