Bi in long term relationship........

LegacyUser

Guys your gonna have to bear with me this is hard to post as its the first time ive said any of these things.

Im 23 and have been in a relationship with my o/h for the last 6 years, i have only just admitted it to myself that i am acyually bisexual i have messed around with a guy but i was extremely drunk and put down to that(probably because i didnt want to admit to myself). I do want to tell her that i am bi but i feel that if i do she is going to see it as i have been lying to her for all these years.

Dont get me wrong i dont want to tell her so i can sleep with guys, i want to do this for me so i can be honest with her and myself.

I really dont know what to do, can anyone give me there views

Thanks

LegacyUser

Firstly well done for becoming honest with yourself and also your plan to become honest with your partner.

if i do she is going to see it as i have been lying to her for all these years.0

I know, yes, she will and well tbh, she's right isn't she. I know it wasn't done through malice but its been done all the same.

I would say be prepared for her to be very confused, possibly swinging between anger and fear, mistrust and back again.

You ARE doing the right thing though, you are just beginning to know the real you and its important she is included in this information.

Good luck

MagicMarker

If you want to tell her then tell her. What's the problem?

So long as you're faithful and intend to stay faithful then there shouldn't be a problem.

SarahJ

MagicMarker wrote: »

If you want to tell her then tell her. What's the problem?

I agree with this, I think the issue is whether or not you fooled around with someone in the last 6 years you were together with your oh.

Nevyn

Right, ok, well done on figuring yourself out and feeling happy enough with who you are
and fair play for wanting to be honest with your partner may you be very happy together.

Thing is while are you ready to make such a declaration are you ready for the questions
that will come afterwards and other assorted fall out ?

Monkey61

Right, while I'm all for honesty in relationships this one is a bit of a thinker.

Firstly, why are you telling her? If you aren't going to propose to her that somewhere down the line you might want to cheat on her (again? I presume you were with her you were with the bloke), then I wonder why you feel the need to share this with her.

If it were me, I probably wouldn't announce it as a big declaration. I might casually mention, whilst watching a film for instance, that you think so and so is quite hot. The less of a big deal you make of it, the less of a big deal it is going to be for her.

The question is though, are you going to make a big deal about it? I know that you say in your post that you are not telling her so you can sleep with guys (though let's face it, it is relatively unlikely that she would give you permission to do that), but really are you?

It does sound like this is something that means a great deal to you and you might want to explore. If it is, you need to be very honest with yourself first about what you hope to achieve from telling her and what you may want from your relationship further down the line.

CDfm

MagicMarker wrote: »

If you want to tell her then tell her. What's the problem?

So long as you're faithful and intend to stay faithful then there shouldn't be a problem.

Thats it in a nutshell - are you prepared to stay faithful and have you been unfaithfull with anyone of either gender during the relationship.She may well not be happy with your "messing arround"and finish with you.

If you havent and dont intend to thats fine -but as Thaed put it are you ready for the fallout ifyour delaration goes wrong?

Reflector

Ok, so you are bi, are you planning to be with men. I think your girlfriend might think this. That maybe she is not enough and you will go looking for cock.
I think that you should slowly introduce the idea to her. Like the Monkey61 said just casually mention it or something relating to it and see her reaction. Don't take her hand and announce it as if you are suddenly coming out as I think that will give the wrong impression.

Say you are talking about some guy you both know, ask her if she thinks a guy is goodlooking. If she says yes say Yeah I think so too. These kind of remarks just open the door that you consider men and how they look. She wont be as freaked if she slowly learns this part of you and your personality.

LegacyUser

cheers for the responses guys and to answer some of the questions
1.no i have not cheated on her during the 6 years it was about a month before we got together
2.I want to tell her this because i want to be honest with her and keepin this bottled up is really getting me down
3. And if this does go wrong i would have to deal with the repacussions of that like i said before and was mentioned by somebody else this is a part of me and now that i've been honest with myself i feel i owe it to her to behonest aswell

Nevyn

Unregistered wrote: »

cheers for the responses guys and to answer some of the questions
1.no i have not cheated on her during the 6 years it was about a month before we got together

You have been together 6 years and you never told her ?
Have you considered that she may see this as a lie of omission and that the trust between you is false or broken ?

