Fell out with someone

LegacyUser

recently i fell out with someone . He wasnt a friend more like a an acquaintance of a friend. It was mainly my fault. However after we fell out he got in trouble. someone may have informed on him. the thing is now when i meet him he acts strange he either doest speak or goes out of way to speak in a possibly intimidatory manner. He would say things that dont sound that bad if i was to repeat them here. I think he is playing mind games. i run into him every so often. i cant not run into him so what should i do? should i say something? ignore him? i think if i avoid him or apolagise he might think i have something to hide or scared but i wonder if at some point he will hit me or worse.

Bottle_of_Smoke

Unless he's making direct threats I wouldn't be overly concerned. He's probably more suspicious of someone else but isn't ruling you out.

What did you fall out over?

Otis Driftwood

Unregistered wrote: »

ignore him?

+1

If he sees he is getting a reaction then he is likely to continue.Is it possible you are just being a bit paranoid though,I mean

He would say things that dont sound that bad if i was to repeat them here.

If he was being overtly threatening then you would know about it,ya know?

LegacyUser

fell out over something small. I tried to keep my distance and this led him to think he thought i had a grudge against him

LegacyUser

nedtheshed wrote: »

Unregistered wrote: »

ignore him?

+1

If he sees he is getting a reaction then he is likely to continue.Is it possible you are just being a bit paranoid though,I mean

If he was being overtly threatening then you would know about it,ya know?

no he isnt being overly threatening. In fact he is being overly friendly. going out of his way to speak to me from a distance. Reminding me he is there. He bumped into me as i passed but then laughed. Also i heard a comment from someone else to the effect that i got him in bother

He asked me where i live so that could get a copy of an album i own

LegacyUser

Unregistered wrote: »

recently i fell out with someone . He wasnt a friend more like a an acquaintance of a friend. It was mainly my fault. However after we fell out he got in trouble. someone may have informed on him. the thing is now when i meet him he acts strange he either doest speak or goes out of way to speak in a possibly intimidatory manner. He would say things that dont sound that bad if i was to repeat them here. I think he is playing mind games. i run into him every so often. i cant not run into him so what should i do? should i say something? ignore him? i think if i avoid him or apolagise he might think i have something to hide or scared but i wonder if at some point he will hit me or worse.

It was mainly your fault that you fell out and he got in trouble after for an unknown person informing on him? He suspects you. Apologise for whatever you did wrong and take it from there. Sounds like you don't wanna apologise though.

LegacyUser

Theres 2 ways this could be
1: he really is playing games
2: he isn't
Come out and say it but say something like "hey you know ever since x, i've had a feeling of tension between us and its been nagging at me for some time since i did y at some stage. I could really use getting it off my chest i wonder have you noticed it too
if its 1: and hes playing games then taking him upfront will put your mind at ease either way. In the end he'll probably apologise and clear your mind of it or you'll find out it was a thing and get a chance to put things straight while you have a direct connection there.
Either way its going to continue gnawing at you untill you sort it out with him.

LegacyUser

Unregistered wrote: »

It was mainly your fault that you fell out and he got in trouble after for an unknown person informing on him? He suspects you. Apologise for whatever you did wrong and take it from there. Sounds like you don't wanna apologise though.

This is partly right i find it hard to apologize. And if i apologize now out of the blue wont he wonder why am i apologizing now?

LegacyUser

Unregistered wrote: »

It was mainly your fault that you fell out and he got in trouble after for an unknown person informing on him? He suspects you. Apologise for whatever you did wrong and take it from there. Sounds like you don't wanna apologise though.

But if i apologize might he think i am only apologizing because i am afraid of him and i might look guilty?

Also its possible that he is taking his problems out on me

LegacyUser

Unregistered wrote: »

Theres 2 ways this could be
1: he really is playing games
2: he isn't
Come out and say it but say something like "hey you know ever since x, i've had a feeling of tension between us and its been nagging at me for some time since i did y at some stage. I could really use getting it off my chest i wonder have you noticed it too
if its 1: and hes playing games then taking him upfront will put your mind at ease either way. In the end he'll probably apologise and clear your mind of it or you'll find out it was a thing and get a chance to put things straight while you have a direct connection there.
Either way its going to continue gnawing at you untill you sort it out with him.

thanks? Is there anything else i should say?

