Going out alone

LegacyUser

Your thoughts please especially from the girls. Most of my friends are in relationships so can I go out on my own without the women thinking that I am odd or "billy no mates" ! ?.
I have occassionally gone to gigs alone which seems acceptable as there is a reason to be there. Whereas going to a pub/club one tends to stand out. What do you think ?

cantdecide

Whether socially or in the hope of meeting women, personally, I wouldn't.

Not unless you felt there was a great chance of bumping into someone you know anyway. I always remember a guy that was about 10+ years older than me and my friends who who would be out on his own every weekend hanging around like 1 o'clock half struck.

Whether you're trying to make friends or find romance, if you're on your own through moving or for whatever reason, I'd consider joining clubs or the gym. It's too easy to become that weird, lonely guy with bad hair.

LegacyUser

I hate to say it but I would kind of be thinking "why doesn't this guy have any friends?"

G86

To be honest - I wouldn't do it. Its different at a gig, but I'd definitely find it a bit odd to see some guy sitting on his own all night in a bar/club. So what if your friends are in relationships? They're still the same people, can ye not still hang out? Relationships are great but people have to have their own lives aswell, and I'm sure you were there long before their other half's came along. If you think ye are growing apart then you should say it to them - I bet they feel the same.

biko

In a pub - sure. Anyone can go in for a few drinks.
Late bar/club - not so sure. Unless you use the old excuse "my mate had to go home early".

silvine

Lots of people go to the pub on their own. You'd often see someone sitting there over a pint reading the paper or a book. It's an acceptable Irish tradition. Going to clubs by yourself, on the other hand, is a little pointless. You can't even hear/see properly.

Unregistered

Unregistered wrote: »

Your thoughts please especially from the girls. Most of my friends are in relationships so can I go out on my own without the women thinking that I am odd or "billy no mates" ! ?.
I have occassionally gone to gigs alone which seems acceptable as there is a reason to be there. Whereas going to a pub/club one tends to stand out. What do you think ?

What does it matter what people think? If you go out on your own you will meet similar people out clubbing by themselves. I often go out on my own, and I just keep myself open to meeting everyone. Usually by the end of a night I'll have met a pile of people, and made a few new friends I know i'll meet again in that club. There's usually regulars to a club and you'll get to know them.

People on their own stand out because many of them pick spots where everyone can see them. They pick a table and sit by themselves. Or they stand at the bar, where everyone going to get a drink will notice them. Move around a club and bar, and look for opportunities to meet people, and there wont be a problem. In fact, many people will admire your courage in being able to do this, as they themselves lack the confidence....

cantdecide

Deleted User wrote: »

What does it matter what people think?....

It doesn't. Except that objectively speaking, if you have trouble making friends anyway (I think this is a reasonable assumption at this stage) then you'll be far worse off stalking around a pub or club on your tod...

Deleted User wrote: »

I often go out on my own, and I just keep myself open to meeting everyone. Usually by the end of a night I'll have met a pile of people, and made a few new friends I know i'll meet again in that club. There's usually regulars to a club and you'll get to know them

Good for you. But that's just you. I suspect I'd have the same lonerish tendencies and I couldn't do it without feeling like a complete twat. Everyone isn't the same...

MT2

From a female's point of view,

I'd actually greatly admire it to be honest but then on the other hand I just can't see it being very effective...

But what would be your main objective? To meet people or to meet women? (presumably women if you're asking for our point of views)

In the case of the latter, it may come off as desperate - also, as you've seen women quite easily rebuke lads chatting them up and I'd hate to think of you being rejected and then not having your mates to laugh it off with...

Oooor, it'd get to the point in the night where everyone is so drunk noone would even notice you're on your tod - but is that a good thing really? Depending on alcohol?

Just practically speaking I mean...

LegacyUser

there's nothing wrong in going out alone if you feel comfortable with it. just make sure you meet people and don´t get bored

on the other side, i don´t see why you cannot go out with your friends and their couples, as a group of friends. there's nothing wrong about being the only single in the group..not to me though..

im in a relationship and i don´t mind going out with my boyfriend and a friend of him or one of my friends.

