Dillema!

makemineabud

Wonder if anyone can advise what to do. Had a friend, and for all sorts of reasons, we had a falling out. Problem is our kids our friends. Now I don't believe that our disagreement should affect the kids, but we obviously don't feel the same. The other mum is going out of her way to exclude my child and that makes me feel bad. What should I do?

Leitrim lass

My mother and her neighbour fell out when I was a young child and they both used their children to have a go at each other. My mother always painted us as being the innocent picked on family and they were the bullies, but looking back my mother was just as bad. They encouraged us children to dislike each other and to fight all because of their stupid arguement. It caused years of trouble between both families.

My mother and neighbour could have handled things so much better but they let their egos to get in the way. Looking back us children were probably more sensible than they were.

So my advice to you is if she is going out of her way to exclude you child i would stay well clear.
She is obviously using the children as pawns to have a go at you.

Don't fall for it. I would suggest that you be pleasant and friendly to her and her child if you meet and encourage you child to be the same but don't try to push the childrens friendship. Don't encourage any animosity on your childs part either.It would be best to keep your child unaware of the fallout if possible. Encourage you child to enjoy other friendships with other children and focus on them instead. Don't paint the other woman and her child as bullies to your child, just give them as little emphasis as possible.

Overheal

What would you do? You bring up your kids in your own image pretty much. If she wants to teach her kid to hold a grudge thats what she'll do. You can do the same by not teaching your kid to be the same way. Like Lass says, take it on the chin and encourage your child to seek out other friendships.

makemineabud

Thanks for the posts - that's exactly what I have been doing. I firmly believe that adult issues should not be filtered down to the children and consequently have still encouraged my child to feel comfortable to talk about what they as kids have been playing out on the road etc. etc. I do believe that children learn what they live, and live what they learn. I also think that children shouldn't been so wrapped up in cotton wool that they don't see what is going on around them. And that is exactly what is happening - the other kids are all aware that my child is being excluded for no obvious reason - the only thing can be the disagreement we as adults have had. It's just sad that it has become so petty. Will persevere though .... Thanks again!