Can he remain faithful?

chickenlicken

Well looking for male opinions here mainly. My boyfriend of two years spent a night with his ex (apparently "all night long" so it were if you catch my drift) about a year ago after a night of serious boozing (he had lied to me about where he was) and she ended up pregnant. He then a month later spent a weekend with a colleague (however the exact nature of what happened remains uncertain). This all came out a couple of weeks ago. Needless to say I'm quite hurt by this. So it's been rough and we've had several arguments about it. Several times he's wanted to leave, and I always end up asking him to stay. We had a proper, civilised chat about the whole thing this weekend during which he said only for I asked him to stay he would have left. He says at the time he did those things he didn't know if he "wanted" me but does now.
So my question is, of course firstly does anyone think he can remain faithful? And also, does it mean he really doesn't love me if he would have left only for I asked him to stay rather than trying to work things out?
I'm also really troubled by the fact he spent a passionate night with his ex. To me that means he still found her incredibly attractive. And possibly still had feelings for her. Or could it have been just sex? He says he "doesn't know why" he did it, says he was being malicious toward me when he did.
I'm just not sure what to do. Yes of course part of me is staying because I'm afraid to walk away. And of course I'm really hoping he means it when he says he won't do it again.

MagicMarker

After a year your BF got another girl pregnant?

And you're still with him.......?

*mind boggles beyond comprehension*

For your own sake, leave him now! You must think very little of yourself tbh.

LegacyUser

does anyone think he can remain faithful?

No.

And also, does it mean he really doesn't love me if he would have left only for I asked him to stay rather than trying to work things out?

Yes, it means he really doesn't love you.

I'm also really troubled by the fact he spent a passionate night with his ex.

Of course you are!

To me that means he still found her incredibly attractive. And possibly still had feelings for her.

Yes and Yes.

Or could it have been just sex?

Irrelevant, he slept with another woman, he found her incredibly attractive. And possibly still has feelings for her

He says he "doesn't know why" he did it, says he was being malicious toward me when he did.

He did it because still found her incredibly attractive. And possibly still had feelings for her. I dont think you came into it at all. Sorry.

I'm just not sure what to do.

Leave him. Its already over. Dont flog a dead horse any longer.

LegacyUser

I'd tend to agree ..... he obviously has no respect for you and it doesn't sound like there was ever a big apology, or even a heartwarming talk where he put forth his reasons for doing it and accepting how wrong he was. I wouldn't be surprised at all if he did it again. You're worth much more than this and there's other guys out there who won't treat you like that, so I'd say end it and work on your self-confidence - you don't need to put up with that kind of behaviour!

CathyMoran

I'd forgive someone once if they were under severe stress at the time but twice would be a no...he seems to be a serial cheater to me.

partyguinness

..and you are with this guy because....???

Seriously..he is taking you for a ride (no pun intended)...he told you he wanted to leave and you asked him to stay even after that??? Jaysus...he is running circles around you..

Get a grip..have you any self respect for yourself? He clearly is not willing to commit absolutley.

What age you both of you??

LegacyUser

We're both 29, I guess he just doesn't want to commit. Though he talks of marriage now, and asked me if I would accept his proposal if it were to come soon. I really don't know. But yes, my self-esteem is not the best after all of this.

Zee Deveel

I'm a little torn writing this. There's a part of me that wants to say just walk away and save yourself any further potential hurt.

At the same time, however, I've been in a similar situation to your boyfriend. And he found out about it all and the relationship was pretty shook up for a while and everything was dreadful. I only figured out what I wanted, when he found out what I'd done, and was prepared to leave me. I wanted him, yet I'd made the mistake of being with the ex. And I felt dreadful and was ready to leave, had gotten up early next morning to pack my bags and leave his life forever, until he half woke up and asked me not to go.

Next few months were somewhat unpleasant. The relationship was uncertain at best and it took a while to learn to trust again. But I have remained faithful. The relationship has blossomed and we are looking forward to spending the rest of our lives together now, a few years on.

People fúck up and make mistakes. Particularly when drunk. I'm not making any excuses, I'm just saying things as they are.

It's up to you. It is entirely possible that he's made his big mistake and learnt his big lesson and can and will be faithful from now on. You can accept that he's made the mistake, forgive him and work on rebuilding your relationship.