I have to sort it out with him. Its not evident from reading my post how (potentially) serious this is. He could do really bad **** to me if he really thought it was me.

LegacyUser

i wish i never fell out with him but i was going through a difficult time and fell out with a couple of people

LegacyUser

ok so now i am getting phonecalls in the midddle of the night. they hang up before we get to the phone

blamed_

how should i deal with this?
a) apologise but i feel this wont be accepted as he might think why is apologising that i have something to hide
b) ignore. this will get harder to do and i think he will eventually attack me. i wish he would and get it over with. I think he has phoned my house in the middle of the night
c) avoid him. i dont like doing this as i feel it gives reason to think i did do it


I feel also he telling other people and they may not trust me or gang up on me.

Collie D

The guy sounds like scum to me, OP

Personally, I would confront him but then again I have a short fuse when I feel threatened.

Speak to one of his friends, tell him you think this guy is giving you sh*t because he thinks you grassed him up or whatever. Tell them it wasn't you.

The guy obvioulsy has some kind of problem with you and sounds like a d*ck. Doesn't sound like you could talk to him face to face either.

blamed_

if i keep getting phonecalls can the phone company do anything?

Zaph

blamed_ wrote: »

if i keep getting phonecalls can the phone company do anything?

The Eircom Malicious Calls Bureau on 1800 689 689 can assist you with this.

blamed_

if i see this guy again(which i probably will) what should i say to him?
Should i get onto him for making the calls or mention the calls?

Zaph

Don't mention the calls unless you are 100% certain that it's him making them. Call the number I gave you, they can trace where calls are coming from and affer assistance on how you should deal with the problem.

hellodolly

That's a sucky situation to be in... you sound like you feel intimidated by this 'hard ass'.

I'm a bit of chicken so i'd say let sleeping dogs lie and ya, maybe in conversation with one of his more approachable friends say that you feel bad about the night yez fell out because you were in bad form that night or something and you don't like bad vibes. Be confident and smiley when saying it, don't appear submissive, like you're afraid of him or anything.

The person who reported him is probably an enemy of his already and he more likely suspects that person already. Don't presume it's you he suspects; your fear will make you think it's ONLY you that's in trouble.

If you're getting nuicance phonecalls, could it be that he & his mates know you're afraid of him and could be doing it just to wind you up? It could also be some weird random idiot who dialled a random number and keeps hitting redial...whoever's doing it is an immature godsh*te and you can contact Eircom to track the calls without anyone knowing.

blamed_

Zaph wrote: »

Don't mention the calls unless you are 100% certain that it's him making them. Call the number I gave you, they can trace where calls are coming from and affer assistance on how you should deal with the problem.

not 100% sure but pretty sure. Hew mentioned wanting my phone number

blamed_

hellodolly wrote: »

That's a sucky situation to be in... you sound like you feel intimidated by this 'hard ass'.

I dont feel terrified if i see him as i still do the same routine but feel uncomfortable. If i go home late at night i get a taxi. But at point i actually wondered if he might kill me!

blamed_

hellodolly wrote: »

The person who reported him is probably an enemy of his already and he more likely suspects that person already. Don't presume it's you he suspects; your fear will make you think it's ONLY you that's in trouble.

Actually from what i hear there cold be a lot of suspects. He was quite blatant.

I dont think he really thinks it was but is wondering it if was me.
I think he wants to see how i react or something.

blamed_

hellodolly wrote: »

It could also be some weird random idiot who dialled a random number and keeps hitting redial.

i know people can hit their phone when its in their pocket or handbag but the calls were hours apart

hellodolly

I remember hearing about a guy who, one night, just picked a phone number at random, a lady answered and from there up until when he was done for it a few years later, would ring her late at night, every night and say obscene things. He scared the bejaysus out of the woman but he was just a bit of a saddo with a low IQ who got his kicks saying dirty things to strangers.

Sure when we were kids, we'd ring up numbers out of phone book and say nothing and hang up. We thought we were halarious at the time; obviously now i know we were being stupid little twits.

I also hate falling out with anyone. I obsess about what i said for days possibly weeks after and i feel terrible and blame myself for everything; if it was my fault or not. It sounds like you don't like conflict either.

Don't keep blaming yourself. If yez fell out over something small, then it was something small. If he's a p*ick who has lots of enemies, that's his fault and his problem. You're minor argument is probably a drop in the ocean to this idiot.

