meh

LegacyUser

need advice.

Right I'm in final year of business college and I'm looking forward to getting out. I'm 22 and a guy.

About 6 months ago i became good friends with a girl let's call her Sophie. I was attracted to her ever since I saw her. She's smart, sexy and most importantly in my books she's funny.

We got on like a house on fire, when we met I knew she was single as so did she. Due to my shyness I didn't make a move as I didn't think she'd accept. So anyways we were out one night with friends and her ex happened to be there and I didn't know and they got back together.
A month later my friends and this girl went on a trip to Holland and had a great time at this point I didn't know she was seeing someone. Anyways the trip came and passed with me wanting to kiss her as i escorted her to her room, but i didn't cause i was told earlier on in the night that see was back with the ex. let's call him James.

so anyways we came back from Holland and things were weird, she didn't make an effort to talk to me for about 3 weeks. I asked her what was wrong and she finally let it spill, she had feelings for me since day 1 and was disappointed that i never made a move.

now fast forward a couple of months and she has broken up with James and i have become a little more confident, so much so we have kissed twice. she's said she doesn't want a relationship because she's going to america for a year soon which i totally understand as i too am going away for 5 months on work.

but what got me was she suggested the "friends with benefits" thing to me, at first i was quite shocked, and told her I'd need time to think. I came around to the idea and we started chatting and emailing etc. etc. it's great we talk about everything, i've told her some deep stuff about me and vice versa.

We've even been having phone sex quite regularly as well, we both want it to go further - or so she says - but anytime i suggest meeting up i get fobbed off with excuse after excuse. it's either i have a headache,i'm sick or i can't get the car to drive to you.

it's doing my nut in, like she was the one who suggested it, but everything i've suggested meeting it's shot down. sometimes she'll suggest that i'd come down to hers but then again i get excuses or i won't get a text or a call confirming to go round to hers.

i really don't know what it is? she was worried that i once went out on one date with her friend and i got rejected and took it badly, but i'm over that now but does she think that will happen with us?

it's wrecking my head thinking about it

Húrin

yep that's pretty strange

Panthro

to be honest mate, id tell u to protect yourself from the emotional turmoil and stay away from her.sounds like shes a bit all over the place, u dont need the hassle.

AARRRGH

She's not being honest with you. Ask her what's going on. If she says nothing's going on, she's a head case, so move on with your life.

who007

you could go over and surprise her and just grab her, kiss her, see what happens?

Overheal

meh10243 wrote: »

we have kissed twice. she's said she doesn't want a relationship because she's going to america for a year soon which i totally understand as i too am going away for 5 months on work.

Bollocks. Why put off tomorrow what you can do today?

It makes No Sense to me not to get into a relationship - for all the two of you know it might not work and then you'll break up and go your seperate ways long before you both go away. The only thing youre risking by starting a relationship is that you might actually hit it off and engage in a long term relationship (Oh Noes! I say sarcastically)

So you know, just go for it. Christ.

Wibbs

who007 wrote: »

you could go over and surprise her and just grab her, kiss her, see what happens?

Yep pretty much. IMHO she's looking for you to take the lead at this point. How many "hints" do you need? I can see at least three situations where she wanted you to do something. Step up to the plate as our American chums say. Píss or get off the pot in the more local vernacular. I mean she's laid it out on a plate more than once and what did you do? Not a lot. Actually nothing, nada. You're hmmming and hawing way too much. Just grab the bull by the horns. Stop second guessing yourself.

LegacyUser

ohh i have, was at nye party with her there, tried to kiss her, and got fobbed off.

two weeks later she was going home from work and called in, we kissed as we were saying goodbye at the car.

we were at a friends party about 3 weeks ago and kissed again.

the next day as she was coming home from said friends she called in and we kissed again.

all 4 times it was me that made the move.

LegacyUser

So she got back with her ex, and while still with him for the second time told you that she wanted you to make a move on her.

Then, she suggested the whole 'friends with benefits' thing but constantly fobs you off.

I'm sorry but she sounds like a mess.

Wagon

I personally wouldn't bother. I don't know what she's playing at really. Seems all over the gaff. The thing i would worry about with the whole friends with benefits thing is that you develop feelings for her during the course of the next few months. But of you're sure you won't then you may as well call around to her gaff and try but don't be too optamistic.

Monkey61

Tell her that you like her and want to be her boyfriend. If she is not up for this idea then walk away. What you have with her now, all the messing, is only going to wreck your head in the long term and become more and more heartbreaking.

If you say what you want and she backs away, then she didn't like you anyway and there is nothing that you could have done about it. You might as well just take the chance. If she likes you then she will want to be with you. if she doesn't she won't. Excuses about going away are ridiculous. If you like somebody enough you will want to be with them regardless.

dblennon

Women don't consider getting kissed in those situations, Taking the bull by the Horns.

She wants you.. you know that, she told. Your friends with benifits will only works when somone takes the lead, she clearly doesn't want to, so it won't happen if you don't take the riegns.