What do women think of lap dancing clubs?

LegacyUser

hi girls, just wondering what ye think of lapdancing clubs and would u mind leting our other half go to one? cos my half is goin to one for a friends birthday in a few weeks, now i dont like them at all, cos i dont see the need to go to one and your girlfriend could do it for u at home,i told my boyfriend that i want like him goin to them things, what should i do?

RedXIV

so you don't want him going? just making sure i understand?

While i understand why people wouldn't like these things, he's probably seeing this as a lads night out more than an opportunity to leer at the girls on the poles. If you really don't want him to go to it, unfortunately all you can do is tell him. Trying to forbid him to go will more than likely only create resent towards you stopping him having his boys night out. maybe organise one for you and the girls if you want him to understand better?

sardineta

Unregistered wrote: »

hi girls, just wondering what ye think of lapdancing clubs and would u mind leting our other half go to one? cos my half is goin to one for a friends birthday in a few weeks, now i dont like them at all, cos i dont see the need to go to one and your girlfriend could do it for u at home,i told my boyfriend that i want like him goin to them things, what should i do?

You should be asking the lads for their perspective, not the girls who'll reinforce your misery.

FWIW, it is a lads' bonding kind of thing: all placed in a slightly uncomfortable environment (embarrassment, faux machismo etc) and coping with beer and laughter. It is NOT about sex.

Fair play for him telling you where they're going. The best thing you can do is remind him what he has at home and telling him not to be spending too much money.

If you feel you could do it for him at home, then you'll have to be prepared for the lads to come over too.

shellyboo

Unregistered wrote: »

hi girls, just wondering what ye think of lapdancing clubs and would u mind leting our other half go to one? cos my half is goin to one for a friends birthday in a few weeks, now i dont like them at all, cos i dont see the need to go to one and your girlfriend could do it for u at home,i told my boyfriend that i want like him goin to them things, what should i do?

Well you don't need to go out to have a drink at all you could just drink at home... same goes for restaurants... and on a more sexual level, same goes for porn...

It doesn't mean anything, it's a social occasion (like a pub) looking at women they probably don't have any real interest in at all but are fantasy figures (like porn). I wouldn't have an issue with it. Perhaps if you're really uncomfortable with it, ask him not to have any dances? That's ask, not tell. He might be ok with going just to look, and it would ease your mind a bit.

Faith

I'd probably ask if I could come with him, but that's just me.

I'd be concerned if he was going alone, or on a regular basis, or for no good reason. But he's going to a friend's birthday with a group, and he doesn't sound as if it's a regular thing for him, so I wouldn't be worried at all.

LegacyUser

I would be extremely jealous knowing some hot and perfect girl was gyrating inches from my man.

All his work friends went last week, thankfully he didn't go but I would be sick with jealousy. When the girls give private dances touching does take place even though its not supposed to.

My fella asked me to do a lapdance for him but I couldn't because I can just imagine him thinking "how pathetic does she look compared to the hotties in the club" -I know he doesn't think that way but I do so he gets no lap dance from me....

Lap dancing clubs just make women feel fat/ugly/jealous and depressed.

Bottle_of_Smoke

shellyboo wrote: »

Well you don't need to go out to have a drink at all you could just drink at home... same goes for restaurants... and on a more sexual level, same goes for porn...

It doesn't mean anything, it's a social occasion (like a pub) looking at women they probably don't have any real interest in at all but are fantasy figures (like porn). I wouldn't have an issue with it. Perhaps if you're really uncomfortable with it, ask him not to have any dances? That's ask, not tell. He might be ok with going just to look, and it would ease your mind a bit.

sardineta wrote:

FWIW, it is a lads' bonding kind of thing: all placed in a slightly uncomfortable environment (embarrassment, faux machismo etc) and coping with beer and laughter. It is NOT about sex.

Have been to one for a stag. These two have hit the nail on the head

Kintarō Hattori

Why do you have an issue with him going OP? Is he a loyal partner. Is he sweet and caring, do you know if he loves you? If the answer to these questions is yes then I really can't see why you'd have a problem with him going there.