Unregistered wrote: »

2.I want to tell her this because i want to be honest with her and keepin this bottled up is really getting me down

I understand that but before you do tell her you need to think about her
and make the telling about looking after her reactions and answering her questions, you should know her well enough.
Don't make it a big whoohooo for yourself cos that might just be in her face
due to conflicting feelings it causes in her.

Unregistered wrote: »

3. And if this does go wrong i would have to deal with the repacussions of that like i said before and was mentioned by somebody else this is a part of me and now that i've been honest with myself i feel i owe it to her to behonest aswell

I completely understand the sentiment and I wish you well with dealing with this with her.

LegacyUser

You have been together 6 years and you never told her ?
Have you considered that she may see this as a lie of omission and that the trust between you is false or broken ?

To answer these q's yes she probably would see it as a lie of ommission but theres nothing i can do about that now, if there was trust me i would.

It took me around five an half years for me to deal with this myself so its not something i feel i could have brought up if i could have done then i wouldnt be in situation i am now, and please trust me i am trying to make excuses i understand that i have been dishonest with her, and this is one of the reasons its eating away at me because i know this is going to hurt her whatever way i go about it

beth-lou

I think when you tell her she is going to question if she is enough for you, particularily if you haven't properly explored that side of your sexuality. I think it might make her very nervous about the long term future for both of you and whether you will eventually leave her for a guy, or at least see what it's like to be with a guy. You are still very young, and possibly part of you wanting to tell her is pushing yourself forward, perhaps almost forcing her hand and letting you go, so that you can explore this part of who you are. I think that is something that you might have to do anyway, to properly come to terms with this.

Just be prepared for a lot of questions and doubting and wondering about you, her and the relationship.

Best of luck. x

CDfm

Thaedydal wrote: »

You have been together 6 years and you never told her ?
Have you considered that she may see this as a lie of omission and that the trust between you is false or broken ?

I completely understand the sentiment and I wish you well with dealing with this with her.

Im not with you on this compulsion to tell her unless you are actively going out and doing stuff. Im kind of surprised it hasnt slipped out.

If you are not playing away there is nothing to tell.

Im not with Thaed on the ommision -its not and your past is your past - draw a line behind it- but what she says is commonsence dont bring it up if you dont want to deal with the consequences.

Nevyn

CDfm wrote: »

If you are not playing away there is nothing to tell.

A person doesn't stop being bi when they are what is seen as a homo/hetro relationship.

Maybe he wants to be able to look a cute guy when they are walking down the street and not be freaking out cos she might notice.

CDfm wrote: »

Im not with Thaed on the ommision -its not and your past is your past - draw a line behind it- but what she says is commonsence dont bring it up if you dont want to deal with the consequences.

I disagree as it can colour who he is and his current relationship and if he is not being himself then that can be toxic to the relationship.

CDfm

Thaedydal wrote: »

A person doesn't stop being bi when they are what is seen as a homo/hetro relationship.

Maybe he wants to be able to look a cute guy when they are walking down the street and not be freaking out cos she might notice.



I disagree as it can colour who he is and his current relationship and if he is not being himself then that can be toxic to the relationship.

I have no experience of it but I suppose you have a point.

Im a culchie and not experienced in these things so I thought fidelity was the huge issue.

shellyboo

I think, OP, that you should definitely tell your gf about this - even if you don't want to physically explore sex with a guy, you shouldn't have to deal with this as some sort of dirty little secret.

If you put it in terms of something that you've only just realised about yourself (which seems to be the truth) then you're not really lying to her, are you? I know there was the one incident in the past, and although she'll be shocked, if she really loves you she'll deal with this, I think.

Just really reassure her that you don't want to be with anyone else, you don't need to have more same-sex experiences, you just want to be honest with her... I think it's the right thing to do.

CDfm

shellyboo wrote: »

I think, OP, that you should definitely tell your gf about this - even if you don't want to physically explore sex with a guy, you shouldn't have to deal with this as some sort of dirty little secret.

A drunken grope between kids cmon -its not a dirty little secret.

