Cross-dressing husband

moonbabe

Hi

Seven years ago my then boyfriend told me he likes to crossdress,I was fine about this, now our son has started school last september, a few months into his schooling, he brought some of his friends round to our house, my husband didn't seem to mind and just carried on regardless, as my son grew up with this, he didn't see a problem, but when the other kids came to our house, I noticed even at that young age, they stood there just staring at my husband, then, after that when I took my son to school, the parents at the school who I once got on with well, started to ignore me and giggled when I would pass, my son came home from school that day and it seems the kids who came to our house passed it round that my son's daddy was a puff & a que**r who wants to be a woman, I was so hurt by this not to mention my poor son who is now left with no friends and is rebelling out at me and my husband, I went to the school but the teachers say they will speak with the kids and their parents but the damage is now done, I hate my husband for putting us through this, I feel he's so selfish and is only thinking of himself, I am thinking of packing up and leaving with my son as my husband said he doesn't care what people say about us, and when our son is older he will understand, Should I take my son to a new school and new area away from this madness and leave my selfish self centred husband to drown in his pile of womens stuff, we would be a perfect family if it wasn't for all this.

Latchy

Was in local newsagents yesterday and spotted headlline on low grade british tabloid '' ( the sport) '' John Terry into crossdressing '' with photo of what looked like him looking very feminine .

No idea what the story entailed but each to their own .

g'em

I've split this from a general crossdressing thread in tLL and moved it to Personal Issues given that the poster is looking for advice.

LegacyUser

Why oh why did he cross dress in front of your childs friends?

If he knew no better himself, you should have read the stupid git the riot act!

All you can do now is up sticks and move, if you can during this credit crunch.

Your husband is a thoughtless, selfish p***k, has he any comprehension of the damage he has done?

He would be out that door if it was me.

Its nothing to do with the cross dressing, its the selfishness and stupidity of expecting other people, especially kids to accept it without question.

MagicMarker

Unregistered wrote: »

All you can do now is up sticks and move, if you can during this credit crunch.

That's ridiculous tbh...

OP, your husband was a dumbass to do that in front of his kid's friend, showing absolutely no sense. He may not care what people say, but his kid does.

You need to sit down and discuss this with him and make him see sense.

Lollipops23

He had to have known this would happen tbh. he knew damn well he's embarass the hell out of his child by staying dressed up. whatever about doing it in private, when there's visitors round he should have had more cop on.

lickirishallsor

Moonbabe, you have every right to feel let down by his actions, your clearly focused on your children, ....now.

What in the name of god is he thinking? So what if he wears womens clothes, each to their own, but in the first instance, its not right that he is allowed to do it in front of your children! They are too young to understand it, and its not right that you both allowed this to happen on your watch, until they are old enough to understand and deal with his choices you both should be protecting they children from this.

Honestly even you only seem to have woken up to this when other children came to the house, did it not occur to you before that that your own children may need to be older to understand your husbands choices.

I would advise you to sort out the whole matter first, things will blow over, yes you have damaged your standing for today, but each day will heal it.

Re locating may be the best thing if your childs life is unbearable, but its going to be as stressfull moving, especially if you both allow him to wear ladies clothes in front of them.

What if your child followed suit because of his example?

I don't know the full facts but I do know your husband is irresponsible, does your husband realise that someone could report him to social services?

Nevyn

lickirishallsor wrote: »

I don't know the full facts but I do know your husband is irresponsible, does your husband realise that someone could report him to social services?

That is complete rubbish and scare mongering and far from being helpful.

Unhelpful and off-topic posting will get you banned from this forum.
Do take time to read the charter which contains the rules and abide by them.
Have a nice day.
Thaedydal

McCABE1

That was so inconsiderate of your husband, kids get teased so easily these days, about the slightest little thing and unfortunately for you, cross dressing is a huge thing !! Its something that may follow your son around for quite a while. Even an imbicile would know that your son was in for some serious sh*t when he got back to school, your husband was completely selfish to put him in that position.
Having said all that, leaving him would cause your son so much more upset. You say you have a perfect family only for that, this means that you all love eachother. You need to sit your husband down and explain that if there are people over, its dude's clothes only. MAKE him see sense and do things your way. At the end of the day you seem like a very tolerant person to allow him to cross dress in front of you and your son, there are many women that would have walked because of that. It seems to me he has a nice thing going with his family, he should give something back now.

