Bullied- kind of?

Cordner

Hi,

Any advice appreciated as to what course of action to take.
I took maternity leave in 2007 (only took 18 weeks- entitled to 42!). Came back & had to catch up on all work. In 2008 (summer) got diagnosed PND, took almost 4 weeks off (unpaid). Again, came back & cleared my backlog of work. Overall in 2008, due to undiagnosed PND, stress etc, was sick a few times, didnt get paid for any sick leave (I used to as a senior mgr). About 20 days sick (not incl 4 weeks for PND).

Anyway since returning to work after having baby feel like I am being increasingly bullied (subtley) by boss (wife of owner). I apologised profusely for all time off sick- and she was all 'thats fine, these things happen' etc (BTW her kids also work in company and had about the same amt of sick leave - all paid of course). But I just cant do right for doing wrong- you know what I mean?

I hardly ever see her- we communicate mainly via email (I am a FC- so mainly reports). But she is constantly picky and bitchy. Not to be bigheaded but I know I am good at my job, I keep everything up to date, neatly filed, all reports are correct, sent on time, all extra reports requested sent asap etc. But- if I send a report with revenues from Jan - Dec- I get a snotty email back asking for July - June, then when I send that- snotty email saying of course it has to be in % form..... This is ongoing over the last few months in particular.

I just feel increasingly that she is trying to make me so p****d off that I will leave. At a colleagues wedding over Xmas, her son, a so called manager, brought a friend to the afters. This friend (a gobs****) had a conversation with me along the lines of 'so you are FC in the company, do you do any work or just delegate to others and sharpen pencils, you have a child, would you not get a nice little part time job close to home etc' Now I had just met him, I didnt tell him anything about me, this all came from his mate, one of 'the family'.

Today I come into work and there are 5 sharp & snotty emails waiting for me, all replies to info/reports I have sent. Eg- I sent an email stating that I have just signed a contract to save 12% gas bills- reply- How is this possible and why didnt you sign up with this company before?

Anyway sorry for the rant. Any advice what I should do? I did try to talk to her last March about they way I felt things were going but, as another member of staff says, she has more faces than Big Ben- she was all 'no everything is wonderful, you are doing such a good job' then 24 hrs later the sniping starts again. I should mention, her daughter works in my department (when I say works...... not much done) so she could be saying ANYTHING about me at home. Again, not to be bigheaded but I know that I am good at my job. Should I start to get 'evidence' together for an unfair dismissals case??? Anyone I can talk to??

I know compared topeople who are out of work etc this is trivial, but I genuinely feel that she is gearing up to turf me out and save giving me a redundancy, or hoping that I will quit myself. Last point- I have been here almost 4 years, and until I had maternity leave her attitude, emails, everything was completley different, so its not just her usual manner or personality, def a difference. Oh, and while everyone got the same Xmas Bonus as previous yrs, or an increase, mine was cut by 25%, no explanation or reason (been the same for last 3 years).

Thanks in advance. Just to vent has helped!!

kmick

Simplest and easiest thing would be to get another job. They want you gone. You are not happy - seems like finding another role would be ideal. Not so easy at the moment but a hell of a lot better than fighting in court.

AARRRGH

Most of the things you posted are irrelevant.

It sounds like the boss's wife is a bit of a bitch. I don't think that counts as bullying...

Could you get another job?

mountainyman

Log everything. Note everything down. Make stuff up if you like. You are in the right. don't quit why should you walk away for less than 70 grand.

AAARGH if you don't know what you are talking about don't post at all.

A boss can't be a bitch or a bastard to his staff. That is bullying and can be compensated financially.

OP go to a lawyer.

AARRRGH

mountainyman wrote: »

Log everything. Note everything down. Make stuff up if you like.

Great advice. :rolleyes:

mountainyman wrote: »

AAARGH if you don't know what you are talking about don't post at all.

A boss can't be a bitch or a bastard to his staff. That is bullying and can be compensated financially.

What's with the attitude?

If you read what the OP wrote, the only problem seems to be the boss's slightly bitchy e-mails. This could easily be a misunderstanding. And based on the other irrelevant information the OP included in her post, I'm inclined to think she is seeing everything as some sort of attack.

Cordner wrote:

Oh, and while everyone got the same Xmas Bonus as previous yrs, or an increase, mine was cut by 25%, no explanation or reason (been the same for last 3 years).

