Feel guilty for not socialising

LegacyUser

At my workplace we are in teams of about 20 and my team go out regularly (at least once a month)- sometimes I go out and its a bit of fun but alot of the time I cant be bothered- no problems with socialising or anything just that I cant be bothered, Im not a huge fan of the pub- I mean its alright but I wouldnt be as into it as others.

This may sound a bit childish but theres usually alot of "come on, come on out, why arent you coming out" inquisitions if I say Im not going out (like teenage peer pressure but they seem to take it very seriously)- this then makes me feel kind of bad/guilty-like Ive insulted them or something and I should have a damn good reason for not going.

Am I just being silly/reading too much into it or should I be making more of an effort?

nyarlothothep

If you don't want to go then don't and tell them diplomatically and don't feel guilty about it. If they can't understand its their problem essentially.

Princess Consuela Bananahammock

Suggest alternatives. Maybe a meal? Then those who want to can hit the pub afterwards and those who don't can go home.

I think you should make the point to them that it's NOT personal and you simply don't like pubs.

HungryJoey

I have felt a bit like this myself at times. Don't get me wrong I love to go out and I do go out but sometimes after working all day the last thing I wan't to do is to have to head back out.

It's ok to want you're own space sometimes, I wouldn't start to feel guilty about it. That is how I look at it.

MIN2511

I am 23 and i have worked in 3 companies and i have been very social in each one of them. Personally i believe it is necessary to socialise with colleagues outside work. You make contacts and build your network, you never know when you would need them.

You don't have to go out every time they do, but you need to make an effort for your career....
my 2c

MagicMarker

I'm the same, some of the lads are out tonight for a few beers. I really just can't be arsed.

Waiting in the rain for a bus, standing in a crowded bar not hearing a thing and then standing in the rain for an hour waiting for a taxi that'll cost me 30 euro doesn't appeal to me what so ever.

OP, do what you want to do.

DamoKen

OP I get asked the same thing constantly in my workplace, my standard answer is "I couldn't be arsed" and no one raises an eyebrow. I've found it hasn't made any difference to my social standing in the company, still know everyone and get on well with them all and this is a big company. The whole you need to go out to network is boll*x as far as I'm concerned. You see these people for 8+ hours a day 5 days a week, which is a lot more than you see of your friends.
Plenty of time to get to know people, or network if you prefer that term :rolleyes: (sorry just hate management speak). The limited free time I have is for my own life and friends, so bah humbug to company nights out

jim o doom

Agree with all the posts; my OH doesn't go out hardly ever, it's always fun when shes out - but perhaps more so because she goes out rarely..

Noone things worse of her for not going out & it just provides a good opportunity to slag her for being a wee bit of a hermit.. but that being said everyone loves her to bits, so no harm either way!

Do what you want, perhaps you will make the night a lot better when you do go out, because its a rarity

Mingey

I have the opposite problem here. No one wants to go out

Just tell them you don't feel like drinking/gave it up for the month/have something else on

grizzly

To quote the Vintners Association radio ad; "Sure if you don't go, who do you think they'll going to talk about?" I hate that ad.

I say it's good to go every once in a while, but like others have said you spend enough time with these people already. Suit yourself and so long as you are not rude, people will have to understand and get over it.

I had a friend that worked for Gateway years back. They had practically compulsory nights out every 3 weeks ie if he dodged a night out his manager would ask where he was and say "you really should come along next time". Gave me the shivers hearing about it.

r3nu4l

MIN2511 wrote: »

Personally i believe it is necessary to socialise with colleagues outside work. You make contacts and build your network, you never know when you would need them.

You don't have to go out every time they do, but you need to make an effort for your career....
my 2c

I'd disagree with this. In our company we sometimes go for lunch together and maybe 2 or 3 times a year we go out for meals or to the pub. Other than that we don't really go out that much. My career has progressed rapidly and I'm now Director of my department. I'm more interested in who can do their job well and who is a team player on the job, I couldn't care less if any of my team never socialise outside work so long as they pull well together during the day.

In my last company, the after work drink culture was huge but 'networking' with the bosses got you nowhere if you weren't doing a great job during the day. Loads of people that never went out for drinks got promoted quite quickly.

Some will say, 'ah but nights out can help build the team' and this is true but nights out can also cause friction and arguments as people get drunk and then that carries into the office. I've seen it happen and it annoys the hell out of me.

If you are in a company that judges you on whether you go to the pub every Friday and not on your performance and team relationships on the job then I'd suggest finding a more professional company.

As has been suggested, see how people react to a 'let's go for dinner, or let's go bowling' suggestion. If all they want is drink then you know that they are less interested in the social aspect and more interested in not being seen to drink alone.

MIN2511

r3nu4l wrote: »

I'd disagree with this. In our company we sometimes go for lunch together and maybe 2 or 3 times a year we go out for meals or to the pub. Other than that we don't really go out that much. My career has progressed rapidly and I'm now Director of my department. I'm more interested in who can do their job well and who is a team player on the job, I couldn't care less if any of my team never socialise outside work so long as they pull well together during the day.

In my last company, the after work drink culture was huge but 'networking' with the bosses got you nowhere if you weren't doing a great job during the day. Loads of people that never went out for drinks got promoted quite quickly.

Some will say, 'ah but nights out can help build the team' and this is true but nights out can also cause friction and arguments as people get drunk and then that carries into the office. I've seen it happen and it annoys the hell out of me.

If you are in a company that judges you on whether you go to the pub every Friday and not on your performance and team relationships on the job then I'd suggest finding a more professional company.

As has been suggested, see how people react to a 'let's go for dinner, or let's go bowling' suggestion. If all they want is drink then you know that they are less interested in the social aspect and more interested in not being seen to drink alone.

Each to their own...
It all depends on the company you work in and the people you work with. The OP's company sounds like a young crowd, i don't know what age the OP is but i am assuming he/she is young too.
It is a good idea to socialise, it may not be necessary but it does help

wylo

Unregistered wrote: »

At my workplace we are in teams of about 20 and my team go out regularly (at least once a month)- sometimes I go out and its a bit of fun but alot of the time I cant be bothered- no problems with socialising or anything just that I cant be bothered, Im not a huge fan of the pub- I mean its alright but I wouldnt be as into it as others.

This may sound a bit childish but theres usually alot of "come on, come on out, why arent you coming out" inquisitions if I say Im not going out (like teenage peer pressure but they seem to take it very seriously)- this then makes me feel kind of bad/guilty-like Ive insulted them or something and I should have a damn good reason for not going.

Am I just being silly/reading too much into it or should I be making more of an effort?

Being honest Im a part of that "come on come out" brigade. Its healthy to go to these things (if you do drink and socialise anyway that is). You'll notice a much stonger bond between the crowd that do go to these and the lads that dont.
If its a good job that you plan on staying with then its nice to put in a bit of effort and meet once in a while outside work. It shows there more than just work colleagues, theyre mates as well.