Pretty slack of your husband.This would obviously embarass your kid.

Nevyn

Children won't see it as werid or not normal if they have grown up with it.

It is past time you sat down and had a rational converstaion with your husband about
how to manage this issue in reguards to the children and visitors to the home.

Yes people talk and people will talk about something which is unusual but there is
no harm in what your husband is doing it is just for a lot of people unusual.
Pity the people who have sod all of intrest in thier lives then to talk about what your husband wears around the house.

If you feel the need for new boundaries now that the children are getting old then
have a dicussion about that, I am surprised you have not done so before hand.

Personally I think moving is way to drastic an action.

LegacyUser

my husband said he doesn't care what people say about us

Extremely selfish.
Challenge him on this, he has no right to be making decisions on behalf on you and your little boy. You are the ones that have to run the gauntlet at school. This is totally needless, he can get his kicks dressing behind closed doors after all.

lickirishallsor

Thaedydal wrote: »

Children won't see it as werid or not normal if they have grown up with it.

Thats a big generalisation, I totally disagree with you in this particular instance.

MagicMarker

lickirishallsor wrote: »

Thats a big generalisation, I totally disagree with you in this particular instance.

It's actually common sense. If a child grows up watching his dad in women's clothing about the house, of course he/she will think it's normal, why wouldn't they?

Nevyn

lickirishallsor wrote: »

Thats a big generalisation, I totally disagree with you in this particular instance.

Children are innocents and will accept they way things are in the family home
as being normal up until a point where outside influences come into play and then if a person is living what is considered an 'alternative' lifestyle which does
impact on the children and they had best have prepared themselves for when that happens and the children have questions or better yet have explained
to the children that different people live their lives in different ways and different is not lesser or bad.

vandermeyde

Thaedydal wrote: »

Children are innocents and will accept they way things are in the family home
as being normal up until a point where outside influences come into play and then if a person is living what is considered an 'alternative' lifestyle which does
impact on the children and they had best have prepared themselves for when that happens and the children have questions or better yet have explained
to the children that different people live their lives in different ways and different is not lesser or bad.

Once a child has started school they will learn pretty quickly that it is not "normal" behaviour for their father to dress up in women's clothing. They will be confused, embarassed and I wouldn't be surprised if they were even ashamed. Anything that has a child identifiable as being outside of the "norm" is enought for them to become a target for bullying and all that comes with it.

In this case, the father has been an idiot. Whatever about assuming it would be ok with his own child, to then parade himself in front of an outsider is the height of idiocy. He's opened a pandora's box for that young kid that will probably follow them for the rest of their juvenile life.

I'm as open-minded as they come but to be honest I find this all very distasteful and I have nothing but sympathy for that kid.

lickirishallsor

moonbabe wrote: »

my poor son who is now left with no friends and is rebelling out at me and my husband, I went to the school but the teachers say they will speak with the kids and their parents but the damage is now done,

Your not wrong in saying the children will accept it as normal as long as external influences are withheld, but in this instance the child is integrating with society via school, and so has crossed the line where this was all naively normal, now in this childs life not all daddies wear dresses, only his.

LegacyUser

Your husband has been totally wrong from day one to expose your children to this, for two main reasons:

1) A man dressing up as a woman is not 'normal'. It is a fetish. Thus it should not be done in front of impressionable children who deserve to be brought up in a stable and normal environment before making their own life decisions when they reach adulthood. It's hard enough to bring up children nowadays with the amount of gratuitous violence and sex they are exposed to daily on TV and other media, without involving a parent as well.

2) Your husband's reason for dressing up, I would guess, primarily stems from a sexual motive. I'm sure he doesn't do it for humour or for a laugh; like any crossdresser, he likely gets some kick out of it. Again, it's totally inappropriate that this should be carried out in front of children.