Or you can decide that you've been betrayed, and that you will not be able to trust him again. If that's how you feel, then don't drag it out any longer than you have to. Cut your losses and work on getting yourself back together. Breakups are rarely easy, and the longer you drag them out, when a breakup is inevitable, the worse it's going to be for everyone involved.

Dudess

chickenlicken wrote: »

My boyfriend of two years spent a night with his ex (apparently "all night long" so it were if you catch my drift) about a year ago after a night of serious boozing (he had lied to me about where he was) and she ended up pregnant. He then a month later spent a weekend with a colleague (however the exact nature of what happened remains uncertain). This all came out a couple of weeks ago. Needless to say I'm quite hurt by this. So it's been rough and we've had several arguments about it. Several times he's wanted to leave, and I always end up asking him to stay.

Wow... he gets to choose whether to stay or go?!

We had a proper, civilised chat about the whole thing this weekend during which he said only for I asked him to stay he would have left.

Not the basis of a healthy relationship.

He says at the time he did those things he didn't know if he "wanted" me but does now.

Wait a minute... he only stayed because you asked him vs he didn't know if he wanted you but does now? Which is it?

So my question is, of course firstly does anyone think he can remain faithful?

An unequivocal "no" from me.

And also, does it mean he really doesn't love me if he would have left only for I asked him to stay rather than trying to work things out?

Very strong possibility.

I'm also really troubled by the fact he spent a passionate night with his ex.

Goes without saying surely. I'm not sure you've fully grasped the gravity of what he's done.

To me that means he still found her incredibly attractive. And possibly still had feelings for her. Or could it have been just sex?

Don't bother trying to rationalise why he did it - that's almost like trying to find justification (subconsciously). What matters is, he did it, nothing more.

says he was being malicious toward me when he did.

Don't know whether he meant his intentions were malicious at the time or whether he's now viewing it as malicious looking back on it. If it's the former, unbelievable.

I'm just not sure what to do. Yes of course part of me is staying because I'm afraid to walk away.

Tell him get the **** out. He was ready to do so anyway. Why should you be the one to leave? You're being extremely lenient on him. I know it will be hard for you but you'll be doing yourself a massive favour in the long run, as opposed to the disservice you'd be doing yourself by staying with him and letting him chip away at your already fragile confidence which you should work on. The imbalance between you and that utter dirtbag is absolutely dismaying.

Craft25

you are the perfect girl for a guy like him..

cos he's gonna keep shagging whoever takes his fancy, safe in the knowledge that his 'missus' at home is soft, low on self worth and will put up with anything..

you provide the warm home, they provide the adventure..

leave him and work on yourself.. ask yourself.. if i think THAT is good eneough for me, how do i really value myself

Dudess

Craft25 wrote: »

you are the perfect girl for a guy like him..

cos he's gonna keep shagging whoever takes his fancy, safe in the knowledge that his 'missus' at home is soft, low on self worth and will put up with anything..

you provide the warm home, they provide the adventure..

leave him and work on yourself.. ask yourself.. if i think THAT is good eneough for me, how do i really value myself

Harsh but true. Only flaw is the advice to leave him - he can leave you. He was on the verge of doing so anyway.

I've done the hugging, the staying up all night consoling, the box of tissue providing, the counselling... of friends who were treated like sh1t over and over (these kinds of relationships generally aren't one-offs when a girl has little self worth). As someone said recently, low self-esteem means going for dickheads, being with dickheads batters low self-esteem - it's a cycle so the best thing you can do for yourself is break it.
The guys are bastards in these cases (only being gender-specific to be of relevance to the OP - similar stuff applies though when guys get treated like sh1t by girls) but this only goes so far as an excuse. Girls who put up with that crap need to take responsibility for themselves too.

Dudess

Unregistered wrote: »

Though he talks of marriage now, and asked me if I would accept his proposal if it were to come soon.

Handy to have a subservient wife I suppose - and what a boost to his ego! Asking you to marry him isn't a cast-iron guarantee of his willingness to commit.

But yes, my self-esteem is not the best after all of this.

It seems like your self-esteem isn't great anyway - cheating boyfriend or no cheating boyfriend.

Zee Deveel wrote: »

I wanted him, yet I'd made the mistake of being with the ex. And I felt dreadful and was ready to leave

You appear to have felt a lot worse about it than the OP's boyfriend though.

