Good friend likes me, and i've a boyfriend

LegacyUser

ok this one is prob common enogh, but just dont know what to do!!

Been with my boyfriend 3 years now. our relationship has started to fizzel and i'm getting a bit bored of it, we broke up for about a month, but got back together before christmas. I love him to bits, but think its turned into a friendship thing.

so enter other part of the equation, i've a good guy friend who i've known for about 3 years too.... we get on real well, and buzz of each other, on nights out we'd spend alot of time together, dancing, drinking, chatting.

so any way about a year ago i we were out, my boyfriend was at home, and my friend tried to kiss me, he was very drunk, but then started to tell me he really liked me and so on. then next day we completly avoided it, and acted as normal, i just though it was him being drunk. but then it started happening again. i told him i couldnt be alone with him on nights out and it kinda died off.

then he started seeing someone around christmas and it was all good, but then again the last time we were out together, he tried to kiss me and told me that we are ment to be together, i reminded him of his girlfriend, and he brushed it off.

i know a relationship between us would work, cuz hed just start going after someone else if we got together.

we've never discussed this sober. i told my boyfriend it happened once, but he trusts me. i'd never cheat on him or anyone for that matter, but its just starting to get uncomfortable now. i dont like going out if hes gonna be there cuz i worry about what will happen, and the last few times its being very public, so i'm afraid people will see and it'll get back to my boyfriend.

dont know what i really want to gain from posting this, but just want to get it off my chest aswel, cant really tell any mates, cuz theyre mutual and wouldnt get it.

flibbertyjibbet

I think you need to look at the way he handled this situation and take it as an insight into his personality. He may have strong feelings for you, but from the account you've given, he seems immature and selfish.

He just went for you without taking into account that you have a boyfriend and completley disrespecting his current girlfriend. It seems he certainly didn't do all he could to resist his feelings, he didn't talk to you about his feelings, and I don't think he should be with another girl if he's so hung up on another (you.) He selfishly went after his own desires, disrespecting both your partners and putting you in an uncomfortable situation.

What happens if you two do get together and temptation comes his way in the future? Is this how he'll deal with it? I think you have to ask yourself if you really want a relationship with someone who acts like this.

Monkey61

Ah the poor chap is obviously mad into you and just hoping that you will turn around and say you love him.

Do you like him in that way at all? If you really don't like him, why have you let this carry on? If you don't like him at all, surely telling him that you absolutely don't fancy him would be much more effective then reminding him that he has a girlfriend. If instead of hearing "Look I do not and will never fancy you and would rather throw up on myself than have sex with you" he is hearing "Oh no, what are you doing, you have a girlfriend/I have a boyfriend", you are essentially suggesting that that is the only reason that you guys are not together.

Thus he goes on thinking that he has a chance and you will dump your boyfriend if only he can convince you enough times that he really likes you.

Then there is the seperate issue of you not wanting to be with your boyfriend. If you don't want him anymore let him go, for his sake and yours.

If you do in fact like your friend- then tell him that he needs to be single before you would consider anything. If you do want to be with him, I wouldn't worry about him hitting on other girls. He obviously is mad into you and has been since long before he got with whatever girl he is with now. I don't think his future behaviour in a relationship with you can be judged on how he is behaving now. Probably.

Mr. Incognito

i don't think this guy is a friend, he's been trying to get into your pants for three years.

how you feel about him?

if you fancy him bring it up sober. if you don't tell him to cop the fcuk on, sober.

Húrin

Unregistered wrote: »

we've never discussed this sober.

I think this is the main problem.

Mr. Incognito wrote: »

he's been trying to get into your pants for three years.

There's no evidence to support that claim in the OP.

I've been in the same situation, and I ended up with the friend as I had finished with my ex and thought, why not?

BUT

The friend didn't behave the way yours is. Except for drunkenly telling me he liked me one night, he respected the fact I had a boyfriend, he never tried to kiss me, never talked badly of my ex and basically didn't do anything to try to make me dump my ex and get with him. Trying to kiss you when you have a boyfriend just isn't on, IMO. He should respect the fact you're already in a relationship and that you'll get with him if and when you're ready. If my friend had behaved like yours, I probably wouldn't have been interested.

LegacyUser

hi op here,


there is a bit of me that has something for him, but i would never persue a relationship with him as i know it wouldnt go anywhere/work. (sorry there was a typo in my op)

i basically want this to stop and am too chicken to do it sober, but thinking about it over last few days its what i really need to do. i'm not sure if its just drunken talk or real, as when hes sober there is no signs of it at all. and i have a feeling if i do say something he'll just blame it on the booze.....

suppose gotta do what i gotta do and just talk to him straight....

thanks for your help