Body dysmorphic disorder in men

LegacyUser

This is going to be hard for me to write down so I hope I get my point across somehow :-)

When I was in school and younger I was never what people would I guess have considered good looking, even attractive.

Up until I was about 18 I was overweight, spotty and wore glasses. A prime target for people with too much time to call me a Freak etc.

Since leaving school and that, it never really bothered me in school, I have become really conscious of how I look when I'm going anywhere.

It has got to a point where I hate having to leave the house when it's bright because I feel so worthless, so ugly.

In the last few years I have lost the weight, my skin has cleared up and I have had laser surgery.

I do get told I'm good looking now and I do pull when I go out and I have been in relationships. I think though how I was treated back then has affected me deeper than I care to admit.

Even when I am with someone I hate them seeing me or looking at me straight on, I hate going out to meet people, especially dates in the middle of the day, when it's bright and when they can see me in full light. I have started to avoid situations where I have to meet people and try and put it off to a time when it is late in the evening or darker.

I do have moments where I do look in the mirror and think I look somewhat decent but they are very far and few. I just find it totally affecting friendships, relationships, work prospects.

Has anyone else gone through this and came out good the other side.

Thanks...

Liam Byrne

Unreg28 wrote: »

When I was in school and younger I was never what people would I guess have considered good looking, even attractive.

Up until I was about 18 I was overweight, spotty and wore glasses. A prime target for people with too much time to call me a Freak etc.
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:
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I do get told I'm good looking now and I do pull when I go out and I have been in relationships.

I don't want to trivialise how you feel, but think about the above for a second.

Ignorant, childish and insecure kids called you one thing; mature, sensible people who have gone out with you in relationships say the opposite....

And you're still choosing to believe the earlier ones ?

No-one's perfect, and no-one's 100% happy with how they look. Otherwise those distasteful ads for "you don't need [plastic] surgery - YET" wouldn't have any effect.

But you are who you are, and if a few people reckon you're good-looking enough to be attracted to and go out with, then the only issue is your own self-confidence.

I'm not going to be patronising and say "snap out of it" - take your time working through it yourself, but bear in mind that what I've said is based 100% on what you typed, and it makes sense; hope it's useful as a starting point to help you see yourself as you are - flawed, imperfect, but not "a freak" and no different to any of the rest of us with our good points and bad points.

Best of luck!

starchild

yes im in my thirties now, it took me a long time time to admit it to myself but i absolutly hated how i looked when i was a teenager into my twenties. I thought i was the ugliest person imaginable, even writing this is hard as it brings back bad bad times, it stemmed from excessive bullying when i was a kid. i would not even go into family photos or look into a mirror.

this was slowly destroying my life without me even being aware of it, luckily enough i became friends with a very enlightened chap who basically informed me that my issues stemmed from not loving myself enough. Sounds silly but its true, its really just a change of mindset, its believing you are good enough. There are many ways to achieve this, i would advocate self help books and/or counselling if needed.

I wont lie to you it took me a while to build my self esteem up but slowly my life became better, i started to meet girls have had some great relationship and at 34 i am completely happy in myself.

i wish you the very best as this is prob the one scenario i can truly empathise with

Nevyn

Unreg28well done on making the physcal changes that you wanted but
at times the mental and emotional ones are harder.

Have you ever had professional help with this ?
I would suggest you get in touch with www.bodywhys.ie and see if it's possible for you to speak to someone there.