Cheating boyfriend

LegacyUser

Ok sorry for long post and also for the fact that I posted the start of this problem a while back but it has somewhat progressed. To recap...
My boyfriend suffers from depression. About three weeks ago he spiralled out of control and got wasted drunk at a party, self-harmed(not badly) and kissed a girl he just met. As soon as he did this he left the party and called me hysterically crying to tell me he cheated on me. I met up with him the next day and told him that I needed time to digest what happened. He swears it was out of character, he doesn't know why he did it and that he didn't plan it, wasn't attracted to the girl and never ever thought he could cheat on me. Since then he has started counselling sessions, promised me it will never happen again etc etc. Now I'm at a total loss as to what to do. I love him very much, we were planning a future together, however the words "once a cheater always a cheater" will not leave me. I've heard how if you take back a person who has cheated that they will most likely do it again. I don't know how to build up my trust with him again, nor if I want to for fear he will let me down. Is once a cheater always true or does it vary from case to case? I need some help in making this decision because it's affecting my life way too much...work etc...

Thanks

Salome

I think you've got to look at the circumstances that led up to the kiss. If it was part of an episode and as he's seeking counselling for his depression, then I think you've got to see it as something different from a lad snogging a random girl because they fancied a bit of strange.

He's taking responsibility for it - maybe you should give him the benefit of the doubt - see what happens.

LegacyUser

OP here. You know thats what my intuition is telling me but I'm terrified I'm going to end up one of those pathetic girls who lets her boyfriend away with murder because shes blinded by love. Like someone on the Maury show!

Max Power1

normally id be an advocate of the "once a cheater always a cheater" school of thought, but in this case i might take him back... or at least think about it. He obviously regrets doing it as he's taking counseling. Best of luck with whatever you do re this OP.

Max

DARKIZE

OP,

if your BF self-harmed in any way, surely that's more concerning than a drunken kiss ? Forget about the kiss, be grateful he didn't do something more serious to himself, and get some help for your BF.

Setun

Of course it varies from case to case. Everybody is different. In this case, it sounds like it was a result of his illness. If what you have mentioned is the full story, then he needs support right now.

TPD

Seems like the kiss was more self harming, than actually wanting to be with somebody else.

jonbravo

Unregistered wrote: »

OP here. You know thats what my intuition is telling me but I'm terrified I'm going to end up one of those pathetic girls who lets her boyfriend away with murder because shes blinded by love. Like someone on the Maury show!

You shouldn't stay with a person if your not happy,illness or not ,i'd also say its not the first wild party nor the last party your boyfriend will have...and its not your fault your terrified.he had the illness before the party........i think you should move on,he needs to sort himself out big time not you feel sorry for him!!!:mad:

CathyMoran

My husband is the very last person that you would ever expect to cheat. However before we were married very unusual circumstances occurred and he did (do not want to go onto details here)...he would never do it again and I trust him totally.

Your bf made a big mistake and is dealing with it - maybe the two of you could go to relationship councelling together?

Dont give up on him!