You really need to sit your husband down and stress - I mean STRESS - how wrong he is. This behaviour should be kept to himself and not involve other people unless they are consenting adults. I fear that your children will already have been too affected by it, but perhaps he can undo some of the damage now by stopping and showing them some normality again.

Craft25

First of all give your husband a verbal slap!

if you can make out to the community that the kids just walked in and 'caught' your husband in the act then i'm sure it will blow over and open minded parents will understand.. But if your husband is exhibiting his kinks in front of children then it seems WAY OTT

if your husband thinks the whole world should be OK with it thats his business, but if he wants to bring your child into his battle against societies norms (right or wrong) then you will have to consider carefully how it will affect your child.. he shouldn't have that weight on his shoulders at such a young age

Nevyn

Cross dressing is not always fetish or a sexual fetish, some men just feel more comfortable
in a skirt the same way some women just feel more comfortable in trousers.

LegacyUser

Thaedydal wrote: »

Cross dressing is not always fetish or a sexual fetish, some men just feel more comfortable
in a skirt the same way some women just feel more comfortable in trousers.

There is an abundance of 'comfortable' men's clothes available if that's the case.

pwd

It's easy for him to brave now that he's an adult with a family who accept him. I'm sure he didn't dress up like that when he was a kid and in school though. It's not remotelty fair of him to put your son in that situation.

estar

being a parent is about putting your childs welfare first.

your husband is allowed be himself, but he needs to cop on, and protect his child from the small mindedness of irish society.

depressing tho it is, some people are quick to jump on different people.

anyway, why not spread the rumour (tell the most nosey) that your husband is an amatuer actor that dresses in character when preparing for a part.

(then make your husband join a drama society in a near by town as back up)

say that he really gets into it, and likes to try his character out on people to see is it convincing and obviously it was.

men who like to cross dress have been expressing themselves using drama as an outlet for centuries.

and tell him to stop being so selfish and meet the world half way.

so he doesnt want to change - neither does the world. he has to meet it in the middle.

King of Kings

Thaedydal wrote: »

Cross dressing is not always fetish or a sexual fetish, some men just feel more comfortable
in a skirt the same way some women just feel more comfortable in trousers.

get outha town! cross dressing is sexual in nature and to dress it up as anything but is to insult our intelligence.
your liberal agenda isn't washing here.

To inflict his choice of lifestyle on the the kid is morally wrong.
He has set his wife and child up for ridicule in teh community.

I'm quite liberal about lifestyles but my son would not be going around to play in a house where the father played dress up. EVER.
And I'd be furious...I mean FURIOUS if my son was subjected to that by one of his friends father.
keep it for the clubs/bedroom/privacy

And despite your assertions in a previous post - social service(and if they didn't they should) would prob take a dim view that he exposed the kid (and other kids ffs - it's worse in that cos they're not his own) to himself in all his feminine glory.

He sounds like he is very selfish or has an unbelievable lack of self control.

MagicMarker

King of Kings wrote: »

get outha town! cross dressing is sexual in nature and to dress it up as anything but is to insult our intelligence.
your liberal agenda isn't washing here.

To inflict his choice of lifestyle on the the kid is morally wrong.
He has set his wife and child up for ridicule in teh community.

I'm quite liberal about lifestyles but my son would not be going around to play in a house where the father played dress up. EVER.
And I'd be furious...I mean FURIOUS if my son was subjected to that by one of his friends father.
keep it for the clubs/bedroom/privacy

And despite your assertions in a previous post - social service(and if they didn't they should) would prob take a dim view that he exposed the kid (and other kids ffs - it's worse in that cos they're not his own) to himself in all his feminine glory.

He sounds like he is very selfish or has an unbelievable lack of self control.