Princess Consuela Bananahammock

Go, strike up a conversation with someone.

Use to go to the pub to watch football on my own (pre-steaming of course ) and always would up chatting with someone wbout the game. Maybe time it so there's something happening worth chatting to the someone about.

TripleAce

Unregistered wrote: »

Your thoughts please especially from the girls. Most of my friends are in relationships so can I go out on my own without the women thinking that I am odd or "billy no mates" ! ?.
I have occassionally gone to gigs alone which seems acceptable as there is a reason to be there. Whereas going to a pub/club one tends to stand out. What do you think ?

If you go clubbing to meet a girl friends are useless. You go there with a mission, you don't need friends with you! :cool:

Alpha males are not afraid to go to war alone!

oeb

Unregistered wrote: »

Your thoughts please especially from the girls. Most of my friends are in relationships so can I go out on my own without the women thinking that I am odd or "billy no mates" ! ?.
I have occassionally gone to gigs alone which seems acceptable as there is a reason to be there. Whereas going to a pub/club one tends to stand out. What do you think ?

I regularly go out alone (Most of my old mates have settled down by now etc) and I don't see a problem with it. I am a friendly outgoing guy, I never have a problem finding people to chat with and integrating myself with a group for the night. But then again, this is a tourist town so the place is always full of people looking to meet more people.

I don't see the stigma that people have with going out alone. If I wanted to spend all evening chatting with my mates I would just call over to see them in their place.

Monkey61

Going to a pub for a pint on your own to watch football, read the paper etc is one thing, but going out to meet girls is quite another.

Girls you approach are going to wonder why you don't have any friends and possibly think you are some kind of weirdo. They may also be less likely to want to chat to you in case they don't like you and then are stuck with you for the rest of the night. One of the most attractive things about a person you might meet on a night out is if they seem fun and people seem to like them - and it will be a lot harder to come across this way without seeing you having a laugh with your friends.

It would also depend on the type of place you were planning on going to. People would tend to be much friendlier towards randomers at gigs, or specific types of clubs where you know that anybody there probably has stuff in common with you and they are into the same music etc. Generic trendy chart music type places - not so much because people tend to not be there to make friends. That's a big generalisation of course, but I think it's true.

Fair play to you anyway OP if you can do it! I know I couldn't.

Millie

I think going out and chatting to a few people beats sitting around at home and feeling depressed about it.
Fair play.

LegacyUser

Well,

I'm the kind of guy that just doesn't care what other think, unless they are somehow related to me... I generally go out alone twice a week, I think some people have a issue with that due to the case that they go out to meet someone, I just go out to have fun, relaxing from the week.

If I ended chatting and get acquaintances with someone new even better, its a Bonus... my primary goal is to have fun.


On my experience Women generally like to see men that have their inner game up and are able to take risks and take the lead. In reality is a Big Turn ON for them!!! So Stop and raise your inner game, be confident

aoibhebree

Mmm it's a toughie. I'm a loved-up girl with lots of single friends, often if I go on a girls night out, it sometimes gets to a point in the night where they've all found fellas and I'm left alone. I usually end up wandering round and nearly always get talking to a fella, and being the be-atch that I am I'll talk to them for ages even though I obviously have no intention of it going anywhere! (I wouldn't let him buy me a drink though, not that mean!!

But I reckon there'd be no harm in you going to a club, try and get chattin to a girl, and if she asks you can always say you came there with your mates but they've pulled already or something!! Don't tell them you're there on your own though, not that there's anything wrong with it, but it mightn't make a great first impression ...

Bren1609

I would have no problem going out on my own and have often done so. Be confident and have high self esteem, women are attracted to men with these charachteristics. There's a sense of security being around a person who is confident and very sure of themselves. Dont mind the naysayers and remember "dont hate the player hate the game"

dartsfan

cantdecide wrote: »

Whether socially or in the hope of meeting women, personally, I wouldn't.

