Attracting the wrong type of men

LegacyUser

I am so frustrated. I’m single about 6 months after a long-term relationship.
I’ve been playing the field a bit in the last few months but every guy I have been with has a girlfriend which I found out about afterwards.
I want to meet someone nice again, but all I seem to attract are cheaters and players.

There’s another guy who I kissed a few weeks ago who is texting me a lot but who is avoiding asking me out on a date. I asked him to meet up already but he gave an excuse so I don’t want to ask him again. He still continues to text me, so I don’t get it. I’m guessing that he might already be attached to someone, like the rest of them.

I’m beginning to lose all faith in men. My question here is what am I doing that is attracting this type of men and how can I change?

pwd

Stop "playing the field" so much and guys will respect you more.

Wibbs

Actually I would respect and trust a woman more if she had played the field for a while after a long termer. Certainly more than a woman who jumped straight into another long termer. The former tends to be working out what she wants, is underlining the end of the previous and moving on and having some fun. The latter tend to be doing the complete opposite of that.

OP there are knobends everywhere of both genders. There are people that are nice but you aren't compatible for any number of reasons, but no fault on either side as such. And then there are those that you are compatible with and are up for a relationship. By the nature of things the first two tend to be more common. More so if you are or need a particular type of person.

Keep meeting guys, but keep your eye out for the usual obvious red flags. Don't assume though. You could be wrong and miss out a good guy. What I mean is yes if your gut tells you bad plan, then it most likely is, but don't be too sensitive to that gut. Guy doesn't contact you or avoids you for a month = bad. Guy doesn't contact you for three days not always = bad.

The more people you meet, men and women, the more you will extend your net and the more chances you will meet the right guy for you.

MJOR

I'd suggest maybe concentrate on being on your own for a few months. Just do girly things and cleanse all the bad karma away if that makes sense.

Don't over analyse things too much. All women go thru the whole dating a barrage of asholes stage. You aint alone there. Its frustrating and you'd be at your wits end at times but it passes eventually

Terodil

Where do you 'find' these guys?

Perhaps pick another location / method of trying to find somebody important to you?

pwd

It's like lobster.

Historically in Europe there weren't too many lobsters, and Europeans all thought how lovely they were, and it was mainly consumed by the handsome and charming aristocrats of France and the Netherlands.

Meanwhile, in America, lobsters were far more common, and people didn't like them. It was mark of poverty to eat lobster there. The only people who'd eat the lobster there were too poor to eat anything else (apart from some greedy people who just wanted to eat everything).

So really you need to ask yourself: "Who do I want eating my lobster?"

True story btw

dny123456

pwd wrote: »

It's like lobster.

Historically in Europe there weren't too many lobsters, and Europeans all thought how lovely they were, and it was mainly consumed by the handsome and charming aristocrats of France and the Netherlands.

Meanwhile, in America, lobsters were far more common, and people didn't like them. It was mark of poverty to eat lobster there. The only people who'd eat the lobster there were too poor to eat anything else (apart from some greedy people who just wanted to eat everything).

So really you need to ask yourself: "Who do I want eating my lobster?"

True story btw

There should be a button which is the opposite of 'thanks'

LegacyUser

pwd - When I referred to 'playing the field', I meant enjoying being single, meeting a guy and exchanging numbers. This is nothing more than a kiss and I am not sleeping with them and I most definately would not let them 'eat my lobster!' as you so eloquently put it.

I agree with Wibbs and I think that it is healthy to be single for a while after a long-term relationship.
I like being single but I'm ready to meet someone new again.
I don't mind when that happens but in the meantime I feel bad for the girlfriends/other halves of the men that I seem to end up with.

Wibbs

dny123456 only helpful posts please.

banshee_bones

This is a phase.

Good for you on getting out there and meeting people. It can be all too easy to sit at home and feel sorry about teh end of your last relationship.

All you can do with these people is just try not to get too caught up about it and move on to the next.

I dont think anybody "attracts" them. Just luck of the draw.

Best of Luck

Overheal

You're out of a long term relationship so you're used to being around a guy thats in a relationship (...he was just in the relationship with you) so isn't it possible thats why you're getting attracted to the guys that are in relationships? Seems like you're going for whats familiar, and then realizing later how familiar it is.

Mr. Incognito

’m guessing that he might already be attached to someone, like the rest of them.

huh?

the guy is texting you and you are not replying based on an assumption.

Maybe you should grow the hell up and stop treating the next guy as the last guy.

LegacyUser

Hi Op,
I honestly wouldn't be worrying too much if I were you. It's only been 6 months, it really isn't that long and as for the guys well you know it's all about meeting different people and finding out what everyone is like and also what you want and don't want when you are ready to go out with someone again.
I know you feel as if you keep meeting the same guy but is it maybe the places you meet them as someone else has mentioned?
Try a different approach perhaps and also I wouldn't just write that guy off if he hean't asked for a date, give him a chance you don't know his circumstances.
Good luck with it all

LegacyUser

That’s a really good point Overheal. I hadn’t thought of that. Maybe it’s their confidence that I’m attracted to and they come across in a more laid back and relaxed way. But they’re the only ones that approach me.

Someone asked where I meet them. It’s social situations outside of work. i.e. pubs, clubs, girls nights, dinners, socials etc..

As for the guy who’s texting, Mr. Incognito. I like him, so I am texting him back. It just doesn’t seem to be progressing, which led to speculation with my friends that he possibly is already attached. But I’m going to keep opened minded about it.

I think that the film ‘He’s just not that into you’ has a lot to answer for. It’s really muddled my mind up!!!

AARRRGH

TheOtherWoman wrote:

I’m beginning to lose all faith in men. My question here is what am I doing that is attracting this type of men and how can I change?

Don't lose all faith in men. The problem is you are picking bad men. There are plenty of decent men out there.

Can you think of any reasons why you would pick men who are unavailable? Is there a history of infidelity in your family? Do you have commitment issues? Do you dislike yourself?

Anything along those lines...?

LegacyUser

Men respect women more when they are not too easy. If you kiss (or have sex with) a guy the first time you meet him (or too soon..) he'd think he cannot be anybody special to you in the future because he'd work out how often you go out and with how many other men you could have been with .. (Men are competitive by nature and they want to be number one in everything)

However, if he has to ask you out, think where he is taking you to impress you, call you up etc.. (definetly..work a little bit on the friendship/relationship) he'd get to know you and may fall in love with you.

If he's a guy with a girlfriend/wife, by not "rushing in", you'd do yourself and the other person a favour because those men won't work on a relationship with you (they have one to work on already).

If you are looking for a steady relationship give the right signs, it may take longer or shorter, but there are lots of nice guys out there looking for the same thing Good luck!