Who says cross dressing is sexual in nature? And why should someone (anyone) have to keep it ''for the clubs/bedroom/privacy''? That's a rather close minded attitude tbh.

estar

its just clothes. CLOTHES.

he isnt doing drugs in front of the kids. or rolling home locked every night.

he wears material shaped in a way that traditionally has been worn by women.

arabs wear similarly shaped clothes. indian people do too.

i know someone who had to wear a dress (man) for a hindu ceremony.

it doesnt make him a raging deviant.

however he does seem particularly naive and unworried about managing his impact on his son through SOCIETYS judgemental nature.

you cant stop gossip by going to the teacher. you can only now contain the reactions your son is now exposed to (see above for indian men wearing dresses, beckham wearing a skirt etc for things he can say to the teasing).

your son is only small. can't your husband put aside his crusade for five minutes to try and let him have that normal image every child craves in reality.

no child likes to be the differnet kid.

however it could be far far worse. he could beat you. he could spend all your money on drink. he could be a womaniser.

of these people that are gossiping, many of them could be married to men just like the above.

his crime is - he likes wearing a dress. personally i couldnt give a sh%t if my neighbour liked to wear a dress if he was a decent person.

i would see it as unusual for a man to deliberately draw attention to it in front of children the cruellest judges. maybe he has lived for many years in hiding and now wnats to be free

your son should not be the prisoner of his freedom.

my advice - go the drama route, and save your marraige.

Pub07

Thaedydal wrote: »

Cross dressing is not always fetish or a sexual fetish, some men just feel more comfortable
in a skirt the same way some women just feel more comfortable in trousers.

It is 100% a fetish, they get a kick out of it. Guys dont just say 'jaysus, that dress is pretty comfortable I think Ill wear it into town today while I do my weekly shopping', it is a serious lifestyle choice for a guy to decide to wear womens clothes out in public, its not simply a matter of being more comfortable.

Craft25

Personally i think its about exploring issues of gender and doesnt necesarily have to involve sex.

BUT this thread should surely be about the child/children, and what he did itself.

He obviously feels some need not just to enjoy the feeling, but to display it to the world.. he should not choose children to do that!! Estar suggested drama and thats a good idea or just look up the relevant clubs/spots where he can bring it into the public in a less risky and harmful manner.

Chucky the tree

MagicMarker wrote: »

Who says cross dressing is sexual in nature? And why should someone (anyone) have to keep it ''for the clubs/bedroom/privacy''? That's a rather close minded attitude tbh.

Would you wear womens clothes going into your job? I doubt it somehow, and we both know the reason why and I dont think it's because you'd be uncomfortable in them. I feel sorry for the OP's kid, he's going crucified in school and especially seconadary school.

MagicMarker

Chucky the tree wrote: »

Would you wear womens clothes going into your job? I doubt it somehow, and we both know the reason why and I dont think it's because you'd be uncomfortable in them. I feel sorry for the OP's kid, he's going crucified in school and especially seconadary school.

I wouldn't, no. But then again I have no desire to. But if I did, shouldn't I be allowed to without persecution or for fear of being called a fag or a perv?

The guy could have shown a little tact for the sake of his kid, but what he did wasn't necessarily ''wrong''.

Sinall

Hopefully your son will grow up with an accepting attitude and he will probably understand when he gets older - which I believe it what your husband said.

However that does not help your son now and I don't think it is right for your husband to expect your son to go through years of teasing, ostracizing and possibly worse because of his cross-dressing.

Children who don't see this at home and who hear their parents discussing it in an unaccepting manner will bring this attitude into school. I hope your husband realises that it is not fair on your son for him to cross-dress in front on your son's friends.

mountainyman

Does the husband wear wone's clothes to work? If not he does care what people think.

Your husband is a lousy parent to have turned his kid into a victim. OTOH the little lad wil grow up quick and grow up mean. His fist'll get hard and his wits'll get keen.

Chucky the tree

MagicMarker wrote: »

I wouldn't, no. But then again I have no desire to. But if I did, shouldn't I be allowed to without persecution or for fear of being called a fag or a perv?

The guy could have shown a little tact for the sake of his kid, but what he did wasn't necessarily ''wrong''.

This isnt a perfect world though, you know if you did wear womens clothes into work you'd most definitly get shouts of fag and perv in your direction. The husband should of known the hassle this would cause his kid, infact he did but he doesnt even give a toss. I'd nearly go as far as calling this child neglect.

