help with sister - counsellor?

Kai

Hi,
My sister has been married for about 9 years, she married very young and has 4 children. She had a rough enough time when she was young, our mother had an accident and lost one of her eyes, went into depression and became an alcoholic, she died of liver failure when my sister was about 17. My grandmother then looked after us, she passed away last feb.

All of a sudden she now wants a divorce from her husband saying she hasnt loved him for years, something that has come as a surprise to me. she has never had a job, so apart from worrying about her looking after 4 kids by herself, i worry for her mental state. She was on medication years ago for obsessive compulsive disorder, her behaviour is quite erratic, she has no friends, she seems to be living in her own little world, and she uses money they dont have to buy things that she does not need, with no consideration to her husband who is earning it. it is like she is looking for something to make her happy. she has also recently told me that a year ago she was cutting her own arms.

she worries me alot because i think she is making irrational decisions, her husband was completely shocked. she is insisting that she will not be happy unless they are divorced, she is refusing to go to marraige counselling, saying she does not want to try. she is 29 years old, and extremely stubborn, to the point that if you say the wrong thing to her she will cut you off completely which is the last thing i want to do.

i am in a state of panic now cos i dont want her to ruin her life. i know she will not be happy by herself, she is in a rut and needs something help her get her life on track. i think she definately needs to see a counsellor but i just dont know how to get her to go see one when she seems to have a one track mind.

she also will not speak to people on the phone, except me, so i dont know how she will manage life with 4 kids, when her husband does most of the work at home now aswell.

she is coming down to me on friday, her husbands mother, who is flying in from a different country because of this is going to look after the kids with the husband.

has anyone been in the same situation or provide any help at all as to getting a family member to get professional help, otherwise i really fear the worst.

dlofnep

I understand your concern for her. Did her husband do anything to justify her comments? Perhaps she has just genuinely fallen out of love with him, and feels trapped and just wants to get on with her life. Unfortunately, sometimes these things happen. She is still young.. You know their relationship better than us.

All you can do is support her, and continue to tell her what you feel is right - but explain that you'll support whatever choice she makes. Sorry about your mother. I'm sure she'd be proud of you looking out for your sister like this.