What's the best age to be female?

brianthebard

What's the best time in a person's life to be a woman? Young, with a spring in your step and vitality and all the rest, when you have no worries and no commitments? later on when you have kids and a husband and a home? Later still, when the kids have grown up? It might seem like an odd idea to relate this question to gender, but women seem to change a lot more than men, or at least presented as such (especially with the whole menopause thing), it seems like there are clearer phases to a woman's life. Is this the case? Do you wish you were younger or older? Has reaching a new stage made you feel like a fuller person? Hope this is making sense....

CDfm

Brian - you are not thinking of making the change? Surely its a great time to be female. Its a fairly tough time to be a guy ............................but then what about women who dont want to follow the traditional route of marriage and children?

Wibbs

OK bloke here* but in my humble the happiest people of either gender were women in their 50s/60s. I would reckon, again as a bloke observing, late teens early 20's before the BS starts and just when you realise the power of being a woman internally and externally and then after 50 when you realise the same but it has little to do with gender. Men don't have that I think for the most part. Too many have a golden time in their life and all that follows is a pale reflection. Women while obviously more age judged, actually don't have that vibe nearly as much and have a more varied life trajectory. They also keep their wits for longer than men in general from what I've seen.






* I'm the LL mod goddammit!!! hear me squeak:p:)

Nevyn

That's funny your time line seems to say that only post menapausal women are happy and content there wibbs.

Xiney

I think every time is great to be a lady

(I'm biased, though)

DubLass

I think that may be different for each woman, for me it was 40, not long separated, felt free and unemcumbered, happy to either have or not have a new relationship, excepting of how I look (not bad if I may say so myself) however I do have all the usual worries with two teenage boys, work, mortgage etc, but yes, for me it has to be 40

I've never recovered from the lost of youth that was heralded with the number 9.

brianthebard

Xiney wrote: »

I think every time is great to be a lady

(I'm biased, though)

I figured as much, but do you feel like you've gone through stages, felt different because of something? I'm thinking Moonbaby is referring to a first period (or just pulling the piss) but guys don't have those same sort of events/rituals. For guys its just being a kid and being grown up, and even then there's not that much of a difference.

bug

probably 18-24 and then 50-60.

CDfm

DubLass wrote: »

I think that may be different for each woman, for me it was 40, not long separated, felt free and unemcumbered, happy to either have or not have a new relationship, excepting of how I look (not bad if I may say so myself) however I do have all the usual worries with two teenage boys, work, mortgage etc, but yes, for me it has to be 40

Was it correspondingly free for your ex- did he get to have two teenage boys and a house with mortgage too. Im asking as given " the power of the limited good " in todays world and its competitive nature do we thrive at the expense of others. As a bloke my house is comparable to my exs or bigger having to start over but I did this by not having time to spend with the kids which I missed. My sence of commitment towards their education etc has dulled with time. So do you now have corresponding extra responsibility?

brianthebard

Dude, stay on topic.

Jules

Self modding threads.. interesting!

/me rubs mod badge!

JC 2K3

brianthebard wrote: »

I figured as much, but do you feel like you've gone through stages, felt different because of something? I'm thinking Moonbaby is referring to a first period (or just pulling the piss) but guys don't have those same sort of events/rituals. For guys its just being a kid and being grown up, and even then there's not that much of a difference.

Christ, I'm 19, I'm a guy and I feel like I've gone through a huge amount of stages already. Just being a kid and being grown up my ass. From what I can see, women have some more blatant physical bodily changes, but that's about it. The rest is all part of the human experience, which is no doubt going to be coloured in part by your gender, but not so much that men have drastically more linear lives than women...

Perhaps I should get back to you in 10 years, but this topic just puzzles me slightly tbh...

Weidii

So far 22 has been my favourite age

Madame Razz

32, according to the Ray D'arcy show yesterday....

A while to go so.....:o

Speaking personally, I was happy on my skin to the point of being obnoxious about it(and I was!!) when I was 18/19.

A few life batterings caused this to falter as I reached 20/21 and the insecurity crept in.

Now, I find as I get older(27 soon:eek:) I get more comfortable with me, with who I am, with what I am, with how I am...