Not unless you felt there was a great chance of bumping into someone you know anyway. I always remember a guy that was about 10+ years older than me and my friends who who would be out on his own every weekend hanging around like 1 o'clock half struck.

Whether you're trying to make friends or find romance, if you're on your own through moving or for whatever reason, I'd consider joining clubs or the gym. It's too easy to become that weird, lonely guy with bad hair.

What is the obsession with joining a gym on this forum? It's about the least likely place you'll get talking to anyone. Most people there are there to work out, not to get to know people after running for half an hour on a treadmill.

To the OP, if you've no other choice then why not? As said above, better to head out and make a go of it rather than stay at home and being down about it. Most people in a pub or club won't take any notice. Just make sure you've a decent story to back yourself up. Probably best too to move about a bit rather than lurking in the same corner. Most of the lads I know that pull do it on a solo run in a nightclub as opposed to being stuck in a gang for the night.
Go for it for sure.

LegacyUser

OP here. Well thanks for the thoughts. Interesting to read the variation & yes confidence is a key to this. I have gone out alone & I will again.

dublinpd

Unregistered wrote: »

OP here. Well thanks for the thoughts. Interesting to read the variation & yes confidence is a key to this. I have gone out alone & I will again.

I sometimes go and I've been to the cinema a couple of times, at least you forget a bit about everything and relax about going out alone. Either way, sometimes it's hard to get it.

cantdecide

cantdecide wrote: »

It doesn't. Except that objectively speaking, if you have trouble making friends anyway (I think this is a reasonable assumption at this stage) then you'll be far worse off stalking around a pub or club on your tod...

I disagree. I find it easier to make new friends if i'm alone. Then i don't have any anchors forcing me to stay in one spot, to associate with only one group of people, and I don't have to deal with other peoples past history with various groups.

Good for you. But that's just you. I suspect I'd have the same lonerish tendencies and I couldn't do it without feeling like a complete twat. Everyone isn't the same...

I was a lot different before i started reading self-improvement and self-confidence material. Believe me, it didn't come easy to me, but once i started doing it I was amazed at how easy it was to do. The fear of doing it was worse than the activity

Kenno90

THB if i seen some1 on there own , i'd be thinking wats his problem , surly some of your friends are single and if there not then just go out in a big group

oeb

Kenno90 wrote: »

THB if i seen some1 on there own , i'd be thinking wats his problem , surly some of your friends are single and if there not then just go out in a big group

Of course you would think that. If they were standing by themselves, drinking in the corner.

If you go out alone you have to be willing to just go chat to people, any night I am on my own I spend very very little time on my own.

R.D. aka MR.D

i've been to the cinema by myself and all of that but i don't think going clubbing to meet new friends is something that i would ever do.

i've known several lads who went out by themselves and its just strange, instead of meeting up with a gang of us we would spot one guy just hanging out by himself trying to chat to people. just like i usually am they were pleasent but if they were like me they were thinking what a weird thing to do!

another person i know goes out and says 'oh i was supposed to be meeting people but they didn't show up'. its happened several times that i would be in a club i'd go to reguraly and he'd just be there. off course i'll hang out with him and i think hes a good guy but there is also the part of me that thinks he weird.

i'd definitly befriend someone who was a regular in the local or something but there would always be that feeling that there was something odd.

as for a random guy in a club trying to chat me up. if i found out he was by himself and regulary went out by himself i'd be freaked out. a guys friends says a lot about them and if they don't have any friends who are willing to go out on an odd night of fun then there is something up, in my opinion.

Handsome Bob

For some blokes, going out on their own gives them a lot more confidence in terms of trying to meet someone. For one, you wouldn't be worrying about being judged in a line consisting of you and your friends. It's pressure free socialising so I don't see anything wrong with it. Hell. my brother's mate met the mother of his child and current fiance on a night where he went to a club on his own. There's nothing wrong with going out on you're own, you just have to project the right attitude.

g5fd6ow0hseima

R.D. aka MR.D wrote: »

a guys friends says a lot about them and if they don't have any friends who are willing to go out on an odd night of fun then there is something up, in my opinion.

