Stunned by Girlfriend's Offer

LegacyUser

My Girlfriend is in her mid-thirties and is a really intelligent,sexy, beautiful woman with a kind & loving personality. I been dating her for 4 months now and everything is great except for something which occurred last night when we were chatting after coming home from a meal out.

She basically said how happy I had made her feel & how she cared for me deeply and that she wanted to make me happy in all aspects of our relationship. She told me that I have given her the best sex that she has ever had and that we're very sexually compatible, in terms of us both having very high libido's and finding each others body type highly attractive, and enjoying the same fantasies/creativity/techniques/positions, etc..etc. Then she blew me away completely when she suggested I have regular sex with her best friend as well as her. I could not believe it, she went on to say that her best friend who I have gotten to know very well is very turned on by me and is very lonely and that they both discussed it and agreed that my Girlfriend should talk to me about it. Both ladies are heterosexual and want no interaction with each other during sex. My Girlfriend went on to say that she believed that this would be great for our relationship as it would mean that I would be so well catered for sexually that I would not look else where, and that her best friends natural feminine urges would also be satisfied and that she had never had good sex up to now, and that everybody would be happy.

I'm in a little bit of shock as this has never happened to me before although I have heard of it a number of times in the past, usually associated with people involved in the swinging scene. Another thing is that my Girlfriend has asked me to stop using a condom.?

Victor

(a) Is it a trap?
(b) Whats happens if the third wheel wants more?
(c) What is the third wheel is better than the second wheel?

Look, set her up with someone else.

brendansmith

Go for it i say. Why the hell not. :D

Make sure you both get tested before you stop using a condom however.

Princess Consuela Bananahammock

Sounds like an a prelude to go swinging - maybe that's what she's really into. Wouldn't be unheard of.

Question then is, how far are you willing to go? Swingers clubs? Victor's questions above need to be listened to before you mak any descisions.

Senna

If you want your relationship to last with your GF then say no, it will get too messy, regardless of what she says now.
If you want to sow some oats and try to have your cake and shag eat it too then by all means go ahead. Its not an offer your going to get every day.

If it was me i'd say no and begin to question why my GF would be ok with it.

Overheal

Id want to know a bit more about your girlfriend before I did anything. For instance, is she familiar with threesomes and the impact they might have? She might grow to be jealous of your love making with her friend, she might regret it later. Likewise you might afterward fantasize exclusively of her friend and not of her. You'd be stepping outside the bounds of a monogamous relationship.

Not that I don't envy your predicament.

liah

Maybe she wants you to want to have sex with someone else so she can have sex with someone else, too?

Sounds a little suspect, especially if it's her best friend, but you never know... stranger things have happened.

pwd

1
sometimes people are ok with the idea of a thing,
but they find out they're not ok with the actual thing

2
This would set a precedent

3
yeah it probably is a trap

e05bf05a

this sounds very like an episode of friends.........

SoupyNorman

The most alarming thing in the post is that she has asked you to de-rubberize.



I'm straining to see how you need to ponder this offer:pac: In seriousness you need to look at this in a long term view. Are you falling for this little minx?

Could you marry her after playing hide the sausage with her coffee morning pals? and furthermore what if she uses it as currency to sleep around also? Dont get me wrong though, Its a bind I would like to be in!

Mmmm_Lemony

Don't mean to pry but is she on the Pill? Maybe she had been taking a break from it and wants back on it...

As for the 3 way...Go for it if you want some short term fun... Otherwise anything that sounds too good to be true, generally is... People having open casual relationships works only in theory!

Mmmm_Lemony

Mmmm_Lemony wrote: »

Don't mean to pry but is she on the Pill? Maybe she had been taking a break from it and wants back on it...

As for the 3 way...Go for it if you want some short term fun... Otherwise anything that sounds too good to be true, generally is... People having open casual relationships works only in theory!

I'd disagree with that. Open casual relationships can work. As long as each partner is truthful. http://www.polyamorysociety.org/ terrible website tbh, but there is a lot of people involved.

seanybiker

If as you said the sex is good and she offers her mate I would be cautious. Whatever ya do dont do her mate. It will only end in trouble.