People fúck up and make mistakes. Particularly when drunk. I'm not making any excuses, I'm just saying things as they are.

Indeed. It's a reality - I often find people a bit too idealistic about eternal love etc on this forum. And it looks like that's what you did - made a mistake and you were sorry afterwards. The OP's boyfriend did this twice - fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice... etc.

It's up to you. It is entirely possible that he's made his big mistake and learnt his big lesson and can and will be faithful from now on. You can accept that he's made the mistake, forgive him and work on rebuilding your relationship.

Or you can decide that you've been betrayed, and that you will not be able to trust him again. If that's how you feel, then don't drag it out any longer than you have to. Cut your losses and work on getting yourself back together. Breakups are rarely easy, and the longer you drag them out, when a breakup is inevitable, the worse it's going to be for everyone involved.

I think the OP would be better off going for the second option - it doesn't look like he's genuinely sorry and to be trusted at all. Start believing in yourself OP, you deserve a great guy - don't stop telling yourself that.

Lollipops23

he got her pregnant and he's only telling you now??did she keep the baby?cos that in itself is a big deal cos he'd have a kid in his life. but seriously, dump him now,you can do much better than someone who persistantly cheats and lies(and knocks up girls without telling you.)

Karen_*

By staying in this relationship you're only wrecking your own head. You'll never be able to trust him. Don't be afraid, the worst has already happened.

LegacyUser

If I was going out with someone and I found out later that she slept with her ex after a year of us being together because she wasnt sure what she wanted then I would make her mind up for her and tell her to close the door on her way out. Dont care what people say, drink is never an excuse and I just wouldnt give anyone a second chance if they cheated. I just wouldnt be able to trust them again but thats me, if you dont think he would cheat again and your willing to forgive and forget then by all means go for it but id say tell him to f*ck off!!

LolaLuv

I don't think any self-respecting woman would even bother to ask if she should stay with the guy. So since you probably won't take any of the advice that's already been offered, let me add that you should get yourself tested and demand that he use condoms from now on.

Beruthiel

chickenlicken wrote: »

Several times he's wanted to leave, and I always end up asking him to stay.

He sleeps with an ex, gets her pregnant and you're begging him to stay.
Why?
Seriously, why?
Have you no self respect or pride?
Do you not think that you deserve better treatment than this?
Where's your self worth?

We had a proper, civilised chat about the whole thing this weekend during which he said only for I asked him to stay he would have left.

Let him go then.

He says at the time he did those things he didn't know if he "wanted" me but does now.

Oh please

So my question is, of course firstly does anyone think he can remain faithful?

No.
As has been said already, you'll just about put up with anything and still beg him to stay. You have made it too easy for him.

And also, does it mean he really doesn't love me if he would have left only for I asked him to stay rather than trying to work things out?

I would certainly see it that way.

I'm just not sure what to do.

You could start with finding your self esteem, confidence, self worth and pride.
When you find those, you'll know exactly what to do.

Yes of course part of me is staying because I'm afraid to walk away.

Why are you afraid?
Is it because any man is better than none?
That ain't the truth honey and you'll live a long and miserable life with this particular one.

Aloysius Flyte

chickenlicken wrote: »

Well looking for male opinions here mainly. My boyfriend of two years spent a night with his ex (apparently "all night long" so it were if you catch my drift) about a year ago after a night of serious boozing (he had lied to me about where he was) and she ended up pregnant. He then a month later spent a weekend with a colleague (however the exact nature of what happened remains uncertain). This all came out a couple of weeks ago. Needless to say I'm quite hurt by this. So it's been rough and we've had several arguments about it. Several times he's wanted to leave, and I always end up asking him to stay. We had a proper, civilised chat about the whole thing this weekend during which he said only for I asked him to stay he would have left. He says at the time he did those things he didn't know if he "wanted" me but does now.
So my question is, of course firstly does anyone think he can remain faithful? And also, does it mean he really doesn't love me if he would have left only for I asked him to stay rather than trying to work things out?
I'm also really troubled by the fact he spent a passionate night with his ex. To me that means he still found her incredibly attractive. And possibly still had feelings for her. Or could it have been just sex? He says he "doesn't know why" he did it, says he was being malicious toward me when he did.
I'm just not sure what to do. Yes of course part of me is staying because I'm afraid to walk away. And of course I'm really hoping he means it when he says he won't do it again.