Is the friend he's going with single. If so then you should expect this type of thing. Afterall just because your man is in a relationship doesn't mean that the singletons have to do 'partner approved' activities.

Dudess

Let him go if he wants to go, it's only a bit of a laugh. I think lapdancing clubs are fairly sad really, as well as quite seedy, and going to them is totally something which young guys do to be "lads" but there's a curiosity factor too - let him go there seeing as it's with his friends. It would be far worse and far more unhealthy to make him stay at home - that's just bunnyboiler territory.

sardineta wrote: »

You should be asking the lads for their perspective, not the girls who'll reinforce your misery.

Not all of us.

FWIW, it is a lads' bonding kind of thing: all placed in a slightly uncomfortable environment (embarrassment, faux machismo etc) and coping with beer and laughter. It is NOT about sex.

Perfectly put.

Unregistered wrote: »

I would be extremely jealous knowing some hot and perfect girl was gyrating inches from my man.

All his work friends went last week, thankfully he didn't go but I would be sick with jealousy. When the girls give private dances touching does take place even though its not supposed to.

My fella asked me to do a lapdance for him but I couldn't because I can just imagine him thinking "how pathetic does she look compared to the hotties in the club" -I know he doesn't think that way but I do so he gets no lap dance from me....

Lap dancing clubs just make women feel fat/ugly/jealous and depressed.

The lapdancing clubs aren't the problem here at all, it's your insecurity and poor self-esteem.

wylo

A lap dancing club is just a bit of craic, its something lads do for a bit of fun, and beleive me , touching is not allowed. I wouldnt worry about it, your doing a lot more damage if you dont let him go believe me. Thats when he will start keeping things from you.

Monkey61

Well i think they are great! OP you have no right to tell your boyfriend he can't go. You need to lighten up here. There is absolutely nothing wrong or shameful in being a lapdancer or wanting to go to a club. It's an entertainment service like the cinema, football match or anything else and should be treated with no more contempt than any other activity.

Plenty of women go to them too!

LolaLuv

I like strip clubs. Hasn't bothered me in the past when an OH has gone, and I doubt it would now. It's just a bit of craic for them, and gives them a good lads night out. I'd say you'd worry about your man at a strip club less than at a regular pub. If they touch one of the dancers, they're out on their asses, but nothing stops them from hitting on the women at a bar. Lots of times the dancers are hideous anyway. At any rate, let the strippers wind him up, then you can give him the night of his life when he gets home so he doesn't forget what he has!

BroomBurner

I agree with the other posters here, don't have any problems with lap-dancing clubs. If you have no problem with him looking at jazz mags or porn, then it's basically the same thing.

Men like to look, but that doesn't mean they want to actually sleep with the dancers in reality.

LegacyUser

The lapdancing clubs aren't the problem here at all, it's your insecurity and poor self-esteem

Yes I have insecurities, that doesn't mean its ok to dismiss me like I am dirt.

If I want to give my opinion to OP I will, my self esteem is evidently not to low as it includes allowing myself to be sneered at by some know it all on a forum.

OP, its not right on to admit it but I just wanted to let you know you are not the only one who would feel confused/threatened by these clubs.

Im not saying its right, just that its ok to have those feelings.

LegacyUser

I used to be very indifferent to them with my previous boyfriend, didn't give a hoot whether he went or not. I thought it was because I was really secure and centred and didn't have a jealous bone in my body!

Well how wrong I was!

With the current boyfriend the thought of him going there would fill me full of insecurities (although I hope I would maintain an outward appearance of not giving a poo!)

I thought about this and realised the level of discomfort and jealousy rose proportionately to the how into the boyfriend I was!

So the ex that I didn't particularly fancy, I was able to boast in a blase manner about how cool I was with it, but with this boyfriend who I am mad about I have to suppress a big green monster inside while pretending to be "oh so cool with it!"

lol

But dont tell anyone!

uoluol

I have absolutely no problems with lap dancing clubs - in fact I really admire the women who work there - if I was a few years younger, and had a fit body, I think it's a fantastic way to earn good money. If men are daft enough to pay extortionate money to have a pair of boobs jiggled in front of them - well then great!!
Myself and my OH spent a very interesting evening in a high class gentlemens club in Vegas a while back, and it was interesting to see the high proportion of women customers there, both in groups with their friends or with their partners.