Long may it continue;)

shellyboo

Hmm... I was never really happy in myself up until I was around 23, I think... I was more or less living for what I thought I wanted, and thought that if I could have x y and z then my life would be complete.

Now, at 25 I think I have a better grip on what it is I really want (come back to me in 20 years and see if I'm saying the same thing!!) and I know that the only person that can make me happy is me.

At 25 I have a independent life, good job, great friends, great relationships - I feel like the past few years were hard with college and trying to figure my life out; and the 'real world' things like a mortgage, partner, kids are all challenges for my future: so I'm thinking that right now would be the best time of life for me.

Xiney

brianthebard wrote: »

I figured as much, but do you feel like you've gone through stages, felt different because of something? I'm thinking Moonbaby is referring to a first period (or just pulling the piss) but guys don't have those same sort of events/rituals. For guys its just being a kid and being grown up, and even then there's not that much of a difference.

I don't feel different.

I mean, I was a kid, now I'm not. Starting to blow chunks of uterus out of my vagina monthly wasn't a huge defining moment for me, although that doesn't mean it didn't for others.

tantipie

i feel more confident now,,at 33 than ever,,learning to swim, salsa and doing a marathon ,all things i would never have done before kids getting older too which helps:D

Wibbs

Thaedydal wrote: »

That's funny your time line seems to say that only post menapausal women are happy and content there wibbs.

Ah no, just that group seemed to be the happiest and most content in general and more content that men of that age. More outgoing and mentally sharper too.

Nevyn

Wibbs wrote: »

Ah no, just that group seemed to be the happiest and most content in general and more content that men of that age. More outgoing and mentally sharper too.

And you don't see that as possibly correlating to no long having to deal with
that time of the month and the stresses and hassles of fertility ?
In certain Indian American tribes those women were considered dangerous as
they no longer needed a man.

Curlypinkie

30 and loving it/me/everything around me.
Felt like this since I was 28, I know I was a bit late. Altho better late than never!

Wibbs

Thaedydal wrote: »

And you don't see that as possibly correlating to no long having to deal with
that time of the month and the stresses and hassles of fertility ?

Not at all. I would say that's precisely why for the most part.

Malari

I had peaks. The ages 17, 20 and 24 were very good years for me But I've been very happy and content since the age of 27. I don't see it getting any worse, only better.

SheRa

29 - the age I am now definitely.
Still have so much that I want to do with my life that Im looking forward to doing but am very happy with the way things are going and with what Ive achieved so far.

CDfm

brianthebard wrote: »

Dude, stay on topic.

I was - I wanted to get a handle on why women might be happier at some ages. Career, child free, family, divorced or whatever.

Dublass suggested manfree motherhood - it made me wonder was her- motherhood happiness achieved by excluding the childrens father. So what are the happiness motivators. She could have said we are great mates and he lives up the road and is totally cool blah blah blah or she might have said who cares as long as Im happy.

Also, whether lifestyle choice for women make a difference-is there room for women who dont fit the traditional model - lesbians- career women -women who dont want kids or nuns and all that. Does that make women happy.

You know like the Jack Nicholson movie - as good as it gets.

Wibbs suggests women in their late 40s onwards are more comfortable. kids reared or mortgage finished or what? Others vary and I wonder what happens at those times or what conditions there are to make it so. Age is an indicator but doesnt describe the conditions that make it so.

Malari

CDfm wrote: »

I was - I wanted to get a handle on why women might be happier at some ages. Career, child free, family, divorced or whatever.

Dublass suggested manfree motherhood - it made me wonder was her- motherhood excluding the childrens father.

Also, whether lifestyle choice for women make a difference-is there room for women who dont fit the traditional model - lesbians -women who dont want kids and all that. Does that make women happy.

You know like the Jack Nicholson movie as good as it gets.

Wibbs suggests women in their late 40s onwards are more comfortable. Others vary and I wonder what happens at those times to make it so.

If you're that curious...;)

The things that made me happy when I was 17 was a great class I was in at college, loved the subject I was studying, had fun friends, went on lots of nights out and field-trips that were almost as much fun as each other.

At 20 I studied abroad for a year, fantastic opportunity, I was learning so many new things about life, people, as well as my topic of study. I was stony broke but made my small budget last and I enjoyed the little treats even more. I think I found my confidence and my identity in that year.