Mouth shut boy.Stay cool.

Confession is good for the soul but not for the reputation.This is a no go area.

Lighten up if they broke up she could tell his ma and there is some reason this is up now and its not apparent.

shellyboo

CDfm wrote: »

A drunken grope between kids cmon -its not a dirty little secret.

Mouth shut boy.Stay cool.

Confession is good for the soul but not for the reputation.

Lighten up if they broke up she could tell his ma and there is some reason this is up now and its not apparent.

I agree with you that one drunken fumble isn't a huge burdening dirty secret... but if the OP feels hiimself to be bisexual, then that's a big issue to have to keep secret from your partner of 6 years.

He's not 'confessing', he hasn't done anything wrong... he just wants to be honest with his gf.

Nevyn

CDfm wrote: »

A drunken grope between kids cmon -its not a dirty little secret.

Mouth shut boy.Stay cool.

That is crappy advice in my opinion.

CDfm wrote: »

Confession is good for the soul but not for the reputation.This is a no go area.

Being bisexual is not disreputable or something to be ashamed of,
if there were less people like you saying the things that you have been in
this thread you may find that there are a LOT more people who happen
to be bisexual even down the country among culchies as you put it.

CDfm wrote: »

Lighten up if they broke up she could tell his ma

And ?
What makes you think it would even be a concern for his mother ?
Mother's don't love you any less cos you are bi.

CDfm wrote: »

and there is some reason this is up now and its not apparent.

The OP has stated that it is cos he has come to terms with it,
which is a good thing.

Monkey61

Op if you want to talk about this, would you consider talking to somebody else about this first instead of your girlfriend if you want to vent and get it all out in the open?

If, for example, I had been going out with a girlfriend for years and harboured a burning fantasy for chronically obese women, I would probably not tell my girlfriend about it. Instead I would talk to my friends about it. Purely because I wouldn't want to upset my girlfriend by saying "hey, here's this certain type of sex that I'm into that you can never provide me with." Even if I had no intention of running off with an obese woman, I wouldn't want my girlfriend to be worrying that I might.

Being bisexual is not who you are, it's just who you fancy. It doesn't have any bearing on the person you are and by not telling someone you are not keeping a deep dark and important secret from them, neither are you lying to them.

CDfm

Thaedydal wrote: »

That is crappy advice in my opinion.

Hey - Im a guy and do agree his bisexuality is nothing for him to be ashamed of.But you dont wail about it from the rooftops.

But we are not talking of your reactions or mine.

If the OP hasnt told its for a reason - so why tell now?

This doesnt sit right for me - and if his inner voice is saying be cautious and dont fess up -maybe its right.

shellyboo

CDfm wrote: »

Hey - Im a guy and do agree his bisexuality is nothing for him to be ashamed of.But you dont wail about it from the rooftops.

He's talking about telling his partner of 6 years, who, imo, has every right to know. I'd want to know even though I wouldn't have a problem with it.

CDfm wrote: »

If the OP hasnt told its for a reason - so why tell now?

Because he said he recently came to a realisation bout his sexuality that he's been denying for 6 years. That's why now.

We're not talking about telling his gf about the drunken fumble with a bloke, he wants to tell her he's bisexual.

nacho libre

CDfm wrote: »

Hey - Im a guy and do agree his bisexuality is nothing for him to be ashamed of.But you dont wail about it from the rooftops.
.

correct. you only do that when you are bragging to mates about how many women you slept with.

and monkey61 gives very good advice. i bet your girlfriend doesn't tell you all the guys she finds attractive. so i don't see the issue if you have been faithful to her for six years. i disgree that it is a sin of omission. who you find attractive can't be controlled or blocked out. what matters is your moral constitution. it's irrevelant in a good and loving relationship whether someone is bi sexual, trisexual, quad-sexual. specific sexual orientation does not increase the likelihood of someone being a cheater, it's their character that does.

LegacyUser

Again cheers guys, from what ive just read it seems that some people dont think its that big a deal but it is to me and the way i see it is that the idea of a relationship is that one you can be honest with your partner, and wether you agree or not its something that i feel i need to do.