Dudess

Unregistered wrote: »

Yes I have insecurities, that doesn't mean its ok to dismiss me like I am dirt.

If I want to give my opinion to OP I will, my self esteem is evidently not to low as it includes allowing myself to be sneered at by some know it all on a forum.

I really can't see where I dismissed you like dirt or sneered at you or behaved like a know-it-all. It was actually well meaning and intended as advice... but you chose to take it as belittling. Again, insecurity creeping to the fore.

Liam Byrne

Unregistered wrote: »

I would be extremely jealous knowing some hot and perfect girl was gyrating inches from my man.

Perfect ? Yeah, right! While I might go to one for a laugh at a stag or something, for the most part they're pretty sad, and I'd feel sorry for the girls dancing with the drunken guys - once the initial novelty wears off - ignoring them and chatting away......like a match on TV that you're half-interested in.

And for the private dances stuff, the girls are basically playing fellas for a fool, turning them on "enough" to get more cash from them (then again, I've seen the equivalent of that happen in most nightclubs where some girls will flirt enough to be bought a few drinks and then feck off).

Went to a l/d club with two girls - female friends - once, and that was cool, because the dancers came over chatting to the girls and it was refreshing to know that the girls actually had personalities and could chat as well as being good-looking!

Unregistered wrote: »

My fella asked me to do a lapdance for him but I couldn't because I can just imagine him thinking "how pathetic does she look compared to the hotties in the club" -I know he doesn't think that way but I do so he gets no lap dance from me....

Two things in that statement - you know he doesn't think that way, but you still imagine it ?

And believe me, someone that you have for yourself, that you not only fancy but also know the person and their personality, know they're not trying to get cash off you, and know they won't be fecking off with some other guys as soon as your cash runs out at the end of the night, all adds up to being a lot hotter than someone who's doing it for the money.

If someone's comfortable doing it and isn't acting it out, then a g/f doing it is a LOT more of a turn-on than someone who's being paid.

Lollipops23

my OH went to a lap dancing club(before we were together) and said it was a complete let-down!don't think i'd care tbh,those places are pretty strict so even of he wanted to cop a feel he'd be kicked out straight away!!!i really wouldn't worry about it OP!

LegacyUser

All those years of seeing lap dancing clubs on tv and hearing all the lads going on about them I finally went to one.....what a let down!! There isnt particularly anything sexy about it and in fact I found it a little sad and sleazy. However it is just a sort of thing that lads do. They just go for the laugh and it doesnt mean he has lost interest in you etc. I have many mates who their girlfriends wont allow to go to strip clubs but they do anyway but just dont tell them. At least your boyfriend has told you. Id have no problem in my girlfriend going to the chip n' dales or whatever so its really not that bad. Just tell him its ok because its a birthday but he shouldnt be making a habit of it! Plus his mates will think your sound for not having a problem with it.

00112984

Have to say, it wouldn't bother me. Would find the mental image of my OH sitting in a lapdancing club quite amusing, actually.

Saying that, though, I often feel sorry for men when it comes to things like this. Stick a pair of tits in front of them and they lose all mental capacity.

R.D. aka MR.D

Hi op,

a few people above have said it right i feel, just explain to him that you don't feel comfortable with it. maybe try explaining the reasons to him.

you can't stop him and shouldn't if he really wnats to go.

don't feel like you need to find lap dancing clubs acceptable. if you find it disrespectful to you or whatever then you have every right to feel the way you do.

hope things work out well!

,8,1

Women are generally sexually/socially liberal. I can't imagine many having a serious issue with lap dancing clubs.

I have absolutely no problems with lap dancing clubs - in fact I really admire the women who work there - if I was a few years younger, and had a fit body, I think it's a fantastic way to earn good money. If men are daft enough to pay extortionate money to have a pair of boobs jiggled in front of them - well then great!!