Well, some people have a different version of socialising. Most the lads I would have headed out with in the past enjoyed going to the typical niteclubs, gettin fairly drunk, being a big group etc. I would rather the lesser known places with cater for a certain type of crowd - house music or something of the like. Sadly, I dont have any friends who would have ventured to new venues with me, until recently, and the guy is so quiet on nights out that its like being on my own. Sadly, I lack the ability to spark up a convo with some randomer in a club. Its grand talking **** about football ro something, but if it came to be trying to get talking to a girl, getting beyond the plentiful eye contact is har for me, yet easy for others. Most are allied with alcohol in doing so, but ive really gone off drink, and im realising that im losing out in a social sense. Perhaps ill learn, im young yet.

As of now, I limit going out on my own to gigs, although if a pub began a certain night with a certain type of music, id head, and have the great excuse of curiosity and no doubtedly there would be more there in the same boat.

mobileblog

Millie wrote: »

I think going out and chatting to a few people beats sitting around at home and feeling depressed about it.
Fair play.

Note - You can only pull this off in large towns and cities. I used to do this the odd time n Liverpool when my mates couldn't be bothered or where dating etc.
I didn't go out with the mind set of dating i went out to have a good time. If you go out and take it as it comes being relaxed it will come across and you’ll bump into some decent people (some of them who are dying to take a brake from the people they are with). I always found that 10/20 mins you’d be set up for the rest of the night.
Plus it these nights that turn out to be the best nights.

Went to see a gig in Belfast, by myself, meet a few people which led to a few pints, which then went onto us going to a hotel that was having a deaf conversation [arty/quiz thing, everyone was signing even the bar staff ( it was surreal in a way), meet a few of the founders then a couple of us headed to a club. I had one of the best nights of that year,
Take a chance, but be sensible and you’ll have a blast.

SilentAssassin

Well I went out on my own once a couple of years ago. One of my mates was in Dublin for the weekend. We had a great nite on the fri and were getting ready to go out on the sat when he got a call and had to go back down the country. I just thought...feck it, im dying to go out so i will!! Went into temple bar as had been the plan. Got a pint and was standing at the bar watching cricket on tv. After about 20 mins a couple of german lads came over to me and said "You know ze rules to zis game?". Got chatting for a good while. We were out in the smoking area and met a couple of lads from philadelphia. The five of us got on like a house on fire, did the rounds in temple bar. All a bit of a blur but i woke up with a bird beside me the next morn...always good :cool:

LegacyUser

LZ5by5 wrote: »

For some blokes, going out on their own gives them a lot more confidence in terms of trying to meet someone. For one, you wouldn't be worrying about being judged in a line consisting of you and your friends. It's pressure free socialising so I don't see anything wrong with it. Hell. my brother's mate met the mother of his child and current fiance on a night where he went to a club on his own. There's nothing wrong with going out on you're own, you just have to project the right attitude.

Absolutely agree with the bolded bit. If you can have a fun not-give-a-shi* attitude about the whole thing then you'll be fine. If the whole being-on-your-thing bothers you like it does some previous posters then you'll feel very uncomfortable. Have felt both ways when I've been out on my own in the past and only really had fun nights when I was feeling confident and not caring about being on my own or giving a shi* what anyone thought. And hey, it seems to work out for James Bond and all those other cool movie people you see going out on their own!

honru

If you go out alone, and are embarrassed about it throughout the night, then people will consciously or unconsciously go with your perspective that doing so is not an OK thing to do.

OTOH, if you're the kind of guy who has no qualms about being out alone, and doesn't buy into the idea that you must have friends accompanying you to enjoy or validate yourself, again people will consciously or unconsciously go with your perspective. You're obviously fine with it, and you'll be surprised how other people will accept your circumstance. They may even respect you more.

This can manifest itself in different ways, mainly how composed he is throughout his conversations and/or how composed he is when questioned about his current situation.