Nevyn

It is not neglect but lack of foresight, discussion and planning on both parents behalf imho.

Parenting and lifestyle choices at impact on children which require additional parenting work around should be discussed and dealt with ideally before they arise so there is
a plan of action and clear communication on the maters.

Gauge

People:

TRANSVESTISM and TRANSVESTIC FETISHISM are two DIFFERENT THINGS.

If the father has always dressed this way in front of his child in the house, it is most likely NOT a method of sexual arousal or gratification.

Can we please get that out of the way because it's really not helpful or relevent to the OP's problem?

King of Kings

MagicMarker wrote: »

Who says cross dressing is sexual in nature? And why should someone (anyone) have to keep it ''for the clubs/bedroom/privacy''? That's a rather close minded attitude tbh.

I (for one and i'm sure I'm not alone) say that cross dressing is sexual (not a sex act) but is sexual as it's exploring his sexual nature through gender transference (now there is a big word - when I really wanted a more adult version of "play").
no it not close minded.
It is not appropriate to dress like that one front of other kids - he can bring up his own kid as he likes (obvious exceptions, as usual) but every parent has a right to expect a certain level of decorum when their kid goes to another kid's house to play. And he breached it.

I don't walk about the house in the nip when my son's friends are over. Being in the nip (or boxers for that matter) isn't sexual , just lazy - but for decorum's sake.

MagicMarker wrote: »

The guy could have shown a little tact for the sake of his kid, but what he did wasn't necessarily ''wrong''.

He did a hellva lot wrong and I cannot believe you are blind to that.
He inflicted his lifestyle on his wife and kid by parading himself to others.

He has no concern how they might feel that his lifestyle was out in the public domain.
As his family they suffer whatever stigma is attached to his lifestyle , whether that stigma is rightly or wrongly attached - he made that choice for them and that is unfair. He is most inconsiderate.


he is an ass.

Monkey61

I can't believe the attitudes here! There is nothing at all wrong with cross dressing and how is the section of society that clearly have a problem with it ever going to become more tolerant if these are the small minded attitudes being peddled.

Good God Catholic Ireland, what next, send the daughter off to a Magdelene Laundry because she shamed everybody by getting pregnant? Forbid the son to hold hands with his boyfriend on the street for fear of what his brother's school friends might say??

Seriously people, a little bit of tolerance in the 21st century wouldn't go astray.

Fair play to your husband OP for being so comfortable with himself. As for your son's school friends, I know it's hard but teach him to tell them "So what?" Men wear pink shirts now, have earrings, David Beckham has been known to wear skirts, Eddie Izzard wears drag. Loads of men wear make up now as well. It's not the dark ages anymore. Op you need to show a united front in front of your son and make sure that he doesn't think that YOU think it is shameful - because that is what is going to mess him up the most!

Nevyn

Can we ease up on the inflamatory posting, it is not helpful.

Unhelpful and off-topic posting will get you banned from this forum.
Do take time to read the charter which contains the rules and abide by them.
Have a nice day.
Thaedydal

Craft25

I dare say if the dad was a drag queen in town, or a performer or something that the other parents would have less of an issue with it (of coures some would - but some always will). They would just say "there goes yer man, ye'll never guess what he does" think it querky, maybe not agree with it, but not freak out...

Even if he got seen through the window, some might think he's a bit of a wierdo, others would understand, some might keep the kids away from the house.. but at least then you might be able to make a united front with similarly open minded people, it would be there for all to see and you could defend your choices, the kid could make friends with other kids who'se parents would have told them it's no big deal!! But the way he did it he's leaving it for the kid to defend himself.


This question is all about context.. and i'm sorry but revealing it to neighbour kids is just WAY too much.. especially for the first reveal. Regardless of wether social services would take it seriously, the possibility that a few people would call anyway is very real!! Will that child ever have the experience of a sleepover now? will dad be able to bring sonny and his mates to the pool? Coach his sons soccer/gaa team? i doubt it, not in that area (at least not before you give the other parents an explanation they accept)

To reveal it to your own kid is a separate question.. the problem is you have to explain it now that he knows its not average behaviour..

