Engagement

LegacyUser

Im a regular poster but cant write under my own name

Problem is that for a long time I wanted to marry and now that I have agreed to(in less than 3 months) I dont want too. I have told my other half but she is more worried what her parents will think. They are paying for it all and everyone we know is going.I dont know if this is cold feet or I just dont want too. I have kissed other girls a couple of times but never told my other half. Im lost on what to do

Princess Consuela Bananahammock

Unregistered wrote: »

Im a regular poster but cant write under my own name

Problem is that for a long time I wanted to marry and now that I have agreed to(in less than 3 months) I dont want too. I have told my other half but she is more worried what her parents will think. They are paying for it all and everyone we know is going.I dont know if this is cold feet or I just dont want too. I have kissed other girls a couple of times but never told my other half. Im lost on what to do

Sounds like you;re not ready. If so, tell them now - it's not going to get any easier. The fact that the other halfs knows and that she's less likely to hurt will make it a bit easier on he parents.

Do you actually love the girl?

implausible

Unregistered wrote: »

Problem is that for a long time I wanted to marry and now that I have agreed to(in less than 3 months) I dont want too.

Interesting phrasing OP, that you've 'agreed' to marry. Did you not do the asking? You're making it sound like you were talked into it. Was this your idea?

The other thing that's notable is that you say you wanted to marry, but you don't say that you've always wanted to marry your girlfriend.

Your whole post comes across as someone who isn't madly in love with his girlfriend as he doesn't want to commit and has done the dirt on her in the past.

Do not go through with a commitment like marriage unless you are and will be 100% committed. Wanting to spend the rest of your life with someone, declaring your love and fidelity in front of everyone and maybe having children with that person are good reasons to get married. Saving face is a rubbish reason.

You need to discuss this with your fiancé. If she is more concerned about the wedding than the marriage, she either thinks it's cold feet too or is too afraid to admit that you might not love her.

Figure out where you can see yourself in the future and talk to your fiancé. Good luck.

MagicMarker

Unregistered wrote: »

Im a regular poster but cant write under my own name

Problem is that for a long time I wanted to marry and now that I have agreed to(in less than 3 months) I dont want too. I have told my other half but she is more worried what her parents will think. They are paying for it all and everyone we know is going.I dont know if this is cold feet or I just dont want too. I have kissed other girls a couple of times but never told my other half. Im lost on what to do

Sorry, but you've been with someone and agreed to marry them within three months? In which time you haven't even been able to stay faithful?

I can see why you posted anonymously.

Seriously, do I even need to provide an answer? Is it really that difficult to see what you have to do here?

Toots

I think if ur having doubts then you need to back out now, or at least postpone it for a good while. She says she's worried about what her rents will say, well I'd imagine they'll be considerably more pissed if they shell out €20k (at least) for their little girl's wedding, and then you up and leave after a month.

Toots

MagicMarker wrote: »

Sorry, but you've been with someone and agreed to marry them within three months? In which time you haven't even been able to stay faithful?

Hmmm, I took this to mean that he's getting married in less than three months time. OP, can you clarify?

MagicMarker

Toots85 wrote: »

Hmmm, I took this to mean that he's getting married in less than three months time. OP, can you clarify?

Actually, I think you're right, my bad.

If that's the case, I assume the wedding is pretty much planned and deposits paid, OP, you need to get it sorted ASAP.

Toots

MagicMarker wrote: »

Actually, I think you're right, my bad.

If that's the case, I assume the wedding is pretty much planned and deposits paid, OP, you need to get it sorted ASAP.

Exactly. 3 months to go means that yes, there's money spent, however AFAIK, most weddings don't need to be paid in full until the few days before. OP, you need to do some soul searching, take ur fiancee's family and teh wedding expenses etc out of the equation and ask yourself do you honestly 100% want to spend the rest of your life with her? Your answer will determine what you need to do. Just don't waste time doing it, and don't get married unless you're sure, it'll cause so much heartbreak in the end.

994

Unregistered wrote: »

Im a regular poster but cant write under my own name

Problem is that for a long time I wanted to marry and now that I have agreed to(in less than 3 months) I dont want too. I have told my other half but she is more worried what her parents will think. They are paying for it all and everyone we know is going.I dont know if this is cold feet or I just dont want too. I have kissed other girls a couple of times but never told my other half. Im lost on what to do

Msssive alarm bells ringing for both of these comments. Doesn't sound like this marriage will last too long. You don't have to break up tho.

LegacyUser

OP - Dont go ahead with the wedding. Youre not ready for it. This may not even be the woman you end up marrying (especially if youve been kissing other girls behind her back).

Forget about what the parents will think - you think they will think any better of things if you do end up marrying then seperating somewhere down the line?

A marriage is a massive thing - you are legally committing yourself to the other person. Seperations are not easy, full of guilt and recriminations - and costly.

Youd be mad to go through with it for the sake of what other people think.

This aint no dress rehearsal, this is real life, one shot only, you have to live it as you want to live it or else you will end up regretting things and resenting your wife, her family etc....

Postpone. Say youre not ready. Itll be a hell of a lot easier to say it now than on the other side of the altar.

LegacyUser

Hi OP, please call the wedding off ASAP. My exH wanted to call off our wedding but did not have the b**s to do it. I only found that out AFTER the wedding. It was a disaster and I was left a single mum(contraceptives failed on honeymoon) cos he went ahead instead of telling me the truth.He was worried about telling friends etc. Well he was grand whilst I was left with a marriage cert and a baby to rear..
If you care anything at all for this girl then back out of the wedding. DO NOT try to "explain" it to her..the reason being that if she loves you she will try everything to get you to change your mind and you may go ahead out of guilt, pity etc.
Make the decision as a man by yourself. Then tell her family and DO NOT contact her in person for a while.I know of someone who had to do this the week before the wedding. Write to her,but out of kindness you have to stick by your decision.I know I sound very hard,cruel etc. but it would have been the kindest,most generous thing my exH could have done for me instead of the long,lonely path of divorce I had to tread.
Don't destroy this girl's life,be a man and do the right thing.
P.S. My divorce cost a LOT more than the wedding.

Dizzyblonde

Cancel the wedding immediately, that will remove all pressure. Then take your time and decide what you and your OH want to do. I'm sure she's not too keen now anyway, knowing you don't wnat to go through with it.
Her parents might scream and shout a bit and people might be disappointed, but they'll get over it and you can repay any money already paid out.
Apart from anything else, you can't go through with a ceremony that will be a meaningless sham. Imagine if you thought you could go through with it and then one of you left the other at the altar at the last minute? That would be far worse than cancelling now.

ohnoigotsick

call it off as soon as possible , whats the point in getting married so her parents won't be annoyed that they wasted money , by the sounds of it your not gonna stay married and it'll be a waste of a big day etc etc.

anyways you should have paid for your own wedding yourselves

Peewee_lane

The fact that you've been with other women is really annoying, so if you're thinking of standing in front of her friends and family on the day and putting on a brave face, dont! You're making a fool out of her.

Cold feet or whatever, maybe a little bit of growing up has to be done with the unfaithfullness.