Yep, that's the basis of all these so-called "sex industries". And yet this strain of thought is still predominant (scroll to pp. 26).

twanda

My OH went to one recently on a lads night out. I had no problem with it - we had a good laugh about it actually... As mentioned in above posts, it boils down to how much you trust your partner and how much confidence you have in yourself.

YDMHSSB

harmless fun IMO. ive been to strip clubs and theres always girls there with their boyfriends. at the end of the day, nothing different from looking at porn or perving at some girl on the street/nightclub etc. you can look but cant touch.

fryup

Hello,

My name is Father O'Leary

Tell your boyfriend that its a mortal sin for him to go to that filthy lapdancing club, he will burn in hell for all eternity.

Clubs like Angels, Roxys, Stringfellows, Bonds, etc and those other ones on Leeson st are extremely immoral as i have found out on my quest to save the souls of those poor ghirls that work there, every week i plead with them to stop it but they just won't listen.

Ah well i must persist to pursue gods work and prevent these lovely lassies from falling into hands of the devil.:o

god bless you all

little red

i can't say that the thought of my boyfriend going to a lap dancing club would bother me. like others have said its just the kind of fantasy as porn. if you really do have a problem with it then by all means tell him but don't demand that he doesn't go

edit to add: just asked my boyfriend about this. said he has actually been to one before and found it to be a completely weird experience and didn't enjoy it. chances are your boyfriend could feel the same and you are worrying for nothing

MIN2511

Why don't you want him to go? Do you think he would cheat on you? Do you not trust him?

Tip: chose a day before the weekend he's going and give him a strip dance. It may boost your sex life , and make him know that you are much better than the girls in the strip club.

Ally Dick

Lapdancing clubs are a load of ****e. They are not in the least bit sexy. I was dragged into several of them in New York while on holidays. Absolutely crap. The ones in Dublin are even worse ! If a fella is going there as part of a stag, it is nothing to do with sex. It's like an earlier poster said - it's about machismo and trying to take the piss out of each other, nothing more. The girls dancing in those places are often just topless. So what, you'd see as much on a beach in the Meditterranean. If you are getting a dance, you have to sit there with your hands under your @rse, as you are not allowed to touch the girls. It's a money trap as well. There's more intimacy in line dancing than lap dancing !

hot2def

Unregistered wrote: »

Lap dancing clubs just make women feel fat/ugly/jealous and depressed.

its unfortunate that they make you feel that way - and I do think you should say that to your other half.


BUT don't go envoking all womanhood everywhere to validate your opinions.

Zaph

fryup wrote: »

Hello,

My name is Father O'Leary

Tell your boyfriend that its a mortal sin for him to go to that filthy lapdancing club, he will burn in hell for all eternity.

Clubs like Angels, Roxys, Stringfellows, Bonds, etc and those other ones on Leeson st are extremely immoral as i have found out on my quest to save the souls of those poor ghirls that work there, every week i plead with them to stop it but they just won't listen.

Ah well i must persist to pursue gods work and prevent these lovely lassies from falling into hands of the devil.:o

god bless you all

Please read the charter carefully, especially the bit where it says that unhelpful or off-topic posts may result in infractions and/or bans.

Zaph

The Corinthian

I've been to one or two, but in fairness don't like them much as you get hassled a lot by the girls when really all you want to do is bond with your mates in a caveman sort of way.

And that's really all there is to it.

If you genuinely don't trust that he will keep his hands to himself, that may be another matter, but if you simply feel insecure about it, then that's about you. I say that because it's not the lap dancers. The thought of your guy looking at porn would likely invoke similar (although lesser) emotions. As would his having a close female friend.

Trust me when I say, you're better off dealing with such insecurities now, as they will only get worse - after all, other women will not simply be 'fitter' than you in the future, they'll be younger too.

The Sweeper

As I got older, I cared less about them.

This is what I tell my husband now:

I don't mind if you go to a lapdancing club.

I don't mind if you spend up to $400 on private dances and drinks, because you work very hard for your money.

I would mind if they became a weekly outing, but more because of the expense than the boobies.

