Want to pack up and run away!

LegacyUser

Hey all,

Don't know if its the weather or just the general air of misery thats hanging over everyone at the moment, but I just want to pack up and get the hell out of here!

I've lost my job (despite being well-qualified, experienced and optimistic to start with, its not looking good), I'm broke (savings are nearly gone, dole money is paying back a car loan and personal loan so not a penny to indulge in even a cup of coffee) and my so-called fiance (engaged nearly 2 years- not a wedding plan in sight or a penny saved) is driving me mad with his moods! Constantly up and down, selfish and more interested in spending hours and hours every evening in his homemade computer lab than with me. It gets very tiresome.

I would love, love, love to just pack up and run away some where, start fresh and get on with living my life rather than just plodding from day to day in this drab existence. I'm 33 years old and I guess whats really getting me is that I have nothing. I rent a kip, my savings are gone, I'm in debt for a few grand and I've no job. My fiance (who's loaded, by the way) isn't exactly supportive and is a misery guts himself. No point me piling my crap on him when he can barely deal with his own. If my folks were here, I'd move back in with them just to get my head (and some money) together but unfortunately they don't live in Ireland and there's no one else I can turn to here, no where I can stay or go just to get that bit of perspective and clarity.

I dunno. I'd love a retreat somewhere, but all that stuff comes with religious overtones and I'm just not into that. A week all to myself, all by myself. A spa break would be great, but no money!!! Arghhh!!!! If I had a close girl friend, I'd inflict myself on her, but they're all married, with kids and have no time for my whining.

Anyone have a running away story that ends happily?! Is 33 just too old to start over? To run away and get a roof over my head, it would mean fleeing across the Atlantic and I'm not sure I'm ready for that step yet. Cowardly of me, I know, but I'm afraid to take the risk of throwing everything away here on the off-chance that maybe things will improve.

Thanks guys.

Peewee_lane

Yep.. get up and go.

The way you talk about your fiance isnt true love and his selfishness... god, I dont think I could put up with a man like that, have a picture of a fat computor nerd in my head.

Wherever your parents live, go there and then get a job and then go to Thailand travelling or Canada, you get my drift.

No wedding plans or money saved my dear is a clear sign you get on your horse and ride the furk out of town.

Puddleduck

Hey OP,

I know how you feel, there are times where I just want to jack everything in and run away, but you have to think logically. Firstly, your probably feeling like this because your out of work and yes there is an air of doom and gloom. However, you are responsible for your own happiness, you could do a course, and improve whatever skills you already have to give yourself an edge. Even if you do decide to move, this couldnt hurt.
Secondly, you give out about your fiancee saying how he has this amount of money and x y z. That could be jealousy on your part, he could come home from work and just need some time to crash, but if its bugging you, talk to him, dont use this excuse that your burdening him, if this is the man youre planning to marry you should be able to help each other through the hard times.
Lastly, if you did choose to up sticks and move, where will you get the money? Where will you go? How will you get a job? Where will you live and how will you afford the rent if you cant get work? Also, your moving to a whole new place, where you have to make all new friends.
It seems like a lovely idea to be able to up and move leaving all your worries behind, unfortunatly the reality of it is that your worries will follow you, and youll have all new worries facing you wherever you go.

I think maybe you need a break, be it just a bit of a trip down the country or going abroad for a while. Why not ask the other half to treat you to a spa weekend away for valentines? or do something together to bond you as a couple.

LegacyUser

Yes, it sounds like you need a break. Regarding job loss, there are many people in that situation at the moment, it's not your fault, its the economy.. so take it easy, it may take time but you´ll find something in the end.

Regarding the fiance..that sounds worse..This would have been the chance for her to be supportive and prove she would be by you no matter what.. I would give this a second thought.

Where do your parents live? Why don´t you go and visit them and take time to think? I wouldn´t make any rush decitions anyways

Permabear

This post has been deleted.

jim o doom

The promblem with running away from your lifes issues, is that once you start, you may never stop.

You don't talk very encouragingly of your fiancee.. why did you get engaged in the first place? is it really that far gone that you want to run off?

LegacyUser

Just a question, if your OH is loaded why doesn't he but you the cup of coffee or a spa treat? I'm all for having women having their own money, but since you don't and he has plenty I don't see why you are struggling- will it be like this even when you are married? I would think long and hard about marrying someone that stingy. On the other hand, it would be much harder to leave if you were financially dependant on him, get a job, any job, as soon as you can and get some space to think.

Papad

Go for it. Just do it.

I fled across the Atlantic recently and find myself much happier. Last week it was T-shirt and sandals weather, which is one of the reasons why I love this place. Granted, it is raining today but it will be in the high teens (C) again in a couple of days. Spring and its optimism is in the air already. This time last year, I laboured through the miserable weather and unsatisfactory standard of living back at home.