Mmmm_Lemony

Papa Smut wrote: »

I'd disagree with that. Open casual relationships can work. As long as each partner is truthful. http://www.polyamorysociety.org/ terrible website tbh, but there is a lot of people involved.

I should have clarified, I meant outside of a 'Ranch' style environment...

LegacyUser

Open relationships work normally only if both parties have high self esteem and no ego.

Gone Drinking

Do it man, and email me your picture. I'll get it printed on a t-shirt with "legend" underneath it.

You're only with her 4 months, if it goes pear shaped at least you'll have a great story to tell your mates/grand kids.

Cianos

It sounds to me like she is afraid to lose you. She wants to be the provider of your every sexual need, knowing that mens eyes can wonder. If you are getting benefit from two partners instead of one, and the other being someone she has provided for you, then maybe she thinks there is way less chance of you tiring of your relationship and breaking up with her. Just my €.02

Craft25

Is she a tad overconcerned with sex do you think? Are you supposed to have sex with her mate and never get deeper intimacy wise? That is the kind of offer that would provide plenty of headspace fantasy, but i think if i got it from someone i was crazy about it would feel like a punch in the stomach.

What was your instant reaction when you heard it? Intrigue and excitement for the adventure or fear and insecurity that it may stunt the relationship from further growth.. or something else besides?

Sex is important and all, very important.. it just seems if she is making it the complete focus, as if its all you need, that it may impede your relationship going deeper in other ways... then again i've no experience in this so i'm expressing a fear i'd have rather than an informed opinion.

Think carefully on this if you see a long term future wih her.

CDfm

It wouldn't be for me and I would turn it down flat. But hey - whatever floats your boat.

minidazzler

I am not gonna advise you do it or not, because that is your decision, if you accept the offer, you have to do it in a very smart way. If it is a trap.


Say something like, "If you want me to do this, I will do this for you because I love you,(if ye are at the I love you's stage), I think you are enough for me and I would'nt step out on you anyway, but this is your decision"

That way, you are accepting, but if things go pear shaped you hold none of the blame!!!

syklops

Mmmm_Lemony wrote: »

As for the 3 way...Go for it if you want some short term fun... Otherwise anything that sounds too good to be true, generally is... People having open casual relationships works only in theory!

Read the post. There is no mention of a 3 way. The OP's gf wants him to have sex with her friend. Not invite the friend into the bedroom. Big difference.

OP, I would be cautious. Excited, but cautious.

Be very careful.

Queen-Mise

Go for it, don't look a gift horse in the mouth

They must be bloody good friends to be willing to share a boyfriend like that.

Dord

Maybe it's a test?

ogriofa

Sorry chief, (and I know this is amatuer psychologist stuff) but it sounds to me that your girlfriend has self esteem issues. She is afraid to loose you to someone else. Is she trying to make up for the lack of something else by smothering you with sex?
To say no might be a real relationship "sealer". She's more than enough I'd say.
If you're not that mad about her then Id say fill your boots (unfortunate expression eh )

Careful now

Craft25

+1 ogriofa

it sounds to me like one or two of her (and her friends) past relationships ended with the fellas playing away and they have lost faith in monogamy

TwoShedsJackson

I'm in a little bit of shock as this has never happened to me before although I have heard of it a number of times in the past, usually associated with people involved in the swinging scene. Another thing is that my Girlfriend has asked me to stop using a condom.?

Sounds like a bunny boiler. Get out of there.

Pub07

Is the friend hot?

starchild

Lucky Dilemma? wrote: »

My Girlfriend went on to say that she believed that this would be great for our relationship as it would mean that I would be so well catered for sexually that I would not look else where

This may be the key point here, it would appear to me that she does not really trust you, by you sleeping with her best friend she is to an extent controlling the affair.

It all seems a little surreal here, i can understand if she wanted to experiment by being in a threesome or if she derived some kick out of watching you both but i cant see what she will get out of this if you agree to it other than a lot of hurt, im not certain she has thought this through

CDfm

There are 2 choices -yes or no.

A Catch 22 -damned if you do and damned if you dont.

It could be a test -so if you say yes -you are "unfaithful" material and your days are numbered

If you say no -the safe option how will it affect the relationship.