People may logically disagree with the notion of going out alone, but they will always make exceptions for the fearless people who have the courage to do so. This is providing that they are on neutral/good terms with such people; if the lone guy acted like a jackass, then the subject of his aloneness will be considered even if he was convincingly fearless about his circumstances.

In any case, people who judge other people for being out alone would judge themselves if they were in the same shoes. Their narcissism and their reliance on how they appear to other people is stronger than the idea of getting out of the house and having new experiences and/or making new connections. As a result, they don't have the capacity to exercise the same level of independence and tend to rely on friends in order to make things happen.

It's funny, when you consider your typical scanger, when he has his mates around him he has the freedom to act as rowdy as he'd like. But take those friends away and you'll usually find a more subdued character. This extends to many more cornerstones of our society.

Like someone stated earlier: think of James Bond. Is he worried by his aloneness? How about the lone cowboy who approaches a new town for the first time. He enters the tavern and all eyes immediately shift towards the stranger. Does he turn around and walk out the door? Or is he courageous enough to walk on up to the bartender, under all that social pressure, and order a drink?

To sum this up, this subject is generally dependent on the relationship you have with yourself: do you reference your sense of self internally? Or externally?

LegacyUser

OP here. Thanks to everyone for making a contribution. It still appears to be a divided issue & maybe the girls have a different view to the fellas - not easy to be sure as one doesn't know the sex of posters.

Whilst he is being James Bond or The Lone Ranger she may see a weirdo !. There is also this supposition that he can only be "on his own" because he has no mates rather than he is own his own because he is independant.

There are clearly some advantages. She won't judge you by the idiotic behaviour of your mates or fancy one of them more than you. But whether her curiosity can outweigh the "weirdo" tag is another matter.

acid.rain

i think you enjoy your own company when you go out to gigs by yourself. its understandable, maybe you should bring a friend with you to hang out

honru

Unregistered wrote: »

Whilst he is being James Bond or The Lone Ranger she may see a weirdo !. There is also this supposition that he can only be "on his own" because he has no mates rather than he is own his own because he is independant.

Like I said, if you fear people's judgment that there must be something wrong with you if you are out alone, chances are that fear will pop out one way or another and bite you in the ass.

When you are going out internally-referenced and independent of friends, you soon realise that any such judgments that pop up are insecurity-based and really not about you. Again, this is presuming you aren't an asshole to people.

thedeadpoet

I'm in 100% agreement with f®eak s©enery on this one. Generally I go out with my friends on Thursday and should the finances allow, most weeks I'll pop out alone on a Friday or a Saturday to meet new people. I almost always meet someone new, but its always a bonus when I meet someone who's also out alone. Mehh, I get sick of being around the same faces every week.

If you have the confidence, go ahead - because evidently not everyone is as fortunate.

Firetrap

As a woman, I don't necessarily see the problem in a lad going out on his own. I know a couple of guys socially who do go out on their own but they'd know people in the pub and it wouldn't be long before they get chatting to someone. A guy on his own doesn't bother me per se. It's the way they behave. If it's clear that someone's out to have a couple of drinks and maybe get chatting to people, that's OK. The ones that creep women out are those oddballs who are in every pub under the sun. The ones who lurk in that creepy oddball type of a way.

As an aside, I've never understood why joining a gym is a good way to meet people either. In my experience, most people go in, do their thing then go off again.

makker

I go out of my own regularily and find it better for getting to meet people.

I been going out with the same lads every weekend for the past 10 years, however in the last year a lot of them have settled down with girlfriends.
Whilst i still meet them down the pub at the weekend most of them head home around 1am. This use upset me a lot cause I use to have head home, so much so that I actually stopped going out for a couple of months.

However I went on holiday on my own last year and went to not a very touristy area where i could not speak the language. It was duanting at first being outside ones comfort zone but it forced me to make an effort to meet people for the first time in my life.

