I was an idiot and an asshole

LegacyUser

this one is for the ladies out there i really messed up with a girl. I made a horrible mistake and cheated on her. i really could go on about how much i miss her and love her but there is just not enough space. just believe that i am truly in love with her. and have really changed my ways. i have seen how much pain and hurt cheating can cause to the people, family and friends involved. and would never do anything so horrible to anyone again.
i feel i am a much better person now and have learned and matured so much, i really feel i have learned all the mistakes i am goin to make in relationships and feel that i now know how to really make someone happy. the only thing is the girl i cheated on i feel is the one, i would like to try talk to her and just try get a chance to show her and tell her how i feel but wonder is there much point it was two years ago but we still bump into each other.

the question i need answered is. is there any ladies out there who caught thier partner cheating but took them back, i just need to know if its possible to get what ye had back or if the guy is truly sorry and makes so much more effort does it even get better.
or is their just no hope after a person does something so bad to someone.
i really hurt this girl but would spend every day just tryin to make it up to her i would make her the envy of every girl in our town.
please dont say once a cheater always a cheater. its just not true. men learn slow but we do learn.

Overheal

If it happens it happens if it doesnt it doesnt. Theres no hard rule here; everyone has their own core principles so we have no way of telling whether she will take you back.

If you are only going to talk to her on the pretense of trying to win her back: forget about it. Rather, you should be trying to talk to her simply to make amends and move on.

MIN2511

You win some and you lose some...

I believe you need to do your best to get her back but also understand if she doesn't want you.

karen3212

As it was two years ago, you may be looking back with rose tinted glasses!

All you can do is give it a go and see how she feels, as already said there are no rules.

goodluck

unhappycamper

Relationships in my experience rarely survive after one has cheated, it's sad but true. Cheating usually happens for a reason even if you can't accept it. Best of luck .

wylo

Unregistered wrote: »

please dont say once a cheater always a cheater. its just not true. men learn slow but we do learn.

No offence man but you made a desicion to betray someone that trusted you, one of the lowest things someone can do, something that completely changes the way she sees you.

Perhaps you will never cheat again, but the phrase "once a cheater always a cheater" will still apply to her.

Every time somone like you cheats it makes it harder for non cheaters to get a girl to trust them.

Same goes the other way around.

My advice? Move on...

MIN2511

It's not cheater it's cheat!

I don't believe once a cheat always a cheat... People change their bad habits don't they? It's like saying once a failure always a failure

ladyella

This isnt what you want to hear but I was cheated on and although it took a long time to get over fully, I would never have gotten back with him - he broke my trust and I'd have been forever questioning him - Life is too short for that kind of thing. Does she ever contact you to make you think that she might consider a reunion? If she doesnt I would leave it alone.
It might have taken her the last 2 years to get over being cheated on. Let her get on with her life and you get on with yours

LegacyUser

wylo wrote: »

No offence man but you made a desicion to betray someone that trusted you, one of the lowest things someone can do, something that completely changes the way she sees you.

Perhaps you will never cheat again, but the phrase "once a cheater always a cheater" will still apply to her.

Every time somone like you cheats it makes it harder for non cheaters to get a girl to trust them.

Same goes the other way around.

My advice? Move on...

thanks for all the advice, the rose tinted glasses one was something that one of my friends had said. but i just cant get over this girl, it happened because i was arrogant and took a wonderful girl for granted. i was like most men and thought with my penis. not a good thing.
i think this boards thing is a brillant idea because i so hope that some people can read my post and if they are cheating on someone STOP or if thinking of doing it DONT. IT IS JUST not worth it. and the fall out is just umimaginable, the only thing is that we really had something special i know i ruined what we had and it really changed me. i just feel like im so different now than i was. it might be like two different people meeting again.

would anyone on this site if stopped on the street by an x who cheated who they really were in the deepest 'il marry you' love. stop and give that person five min to explain. i think the hurt and the hate is gone from us both its just the 'what if' factor for me. what if i did stop her and what if she did give me a second chance, could it lead to something special!!
without soundin foolish Victoria forgave Beckham and they seem stronger than ever, same with Ashley Cole and his wife.

Monkey61

I don't think anybody but this girl can give you the answer that you want. Unfortunately there aren't really any guaranteed tricks or things you can say to win someone back, you just have to put yourself out there and see what happens.

I personally would forgive somebody who cheated, because I don't think anybody deserves to be judged on a single mistake provided that they have learned from it and won't do it again.

Apologise and mean it. But be careful not to sound too needy and whatnot. You want her to want to get back with you because SHE wants YOU, not just because you really need her. Don't make excuses either, because that will just make it seem like you are trying to get her to accept the cheating - and might make it sound like you are diminishing it and saying it's not a big deal.

Proceed carefully. There is no rush. Get back into contact with her first and then gradually try and build something back up. You need to win her trust back.

Good Luck!!