This should be titled - MY BOYFRIEND HAS BEEN UNFAITHFUL WITH HIS EX AND GOT HER PREGNANT.

You are ignoring the fact that your boyfriend has cheated on you with his ex. I appreciate that it is hard to deal with, but you have to address the fact. He got her pregnant, and since this was over a year ago, is there a baby? Initially I was amazed that your only concern was whether he'd do it again. But now I feel concern for you as you are clearly not dealing with the issue.

I have to ask you something. Why would you want to be with someone who has cheated on you? Why would you beg someone to stay with you when they clearly didn't want to be with you.

Maybe you feel this is all you deserve for whatever reason, but no-one deserves to be cheated on, and more importantly, no-one deserves to feel that being with someone who cheats on them is all they deserve.
Everyone, including you, deserves to be with someone who respects and loves them. The choice is yours.

I wish you all the best, truely I do.

seosamh1980

Drop him like a hot rock and don't look back. Ignore his calls and delete his number because there is no point in staying with someone who cheats on you. You will only end up wasting time that could be spent with someone who loves you.

CDfm

He is a barrel of laughs this guy of yours - a real gem.

Its not whether you believe him but whether you trust him and trust has to be 100% or its zero.

Redpunto

Sorry, i havent read all the posts so apologies if im repeated any sentiment...

Kick him out - he wants to leave - let him,, hes a prick and doesnt deserve you. You are letting yourself be treated as a doormat. Is this the type of person you thought of when you were a young girl that youd spend the rest of your life with? Get out and move on. EVen if you think you love the guy you really need to get rid of him - you will never be able to trust him

Liam Byrne

He's done all the damage to your self-respect and confidence that he can do.

By staying with him you're adding to it all by yourself.

St Bill

Does it matter to you? It hasn't mattered so far so I don't know why you're asking if he'll remain faithful

dudara

Cheating can be forgiven and can even make a relationship stronger, if both parties work at it.

However, serial cheating is not acceptable. By asking him to stay, despite repeated infidelity, you are reinforcing his behaviour.

Think long and hard about how you want to be perceived. Do you want to be seen as reliable/weak/pathetic?

LegacyUser

There is no baby, she had a termination. I know I need to see about my confidence issues through counselling or whatever it takes and also make the right decision, not one based on total lack of self worth and a fear of breaking away. I'm definitely deluding myself thinking he can be different for me. And I do realise none of it was anything resembling loving behaviour. I've been a total idiot. I've been so afraid every man will be like this that I thought suffering through this might just be the way and accept it. But it isn't. Please please PLEASE tell me not all men will do this....!!!!

Liam Byrne

Unregistered wrote: »

Please please PLEASE tell me not all men will do this....!!!!

Spare a thought for us poor men who've been pricked around by some woman or other, and let me ask you......do all women do that ? No.

Do all men ? No.

LolaLuv

Not all men will do this. Fact. Stay single until you believe that.

Salome

He doesn't love you. If he did, there would be no doubt in his mind and he'd commit to you in a heartbeat.

The ex-gf obviously knows him better than you - she didn't want to keep his baby. She knows what a jerk he is.

He only came back when you asked because he probably didn't have anywhere else to go - but if he did, he'd be gone.

Do yourself a favour - tell him to go. Salvage some scrap of dignity and self-respect and dump him. He won't stay if he meets someone else that he loves/fancies/wants more than you - don't wait for the inevitable to happen. Take your life into your own hands and dump him now.

Dudess

Unregistered wrote: »

I know I need to see about my confidence issues through counselling or whatever it takes

Good for you hon. Start by taking those notions of yourself as worthless and shoving them far, far to the side. You're worth a LOT. What makes you lesser than others? Only your negative self-image, not anything based in logic and reality. And think positively - I can't stress that enough.

and also make the right decision, not one based on total lack of self worth and a fear of breaking away. I'm definitely deluding myself thinking he can be different for me. And I do realise none of it was anything resembling loving behaviour.

Well you've had the tough words (and there's no harm in a certain amount of them once they don't get too out of hand - that can serve to have a detrimental effect) and it appears you're taking them on board. You're not getting all defensive and acting as if everyone here is against you. We're not - we're rooting for you. What you say above is spot-on - and you seem to be saying it with conviction. Now hold on to it...

I've been a total idiot.

