Not speaking after row

LegacyUser

As the title suggests I had a row with my wife on Monday and we still havent spoken so wondering what I should do.

Background is that for the moment we only see each other on weekends as we both work away from our home place. (Should be both working our home place soon enough)
On Sunday she was considering coming home midweek but then after a phonecall from a mate who needed her help she decided that she wouldnt be home until Friday (today). Stressful enough issue with her mate and the call came in late. I stayed up talking to her about it, well the rare words she spoke in between long bouts of silence, but I tried to be there for her if she wanted to say more. Thing was though that I was also very tired and close to midnight I said I had to go to bed as I'd to be up at 5.30am the next morning. She wasn't impressed that I was going to bed but it was getting to the stage where I had already nodded off in a micro sleep twice so I couldnt stay awake.

Chatted Monday morning and all seemed grand and then after work I rang to see how her day was, in particular with the help to her mate. With that, without even so much as a "How are you" she launched into an attack saying if I really cared I wouldnt have gone to bed when she needed to talk the night before.

I was just after a fairly tough day and didnt appreciate being attacked like that so I just said that I didnt appreciate being spoken to like that and wouldnt talk to her if she was going to attack me like that. With that I hung up.

So now its Friday, her home coming day, and we havent spoken since.

I know I probably should have been the bigger person and broke the ice during the week but this isnt the 1st time that this kind of attack has happened but I=it was the 1st time I ever hung up. Im not one for confrontations and I've usually grinned and bared it but was always made feel like I was the @sshole for causing the row!

What to do???

cantdecide

AwkardSilence wrote: »

...I know I probably should have been the bigger person and broke the ice during the week...

Flowers

MagicMarker

cantdecide wrote: »

Flowers

WTF should he buy flowers for?

OP, when she gets home just try and act normal, give her a kiss and a hug, tell her you missed her, leave it at that. It's such a non issue that should only be for teenagers. If she isn't willing to just forget and move on then tell her to grow up.

HouseHippo

Break the ice,apologise,grovel.....I had a similar fight with my boyfriend this week,I think you need to show her some attention,make sure she knows you don't take her for granted

Everyone likes to feel loved.....

paperclip2

Just wondering, but was there any chance she wanted you to say you wanted to see her come home midweek instead of staying with her mate?

HouseHippo

paperclip2 wrote: »

Just wondering, but was there any chance she wanted you to say you wanted to see her come home midweek instead of staying with her mate?

I agree with this...I think she is feeling neglected by you at the moment, prob feels like you are more occupied by work than her

cantdecide

MagicMarker wrote: »

...give her a kiss and a hug, tell her you missed her...

You mean show her a little affection?

MagicMarker wrote: »

WTF should he buy flowers for?

Forgive me. How could I have been so stupid.

I don't see how insulting me is helpful or on topic.


OP- you get the idea. Be diplomatic, bite your tongue. Be the bigger man and apologise for your half of the problem.

MagicMarker

cantdecide wrote: »

I don't see how insulting me is helpful or on topic.

You're welcome to point out where I unsulted you?

My point is, she's in the wrong, she's the one that over reacted. He shouldn't have to buy her anything, it's a waste of money and it validates her childish behavior.

LegacyUser

cantdecide wrote: »

OP- you get the idea. Be diplomatic, bite your tongue. Be the bigger man and apologise for your half of the problem.

Thats the thing. I feel like she's expecting me to be sorry for being tired and having to get about 6 hours sleep before going to work. I think she's being unreasonable as at that stage it wasnt something I could really control!

Wagon

AwkardSilence wrote: »

Chatted Monday morning and all seemed grand and then after work I rang to see how her day was, in particular with the help to her mate. With that, without even so much as a "How are you" she launched into an attack saying if I really cared I wouldnt have gone to bed when she needed to talk the night before.

HouseHippo wrote: »

Break the ice,apologise,grovel.....I had a similar fight with my boyfriend this week,I think you need to show her some attention,make sure she knows you don't take her for granted

Everyone likes to feel loved.....

How does that warrent grovelling? She was chatting to him Monday morning, then suddently she has a go at him about what he did on Sunday. And all he's guilty of is being tired!

stupidusername

Please do not buy her flowers, and do not ignore it! :eek:

She's pissed off with you because you obviously didn't show enough consideration for her problem, and just stayed silent on the phone when she could have done with some support either in advice or just plain attentiveness. So I know that I would hate to get flowers, as if this was to make up for all of this!

She could have been a bit more considerate knowing you had to get up so early, but I have to kind of agree with her general attitude, as if she can't expect a late night conversation of support from you , who can she expect it from?

And to ignore it, by just giving a hug and kiss is to make everything much worse. not only did you do something to upset her but now you just want to forget about it?! That's just immature. A mature couple would at least sit down and talk things over to firstly - know what the real problem is, secondly - talk about how you both handled it and thirdly - sort things out properly.