Diva242

I think everyone deserves a second chance - perhaps that makes me a very forgiving person but I do. However, it is two years ago, she may have already moved on. You should try to tell her how you feel and see what kind of response you get. You need to be prepared for what may not be the response you want though... Good luck!!

LegacyUser

thanks for all the advice, the rose tinted glasses was said by a close friend. but it was just one of those once in a life time relationships. i had a beautiful and wonderful girl and through arrogance and taking her for granted and worst of all thinkin wit my penis i lost her. i think this boards is a great idea, because i hope that people can read this and see that cheating is just not on.
so if anyone on this is thinkin of cheating or is cheating on their partner for god sake STOP or just DONT. it really is not worth it. the fall out from it is unimaginable.

we see each other from time to time and there are a few uncomfortable looks dont know what they mean.

but my next question would be that if a person on here was stopped by an x who cheated on them on the street and asked for two mins to explain would you give them two mins.
i thinks its the 'what if' factor that is really buggin me ya know. what if i told her how much ive grown up and changed basically ive changed so much it could be like two people startin out. and 'what if' she did take me back and give me a second chance could that then lead to something special! i know i now can be a brill boyfriend i just want to be the man she deserved from the begining!!

i think i should work up the courage and just try talk to her YES/NO?

smares

No i wouldn't bother even try and talk to her because if she has sense she won't want to go back to you. You cheated on her so apart from hurting her you humilated her,why would she take you back when she can find someone she can fully trust,might sound harsh but you messed up maybe you have changed but do you think she will think that.

MIN2511

smares wrote: »

No i wouldn't bother even try and talk to her because if she has sense she won't want to go back to you. You cheated on her so apart from hurting her you humilated her,why would she take you back when she can find someone she can fully trust,might sound harsh but you messed up maybe you have changed but do you think she will think that.

Jeez thats a bit harsh.....

OP, give her time... maybe a month, two or three and then talk to her... And when you see her, be nice... make sure you are remorseful...

Act like you can't live without her some cheesy lines would be great!

LolaLuv

Do you think that a part of you wants to get back with her just for redemption? Like maybe part of you thinks you really are a bad person if you can't get back with her and make things up to her? It might be that what you really need to do is just sit down and tell her how sorry you are, and ask for her forgiveness, but not to get back. It just might be closure that you need at this point.

I have to say, also, that it's a bit selfish to be thinking about getting her back after two years. You acknowledge that you hurt her very badly two years ago. She's probably just now starting to get total faith in relationships back, it seems a bit wrong to come thundering into her life again. Maybe this is a case of if you really love the girl, leave her alone.

wylo

PillyPen wrote: »

Do you think that maybe a part of you wants to get back with her just for redemption? Like maybe part of you thinks you really are a bad person if you can't get back with her and make things up to her? Maybe what you really need to do is just sit down and tell her how sorry you are, and ask for her forgiveness, but not to get back. It just might be closure that you need at this point.

good advice, it might just get rid of that 'what if' feeling going through you.

hot2def

Unregistered wrote: »

i had a beautiful and wonderful girl and through arrogance and taking her for granted and worst of all thinkin wit my penis i lost her.

I'm sorry, this men thinking with their penis thing is a total cop out.

You decided to cheat, your genitals/hormones aren't so powerful that they can make you do this stuff. end of.

LegacyUser

i dunno people, its just like life 50:50. i know its v humiliating for some one to be cheated on and embarrassing!!! the selfish quote was v interesting i still do feel guilty. forgiveness would be nice but it would have to be earned in my view not just given, hard to do when the person prob wont interact.
i know it must of happened for a reason and i believe it was to teach an idiot like me a leason. if i had not of been caught id hate to think what kind of a creepy husband i might of become to some poor girl in the future.
i just feel that it would be so sad that love unlike in the movies cannot conquer all. i know i messed up and i was the one who ruined it and i take full responsibility for my actions, and it is my fault im not with her. but if she was to not give me a second chance even for a month or a week just to c 'what if'.
i just think we would both just be missing out on something really special.
there must be someone on here that took back a cheat and things worked out or even if they know someone that it has worked out for. if there was an example i might go for it.

i do take into account the whole if you love something let it go. i would counter with if you love something never give up, and grab it with both hands and as above love can conquer all. to be honest if things were the other way round i would forgive her. {honest}

anonymous_joe

hot2def wrote: »

I'm sorry, this men thinking with their penis thing is a total cop out.

You decided to cheat, your genitals/hormones aren't so powerful that they can make you do this stuff. end of.

You'd be surprised. I know lots of lads who've happily cheated on girls they really liked.

MIN2511

anonymous_joe wrote: »

You'd be surprised. I know lots of lads who've happily cheated on girls they really liked.

works both ways....

Seen girls do the same

hot2def

anonymous_joe wrote: »

You'd be surprised. I know lots of lads who've happily cheated on girls they really liked.

