Advice needed in the bedroom

LegacyUser

Hi all,
Going unreg for this one 'cos my boyfriend knows my username.

We've been together for nearly 2 years now (we don't live together) and I love him to pieces. We get on really well and the only real issue ir our sex life, or lack of it! He's a lot more experienced than me and has had a lot more partners. I'd only been with one guy before him his number is in the 30's. He's 11 years older than me and it isn't something that concerns me butI can't help thinking though that I'm really boring in bed for him. I've queried this on a good few occasions and he's reassured me that he's more than happy. I just don't know if he's being totally honest about that in case he hurts my feelings. I think our sex life is pretty dull, we have sex about once a month at this stage and it's been like that since about 8 months into the relationship.
We had a few big arguments about this and he says he just isn't in the mood so now we only have sex whenever he instigates it (I stopped instigating it nearly a year and a half ago with the reasoning that the more I went on about it the more pressure I was putting on him and the less likely he'd be in the mood).
I've suggested things to him (different positions, blindfolds, even oral - he never goes down on me but I'm happy to go down on him) and he says there's nothing he wants to try and he thinks things are grand...

Sorry for the long post, it's something that's really upsetting me and I really think I've tried everything. I've been direct and asked him if there's anything he'd like me to do but he says he's happy with the way things are. I'd be grateful for any suggestions...I really love him and dont want something like this building up and being the end of us. Thanks so much x

LegacyUser

Once a month !!!!! ??? That is just.....not good enough, neither is fobbing you off like this, are you sure he is not gay and using you as a smoke screen?

he says there's nothing he wants to try and he thinks things are grand...

HE thinks things are grand, well its not all about him and what he thinks is it?

Tell him things are NOT grand, far from grand actually.....

seosamh1980

My brain hurts thinking about your post.
Poor you.
You could try tell him that there are two in a relationship and you have needs too.
His behaviour is pretty unfair to be honest

Princessa

Ouch. Have you told him that us females have very strong urges form all our hormones and what not flying around in our bodies. . Explain that it will seriously affect your relationship if you dont get it sorted soon. Yu're not being unreasonable, you'd be happy with even a little sexal contact once a week at this stage i assume. Could your other half have depression, im pretty sure that a low sex drive is one of the symptoms of depression, if its the case then there is always a medical or counselling route u could take. Good luck.

Antilles

You say the sex is dull, so why do you start your post worrying about if HE is happy with it? Have you tried not asking him if HE is happy and telling him that YOU are not?

gubby

telling him that YOU are not? Exactly.. he probably feels that you are just trying to please him... just tell him that you are a woman with needs and they are not being met. He sounds like an old fashioned guy who thinks that sex is only for men.

OP

OP wrote:

I've suggested things to him (different positions, blindfolds, even oral - he never goes down on me but I'm happy to go down on him)

I hate to mention this, but seen as i don't really know him, you, or your relationship at all.. Is it possible that you aren't the only person offering this to him? (to put it nicely).


You live in different places, but do you see each other much?


I'm 20 myself, so i probably can't appreciate his perspective (assuming he is considerably older than me), but if my girlfriend was suggesting different positions, blindfolds, oral and was happy to go down on me, without even expecting it in return, i don't think i'd ever leave the house again!



Also, the above comment about him being gay, could that be likely? (Personally i dont think so, as you say he has a lengthy history of women behind him).



Honestly OP, You'd probably be better off calling it a day. If you're with a guy 11 years older, generally speaking, i assume you're not going to spend your life together anyway. If you're having sex once a month since 8 months into the relationship, and you're not happy (and this is obviously bothering you or you'd never have made this thread) then i can't see it getting much better any time soon.

The last thing you want is the relationship as a whole to ruin your confidence in bed, give you a bleak outlook on guys in general (you mention this is only the second person you've slept with) and end up being depressed over it yourself.



From reading your post, i really don't know what I'd do in your position, but there's definitely something fishy going on, in my opinion.

LegacyUser

Hi guys, thanks so much for your replies. I was beginning to think I was the problem here! He really is a great guy and is affectionate in so many other ways and we're always kissing and hugging and he says he loves me more than he's loved anyone before which is great and I think the world of him.
I'm pretty direct as a person and I have tried to address it. We see each other 2-3 times a week and he's 38. I think he could just have a low sex drive but judging from the replies I got here I'm going to address it again and hopefully reach a decision that keeps us both happy