OK..say... daddy likes to do this for x/y/z reason.. other people dont like it because (insert: catholic heritage/scared people.. basically whatever you believe)... do you see where i'm going here?? now you have to explain a load of the horrible realities of the world to a child just starting school, a time when he should still believe in a big red jolly man that brings pressies, a fluffy bunny that brings chocolate, that wrestling is real, and that one day he's gonna kiss the princess and wake her up!!

You're stealing his innocence.. everyone deserves to have that cozy feeling for as long as possible, dealing with the playground is a tough eneough reality check without this added complication. Like someone above said it may toughen him up too early.. and he may resent you for it.

as for seeing men in womens clothes in the pub..LOADS of times.. how many parties have you been at when the life and soul of the party, pillar of the community, stuffs a couple of balloons down his top, puts a wig on, bra & nickers or whatever and entertains everybody - and EVERYBODY loves it... because we all want to explore what is the difference between male and female.. its one of the greatest mysteries of life.. yin & yang. its not what he's doing, but how he chooses to do it!!

Chucky the tree

Monkey61 wrote: »

Op you need to show a united front in front of your son and make sure that he doesn't think that YOU think it is shameful - because that is what is going to mess him up the most!

I'd actually be pretty confident that it's the slagging/hidings he will get through his young life that will mess him more.

Toots

OP, you need to discuss this with your husband, and perhaps establish one or two ground rules about the cross dressing. It's important that your son does not feel ashamed of his father, or think that it is dirty or disgusting. He is lucky that he has such open minded and tolerant parents. However, the same may not be said for his friends. I think in future, you should ask your husband not to dress that way if your son is having friends over.

LegacyUser

Look at the end of the day its about the kid. Unfotunately kids have been bullied for much less, the daddy in this case was really out of order. OP you know that but I'm sure you and him talked it through before?

For the kid, tell him that if anyone challwnges hin, tell him to say, so what... and? and strike an attitrude, its not him his job to deal with the hangups of generations before, he'll probably be fine, kids are cool & resilent.

But your mister has not been cool. If he says the kid and his friends should just accept then he is just being selfish, he knows better, don't doubt that for a minute and give yourself a break. Maybe you need you a man who's playin out a fantasy of not just bein a woman but brin WITH A WOMAN. Nothing wrong with it, you don't have to just play to his fantasies, have your own x

hot2def

lickirishallsor wrote: »

Moonbabe, you have every right to feel let down by his actions, your clearly focused on your children, ....now.

What in the name of god is he thinking? So what if he wears womens clothes, each to their own, but in the first instance, its not right that he is allowed to do it in front of your children! They are too young to understand it, and its not right that you both allowed this to happen on your watch, until they are old enough to understand and deal with his choices you both should be protecting they children from this.

Honestly even you only seem to have woken up to this when other children came to the house, did it not occur to you before that that your own children may need to be older to understand your husbands choices.

I would advise you to sort out the whole matter first, things will blow over, yes you have damaged your standing for today, but each day will heal it.

Re locating may be the best thing if your childs life is unbearable, but its going to be as stressfull moving, especially if you both allow him to wear ladies clothes in front of them.

What if your child followed suit because of his example?

I don't know the full facts but I do know your husband is irresponsible, does your husband realise that someone could report him to social services?

Hey, there is no reason to believe that the dad's crossdressing is a danger to the child. thats just pure scaremongering


I do think doing it in front of neighbours was just stupid.

cowzerp

Thaedydal wrote: »

Cross dressing is not always fetish or a sexual fetish, some men just feel more comfortable
in a skirt the same way some women just feel more comfortable in trousers.

Thats ridiculus, if its comfort he's aiming for then he could wear baggy mens tracksuit or loads of other better choices.. he gets a kick out of it-that im sure of.

LegacyUser

Its really cool that your man has his womany fantasies, thats great for him.

Bravo!

However, your man should be cooler about understanding other peoples take on things AND the fact that you & kid have to deal with it.