But if you ever, ever come back from a lapdancing club and tell me that you reckon one of the lapdancers really liked you, and you guys got on really well, because she kept coming back to lapdance for you again and again, I will divorce you on the grounds of chronic and insufferable stupidity.

InReality

The lads who said there would be no touching or its not about sex are not 100% right.
the touching rules depend on the club.
It's about sex in that you have generally very attractive women in sexual outfits walking around and topless dancing on stage.
Its certainly not like watching a football game !
I found it a very weird experience, there is a bit of male bonding to it, but found it odd and seedy as well.

I would say to your bf what your feelings about it are.
If he's never been to one, I say he will want to see what its like anyway.
If he has been to one already, he might surprise you and admit he doesn't like them and is just going for his mates sake. Your mind might be easier then.

buckieburd

Lads are always going to look at other women, wither it's on the street, in a nightclub or on the telly. When you see Brad Pitt in the buff do you compare him to your boyfriend? Course not and your boyfriend wont be comparing you to the strippers, if you were going to go see the Chippendales and your boyfriend told you he wasn't happy would you not tell him to talk a running jump? He's your boyfriend because he loves you that is the main thing, you have to remember, jealously is a terrible thing and it will eat you up if you let it. Let him have his fun then come home to you....good luck!

Wibbs

Four-Too that's two deleted posts in rapid succession. You didn't take the hint so please take a week off to read the charter of this forum.

Wagon

No harm with them at all. A few years ago me and my mate went to one for the craic just before closing time and it was a bit of a laugh. To be honest, I had more of a laugh chatting to the girls and joking around than looking at the boobies. I also had a girlfriend at the time and when I walked out, I still loved her. So they're just a bit of craic

Lobelia Overhill

To answer the question "What do women think of lap dancing clubs?" I think they're a waste of space. Men get ripped off paying extortionate prices for what? To watch women [who according to what I've heard] are off their faces on drugs or drink (to make the job 'bearable') waggling their bits and pieces. Makes no sense to me whatsoever.

beth-lou

Tell him you're cool with it and the next time you're out you're going to ask an attractive stranger to rub his manhood in your face and if you really like him you'll ask for a full body rub.

I can't see the harm in that, once you're paying anything goes. Isn't that the logic applied nowadays?

Wouldn't be happy about it to be honest, same as I wouldn't expect him to be ok with me asking someone turn me on. The are seedy for a reason.
Call me old fashioned, but that's my honest opinion. I don't think it's ok if you're commited to someone. If you're single fair enough.

sardineta

Why oh why did you go and say that? Now she'll think he's not committed to her.

beth-lou

Where did I say he's not commited to her?
I said I don't think it's cool if you're in a commited relationship.
I don't know him, her or the circumstances of their relationship so how could I possibly make that assumption. She asked for opinions. I'm giving her mine on the subject not on her status in her relationship.

Nowhere did I say he's not commited to her.

sardineta

beth-lou wrote: »

I don't think it's ok if you're commited to someone.

It's not ok if he's committed to someone. He's going. Therefore, he is not committed to her.

beth-lou

sardineta wrote: »

It's not ok if he's committed to someone. He's going. Therefore, he is not committed to her.

Nope that's not what I said and you're twisting my words.

I said I don't think it's cool. That is what I think. That is what I am saying.
He could be completely commited to her. And go. But I still wouldn't think it was cool for him to pay some one to rub her tits in his face. Same as I wouldn't think it cool for a girl in a commited relationship to pay a guy to rub his dick in her face. That is what I think about it. I'm not saying that person isn't commited to their partner, but it isn't a particularily nice thing to do if you love someone. That's my opinion on it. It was asked for and I gave it.
Others feel differently and that's fine. Whatever works. I wouldn't be cool with it.

taibhse

I don't buy into this pseudo-feminism tripe, of women saying they are harmless, they would even go themselves with their men. I probably would have thought the same thing a few years ago, then I grew up.

These places are seedy, and for the sole titillation of men who have the power to make women gyrate for them with a few pieces of paper. They are places of exploitation and to talk about "empowerment" is crap. Yes the lapdancers must feel so empowered gyrating in a g-string.