At 23-24 I got competitively and successfully involved in sport and was working and paying off loans. Every minute of my every day was busy and it was tiring but I was entirely happy. Fell in love for the 1st time.

At 27 to present I am debt-free, able to help my parents financially (after they gave me so much help in the past 10 years), hopelessly in love for the second (final?) time, working a well-paying job, living in a house and location I love, able to travel, comfortable and content that I share the same goals as my boyfriend - a future which does not involve marriage and children.

EDIT: I should probably add, it's not that I was tragically unhappy in the intervening years! It's just that I felt that I was moving towards something that would make me happier.

DubLass

CDfm wrote: »

I was - I wanted to get a handle on why women might be happier at some ages. Career, child free, family, divorced or whatever.

Dublass suggested manfree motherhood - it made me wonder was her- motherhood happiness achieved by excluding the childrens father. So what are the happiness motivators. She could have said we are great mates and he lives up the road and is totally cool blah blah blah or she might have said who cares as long as Im happy.

Also, whether lifestyle choice for women make a difference-is there room for women who dont fit the traditional model - lesbians- career women -women who dont want kids or nuns and all that. Does that make women happy.

You know like the Jack Nicholson movie - as good as it gets.

Wibbs suggests women in their late 40s onwards are more comfortable. kids reared or mortgage finished or what? Others vary and I wonder what happens at those times or what conditions there are to make it so. Age is an indicator but doesnt describe the conditions that make it so.

I answered the question honestly as to what age I was happiest with myself, my relationship and my childrens relationship with their dad doesnt come into this questions as far as Im concerned. You sound like you had a bad experience, not everyones separation is the same!

If you want to make any suggestion out of what I said was that I was happy either alone or in a relationship at that time, that statement had nothing to do with motherhood.

CDfm

DubLass wrote: »

I answered the question honestly as to what age I was happiest with myself, my relationship and my childrens relationship with their dad doesnt come into this questions as far as Im concerned. You sound like you had a bad experience, not everyones separation is the same!

If you want to make any suggestion out of what I said was that I was happy either alone or in a relationship at that time, that statement had nothing to do with motherhood.

I really am interested -I have a great relationship with my kids and brilliant girlfriend. My divorce was protracted -yes.

Totally by accident I became friendly with some women - I wont post how here - but it was enriching and random and I have developed great friendships. Some of them dont follow traditional roles and are very happy.

So Brians post got me thinking what makes women happy and what factors do guys have that make it different or are these illusory intanteable things.

Malari says love and financial security and I suspect strenght gained from getting there and disapointments.

Curliepinkie and SheRa tag the ages 27 and 28 but dont say why?

John Mason

every day gets better for me

it is kinda a stupid question though isnt ? most of the people in here are (a) men and (b) in their twenties

how would they know how happy or unhappy they are going to be at 38 or 57?

brianthebard

pink fluffy bunny wrote: »

how would they know how happy or unhappy they are going to be at 38 or 57?

Ask yore ma?

Malari

CDfm wrote: »

Malari says love and financial security and I suspect strenght gained from getting there and disapointments.

In fairness, I listed MANY, many more reasons than love and security. How come you picked up those two?

Baby4

This post has been deleted.

marti101

Im 36 now nad find im happier now than i ever was.I feel much more like me and i dont care what people think of me.Even though i was always a bit like that so.Everything thats happened has made me who i am now so like it or lump it its me.I suppose what im saying is that i feel ive grown in to my skin.I didnt go to college or work abroad had my kids young then a few tragedies but its what made me me.So at this stage in my life im just waiting to see what else will be thrown at me.:D

LolaLuv

I would agree with the mid-20s being a good time. It's a little odd that some people think the late teens are the best. They're so full of insecurities. At 24 I'm very happy with myself. I wish my future were a little more certain, but I'm sure someday I'll miss the uncertainty I have now. So mid-20s onward FTW!

CDfm

Malari wrote: »

In fairness, I listed MANY, many more reasons than love and security. How come you picked up those two?

i narrowed it down - your achievements are milestones and seem to have fulfilled your goals

its the financial sucess gives you the freedom to help your parents and travel

its also given you the freedom to be independent and have your own life - but not nesscessarily marriage and kids

the love part i picked on with sharing your sucess with your parents and your boyfriend has similar goals - so i figure you like seeing those closest to you happy

am i close or do you sdee it differently

Stheno

PillyPen wrote: »

It's a little odd that some people think the late teens are the best. They're so full of insecurities.