Really - physically/sexually/pleasure wise there is nothing extra in it for you.

So the question would be whats in it for her? Is it a fantasy,turn on or a test.

The real answer would be -no- and tell her that she takes care of all your needs. So if she has extra "needs" - she needs to tell you.

That puts the responsibility back in her court and relieves you of the moral dilemma.

seamus

I'm in agreement with everyone else here who's said that she's worried about you straying and is trying to control it.

I would go back to her and tell her that your sexual needs are completely catered for by her and that you don't see any need to add someone else into the mix to satisfy you.

If she continues to push the issue then it's probably not a "test" and probably has more to do with her being willing to experiment and lead onto swinging. At that point then, you have the choice of going with it or not.

beth-lou

I would thread very carefully on this one.
If she wanted a threesome I could understand it as she would be getting something too, but to just ask you to have sex with her friend is strange.

Is there a possibility that they are a couple and are looking for a Daddy for a child. I know it's a bit out there, but so is her suggestion.

If you see long term potential in the relationship I wouldn't do it. If not and you want to, well she's basically asking you to do it, so why not.

MicraBoy

My first question is do you have any interest in sleeping with the friend? Have you an interest in an open relationship? (This could be a test or a first step to your gf introducing her other male friend who she wants to shag). If the answer to these questions is NO then the issue is irrelevent, tell her you are not interested.

If the answer is YES then my opinion is that as it's a friend of hers I would say it is still an absolete no-no. This is a minefield and likely to end in a mess. I would however bring up the issue of swinging to see is that what is actually into.

edit:
Just read beth-lou's thoughts. Genius!

beth-lou wrote:

Is there a possibility that they are a couple and are looking for a Daddy for a child. I know it's a bit out there, but so is her suggestion.

Bottle_of_Smoke

It could be an opening for her to get with someone else but if she's intelligent enough she'll know you will not accept that.

It could be an alarm bell for something else. Does she want to seem really selfless to her mate and possibly get a kick out of that?

Or perhaps show off to her mate about how great you are and therefore how great she is?

It might seem like she's really confiedent and sure of herself because she's un-jealous enough to let you sleep with her mate, but if the above is true it shows she has very little self esteem and just wants to seem like a really great person.

Reflector

My instinct is to go for it, sure your a guy and if you like her girlfriend then sounds good.
In reality though I think for a while all would be well with you doing the both of them but with great sex comes great responsibility and the other girl might want more of your affections than just a simple boning once in a while. This will cause jealousy and ultimately best friends will become great enemies.
It could work but it really depends on so many things and attitudes.

Wibbs

Pub07 hardy helpful. Please read the charter. Thanks

Nevyn

Some people just aren't as sexually jealous as others.
If you are more then meeting her needs and she sees this as a way of making
sure all you needs are ment and if the three of you are comfortable with this
and talk through all the possible messiness and explore what could happen
then you make your choices.

She opened this can of worms I would suggest some serious exploratory convertions.
re sex, sti, boundaries, pregnancy ect: between the two of you about all the what if,
so you can each separately and as a couple consider and weigh it up and that is even
before you have any conversations with the 3rd person.

Yes when such arrangements go arseways it can be messy, as can any 'relationship'
but women have for years been sharing men with mistresses and it's not that unusual
for the primary female partner to have selected the 'other woman' for it the 'other woman'
respects the primary relationship and the primary female partner knows this
it makes things a lot smoother and healthier.

It does take a certain bond of trust, between all invovled and being aware and
monitoring what is going on in the differing dynamics.

CDfm

beth-lou wrote: »

Is there a possibility that they are a couple and are looking for a Daddy for a child. I know it's a bit out there, but so is her suggestion.

Pure genius. I knew a guy this happened too. He did father a child and they lived in a menage a trois. The "couple" were the girls and he had an "arrangement" once or twice a week.

I wont post the location but it wasn't a very large town.

I've had an open relationship, and it worked well only because it was one right from the beginning. There was no chance for misunderstandings or jealousy. We both knew what we were involving ourselves in.

But the relationship you have with your gf is not an open relationship. It started as a normal one, and its likely that your gf has a belief it should continue to be one, regardless of what she is suggesting.