It is all a male fantasy and seems that more and more spring up every day, and I dont think it's a coincidence that its in an age where women are on an equal footing with men on a day to day basis, whereas even 30 years ago, that wouldn't have been the case. Women were the mammies or if they had a "career" it was as some mans secretary.

These places are designed to bring that notion back for mens enjoyment, that women are beneath them, simply sexual playthings.

A bit of a rant there, and I expect the men will disagree with me.

I would ask your partner not to go simply out of respect and love for you. In the end it all comes down to respect.

hot2def

taibhse wrote: »

These places are designed to bring that notion back for mens enjoyment, that women are beneath them, simply sexual playthings.

Designed? by what shady group, intent on repressing women? I think you are moving into tin-foil hat territory here.




I was brought to a lap-dancing club for my 23 birthday, after the group had thinned out a bit, and I was down to a few of my closer friends. I'd have to agree with earlier posts here - the whole event was more about bonding with your mates in an uncomfortable environment than about naked women. My long term girlfriend bought me a dance, mostly to watch me squirm no doubt.

The private dances were in a seperate area, and a serious bouncer followed myself and the dancer down, I assure you no one was touching anyone.

My missus later went mental at me, for not having the courtesy to buy her a dance, bought her own, and later proceeded to fall on her a$s down the stairs and was picked up by a herd of strippers.


I had an amazing night with my friends, the like of which I may never see again.

The Corinthian

taibhse wrote: »

I would ask your partner not to go simply out of respect and love for you. In the end it all comes down to respect.

Quid pro quo.

Acacia

Unregistered wrote: »

I thought about this and realised the level of discomfort and jealousy rose proportionately to the how into the boyfriend I was!

For me, personally, I'm very much 'into' my OH, and I wouldn't care if he went to a strip club for a lads' night out. I've even considered getting a stripper for his b-day, but he refused. :pac: I view these clubs the same way as porn- a bit of harmless fun, when taken in moderation. Just like porn, if it became a regular thing, i.e. going there by himself, or spending huge amounts of money, I would be annoyed. Otherwise, I don't mind.

Unregistered wrote: »

Lap dancing clubs just make women feel fat/ugly/jealous and depressed.

No they don't. Well, not all women , anyway. To be honest, any reservations I have about clubs are more about the safety and well-being of the girls there. I wouldn't like to think they are being exploited/forced into it.
So long as they're happy doing it, I have no problem with my boyfriend going there on a night out. It certainly doesn't make me feel ugly or depressed- there are beautiful women all over the place who , no doubt, my O.H. feels attracted to. Just like there are hot guys I feel attracted to. It doesn't stop me feeling good about myself though.

cute_cow

sardineta wrote: »

the girls who'll reinforce your misery

now now, I'm a girl, and I couldn't give a flying fu, sorry could care if the oh went. its a bit of fun. never been, but have always wanted to go to one!!

In answer to the op's original question, you have nothing to worry about! I know you don't like them, but in all honesty, how would you feel if he said you couldn't go somewhere for a night out with your mates?

It the main reason you don't want him going because you don't like them, or is it another reason?

taibhse

hot2def wrote: »

Designed? by what shady group, intent on repressing women? I think you are moving into tin-foil hat territory here.
.

Designed is probably too refined a word, im sure it goes more along the lines of strippers+tits =$$$


@The Corinthinian "Quid pro quo." She should respect his right to go look at strippers shakin their tits in his face :rolleyes: please

marti101

No i wouldnt my op going to a strip club cause its no different than me going to male strippers which i have done.You have to boost your own self esteem no one can do it for you and you ahould be grateful he told you.Hes not asking your permission but if you nagged enough and witheld sex he wouldnt go.

The Corinthian

taibhse wrote: »

@The Corinthinian "Quid pro quo." She should respect his right to go look at strippers shakin their tits in his face :rolleyes: please

I said quid pro quo, I never said free for all. You might look up what the term means. It's in Latin, btw.

I've noticed on a number of threads that there is a propensity for girlies (I use the term deliberately to differentiate them from women) in particular who are big into the "he'll (not) do it for me if he loves me" lark, but pretty thin on reciprocating.