Hey! No beating yourself up, that's only your lack of confidence continuing to assert itself. You've made some bad decisions - don't hate yourself for them. Learn from them and move on.

I've been so afraid every man will be like this that I thought suffering through this might just be the way and accept it. But it isn't.

You poor thing. Anyone you could chat to? A shoulder to cry on would do you no harm right now...

Please please PLEASE tell me not all men will do this....!!!!

Without a shadow of a doubt. The problem is, if you've a low opinion of yourself you become attracted to people who revel in being with those who have a low opinion of themselves - it makes them feel better about themselves. So when they're the guys that you end up with, it no doubt really does feel like all men are like that. If you feel good about yourself, it radiates, and the assholes aren't into that.
And also, don't be tempted to suspect men are a certain way. Some people are assholes, irrespective of gender. Just like there are great women, there are great men.

Stay strong - you're very much on the right track...

Karen_*

Unregistered wrote: »

There is no baby, she had a termination. I know I need to see about my confidence issues through counselling or whatever it takes and also make the right decision, not one based on total lack of self worth and a fear of breaking away. I'm definitely deluding myself thinking he can be different for me. And I do realise none of it was anything resembling loving behaviour. I've been a total idiot. I've been so afraid every man will be like this that I thought suffering through this might just be the way and accept it. But it isn't. Please please PLEASE tell me not all men will do this....!!!!

It really is better to be alone than to stay in a situation like this. Have courage and make the break. You will feel so great about yourself after a while and your self esteem will be alot better. And when you're feeling good about you you attract good people. Healthy people. Learn from this, feel the pain but do move on.

And you will of course meet someone else and find real love. Not all men are like him, far from it. Invest in yourself by getting out. It will be tough at first but I guarantee you won't regret doing it. And lets face it you can't meet anyone while you're with that no-hoper.

Craft25

He is not a man

CathyMoran

Not all men are like him but even the best ones are entitled to make mistakes in extreme circumstances, however what your hopefully now ex-bf did was unforgivable.

Beruthiel

Unregistered wrote: »

Please please PLEASE tell me not all men will do this....!!!!

I assure you, there are some fantastic men out there who would never treat a woman like you have been treated.
He's not a man btw, he's a boy who hasn't grown up.

jellie

im guessing youre still in love with the guy you THOUGHT he was, & not the person he actually is.

regardless of how much how disgusting his behaviour is it comes down to this..
1. you dont deserve to be treated like this
2. even IF he had somehow changed (& thats a very big if), how would you ever trust him again.

By begging him to stay after he has treated you so badly you are pretty much saying "hey do what you want to me, ill still want you". You SHOULDNT want him. you should be running away.

i know its hard. ive been cheated on by someone i loved & it hurts SO SO much, especially if you have no clue its happening. Its hard to let go. But being in no relationship is a million times better than being in a bad relationship.

You really need to walk away & let go before he destroys you even further.

John Mason

I think you both deserve each other.

he wants to shag loads of different people and you have no problem with this and in fact encourage him, by begging him to stay afterwards. positive re-enforcement.

its what works for you, not everyones relationships have to fit into "the norm"

Loopy

I would say either accept that this is the way he is or walk away..

Dudess

pink fluffy bunny wrote: »

I think you both deserve each other.

he wants to shag loads of different people and you have no problem with this and in fact encourage him, by begging him to stay afterwards. positive re-enforcement.

Very unfair. The girl seems to be at rock bottom. No need to kick her while she's down. She's had the tough words and appears to be taking them on board. A bit of encouragement and support is what she needs now.

its what works for you, not everyones relationships have to fit into "the norm"

And will destroy her.

LegacyUser

^^well said, a kind word when someone's confidence is shattered is worth more than all the well meaning lectures in the world!

OP, not all men are like this by a long shot, you often hear the old cliche "better the devil you know" -well its not true.

Don't stick to this man because you are afraid of worse out there and cling to the familiar...that really is one step away from Stockholm syndrome...

Please let this jerk go on his way and make a fresh start in your life. You will be amazed how relieved you will be after all this horrible turmoil and angst is lifted off your shoulders.

Soon it will be Spring and then Summer, think of all the gorgeous fellas out there, maybe lonely for a lovely girl like you!