Personally, i think you hit the "Indecent Proposal" (that film with demi moore) issue with guilt or lack of guilt issues. Your gf will become jealous of your time with her friend, and that will cause strain on both your own relationship with her, and her own relationship with her friend. I wouldn't expect your relationship to last much longer once you have had sex with her friend.

Its a lovely idea to sleep with her friend, and she'll have no problem with it. But, men & women don't work that way unless it has been a condition right from the beginning. If you want to continue with your gf, I'd say no. And explain your concerns & misgivings.... She'll understand, and be impressed that you're thinking of her feelings rather than your own.

LegacyUser

I figure she has someone else lined up, and is testing the waters with your attitude to 'sharing her', or like has been suggested already, she's into swinging.... I'd tell her you're not interested in being with the friend and see what her reaction is to it... if she's ecstatically happy, you made the right decision; if she's miffed or insistant that you do go with her friend, you can always change your mind and go along with it... It would be easier to do it that way, than agreeing Yes straight away, only for the whole situation to implode.... And i'm sorry, if she's asking you not to wear rubber (with either of them?), that rings alarm bells in my head.....

Toots

Lucky Dilemma? wrote: »

she wanted to make me happy in all aspects of our relationship.

she went on to say that her best friend who I have gotten to know very well is very turned on by me and is very lonely

I would be so well catered for sexually that I would not look else where

Ok, I think there's 3 possibilities as to what's behind her saying this:

1) Your GF does care for you, and is concerned that you will cheat on her, so she figures if she 'lets' you sleep with her best friend, it'll quell any cheating urges you have, while also keeping things on her terms.

2) You mention that you've gotten to know her best friend very well. Perhaps she suspects you fancy her friend and is now testing you to see if her suspicions are correct. Her friend may well have mentioned that she finds you attractive, which would possibly heighten her suspicions.

3) She is into swinging and is using this to try and gauge your reaction to swinging or having an open relationship.

Either way, I think this is probably a bad idea. Obviously if it's a trap, then if you say you will have sex with her friend, you'll be in trouble. Also if she is genuinely ok with you doing it, there's the possibility that the friend will develop feelings for you or vice versa, which would make for a very awkward situation. She's already told you that the friend finds you attractive, what if it's more than that? IMO, you're better off declining the offer, it's got bad news written all over it!!

Tigger

hi op

do you love this chick?

if you do then don't do it

if you don't then you can

also the fact that she's trying to get yer one preggers is also a possibility

Dord

beth-lou wrote: »

Is there a possibility that they are a couple and are looking for a Daddy for a child. I know it's a bit out there, but so is her suggestion.

It's an interesting take on it.


Just thinking about it again, each option could be disasterous. OP, I think you need to sit down with your GF again, discuss this and try find out more behind why she wants you to do this.

LegacyUser

This sounds very fishy. Personally, I'm of the opinion that she's been with you a few months now, is perhaps getting a bit more serious, and wants to test your loyalty - in other words, I think its a setup to see how you'll respond.

I can't imagine any female going out with any male for that relatively short period of time (especially when she seems to be so into you) will say "sleep with my friend please" - it goes against the grain.

There's also the question of your thoughts on it. Do you want[i/] to do this?

I know its seen as a male fantasy to get an offer like this, but I don't think I would want it. I'm deeply in love with my g/f and have no desire to sleep with anyone else, friends or no friends - if she offered it I would be a bit disturbed by what it means for our relationship.

LegacyUser

Listen up fella,

If it looks, smells and sounds to good to be true, then it is too good to be true.

This is a scam, you are being played here, what kind of game exactly I am not sure but you can be guaranteed you are not going to come out of it the winner.

I could hazard all kinds of crazy guesses as to what is going on here but at the end of the day its something to do with getting one of them pregnant. For all you know they could be lesbian lovers and have set you up from the start as a sperm donor. The months you spent together could be for her to get to know you and see if you are good DNA material for a father. Outrageous hypothesis but possible all the same.

You are being dangled a carrot that most men could not refuse....you have to ask yourself why?

What is the price you will pay?

Its very difficult to believe she is just helping out a lonely friend. It just doesn't ring true.

