approaching guys

LegacyUser

im a "good looking woman" - so im told! anyway, i nearly always have to talk to a guy first - he hardly never makes the first move. Would it be because im deemed "unapproachable"??? Anyone wonder why I always have to make the first move? Do other girls have to aswell???

Wibbs

You may need to be a little more obvious and that can feel like it goes against the grain. With a guy you like, smile more, say hello to the guy, get physically closer to him. That sort of thing I would say. You may need to up the ante if you really dig him and he's not responding but is still being attentive and flirty with you. Touching his knee and all that stuff. OK it sounds really obvious, but many men don't get it. For me, sometimes I do and can spot a woman across the room and think "I'm well in there". Sometimes I don't and she could be trying to sit on my lap while I'm standing up, whispering "hello big boy" in my ear and I think "ah she seems nice". And I can be wrong on both counts. Go figure.:D

yermandan

Hi,

I think if you are posting while living in Ireland, if guys are anything like me then we just dont get it, and those that do seem to be somewhat arrogant and thus try to act like they dont notice, so on both counts you are left confused!!!!

I would say I am an extremely confident person in every single way except when it comes to approaching girls!! And like Wibbs, I have been in the situation where someone will be offering themselves on a plate and I will still not have a clue!!! I think this is because I dont expect it so it passes me by quite quickly sometimes!!

Anyway thats my 2 cents and maybe some other guys' perspectives will help ya!!

Best of luck

Dan

Craft25

I think the key is to make the guy feel comfortable and make him feel like he is approaching you will be comfortable, enjoyable and not that much of a test.. you have to kind of lay the bait for us with your eyes and your smile, while at the same time not being too much of a femme fatale..

and if a guy approaches and is tripping up over himself a bit try and give him time, obviously not if he's a sleaze or borefest..

of course you can go straight up yourself if you want but if he's shy he might bottle it.. i'd say best is to make eyecontact 2 or 3 times in the night, then position yourself at the bar or somewhere that he can have the opportunity.. if he doesn't talk, well at least you've established eye contact so just say, "Hi, (insert your name)" and put out your hand.. straight away he has an answer in his own name.. take it from there

towel401

guys won't mind if you're more obvious. we are mostly the chasers anyway it would be nice not to have to do the chasing for a change.

maybe they assume you have to be taken or get so many guys hitting on you that they don`t bother

who007

see those things on your chest? Stick em up so they form a little valley and laugh at even the worst of the guy's jokes and you're in there!

Craft25

towel401 wrote: »

guys won't mind if you're more obvious

obviously i only speak for myself but i have to disagree with that!! I and many of my friends have gone into meltdown at having it handed on a plate... i am convinced that the man needs to be made felt he has conquered something himself.. (essentially if you are a woman winning a man, you have to create the illusion that he is doing the winning of you)

LegacyUser

I hate approaching guys cause im afraid of being turned down but the last 2 guys i approached didn't turn me down:) it's the thoughts of it that he might just laugh at me!!!!!

Terodil

Unregistered wrote: »

I hate approaching guys cause im afraid of being turned down but the last 2 guys i approached didn't turn me down:) it's the thoughts of it that he might just laugh at me!!!!!

Welcome to what 'we' (are usually made to) feel like.

But really, just take the initiative.

About that 'conquer' bit... probably depends on what you and the man you're approaching are after but... I'd usually think that comes later, not for the initial approach, if at all. I personally don't like that concept (and all the games attached) at all.

cantdecide

Unregistered wrote: »

I hate approaching guys cause im afraid of being turned down but the last 2 guys i approached didn't turn me down:) it's the thoughts of it that he might just laugh at me!!!!!

All blokes have been laughed at which I can assure you ain't a nice feeling. I find it much harder to think that any guy I know would laugh at a girl so maybe that should reassure some.

It's good that some take the initiative...

boredatwork82

Very few guys would turn down an approach from a girl, and probably only if he was with someone or hoping to score someone else. and he will actually let you down gently in case he wants to score you at a later time.

As far as women giving signs, I just don't get them, as do a good lot of my friends. Us men are not masters of subtleties and hints. So if you like a guy just be obvious about it, in a mans way. Hope that makes sense or helps.

LegacyUser

signs from women...I just havent a clue! You would literally have to stick your tounge down my throat before I would go..."I think Im in here!". Im also rubbish at chatting up girls, its just not my thing. Im more than confident in any other aspect of life but just not around women. Nothing wrong in chatting up a man, Id like more girls to do it cause then I might have more luck with the ladies. I usually need any female friends I have out with me to let me know if a girl is interested cause I usually just dont think they are!

LegacyUser

would guys approach a good looking woman who seems "icy"????

Wibbs

Icy? Maybe. Depends on the guy. Icy is hardly a good advertisement TBH. Icy tends to attract the knobends more IMHO. Why be icy in the first place though? The only ice I want is in my scotch.

LegacyUser

well im the OP and i was told i seemed distant to people - a bit icy as if not interested! So maybe guys don't want to approach me as they might think im unfriendly. but then when i approach them they are interested because they know i am interested in them! i think i need to be more friendly to people!!!!!!

LolaLuv

I'm a foreigner, so I always have the novelty factor on my side, but I've found that most Irish guys are as shy as the women who want to approach them. Just go up to them (usually the bar is the best place, or out for a smoke) and say hello, and let the conversation go from there. Don't wonder about why they aren't intitiating the conversation. They probably don't have the balls to approach you, or are just out having some craic with their mates or something. The chances that a guy are going to be outwardly rude to an outgoing, even somewhat decent-looking chick are pretty small. And even if they are rude, rejection is good for building character. You're a winner no matter what, tbh.

Craft25

Unregistered wrote: »

well im the OP and i was told i seemed distant to people - a bit icy as if not interested! So maybe guys don't want to approach me as they might think im unfriendly. but then when i approach them they are interested because they know i am interested in them! i think i need to be more friendly to people!!!!!!

Who called you icy?.. are you sure it wasn't a dig? They must mean aloof or something, obviously if you are distant and have your nose in the air no guy is going to risk it.

Also sometimes shy people look away instantly upon making eye contact, that may come accross as dismissive. Thats why it's good to hold the eye contact (just slightly longer than normal) and give a warm smile. Nobody is icy when they smile!

But do like pilly said.. Alot of people will reject a direct come-on, but very few will reject a conversation.

LegacyUser

ok no one called me icy - i just think i am. and i guess im kinda shy. when i make eye contact i sometimes look away - i dont want a gut to think im "easy" and that im coming onto him. but then like the last two times i approached the guys they didn't reject me. im out of a long termer so it's all new to me!!

MJOR

the internet is your friend....try online dating

LegacyUser

eeek don't think id try online dating.