We are talking about full grown adults here. hormones cannot make you walk over to someone and f*ck them against their will, even if it does sound like a handy lie to excuse yourself with.

LegacyUser

This happened to me, the man i was with for 10 years cheated on me. He was truly sorry & i knew he loved me with all his heart i also knew he had learnt his lesson but I couldnt take him back the reason, i didnt want to spend every day we were together wondering if he'd cheat again, i couldnt sit wondering at home if he was late or said he was working, worrying myself sick he was with another women. I have never felt about anyone the way i felt for him but i did meet some wonderful men who were just as great but in other ways. We are great friends now & i know i made the right decsion coz to me if someone cheats it means that theres something not right in the relationship & its never the same again as much as you try the trust is never the same. I was heartbroken & it took me a long time to get over but i never regret my decision.

My advice is to move on & find someone that you can love just as much, sometimes the things we cant have often seem the most appealing, i think this is how you feel about her. If you got back together it wouldnt be the same as before no matter how much you'd want it to be.

LegacyUser

uncertain wrote: »

This happened to me, the man i was with for 10 years cheated on me. He was truly sorry & i knew he loved me with all his heart i also knew he had learnt his lesson but I couldnt take him back the reason, i didnt want to spend every day we were together wondering if he'd cheat again, i couldnt sit wondering at home if he was late or said he was working, worrying myself sick he was with another women. I have never felt about anyone the way i felt for him but i did meet some wonderful men who were just as great but in other ways. We are great friends now & i know i made the right decsion coz to me if someone cheats it means that theres something not right in the relationship & its never the same again as much as you try the trust is never the same. I was heartbroken & it took me a long time to get over but i never regret my decision.

My advice is to move on & find someone that you can love just as much, sometimes the things we cant have often seem the most appealing, i think this is how you feel about her. If you got back together it wouldnt be the same as before no matter how much you'd want it to be.

really really thanks this is the most honest and real thing ive had back on this. im really reallly sorry this happened to you. but i do know what your saying. and its no way to live and at the end of the day its not fair to the other person to put the stress of mis trust on someone waiting and not knowing what they might be up to. i just hope i meet someone who is as beautiful and as special as her. im glad you met someone. its so hard to do that these days. thanks once again.

BraziliaNZ

Unregistered wrote: »

i think this boards thing is a brillant idea because i so hope that some people can read my post and if they are cheating on someone STOP or if thinking of doing it DONT.

Or if you are going to do it be 100% sure there's no way he/she ever finds out

CathyMoran

I took someone back after cheating on me but they were in a really bad way when they did it and there were other reasons which explained why it happened. If it was just a thing that happened I could not have done it - the trust would be gone. I think that you are better to move on unfortunatly, sorry.

LegacyUser

OP you say you think you missed out on something special...maybe you did but IMO she didnt. Two years later with awkward looks means that she was affected so much so that she still doesnt want to talk to you. I'd leave it go, its a perfect example of you dont know what you've got till its gone in your case but away from you I'm sure she dosent think on it.

I cheated before on a guy I totally loved, was riddled with guilt but it faded and then I did it again...but I loved him more than anyone before and since, its a bit unexplainable that one but if I was him I'd never have me back ........if you cheat there is something going bad thats not likely to be repaired.

Salome

I think you're right to try - even just to get her out of your system. However, she may have moved on and is with someone else now? If I were you, rather than speak to her, why not write her a letter explaining how you feel. That way, she won't give you a knee-jerk reaction and say no - she'll really think about it if she's got time to read and consider what you're saying.

Be prepared to be disappointed though but I agree that you should at least try, so you can move on if it doesn't work out the way you hoped.

jessbeth

She might give you a second chance. You sound really honest and heartfelt. I know it probably sounds really old fashioned but how about a letter? Write a good heartfelt letter to her and explain everything and see what happens. I don't believe that once a cheater is always a cheater. If it was me then I would try to give it another shot.

hellodolly

Good for you!!! you learned a valuable lesson; never cheat!

If she doesn't currently know how you feel about her, you have to tell her - faint heart never won fair maiden

Best outcome? She'll at least consider getting back with you...at least you've planted the seed in her mind that you still love her after all this time and that you've promised you'll never, ever do that to her again; it was the biggest mistake of your life.

Worse outcome? She says no thanks, never in a million years. i know, not what you want to hear.

Either way, you gotta get out of the limbo you've being allowing yourself to wallow in this past 24 months; loving from afar is the cowardly thing to do. STEP UP! take a chance on love... Us Irish are WWAAYY too good at living our lives in the back row with our mouths shut, afraid to speak up for ourselves.

If she says 'no way boss', you can (quite despondently at first) learn to get over her and move on with your life... Yes! YOUR LIFE! You only get the one...try to make it a happy one

grizzly

If you truly love her you'll do what's best for her - hard as it may be, that might mean staying out of her life. You can glue the parts of a broken vase back together, but the cracks will always show.