I know some people are going to take this as what i am planning on doing but its not. If I dont tell her about the fact that i am bi and then in 12 months time we split up, the next time she see's im out with a bloke is that when i tell her "btw i know we were together for 7 years but i forgot to mention i like lads too, it was nice seein you though"

Even though i have never mentioned any of this to her, i do love her, she means the world to me and i dont want her to live what essentially is a lie.

And to answer someone else no its not a dirty little secret, but that is how it has felt for the last six years and now i have accepted it i refuse to see it as that.

Sorry if sounds like im spouting off but i do really appreciate all your views

Thanks

CDfm

OP you say you love her and have been with her for 6 years - but you are attracted to blokes.

You are saying what may happen in the year -but it sounds to me like you have already planned it. Its not like it may happen but it will.

So is the moral dilemma is whether to split first.Great confidence booster.

anonymous_joe

I went out with a girl who leaned more the other way than straight. Really not a big deal.

She was attracted to me, we were in love, and she wasn't planning on cheating on me. So it wasn't at all a big deal.

hot2def

I can't believe there are people saying you shouldn't tell her - even though you have made it clear that you believe it will make you more comfortable.

Also - it may not be the horror story you are expecting. Maybe she'll think its another facet of you, possibly a hot one.

anonymous_joe

hot2def wrote: »

I can't believe there are people saying you shouldn't tell her - even though you have made it clear that you believe it will make you more comfortable.

Also - it may not be the horror story you are expecting. Maybe she'll think its another facet of you, possibly a hot one.

It's a tough one. There are stigmas about homosexuality, more accurately, many people would feel it would make someone less of a man.

How openminded is the guy;s girlfriend? I would be in favour of honesty, but I'm openminded, not everyone is.

hot2def

anonymous_joe wrote: »

It's a tough one. There are stigmas about homosexuality, more accurately, many people would feel it would make someone less of a man.

How openminded is the guy;s girlfriend? I would be in favour of honesty, but I'm openminded, not everyone is.

i'm not suggesting that hiring a plane to write it in the sky is a good idea.

however if the gf is the kind of person who would be disgusted, its a lose/lose situation whether he tells or not.

CDfm

From the posts OP seems to be a " Bi Virgin" and seems to want a gay fling but needs approval to try it out. How fair is that?

hot2def

CDfm wrote: »

From the posts OP seems to be a " Bi Virgin" and seems to want a gay fling but needs approval to try it out. How fair is that?

I didn't see anything in the post that said that. In fact, *you* are the one who keeps questioning if he will be faithful. being bisexual doesn't mean you are more likely to be unfaithfull, but you are hounding him based soley on the piece of info.

and even if he did mention it, its a seperate issue to whether/how he should tell his girlfriend he is bi.

and its not a "gay fling". he was clear on saying he was bi. saying he wants a "gay fling" implies that being bi is merely a step en route to being gay.

CDfm

hot2def wrote: »

and its not a "gay fling". he was clear on saying he was bi. saying he wants a "gay fling" implies that being bi is merely a step en route to being gay.

I did not mean it that way -just pointing out that he seams to have it planned in his head and is looking for validation or approval.

Thats what I dont get- being unfaithful is just that -take away the gender or sexuality tag and you are left with a couple splitting up or being unfaithful.

hot2def

CDfm wrote: »

Thats what I dont get- being unfaithful is just that -take away the gender or sexuality tag and you are left with a couple splitting up or being unfaithful.

the problem here is you. the OP never said anything about being unfaithful (infact he stressed over and over again that he has no intention of doing so) - this is something you are projecting on to him because he is bisexual.

CDfm

hot2def wrote: »

the problem here is you. the OP never said anything about being unfaithful (infact he stressed over and over again that he has no intention of doing so) - this is something you are projecting on to him because he is bisexual.

He did project what if he has a fling in 12 months -so the idea is there and that makes me think thats the general idea -while he sorts out what he wants out of life.So his bi-sexuality is not of any consequence.

shellyboo

quote=CDfm;58829634]He did project what if he has a fling in 12 months -so the idea is there and that makes me think thats the general idea -while he sorts out what he wants out of life.So his bi-sexuality is not of any consequence.[/quote]


That's not what he said, if you re-read that post. He said, basically, that JUST IN CASE they broke up, he'd rather his gf know that he's bi rather than see him with a guy somewhere down the line. He's thinking about honesty and not hurting her. He doesn't have any intention of cheating, he just feels - rightly - that his gf has a right to know that he's realised he's bi.