Collie D

Keeping a whistle by the phone may solve the late night calls

CDfm

Unregistered wrote: »

nedtheshed wrote: »

Unregistered wrote: »

ignore him?

Also i heard a comment from someone else to the effect that i got him in bother

He asked me where i live so that could get a copy of an album i own

Its difficult to know how to deal with this not knowing the pair of you.

I would be tempted to say when I saw him next (especially if you have a few people around ) How are you ? I want to have a word and tell him that XXXX said I had got you into a bit of bother and I want to clear up any misunderstanding - it wasnt me etc. I just dont get involved in bother etc.

THats a lot better then walking around on eggshells everytime you see him and getting paranoid. That would be my inclination.

But if he is violent or is making threats you are better of discussing it with the Gaurds

blamed_

Collie D wrote: »

Keeping a whistle by the phone may solve the late night calls

The phone would only ring twice nobody had a chance to answer it

The next time i see him he will probably come over and sit beside me or something. I am tempted just to say something. especially if he drops a hint about it.
We go to the same pubs thats why we run into each other.

I seen him last night and i was tempted to sit beside him to see how he reacts

CDfm

blamed_ wrote: »

The phone would only ring twice nobody had a chance to answer it

The next time i see him he will probably come over and sit beside me or something. I am tempted just to say something. especially if he drops a hint about it.
We go to the same pubs thats why we run into each other.

I seen him last night and i was tempted to sit beside him to see how he reacts

seriously -i would say it to him straight out - just tell him i heard from so and so (giving the persons name) that you worried it was me who got you in trouble and tell him that didnt happen and he is totally mistaken.it better if you bring it up as you control the conversation.

it clears it up because even if he talks to you innocently you think its menacing. just clear the air. and you dont know if the oerson who told you was trying to dig themself out of a hole or trying to wind you up.

in 90% of situations its ex wives or girlfriends that get people in trouble - usually because emotions run high.

blamed_

CDfm wrote: »

seriously -i would say it to him straight out - just tell him i heard from so and so (giving the persons name) that you worried it was me who got you in trouble and tell him that didnt happen and he is totally mistaken.it better if you bring it up as you control the conversation.
it clears it up because even if he talks to you innocently you think its menacing. just clear the air. and you dont know if the oerson who told you was trying to dig themself out of a hole or trying to wind you up.
in 90% of situations its ex wives or girlfriends that get people in trouble - usually because emotions run high.

I never heard directly from anyone. I just got hints about it. And after he got in trouble he acted different. He would avoid me Or else start sitting beside me in the pub(even though we are at best only acquaintances). I suppose he thinks i would be squirming but i am don't avoid him as i done nothing wrong (although a couple of times i felt unsafe walking home)
He has never threatened me. Actually posting here about it is a bit weird because it his behaviour comes across as innocent
I suppose i will just have to say to him directly but i if bring it up wont i look like i am hiding something?

Abi

blamed_ wrote: »

I never heard directly from anyone. I just got hints about it. And after he got in trouble he acted different. He would avoid me Or else start sitting beside me in the pub(even though we are at best only acquaintances). I suppose he thinks i would be squirming but i am don't avoid him as i done nothing wrong (although a couple of times i felt unsafe walking home)
He has never threatened me. Actually posting here about it is a bit weird because it his behaviour comes across as innocent
I suppose i will just have to say to him directly but i if bring it up wont i look like i am hiding something?

Im not sure Id bother. This guy never asked you out straight, and chose to play dirty with intimidation tactics.

I think he knows. Avoid him, and if he tries small talk Id walk away. If he follows advise the bouncer you are being harassed. It may provoke him to say whats on his mind.

Either way, record dates, times of all of the calls and any interactions with him.

CDfm

blamed_ wrote: »

I suppose i will just have to say to him directly but i if bring it up wont i look like i am hiding something?

Well its like this- what evidence do you have for what you are saying or is it all based on feelings.

If you are using paranoia might kick in as it may with him.

So if you are out in the usual haunt one night bring the CD with you just saying glad I saw you I brought this with me etc. Ask him how is it going - discuss the previous problem you had and say well its the new year and its in the past. Thats what people do.

What it sounds to me is that your life has moved on and that you have outgrown this scene. It seems to me that you need to grow up.