Nothing will get solved if you just ignore it!

OS119

if what you say is true - that she was the one who didn't speak when you gave her the opportunity to, and then she bitched about it as if it was your fault - and that this isn't the first time that you get to apologise for her moods...

ditch the bitch.

get home early, put her stuff in plastic bags and then when she arrives home you can have a conversation about how she treats you (contempt is the word that sprang to mind while reading your OP...) and your relationship.

do not, under any circumstances, apologise to her. she has done wrong and anything you do that 'tries to meet her in the middle' validates her behaviour.

you don't have to be serious about getting rid, but as long as she doesn't know that you may get somewhere.

CathyMoran

She was stressed out and needed a virtual hug but you were too tired...these things happen and we always hurt those that we love. Just talk with her when she gets home. I know that this is tough but it is just a lovers tiff.

Storm_rages

I'm with CathyMoran on this. I don't think flowers but i think talk to her and tell her you missed her. You did nothing wrong but it is hard to be away from the one you love and as you said she wanted to chat with you (not your fault in any way you were tired)

But and its a big But don't let these things run on so long. Hurt and resentment can build up on both sides. So maybe talk to her about not not speaking...see if you can work something out.

Wagon

Just tell her you needed to go to bed because you were very tired and you helped as best you could. It was just bad timing and it's not your fault or hers. Dunno why she bit the head off you though, there was no grounds for that.

NewFrockTuesday

She was stressed out and needed a virtual hug but you were too tired...these things happen and we always hurt those that we love. Just talk with her when she gets home. I know that this is tough but it is just a lovers tiff.

So nicely put.

Pub07

AwkardSilence wrote: »

As the title suggests I had a row with my wife on Monday and we still havent spoken so wondering what I should do.

Background is that for the moment we only see each other on weekends as we both work away from our home place. (Should be both working our home place soon enough)
On Sunday she was considering coming home midweek but then after a phonecall from a mate who needed her help she decided that she wouldnt be home until Friday (today). Stressful enough issue with her mate and the call came in late. I stayed up talking to her about it, well the rare words she spoke in between long bouts of silence, but I tried to be there for her if she wanted to say more. Thing was though that I was also very tired and close to midnight I said I had to go to bed as I'd to be up at 5.30am the next morning. She wasn't impressed that I was going to bed but it was getting to the stage where I had already nodded off in a micro sleep twice so I couldnt stay awake.

Chatted Monday morning and all seemed grand and then after work I rang to see how her day was, in particular with the help to her mate. With that, without even so much as a "How are you" she launched into an attack saying if I really cared I wouldnt have gone to bed when she needed to talk the night before.

I was just after a fairly tough day and didnt appreciate being attacked like that so I just said that I didnt appreciate being spoken to like that and wouldnt talk to her if she was going to attack me like that. With that I hung up.

So now its Friday, her home coming day, and we havent spoken since.

I know I probably should have been the bigger person and broke the ice during the week but this isnt the 1st time that this kind of attack has happened but I=it was the 1st time I ever hung up. Im not one for confrontations and I've usually grinned and bared it but was always made feel like I was the @sshole for causing the row!

What to do???

She acted like a twat, she's the one who should be apologising. You had to get up at 5.30 the next morning and it was midnight, she cant expect you to sit on the other end of the phone indefinitely, when you are up early for work the next morning, listening to 'long bouts of silence' interspersed with some chat about her friends issues.

Whatever you do, dont go apologising or buying flowers like some suggested, which basically says you were in the wrong when you clearly weren't.

Chatted Monday morning and all seemed grand and then after work I rang to see how her day was, in particular with the help to her mate. With that, without even so much as a "How are you" she launched into an attack saying if I really cared I wouldnt have gone to bed when she needed to talk the night before.

Sounds like she thinks the world revolves around her.

LegacyUser

MagicMarker wrote: »

WTF should he buy flowers for?

OP, when she gets home just try and act normal, give her a kiss and a hug, tell her you missed her, leave it at that. It's such a non issue that should only be for teenagers. If she isn't willing to just forget and move on then tell her to grow up.

Too right, smacks of passive aggressiveness to me!

Dont mind her sulking and only seeing things from her point of view!

If you give her flowers you are basically rewarding her for being selfish, ungrateful and spoilt!

CDfm

paperclip2 wrote: »

Just wondering, but was there any chance she wanted you to say you wanted to see her come home midweek instead of staying with her mate?

The hanging up is a bit much. Why didnt you just say can I call you back and when you called her back just you took a break cos the converstion was too heavy. This hanging up mand silent treatment is secondary school stuff and you both need to tell your Mothers what happened.

As for her staying over to look after a mate. Her decision so thats not ypour responsibilty.