CDfm

shellyboo wrote: »

quote=CDfm;58829634]He did project what if he has a fling in 12 months -so the idea is there and that makes me think thats the general idea -while he sorts out what he wants out of life.So his bi-sexuality is not of any consequence.

That's not what he said, if you re-read that post. He said, basically, that JUST IN CASE they broke up, he'd rather his gf know that he's bi rather than see him with a guy somewhere down the line. He's thinking about honesty and not hurting her. He doesn't have any intention of cheating, he just feels - rightly - that his gf has a right to know that he's realised he's bi.

Maybe the purpose of the post is to get approval - I dunno- but he seems to have a bit of detail to make me feel he wants to go out and find out for himself. Its just a feeling.

littlebug

I've been mulling this over all day. I had long term relationship with someone who had been with men before we got together but I did't know this until the relationship was over . I won't say he was bi because I have no idea how he defined or defines himself. I found out from friends after we'd parted... friends who had known all along. On reflection I think maybe he tried to tell me once but I didn't really enter into the conversation he tried to start. If he had told me then I'll admit I probably would have walked away from the relationship quicker than I did. But there were a lot of other problems in that relationship (the lyin' cheatin' bustard part being the least of them:p).
My feeling is that if you have a good solid relationship then I would lean more towards you telling her than not telling her. If you tell her then I don't think it should be done in a casual/ off the cuff way because it isn't trivial. If you decide not to tell her and your relationship continues for another 6 years (or more- marriage etc) can you still keep this to yourself? If you tell her and she decides she can't handle it and leaves how would you feel? Would you think you made the right decision then?

LegacyUser

look CDfm if you read my last post you will see that i said " know some people are going to take this as what i am planning on doing but its not".

If i had a plan to get with guys then i wouldnt care about my o/h and i would just do it and not bother about the what would happen later, but the fact ive come on here askin for other peoples views shows that is not what i want. I wanted to see what the general opinion was.

But i will say thankyou to you as you sayin this has made me feel even more that i should tell her

LegacyUser

littlebug wrote: »

I've been mulling this over all day. I had long term relationship with someone who had been with men before we got together but I did't know this until the relationship was over . I won't say he was bi because I have no idea how he defined or defines himself. I found out from friends after we'd parted... friends who had known all along. On reflection I think maybe he tried to tell me once but I didn't really enter into the conversation he tried to start. If he had told me then I'll admit I probably would have walked away from the relationship quicker than I did. But there were a lot of other problems in that relationship (the lyin' cheatin' bustard part being the least of them:p).
My feeling is that if you have a good solid relationship then I would lean more towards you telling her than not telling her. If you tell her then I don't think it should be done in a casual/ off the cuff way because it isn't trivial. If you decide not to tell her and your relationship continues for another 6 years (or more- marriage etc) can you still keep this to yourself? If you tell her and she decides she can't handle it and leaves how would you feel? Would you think you made the right decision then?

thanks for that littlebug thats what i wanted to here, the opion from the other side of the relationship.

The way i feel atm is that if when i tell her she decides to end the relationship there, then thats something that i will have to deal with, the way that i see this is, i need to tell her, I dont want to be "leading her on" so to speak and i just think thats not fair to her, she does mean the world to me but if she feels that she can be happier apart from me i am willing to let her go for her happiness, and to me your partners feelings should come first.
If she will be happier alone or with someone else then that is fine by me, as long as she is happy thats all i care about.
dont get me wrong it will hurt me but at the end if the day it is something that i have done and will have to live with.

This might sound cruel but if you read this post properly then you will realise that she comes first in my eyes, why should she live a lie at my expence.

nkay1985

Hey OP. I'm happy for you that you've come to terms with your sexuality. That must have been extremely difficult.

I'm in a relationship of similar length to yours so I'm trying to think what would happen if I was to tell my gf what you're planning.