Even though there is a recession going on, there are always opportunities for qualified and hard working individuals because the market is so big over here. Move to a place where the cost of living is not high so that you'll get more of a bang for your buck.

No need to be in a miserable situation when you don't have to be. And just so you know: 33 is young. Irrespective of your age, it's never too late to start afresh again.

Best of luck to you.

Dagon

You should consider a Vipassana 10-day meditation retreat. It will give you amazing perspective before you make any big dicisions about your life, and you may find out what you really want.

If you want something that doesn't have any religious overtones, and isn't a sect of some shape or form, then it's perfect. They don't espouse any rites, rituals or dogmas, and don't impose any beliefs on you. It's really up to you to find out the truth for yourself during the course.

There is a course in April in fact (which I'm working on as a server), and it's free as well (none of us get paid for serving):
http://www.dhamma.org
http://www.ie.dhamma.org/

I've looked long and hard for something that doesn't have religious overtones, and I can safely say this is the only one I've found (most of the other ones I found either want your devotion, your cash, or both!).

jcatony

Look on the bright side, at least you dont have a mortgage. I would leg it myself but unfortunately i, like so many others bought into the pyramid scheme. GET GOING!!!

mbren

Hey Op,

Your never too old to start all over again. If it's something you want to do, get up and do it. I would never sacrifice my happiness just to see if things will get brighter down the line.

You have to go and make your own destiny...

"Destiny is not a matter of chance, it is a matter of choice,
It's not something to be waited for, it's something to be achieved"

Someone once said that and I think it's very true.

I hope whatever you do, you find happiness,

Best of luck

thegr81

it dosent sound like love to me.. especially if your asking us 4 help.. i think you should sell every thing you own and move country..33 is young.. if he loves you he will follow u..america?? the land of oppertunity.. remember you only live once.. dont look back when your 80 and say what if?..make your dreams a reality.. itl b the best thing you ever do

thegr81

amen to dat!!!

sinners19

mbren wrote: »

Hey Op,

Your never too old to start all over again. If it's something you want to do, get up and do it. I would never sacrifice my happiness just to see if things will get brighter down the line.

You have to go and make your own destiny...





What there saying is so right. Go and enjoy your life no point thinking what if... Im only 20 and I cant wait to get out of this miserable country. Unlike you I havent really got much holding me here apart from my boyfriend in college who is very supportive of me going travelling. He knows Id love to wait until he finishes college and go travelling with him but he would rather I go and be happy rather than sitting around waiting.

If your Fiancee really cared bout you, all he would want would be for you to be happy? And its doesnt seem as if he does ( And believe me I know what it feels like to have people saying that to you), Its not a nice feeling.

Go out and enjoy your life and have no regrets.

Hope it all works out for you
Good Luck:):):)

Stheno

MiseryLovesCo. wrote: »

Is 33 just too old to start over? .

No it's not, I've had to start over recently at 35 and can honestly say I've never been happier

To be honest, you don't really sound like you're ready to tho. Your post reads like someone who thinks starting over would be for the best, rather than looking at your life now and if it's worthwhile, working on what is problematic and trying to make life better if you can. Like posters before me, I think you need to first think long and hard about your current life situation, talk to those close to you, especially your partner, think again, and then logically work out what is best for you.

Easy to say online I know but not easy to do when you are stressed and feeling alone, but well worth it if you can do it.

The very best of luck to you

LegacyUser

Hey everyone,
The Op sounded like me for the majority of last year. I was living in a place I didn't want to and was also unhappy with my partner for a long time. We were going through very tough times since Jan 2008 onwards and eventually I had to make a decision (very painful one) that we had to go our separate ways.
She was at college and I was at work and the tables had turned. Previously, she was working and I was at college and it seemed to work fine then. However, we moved in together after 4 years (when she started college) and this is when the problems started. The mood swings were common, going on about having no money to go out with me (yet she had it with her college friends)/overly anxious about college work involved, the negativity was unreal while I was trying to remain as positive as possible.
After all, I was out of college, earning money and trying to make it work for both of us. I didnt have any problems taking her out for meals or drinks, but I didn't like the constant moods etc. We moved into different places and tried to work out stuff but kept breaking up and getting back together. Before Christmas we got back together (After spending a few months apart) but I truely saw her negatively shine through more than before, I think It was the time apart that made me aware of this.
I had to split up, even if it was hard after 5 years of being together and it still is. But I guess I can't wallow in my emotional burder forever now. It's just about keeping busy now. And I plan to go travelling in a year/18 months, once I have my own issues and stuff sorted out. I don't think now is a time to travel for me as it wouldn't be realistic! I have a job and experience to still gain in Ireland before I leave.

Op, hang in there. If you're not happy with your current situation (Fiancé wise etc), don't expect it to get brighter in the future. That didn't happen for me, but that's only my experience.