I'm sure YOUR hubbie is cool with it............ BUT when I was a kid, everyone is my parents circle was cool with working out THEIR sexuality, was it gay was it stright, was it polyamous.... they were the coolest people of their generation... but for kids it is confusing... i was lucky that I had a hippy culture to support it.... I'm 30 something now and have not been lucky enough to have kids.... but nah lets your kids just be kids... your dude is bein selfish. Tell him to cop on, it not a political statement, just tell him to cop on.

MagicMarker

cowzerp wrote: »

Thats ridiculus, if its comfort he's aiming for then he could wear baggy mens tracksuit or loads of other better choices.. he gets a kick out of it-that im sure of.

If I'm thirsty, I might drink water, or coke, or milk. If I want to be comfortable, I might wear jeans, or tracksuit bottoms, or shorts, oooooorrr......a skirt maybe? What about a bath robe? They're strangely feminine aren't they?

There are loads of choices in everything we do, there is no wrong choice, especially when it comes to the clothes we wear ffs.

Believe it or not, there are men out there who just like how they look and feel in women's clothes. Some do it full time, do you think they walk around in a state of arousal 24/7? No, it's just their personal preference.

It's just sad reading some of the ignorant, invidious replies on this thread, stupidity should be against the charter.

cowzerp

MagicMarker wrote: »

Believe it or not, there are men out there who just like how they look and feel in women's clothes. Some do it full time, do you think they walk around in a state of arousal 24/7? No, it's just their personal preference.

It's just sad reading some of the ignorant, invidious replies on this thread, stupidity should be against the charter.

Why else would someone like to wear womens clothes then? comfort-ha ha, gullible anyone.

the fact that you think this perve is ok dressing like that in front of his childs friends makes you the ignorant one, the reason i use the word perve is not that he is a cross dresser but the fact that he done it in front of his kids friends when its obvious they'd get bullied for it, what a loser.

Zaph

cowzerp wrote: »

Why else would someone like to wear womens clothes then? comfort-ha ha, gullible anyone.

the fact that you think this perve is ok dressing like that in front of his childs friends makes you the ignorant one, the reason i use the word perve is not that he is a cross dresser but the fact that he done it in front of his kids friends when its obvious they'd get bullied for it, what a loser.

Less of the inflammatory remarks please cowzerp. While his actions were ill-judged and insensitive to his family, to say the least, cross dressing does not automatically make someone a pervert, regardless of who they do it in front of.

The Ritz

It's a pity that the behaviour that gave rise to the OP posting here is one which has fired off so many differing opinions on whether its normal/otherwise.

From my perspective, this has a lot more to do with parental responsibility - I don't care what the motivation factor is in his crossdressing, or whether the more liberally minded amongst us wish that it wasn't viewed with the approbrium that the OP and her misfortunate son is now experiencing, the reality is you live in a society which expects certain "norms" in routine social contact and that events or behaviour outside those norms results in a reaction.

If the reaction was directly aimed at you or your partner only, then you're both adults and you could deal with that.

Your son doesn't have that luxury and the savagery of kids treatment of something so unusual is something he's probably ill equipped to deal with.

I genuinely find it difficult to understand that you both didn't have ground rules agreed about crossdressing when visitors are present, most particulary when your son''s friends are about. My own house was like a carousel with my daughter's friends in and out of the house particularly when they were young and it still goes on now. Does your partner crossdress in his workplace, shopping, when you have friends come to your house, in front of your parents, his parents ? If not, why would he do so in front of your son's friends, or at least have the presence of mind to invent a cover story about fancy dress or something that would save his son from the inevitable teasing ?


I am also curious that you mention very little of your partner's role in remedying this situation for your son. The only remotely positive suggestion I can make is that he could arrange to collect him from school a couple of times a week (not crossdressed) and give your son some moral support and use the opportunity to defuse the attitude of other parents - but to be honest it's a long shot.