When I returned home i started going out again but when my mates would head off home I would go off to the latebar\niteclub on my own. Since i have been being goin out alone i have met loads of new people so would deffo recommend it.

thebaldsoprano

One of my mates met his girlfriend about 3 - 4 years ago doing just this. He wasn't having any luck hanging out with us misfits and figured he'd have better luck by himself. It depends on the person though, he's a very confident chap, the only time I've done this is walking by somewhere with a gig on that proved that bit too tempting to walk away from...

af_thefragile

Not a girl,

But a lot of people do go out alone. I don't know about clubs but people do go out to pubs by themselves often to relax after a long day. I don't think there's anything odd about it.
Also when you go out along, you're more inclined to meet new people as you don't have your mates around you all the time to block you from other new people.

I've been to gigs a couple of times on my own and its not bad at all. You enjoy the music, you speak to the person next to you and make new friends. All while seeing your favorite band.

Also a lot of people go to movies by themselves too cuz usually while you're in a movie you're not speaking to your mate besides you and well, you're there to watch the movie, not speak to your mates.


So i think its normal for people to go out on their own. I don't think there's nothing much wrong in going out on your own to meet women either.
Like who came up with this thing that if you're on your own, you've automatically become a loser with no friends? No, it means you like to do the things you like and it doesn't really matter you if other people wanna join you or not.

I often see people by themselves in pubs, restaurants, at gigs etc. It perfectly normal. You don't need to be in a huge group everytime you go out. And anyone who thinks you're a loser cuz you're on your own is probably not worth your time anyway!!

flushje

I suppose it would be okay going to a pub on your on for Dinner / Pint or something, no for the social reasons though. Imo its just sad.

LegacyUser

Stop caring what people think, you can't control what goes on in other people's minds, if people think you are a weirdo so be it. If you are out enjoying yourself I doubt they would though. You'll wake up the next morning unharmed the same as if you were out with friends, life goes on.

Test For Echo

Headed to the pub with a book the last few Sats & Suns since breaking up with herself. Felt like a weirdo sitting with a book but I have to get out of the flat. All my mates are settled down, married with kids etc, so I can either sit in or I go out. Hate sitting alone in either place...

thedeadpoet

flushje wrote: »

I suppose it would be okay going to a pub on your on for Dinner / Pint or something, no for the social reasons though. Imo its just sad.

Why?

flushje

flushje wrote: »

I suppose it would be okay going to a pub on your on for Dinner / Pint or something, no for the social reasons though. Imo its just sad.

Are you living in your hometown, or are you still in college?

The simple fact is that if you travel or live in other cities or countries, you're going to have to go out alone. To meet girls, or even just to have a good time, you're going to have plenty of times when you won't have any friends to have a night out with.

And as you get older, and if you're still single, you'll find that more and more of your friends will be in long term relationships or have married. You might rely on them to meet new people, but ultimately thats doomed to fail, and you'll have to go out alone in a social setting, if only to meet new people in similar circumstances as yourself.

Then, I'd love to have you tell me how sad it is...

thedeadpoet

Its far more 'sad' to be in the position where you're that dependent on others that you need them to get you out of the house.

LegacyUser

Firetrap wrote: »

The ones who lurk in that creepy oddball type of a way.

can you describe. i often went alone and never cared what folk thought. I prefer women who are independent minded and don't need a posse with them. Some people you cannot go on a date with - in a relationship not a first date scene-but they bring all their friends who then must know all that happens between two people. never liked the coffee break chit chat where private lives a re discussed in that narrcisistic way

fear of going alone is just fear of being judged by other peoples standards. it is just the sheep mentality and the safety in numbers delusio n. i see no reason why some girl should prejudge a guy cos he is alone if his behaviour in speaking to her is not objectionable. If i met a girl i liked and she spoke to me it would not occur to me to think there must be something wrong with her for not having friends with her

That sort of thinking is what causes the loner to be accused when someone is murdered as happened with the colin stagg case. society is so brainwashed about groups that someone alone looks strange to them

LegacyUser

af_thefragile wrote: »

Like who came up with this thing that if you're on your own, you've automatically become a loser with no friends?

people who did not have the confidence to do it and project their lack of confidence on others