If this is really true, I would agree it's an issue, but I find it very hard to believe a competent financial controller (I used to be a financial controller) wouldn't know the reason for a bonus being cut.

Cordner

Thank you Mountainyman. I dont think I am imagining it- my colleagues all agree that she is treating me badly. And thank you, I do think that a boss has a certain responsibility to treat staff with respect. I am a boss as well, within the company, and I wouldnt dream of treating anyone the way she treats me. If I did- they would complain for sure.

I have started to log everything. Thanks.


AAARRRGH- just read the last part of your post- I can 100% guarantee you that I am a competent FC and there is absolouely no work related reason for cutting my bonus- other than, as stared, the fact that I have missed some days this year due to sickness. And yes- it is really true- what possible reason would I have for lying???

AARRRGH

Cordner wrote: »

AAARRRGH- just read the last part of your post- I can 100% guarantee you that I am a competent FC and there is absolouely no work related reason for cutting my bonus- other than, as stared, the fact that I have missed some days this year due to sickness. And yes- it is really true- what possible reason would I have for lying???

As the financial controller, how do you not know the reason for financial decisions? Seems very weird.

Cordner

You know what- I am not even going to get into this with you in detail. In a family run business, the owners have the final say when it comes to things like bonuses. They are decided off site, and we are just presented with a list Xmas week, and instructions to pay.
I just posted to ask for general advice- ie is there some sort of agency etc that I could contact if I feel I have been constructively dismissed, or if I feel that the bullying (which it is, in my opinion) is getting out of hand.
Thank you for taking the time to answer my post- however I really dont appreciate such a negative attitude on your behalf. You seem to have a huge chip on your shoulder.

To the other posters- thanks for the positive replies & advice.

AARRRGH

No chip on my shoulder. I have read your post, and nearly all the bullying details are irrelevant.

You chose to take short maternity leave - irrelevant
You had to catch up on work after maternity and sick leave - irrelevant
You don't get paid for sick leave - irrelevant
Boss's kid works for the company - irrelevant
You hardly ever see your boss - irrelevant
You do most of your communication by e-mail - irrelevant
You boss asks you to clarify things by e-mail - irrelevant
A friend of a colleague said something mean to you - irrelevant

The fact that you think the above are bullying makes me think you are paranoid and blaming every small detail on your boss.

I believe you she is a bit of a cow, but instead of seeing all her e-mails as an attack, could you not just answer her questions instead of making a fuss about it?

The bonus thing is a bit odd. Why didn't you ask your boss why your bonus was reduced?! That would seem like the obvious thing to do.

Big_Mac

In a way I would agree with AARRRGH. Just because she's turned into a bitch doesn't mean she's bullying you.

My place gets like that at times and its hard to see things any other way I know.

Remember, **** rolls downhill, and its very possible that the business might be struggling, or she may be in the crapper over something and it taking it out on someone below her. Not saying that's fair because it isn't, but in my place, if my gaffer makes a balls of something I usually get the grief for it. I get reports sent back to me asking for obvious information that's already in them.

My attitude - Stick strictly to my job role. If I am being micromanaged (Which I was for a while) I will do exactly what I am asked to do, and only that. Then it can never be my problem when something goes wrong because I was either asked to do it, or not asked in which case nither is my fault

If you do genuinely believe that you are being bullied then i would recommend keeping records of what is going on and what is or isn't being said. I would air on the side of caution though and ask someone impartial to review it to see if they think that you have a genuine case or if its just normal. Remember, your mates will tell you what you want to hear which will be biased, and we only know your side of things, which would be biased too

wmpdd3

Please look up the definition of bulling, I don't think you are being bullied but I do think you are being treated unfairly, probably because of your illness and time off imo.

You have 2 options stay and fight or leave.

I you make your mind up to stay, note everything dates times etc.

Facts only, also if you bring your treatment up with your employer ( and you will have to, to give them a chance to answer your claims) make sure both of you have a meeting record in writing.

Your motive has to be to regain the working position you had when you joined the company, not to take them to the cleaners or get revenge. If this is to happen there will be compromise on both sides.

If you wouldn't be happy if things returned to when you started the job there is no point fighting.

If you want to see what kind of standards you can expect as an employee have a look at the cases mentioned here:

www.labourcourt.ie

mountainyman

AARRRGH wrote: »

No chip on my shoulder. I have read your post, and nearly all the bullying details are irrelevant.