Ritz.

beautiation

Can we please get it out of the way once and for all that cross dressing is not automatically a sex thing. The lazy ignorance behind such a statement is shocking. Yes, it CAN be used as a sexual thing by a couple but that's very rarely the reason why it happens in the first place and it certainly doesn't mean there's anything dodgy going on when the bloke's just going around the house in female clothes!

Often it's a way for males who have grown up repressed to let out their feminine side. Wearing female clothes reminds them they're no longer restricted by gender roles and makes them feel more liberated to behave naturally. It can often make them more loving and open and there is no doubt it's healthier for a child to grow up with an out and proud tranny father than one who crossdresses in secret and is emotionally crippled by the shame of his dirty little secret.

No professional in the country would disagree on this point. It's not sexual. I think some people in this thread are labouring under the misapprehension that every cross dresser goes around in slutty drag queen wear all the time. In reality, there was nothing at all wrong with what was going on up until the point your son's friends came into it.

But now this has happened and you have to protect your son. Ok, you must be mad at your husband. I would be. But don't go overboard. The worst thing you could do is make your husband stop dressing up completely, as that would be telling your son that the way he has known his father is shameful.

Talk to your husband. Tell him first of all that you love him and accept him, but that there are a few practicalities that he just has to face up to if he wants to be a good father. Find out why he did this. He was surely aware of what would happen and for some reason chose to go through with it anyway. Maybe he's afraid to stop CDing around company because he's worried it would then look like it's something to be ashamed of, and his son would stop respecting him. Maybe he thinks the thick skin he must undoubtedly have developed by now is necessary in life, and is looking to instil it in your son. Or maybe through experience he's developed a bitterness against all those who'd abuse his lifestyle choices and he's unwilling to give in to them an inch, even to kids. I'm just guessing, it could be a lot of things, but you need to find out.

Something motivated him to make a god-awful parenting decision that really can't be allowed happen again. There's some attitude he holds in regard to crossdressing which is conflicting with his ability to be a good parent, and you have to find that attitude and make him see that he doesn't need it in order to be himself. If he can't see this, I think you're going to have to step in and lay down the law.

As for your son, he'll get over it in time. It'll be hard, but these things do eventually get buried beneath the many subsequent scandals of the playground. It's a horrible way for it to happen but in the long run there might be good long-term developments in this for your son, if you can just get him through the initial misery of the bullying without him forming a permanent resentment of his father. It's pretty unusual for stuff that happens in Junior infants to hound a kid all through his school life, at that age everyone's practically still a baby and most kids don't have the attention span or memory to keep up a campaign of bullying over the same issue without fresh stimulus. If your husband was picking your son up every day in drag it might be different, but I'd say this'll die down eventually if nothing further happens.

The one worry I'd have would be close-minded parents of the other kids encouraging your kids isolation, so maybe talking to them to find out the depth of feeling about this might be a good idea. But you could be alright, it doesn't matter if a few of them are giggling away about it, if it was really a big issue for them they wouldn't be laughing, not when their kids are involved. If there are any tight-lipped mothers picking up their kids at 100 miles an hour when you're around and refusing to even look in your direction, then they're the ones you want to worry about.

Whatever you do, best of luck!

King of Kings

Zaph wrote: »

Less of the inflammatory remarks please cowzerp. While his actions were ill-judged and insensitive to his family, to say the least, cross dressing does not automatically make someone a pervert, regardless of who they do it in front of.

i disagree, I don'y think cowzerp was inferring cross dressing was preverted. I don't think anybody in he whole post has said that but I agree with him in front of the neighbours kids without previously mentioning his lifestyle to their parents is bizarre and quite possibly perverted.

beautiation wrote: »

Can we please get it out of the way once and for all that cross dressing is not automatically a sex thing. The lazy ignorance behind such a statement is shocking.

Look ,this refers to other posters who have posted likewise, just cos you say it doesn't make it so.
I believe it's sexual.My opinion is equally as valid as yours.
I'm quite a liberal guy - i believe in the freedom of lifestyle once it does not impinge on others. So don't come back with the closed minded ,small town catholic thing here cos it's not apt.
I do believe there is a time and place for things.
In front of the neighbours kids in NOT one of them.