It's a difficult scenario to imagine. But I get the feeling from your posts that you really do want to tell her. It's not for us to tell you to do so or not to do so. Is your gf the kind of person who could accept this? I know I could accept if my girlfriend told me she liked girls but was happy with me and didn't need to act on this, or hasn't acted on it while she was with me.
I also think she would accept the reverse situation.

But if you do go to tell her make sure you know exactly what you want to say. Make it clear that you've never acted on it while with her and that you don't intend to either. One question that may come out of this is: do you think about guys while having sex with me? Or do you fantasise about guys while you masterbate?

Your answers are going to have to be very frank and honest.

Hope it all goes well for you.

LegacyUser

hi...first of all, i am a married guy and myself and my wife are madly in love with each other....but actually you are in the same situation i was 10 yrs ago lol...its a very sticky place to be, i was a little different tho as i did want some cock...went at it in a roundabout way that took probably two years or so, slowly dropping hints, getting guys to come and chat to me at a bar with her there, or to chat to her, and when they'd leave we'ed discuss how cute or horrible they were and have a laugh...getting her to book me a massage and she'd always book a guy(cause your wife is never gonna book you another woman lol) and after she'd ask how it went and i'd say things like, was good but he was too old for me or too hairy for me and again have a laugh..until one time after having a massage i told her (whilst having sex) to keep this particular guy as at times he uses his whole body against mine during the massage, she asked me was it horny, i told her i was rock hard and so was he and that we both had a great time and to my surprise this made her so horny she booked the same guy constantly so i could tell her how each massage went and how horny it was....and to this day it goes on and to be honest its perfect and we both get a great turn on after each massage....dont know if this is any help to you as everybody is different but sometimes things can work out just right

estar

does a drunken fumble with a guy when you are 16 make you bi

as in that case half the countrys girls would be described as bi

i would be careful to apply labels to this and see it as sexual exploration at a young age.

do you still find men attractive op?

Monkey61

littlebug wrote: »

My feeling is that if you have a good solid relationship then I would lean more towards you telling her than not telling her. If you tell her then I don't think it should be done in a casual/ off the cuff way because it isn't trivial. If you decide not to tell her and your relationship continues for another 6 years (or more- marriage etc) can you still keep this to yourself? If you tell her and she decides she can't handle it and leaves how would you feel? Would you think you made the right decision then?

But the thing is, in the grand scheme of things it is trivial - unless he is planning to act on it and that's a whole other issue. If he is in a committed relationship it doesn't matter a whit whether he's bisexual, because he is in a committed relationship. It's no more important then discovering he fancies Asian women or something.

It's also not living a lie or forcing his girlfriend to do the same. Telling her in this case only seems to come from a selfish need to unburden himself of something and quite frankly I think the OP is in fact doing this to force her hand and make the girl have to make a decision about this to save him from having to decide whether he will ultimately be happy never getting the chance to experiment again.

I just think that if he turns this into a huge deal by sitting down and explaining it to the girlfriend it is more than likely only going to cause her some pain - which IMO is entirely unnecessary.

Ellechim

OP, I have a very good friend who married a woman who had had a long term relationship with another woman before she had met him. She didn't tell him when they first started going out: but after a few months when it appeared to be 'serious' she told him all and they split for a while, they got back together shortly afterwards and are now married with two kids. So, she was/is clearly bi, however, her choice for a life partner was my friend.

You are very young: you have been in this relationship for all your adult life. You say you have come to terms with it but I would question whether you don't really know whether you want a man or a woman as a life partner. I think if after six years together this girl was 'the one' you would actually be saying, 'I know I'm bi but my choice is to be with this person forever' - which was the case with my friends above and not what I'm hearing from your posts.

I think if you know you're bi but have never really tested the water how can you know you're with the right person? But that is just my opinion.

I think to be true to yourself and to help you answer this question you do really have to tell her and also you may have to split up. In the long run you may end up back together but if this is a part of you that you have been hiding you owe it to your life time happiness to explore it a little. It will cause you heartache but you are right, it is the right thing to do, not just for her but for yourself. If you can't be true to yourself then you are living a lie and that over time will eat into you and make you very very unhappy.