Different strokes for different folks, I absolutely loved my late teens, and some of my happiest memories of my life so far are from that time.

I absolutely HATED my twenties, the entire decade almost without exception, is not one that I enjoyed.

I'm mid thirties now, and am quite happy overall with my life, possibly as I'm much more comfortable in my own skin than I was when I was in my twenties.

Curlypinkie

Why 28?
Ok, I'll list a few things that up to then didn't apply:

I moved away from my home country to Ireland, found my feet pretty instantly and started for the first time to be proud of myself.

Thanks to a few tweaks in my appearance, health and self confidence I looked and started to feel feckin gorgoeus and I'm finally not ashamed to say it.

I finally started believing that only the sky is the limit for me, in whatever I do, wether it's a new hobby, work, friends, socialising whatever.

I broke up from one of a string of bf's who weren't bad but were totally unright and I was with them just so I wouldn't be lonely.

I am now on my own, living alone but I do not feel lonely ever. Not one single (pun intended!!) minute

I have never been so happy in my life!

Malari

CDfm wrote: »

i narrowed it down - your achievements are milestones and seem to have fulfilled your goals

its the financial sucess gives you the freedom to help your parents and travel

its also given you the freedom to be independent and have your own life - but not nesscessarily marriage and kids

the love part i picked on with sharing your sucess with your parents and your boyfriend has similar goals - so i figure you like seeing those closest to you happy

am i close or do you sdee it differently

You make good points, but it's only part of it. In fact since my post I see a few other ladies have made similar remarks that I only alluded to. I turned a corner when I started really being myself, saying what I thought, doing what I wanted, etc.

Also I was going out with guys because that's what people were doing. I never really cared about any of them, and I thought I wasn't that attractive, but when I stopped caring about being with someone, I had such a good time and suddenly realised I was the object of more attention than I ever thought possible as a late teen.

It's the confidence that comes from that truth that "be yourself" is not only a cliche, but the best advice you can ever listen to. Without that, all the financial security and even love from someone else doesn't mean a lot.

Stheno

Malari wrote: »

You make good points, but it's only part of it. In fact since my post I see a few other ladies have made similar remarks that I only alluded to. I turned a corner when I started really being myself, saying what I thought, doing what I wanted, etc.

It's the confidence that comes from that truth that "be yourself" is not only a cliche, but the best advice you can ever listen to. Without that, all the financial security and even love from someone else doesn't mean a lot.

+1 that's why I feel so much happier now in my thirties than I ever did in my twenties

allabouteve

Life events can get in the way of happiness what ever your age. I'm 30 and hanging on to the thought that the best is yet to come, and that events wont' come in the way again.

littlebug

26-27 was great was for figuring myself out, shaking off insecurities and realising that a lot of the sh1te I'd been torturing myself over for years didn't matter.

28- early 30s for realising what I wanted (and finding him ) , where I was going, getting career established and career confidence.

30s- amazing for the exhilaration of childbirth and motherhood but bloody hard work physically.

Now at 39 I'm working towards making my 40s the best yet. The 30s have taken their toll but I've set myself targets and challenges so I will be happy with where I'm at and what I'm doing when I hit 40 instead of going into panic mode. Funny enough none of said challenges involve anything to do with work and career. Fook that.


ah feck it, it's all been good. Each age band has had it's highs and lows but each one of them has made me who I am now and i'm happy being me just now:)

I had great memories of late teens going through college but then hitting 20 and being on my own for postgrad not knowing anyone wasn't fun ! Kinda set me backward to the usual teenage stuff


I think generally in terms of insecurities and being and getting to know yourself I've been dealing with those for ages and around 22 finally started putting it behind.
Can't add kids to the list (nor was I planning to at all) but loving career, I think advancing that way will add to the happiness list


so go mid twenties onward

Blush_01

That's such a subjective question. It'll probably depend on everything that's gone before and your own perspective on how well you've done, and how well you have the potential to allow yourself to do.

I figure I'll hit my stride at about 82. Until then it'll all be uphill!