Women troubles

LegacyUser

Hey all,

Bit of a long winded one here but it's been wrecking my head for a while now and need a bit of advice...

I met this girl in work about 5 years ago. We got on very well from the start, probably the best I've ever gotten on with any girl and she's hot too, which is good! However I didn't do anything about it, for several reasons. One was the fact that we work in a small enough office, so didn't want the office gossip thing happening but the main reason was because I've always been ****e with women and have absolutely zero confidence when it comes to women. I can chat away to a girl no problem, but then if it comes to a romantic situation etc then I usually blow it, even with women I know like me, cos I just don't really know what to do... Also I've been told my a fair few girl mates that I'm too nice and friendly to women, and that's why I never get anywhere with them...

So anyway had no confidence to make my move a few years ago, despite the fact I knew she kinda liked me and a fair few people in work were saying we'd make a great couple...There was always this chemistry between us, but alas I did nothing. Then a while later she started going out with someone else and they've been together ever since. I was pissed off with myself at the time for not making the move but I got over her after a while. We still get on great, but I made the decision I wouldn't do anything about it-taking the whole moral ground thing. I just kinda felt it wasn't fair on her boyfriend if I did anything and also she seemed pretty happy with him and they live together, so kinda thought there was no point in doing anything as there was little chance of anything happening between us.

But in the last while I kinda feel she's been giving me these signals when we're out with work. We don't really go out too much but whenever we do she'd be texting me telling me where they were going and that I should go and then we we are out she kinda hangs out with me all night, eventhough she'd know everyone else as much as I would! She'd be coming to the bar with me the whole time or following me when I go talk to other people or even to other clubs. We'd also be flirting a bit.

Then another time we were out, she told me her boyfriend doesn't like me cos "he knows there's this thing between us" and other stuff that would indicate he thinks there's something going on between us, which there isn't.

Also last time we were out she wanted us to hold hands for no apparent reason, despite the fact we were surrounded by everyone in work (sorry I know I sound about 12) and she also told me some big news she has that she hasn't told anyone else in work.

I have told her that I like her but we were hammered at the time. Unfortunately the only time I really get to talk to her is when we're both fairly hammered.

I mean, I get on with her great so I'm loving all the attention she gives me but it just wrecks my head cos I don't know where I stand.

Does this girl just see me as a really good friend (like alot of girls seem to), does she just love the attention that I give her or am I being completely naive and is she just waiting on me to make a move? And should I make a move if she's still going out with someone else?

Any help would be great!

Volvagia

If she lives with her BF of 5 years, then in my opinion it's a no go. At least not right now. I wouldn't make a move while they were still together.

Perhaps a conversation about this while the two of you aren't hammered would help clear this up?

Best of luck anyway.

LegacyUser

First of all, its all "ifs" and "maybes"

"Faint heart never won fair maiden" and "nearly never won the race" are two pertinent cliches that spring to mind her.

"Hesitate and die" is another!!!

Look you futhered and fumbled when you should have been getting in there (I am a woman) and women hate that......

Now it looks like she is up to no good and you are getting used as a little pawn in some game or other of hers, its either that you are being used as an ego boost or to make her fella jealous or some such vanity project of hers. Whatever it is you can be guaranteed, your interests are not at the centre of it.

You do seem somewhat naive so please proceed with caution. Her motives are suspicious, sounds like she would eat you for breakfast fella so just be careful.

I just kinda felt it wasn't fair on her boyfriend if I did anything and also she seemed pretty happy with him and they live together

Ah, come on now, you are fooling yourself a little bit here, you didn't have the courage to go in for the kill when nothing stood in your way, I dont think you would have done so when she had a live in boyfriend in the background so dont kid yourself that it was your morals!!

You need to get a little bit real and realise this girl is:
1. taken
2. playing some sort of game with you

Its not going to end happily for you, so if I was you I would just steer clear.

Wagon

Unregistered wrote: »

Ah, come on now, you are fooling yourself a little bit here, you didn't have the courage to go in for the kill when nothing stood in your way, I dont think you would have done so when she had a live in boyfriend in the background so dont kid yourself that it was your morals!!

I agree with all your post but that's just plain thick. It might be that he's sound enough not to want to break up a relationship go give the bloke some credit here.

She's acting the wire. Things are going south with her boyfriend but the sex is problaby still good and that's why they're still together, she might just be using you for emotional support. you are in the friend zone. Most women put lads in that within 5 minutes so after 5 years, where do you think you stand?

Qprmeath

Go for it. Lay your cards on the table and see what kind of response you get. Otherwise you will never know and this situation will continue forever. You owe it to yourself to find out where you really stand.

cantdecide

You can tell her that you've always been an admirer and that if things had been different etc... I'm reluctant to suggest being too strategic but there's nothing stopping you from telling her your feelings.

If you're tactful, she will feel complimented without being pressurized (telling someone how you feel/ felt about them is too often blown out of proportion, IMO). If you do it wrong, you could could cause friction, assuming that you're just a 'close second' to her.

Realistically, I suspect that she probably won't leave a five year relationship for you in one fell swoop.

nomorebadtown

agree with Qprmeath

you are clearly very into her and she obviously likes you - its 5 years on,she is living with a guy and yet she still sends you blatant signals regularly!

she wont wait forever OP, man up and make sweet love to her on top of the office photocopier - i'm serious

adventura

I Think as Valentine's Day is coming up , this is your opportunity to go for it. It sounds to me that she is interested in you. Send her a card and subtly let her know its from you and see how she responds. You obviously like her and perhaps you are meant for each other, dont waste time, but just dont make too grand a gesture that would complicate your work situation. A card letting her know you are interested , if you dont get the right response then move on theres more fish in the sea . good luck

MLE

I think that this girl is definitely attracted to you as she wouldn't play that type of game if she wasnt.

But like someone else said, she is playing a game. I think it gives her a bit of excitement knowing that you fancy her, and trust me she knows.

In saying all that, you never know what could happen if you call her bluff and actually go for it.

I think if your brave enough you should go for it, either she responds in a way you like or maybe she will learn that playing games with peoples hearts like that can lead to hurting people.


Or else you could play your own game back by pretending you fancy someone else and drive her crazy with jealousy.

Good luck with what you decide.

LegacyUser

I fancied a girl in work like mad but she had a boyfriend of 3 years so never did anything about it. She would always go on the nights out I would even though she didnt really know anyone else and would give me signs etc, always touching me, searching me out, looking over at me when she thinks I cant see her so I just put it out there one night what the story was!! She just said she liked me but was going through a tough time with her boyfriend at the time. You should just say it to her, even throw it out there in a jokey way so that she doesnt get defensive. She may really be into you or could just be having trouble at home and looking for a bit of attention.

One other note though I think that if she is the one with the boyfriend of 5 years then it should be up to her to tell you that she is interested and not for you to figure it out. I wouldnt go near anybody that had a boyfriend even if I was crazy about them. With regards to the girl Im talking about she later tried it on with me but I told her no, not while she had a boyfriend. She dumped him soon after and I was in like flyn!!!

And a poster said somewhere that girls hate when guys wait to long to make a move....well girls can make moves too you know!!