You just dont know. Think about all the stuff she has told you, ask yourself is it provable?
Or are you just accepting it on face value.

I seriously caution you here, this smacks strongly of you being played in some way.

wasper

Lucky Dilemma? wrote: »

My Girlfriend is in her mid-thirties and is a really intelligent,sexy, beautiful woman with a kind & loving personality. I been dating her for 4 months now and everything is great except for something which occurred last night when we were chatting after coming home from a meal out.

She basically said how happy I had made her feel & how she cared for me deeply and that she wanted to make me happy in all aspects of our relationship. She told me that I have given her the best sex that she has ever had and that we're very sexually compatible, in terms of us both having very high libido's and finding each others body type highly attractive, and enjoying the same fantasies/creativity/techniques/positions, etc..etc. Then she blew me away completely when she suggested I have regular sex with her best friend as well as her. I could not believe it, she went on to say that her best friend who I have gotten to know very well is very turned on by me and is very lonely and that they both discussed it and agreed that my Girlfriend should talk to me about it. Both ladies are heterosexual and want no interaction with each other during sex. My Girlfriend went on to say that she believed that this would be great for our relationship as it would mean that I would be so well catered for sexually that I would not look else where, and that her best friends natural feminine urges would also be satisfied and that she had never had good sex up to now, and that everybody would be happy.

I'm in a little bit of shock as this has never happened to me before although I have heard of it a number of times in the past, usually associated with people involved in the swinging scene. Another thing is that my Girlfriend has asked me to stop using a condom.?

Without reading other replies. I will say gooooooo for it.

LegacyUser

She is up to something, no way is this girl "letting you" sleep with her "friend" out of the goodness of her heart or because she is afraid you will stray, wants to make sure you are sexually well catered for blah blah nonsense!

Come on now, use the grey matter....dont be so gullable!

Both ladies are heterosexual and want no interaction with each other during sex.

Methinks they doth protest too much!!!

Another thing is that my Girlfriend has asked me to stop using a condom.?

Lesbian baby tourists my dear.

Nevyn

Wow people are more likely to believe that they are lesbians and trying to get knocked up
then consider the posiblities of a limited open realtionship.

As for the not using condoms, laytex monomgly is not unheard of either.
That he would ( having had sti screening and put in place other forms of contraception)
have sex with out a condom with his primary female partner and use a condom while
have sex with the secondary one.

It is not that unsusual for women to share a 'good' man in open or poly relationships.

CDfm

Thaedydal wrote: »

It is not that unsusual for women to share a 'good' man in open or poly relationships.

Thaed - thats too friendly by half - there is a queue and you will have to wait:D

LolaLuv

The thing is, if she wanted an open relationship, why choose her friend? Something's amiss. If it sounds to good to be true, etc. You might as well do it, though, unless you're crazy about the chick and don't want to screw things up. It is one hell of a story. You'd have people calling you "legend" and buying you drinks for life!

Nevyn

PillyPen wrote: »

The thing is, if she wanted an open relationship, why choose her friend?

Cos she has more 'man' then she can meet the needs of and presumably her friend isn't getting any and some times good friends share.

It worked for Martian Chaill, his Mrs and her sister.

PillyPen wrote: »

It is one hell of a story. You'd have people calling you "legend" and buying you drinks for life!

Actually that attitude and people thinking that it's a trap or a test is often
why people don't talk about being in relationships which are not the
hertonormative monogamous 'norm' but which are with in the range of
human relationships.

delly

You could look at this many ways OP and I think it really depends on your views on relationships and monogamy.

To start with, yes it would be possible to exist in a serious relationship with your girlfriend and get sexual with her friend. I think however you would need a crystal ball to see how it would develop long term as the possibilities are endless.

Your girlfriend might want to have a similar relationship with another man, her friend might want more than just sex from you over time, you might want more from her friend, you may lose trust in your girlfriend if she is the type of person to allow this to happen and yes they just might be lesbians looking for a sperm donor.

There are lots of other possibilities, but the point is that if you go ahead with it, these and other scenarios may occur and you'll have to deal with them. I suppose tho' even if you don't go ahead with it, your girlfriend wants it to happen so I don't know if you can ever really have the same relationship that you had before.