All the best with it.

hot2def

Monkey61 wrote: »

But the thing is, in the grand scheme of things it is trivial - unless he is planning to act on it and that's a whole other issue. If he is in a committed relationship it doesn't matter a whit whether he's bisexual, because he is in a committed relationship. It's no more important then discovering he fancies Asian women or something.

It's also not living a lie or forcing his girlfriend to do the same. Telling her in this case only seems to come from a selfish need to unburden himself of something and quite frankly I think the OP is in fact doing this to force her hand and make the girl have to make a decision about this to save him from having to decide whether he will ultimately be happy never getting the chance to experiment again.

I just think that if he turns this into a huge deal by sitting down and explaining it to the girlfriend it is more than likely only going to cause her some pain - which IMO is entirely unnecessary.

Wait wait. its already been pointed out that if you are bisexual, being in a long term relationship with one gender or the other doesn't make you "essentially" straight/gay.


This is an aspect of his personality that he feels he has hidden from the person he loves. its not trivial.


talking about "unburdening" and forcing hands implies he has done something wrong or should be ashamed of his sexuality, and that is asinine.


And why can some posters on here just not get away from turning this into a discussion about being faithful and experimenting? the OP has stated clearly that this isn't the issue. Its not his fault that you associate it with bisexual people.

Monkey61

hot2def wrote: »

Wait wait. its already been pointed out that if you are bisexual, being in a long term relationship with one gender or the other doesn't make you "essentially" straight/gay.


talking about "unburdening" and forcing hands implies he has done something wrong or should be ashamed of his sexuality, and that is asinine.


And why can some posters on here just not get away from turning this into a discussion about being faithful and experimenting? the OP has stated clearly that this isn't the issue. Its not his fault that you associate it with bisexual people.

Of course it doesn't make you essentially straight or gay, but I do think it renders your sexual preference for the other gender a bit redundant unless you intend to do something about it.

I abhor the association of bisexuality with infidelity - that's the only reason I would question why it is a big thing if you are already in a relationship, because surely it doesn't matter if you are committed to your partner and has absolutely no bearing on your life other than the fact that you fancy other men as well as women.

He of course has done nothing wrong, nor should he be ashamed, I just think that his sexuality, as long as he remains with this woman, has little or no bearing over his daily life at all and big announcements will only turn it into an issue.

CDfm

Unregistered wrote: »

look CDfm if you read my last post you will see that i said " know some people are going to take this as what i am planning on doing but its not".

But i will say thankyou to you as you sayin this has made me feel even more that i should tell her

Seriousley, what I am saying is think about the consequences and your relationship.

If she is the jealous type will this come out when you go out with friends or will she trust you.

Its a big jump saying I had a drunken fumble to saying hey I fancy guys too.

Live long and prosper:cool:

littlebug

Unregistered wrote: »

thats what i wanted to here, the opion from the other side of the relationship.

.

Feel free to pm if you want. I don't particularly want to say any more than I have already done in public.

to whoever said it is trivial... no it's not if the OP thinks it's not. Simple as that. In retrospect I can now see that the person I was with was leading a terribly sad and conflicted life full of secrets and lies

Cpaw

littlebug wrote: »

Feel free to pm if you want. I don't particularly want to say any more than I have already done in public.

Ewwww this is NOT a gay hook up site.

Personally I would NEVER EVER date a bi guy knowing he was checking out guys all the time. EWWWW., Castration me thinks.

littlebug

Cpaw wrote: »

Ewwww this is NOT a gay hook up site.

Personally I would NEVER EVER date a bi guy knowing he was checking out guys all the time. EWWWW., Castration me thinks.

:rolleyes: but you made me lol. if you read my first post you would see that I am a woman who was once in a relationship with a possibly bi man who didn't tell me.
Talk about making assumptions :rolleyes:

littlebug

Cpaw wrote: »

Ewwww this is NOT a gay hook up site.

Personally I would NEVER EVER date a bi guy knowing he was checking out guys all the time. EWWWW., Castration me thinks.

And... how do you know a straight guy isn't checking out women all the time... is that ewww too?