Engaged after how long?

LegacyUser

My partner and I have been together for 5 years, we are both 24 yoa. I love him and want to be with him indefinately. He often hints that he'll ask me to marry him but I don't know when. To be honest I don't feel that there is any point getting married soon as there are lots of things I want to do and don't want to start a family for at least 4/5 years. Sometimes I worry that he'll spring it on me and I'll agree and I just don't want the stress of it right now. I am not one of those girls who dreams about big weddings and showing off engagement rings. In fact if I ever do want to get married it'll be cheap, low key and for economic purposes- tax, security for children etc. In most peoples experience do guys usually ask out of the blue or is it pretty much established? His family have started to hint, asking when we are going to get married and it unsettles me. I don't want to sound heartless but I have no need to get married anytime soon

Beruthiel

There are no rules. Do as you please. Be engaged for 20 years if you want. Once you have your own mind and do not give into perceived social pressures, you can pretty much do as you please.

Sure tell him that.

Duckjob

Beruthiel wrote: »

There are no rules. Do as you please. Be engaged for 20 years if you want. Once you have your own mind and do not give into perceived social pressures, you can pretty much do as you please.

+1

Too many people allow their lives to be dictated by theirs and others perceptions of what a typical life is "supposed" to entail.

Society has conditioned us into thinking that anyone (and especially women) whos life does not conform to a conventional set of "rules" is odd.

Your life is for you, and nobody else to live.

Only point I'd add would be to communicate your views to your bf so you're not both walking around with different set of plans of the next couple of years in your head.

Jack B. Badd

OP, I recommend sitting down with your boyfriend and discussing what you both want as regards marriage.
Personally, I'm of a similar opinion as you. The only reason I could really see for getting married would be to secure my boyfriend's paternal rights if we were ever to have children and then split up (ironic, I know). Fortunately, we've been very open with each over from the start of our relationship and neither wants children (or marriage). If that were to change, then we'd be practical about it and it would be a very low key affair.
I think open communication with your boyfriend is your best option because ultimately it's your relationship. Personally, I'd tell family to step off. They have no say and that constant "so, when's the big day?" crap can really wear on one's nerves and introduce unnecessary stress.

deisemum

Ignore family pressure. Do what feels right for you and discuss it with your partner.

I got engaged to my husband 5 months after meeting him on a blind date. We waited 7.5 years before we had our first child and ignored the typical "anything stirring yet" or "are ye doing it the right way". We're 21 years together this month.

Don't let outside pressures influence you into doing something until you feel ready to. Enjoy the present and look forward to the future.