You do seem to have a chip on your shoulder. You seem to know nothing about employees rights in law and always give the same advice 'suck it up'.

I accept that I usually advice that people contact a lawyer but that is because I do have a chip on my shoulder. I don't like the gombeen class that own most Irish businesses.

AARRRGH

mountainyman wrote: »

I accept that I usually advice that people contact a lawyer but that is because I do have a chip on my shoulder. I don't like the gombeen class that own most Irish businesses.

Yes, I've noticed your posts in the past. Tbh I've always thought you were a troll!

mountainyman wrote: »

You do seem to have a chip on your shoulder. You seem to know nothing about employees rights in law and always give the same advice 'suck it up'.

I don't happen to think the OP is being bullied. Nearly everything she posted is irrelevant. It sounds like she has a victim mentality. As we all know, there are "victims" everywhere. I don't see any point in agreeing with everything they say.

The bonus thing is weird, I'll admit that, but what kind of financial controller -

a) does not know why a bonus was reduced
b) doesn't have the cop on to ask why was the bonus reduced

Yes, maybe her boss is a c*nt, but from what the OPs posted, the only evidence are a few e-mails which the OP thinks are bitchy, and a smaller bonus which she didn't question.

Frequently the employees are wrong too you know.

mountainyman

AARRRGH wrote: »

Yes, I've noticed your posts in the past. Tbh I've always thought you were a troll!



Frequently the employees are wrong too you know.

You can be in the wrong and still be entitled to a remedy.

Nody

Lads agree to disagree and leave it at that (my 2 cents)

AARRRGH

Nody wrote: »

Lads agree to disagree and leave it at that (my 2 cents)

Yeah, it's a discussion forum. Lots of different opinions are the order of the day.

nhughes100

Big_Mac wrote: »

In a way I would agree with AARRRGH. Just because she's turned into a bitch doesn't mean she's bullying you.


Remember, **** rolls downhill, and its very possible that the business might be struggling, or she may be in the crapper over something and it taking it out on someone below her. Not saying that's fair because it isn't, but in my place, if my gaffer makes a balls of something I usually get the grief for it. I get reports sent back to me asking for obvious information that's already in them.

My attitude - Stick strictly to my job role. If I am being micromanaged (Which I was for a while) I will do exactly what I am asked to do, and only that. Then it can never be my problem when something goes wrong because I was either asked to do it, or not asked in which case nither is my fault

Agreed with most of this, stick strictly to what she says, hell if she wants the tax returns for last Monday 9am-12.30, let her have it. This way the sh1t actually starts to roll uphill. Never let them see you're bothered by it and one of the great ways to deal with email managers is to drop into them when they send you an email. It's much easier to be tough sitting at your keyboard then staring at someone in the face.

IsThatSo?

one of the great ways to deal with email managers is to drop into them when they send you an email. It's much easier to be tough sitting at your keyboard then staring at someone in the face.

+1 on this.

Also, the written word can often seem cold and snippy when if it had been spoken it might not as body language, facial expression and tone of voice would also come into play. Its said that 90% of communication is non-verbal. So yes, she might be snippy and short, but it would come across a lot worse in an email than face to face.

Good luck OP, do start to keep a record. You can save the emails in a folder and copy them to a disc at some point. Even if you only ever use them to give you a bit of confidence that you are not taking the hassle, at least you get that from it

doolox

Family businesses tend to be rife with jealousies, relationship problems and tension such as you are experiencing now. Larger corporations may be more impersonal but people have recourse to a large well-staffed HR dept and written procedures covering most eventualities which may arise in the employer employee relationship.
Being fired usually involves a long exhaustive inquiry involving several people and processes which reduces the risk of being victimised and fired in the wrong.
If the account presented here is accurate the bosses wife wants you gone.
Being a small family business you probably won't have many allies or recourse to proper remedies or protection.
Get a new job elsewhere and get out while you can.

Hitchhiker's Guide to...

AARRRGH wrote: »

Yeah, it's a discussion forum. Lots of different opinions are the order of the day.

yes, but this is a work problems forum where people come with serious issues that are affecting a major part of their life. Have a look at the forum charter - this is not a debating forum but a helping forum. You could say many of the things you said in your previous posts in a more helpful way if your aim is to help.

LegacyUser

contact the equality authority for advice. sounds like you may have a case of discrimination on the grounds of gender, family status and disability (post-natal depression)