Get rid of him before Valentines day and you will feel so much better!

jellie

pink fluffy bunny wrote: »

I think you both deserve each other.

thats a bit harsh. noone deserves to be treated like that.

if she stayed with him knowing all this & he did it again, then fair enough i might agree - which is why we're all screaming "run away!". but shes only found out. sometimes the fear of losing someone or loving someone can be blind you from the obvious.

LegacyUser

Please leave him and cut all contact.

You will just get hurt and you diserve alot more, there's thousands of lads in your situation hoping to meet someone like you. (including me)

Something similiar happened to me(not as serious) so I dumped my ex and wont talk to her again no matter what.

If I fancied a girl to bits but I knew she let guys walk all over her it'd put me off, it's attractive when a girl won't let that happen to her.

I know ya love him but sorry if he loved you he wouldn't hurt you at all, I loved me ex and I never hurt her one single time untill she hurt me first for no reason. He's just going to keep on doing it, please just tell him to f off.

CDfm

It kind of occured to me that this guy might be a sort of Walter Mitty character - a fantasist who makes up things- to get attention.

OP - why tell you his ex was pregnant and then has an abortion. It makes no sense to me. You seem to be reeling from crisis to catastrophe.Its kind of big emotional stuff.

It cant be very healthy to be on this emotional roller coaster especially if you cant verify easily whats being said.

Its just a thought

Best of luck

Peewee_lane

Get out of there.

Stop asking him to stay with you, deep down he doesnt want you and is only saying what he thinks you want to hear, its a game. Maybe not malicious, but he's just not that into you.

Redpunto

A "man" would not behave like this, hes a scumbag.

chickenlicken

Thankyou Dudess and CDfm and everyone else who has been supportive. I have made the hard decision to end it. It's so difficult, I guess when there's been an emotional (at least on my part!!) tie to him for the last two years. It's definitely not a healthy rollercoaster to be on. And my work has even suffered of late because I haven't been able to stop thinking what's the truth and what's not. Now I've a new job offer for the coming months (thankfully even though its the recession!!), and I want to make the best of myself for my future and whoever I settle with eventually. But I do know I need to remain single for quite some time, until I've learned to respect myself again and never tolerate such behaviour for as long as I have. All I've come across as is needy and dependent to him, probably worsening the disrespect he so obviously already has for me. I've been stupid. I was clinging to the fact he might actually stop his terrible behaviours. And I do realise thanks to some of your replies that there is better out there! Hell, I'm friends with some wonderful men. Guess I just let myself get far too low in my self-opinion to believe I could do better.
Thank you to all of you who understood where I was at.

Peewee_lane

Been there babydoll, nearly the same story as yours, an ex spent the night with his ex because he was abroad and met up with her, I was so hurt.

The minute I ended it after all his lies, the amount of positiveness that happened in my life was amazing.

Dont feel sad, even if hes made for you, crap like that isnt what you deserve.

Be strong when he comes back with his tail between his legs and join a club or something in the gym, get out and active, dont let it hurt you more than it has.

Good luck!

Karen_*

I've been there too chickenlicken and although its tough you're already taking huge steps towards a much happier life. Think of how proud of yourself you're going to feel and how strong. I'm full of admiration for what you're doing. Good on you.

Beruthiel

chickenlicken wrote: »

Now I've a new job offer for the coming months (thankfully even though its the recession!!), and I want to make the best of myself for my future and whoever I settle with eventually. But I do know I need to remain single for quite some time, until I've learned to respect myself again and never tolerate such behaviour for as long as I have. All I've come across as is needy and dependent to him, probably worsening the disrespect he so obviously already has for me. I've been stupid. I was clinging to the fact he might actually stop his terrible behaviours. And I do realise thanks to some of your replies that there is better out there! Hell, I'm friends with some wonderful men. Guess I just let myself get far too low in my self-opinion to believe I could do better.

Well done to you girl!
Expect to feel upset and sad for a while. Know that it's perfectly normal and when you get to the far side of this, you'll be a stronger more confident woman.
Best of luck with the new job and enjoy your freedom!

Katgurl

well done OP.I've been where you are. I left, went to counselling, got some new activities, took care of myself, FORGAVE myself for tolerating all the crap. Make sure you keep the good bits of yourself (the understanding, tolerant, loving parts) and clean out the crap (insecure, frightened). Making the decision is the hard part, its all up from here.

Liam Byrne

+1 on what Karen & Katgurl said......well done OP!