Whats going on with my life and my drive?

LegacyUser

I'm male for starters. Relationships yet again. Currently i'm a bit confused and yes sadly while still at 17 i've been having most relationships so far on the internet but i'll leave that for now
I had a seriousish relationship with someone a lot older a couple years back (internet) and rather niave at the time. lasted 2 years and when i turned 16 broke up. From then i've just been having random connections with people some deep most shallow and mostly ending with casual "cyber sex" as one might call it but just experimenting in a fun way.
Sometimes i get the feeling that i've missed out on normal life and lonely even but i never let the relationships get into full blown because of distance.
I'm not sure why i do it sometimes for the chase sometimes because company but i have this sensation that once the chase is over i seem to lose interest or sometimes just slip into the friend zone as i've been having less and less romantic or sexual drive in me (that lasts over long periods of time) The relationships aren't that slimey or completly sex driven i mean honestly most of them resemble a romantic movie type connection except i'm experiencing like a repulsion that i felt near the end of my long term relationship)
I guess a couple of things physically have held me back in real life from going after girls there (one being i tend to sweat easily when i'm slightly nervous on my hands) although i dont often engage with people due to being tired i would say that i can be very confident and comfortable talking to people when i want to be.
The problem is i dont know whats going on with my life i could really use some advice. Regardless of where the relationships take place i reckon the real life ones would just be a more awkward version considering somethings can become more obvious as a problem.
Whats going on?

Kevster

Hi,

You didn't mention if you are in college or school or... ...umm, what are you doing in life right now? You know, I've had Internet relationships too but, like you, I recognised that they weren't proving to offer much hope. So, I decided to delete my various accounts which I had on all of those stupid 'meeting people' websites and just decided to try to improve how I interact with people in the 'real' world. Perhaps you can find the will power to do the same?

Are you a normally quiet person?

I know that this isn't much advice that you can really use, but I hope that it helps on even a small level.

Take care,
Kevin

Ainm

Hi,
My advice would be similar to Kevster's - maybe you should try getting out there and meeting people instead of relying on internet relationships? Maybe try joining a club or something to get to know new people, this is a great way to make friends in a casual way and although the focus is not on starting relationships it can often end up that way.

Also, you seem to be quite confused about your life generally... You're 17 so I assume you're still in school/college or have recently finished. Either way that's a huge change in lifestyle so is this contributing to your confusion?
For me personally that was a very stressful, confusing time anyway.

Best wishes

Otis Driftwood

Dude you are only 17.Im 29 and Im still not sure what the hell Im doing.My advice would be unplug your net connection for a while and get out and meet some people in the real world instead of having the safety net of a keyboard in front of you.As Ive said,you are onlt 17,your whole life is in front of you.

LegacyUser

(origional poster)
Last year of school and i know i should get off the computer and start making relationships out there instead but i feel the situation would be the same except a little more awkward.
The problem i'm writing about now isn't so much getting off the net or only being on the net its that i seem to have no motivation or drive for people (even less offline might i add)
Especially the fact that i seem to have lost the will for relationships. Outside the problem is only more extreme. It's like i like the idea of relationships but are repelled when it comes to actually doing it. I dont know if its perhaps just extreme introverism grouped with lonliness or something else...

Dublin_Gunner

HI OP, have you got a good group of friends? People who you'd go out with, have fun with?

What interests have you got?

When Iwas 17 (many moons ago), I was playing football for school, for my club, was in a good band, and met loads of people (directly or indirectly) through those mediums.

I think you suffer from a lack of self confidence and low self esteem. Are you a generally healthy, personable guy? Or how are you?

I'm not here to judge, and you're here for advice, so the more info about yourself the better, and people might get an understanding of where you are in your life right now, and what you can do to change anything that needs changing.

You're only 17, so there's plenty of time to do anything you want to. Just get yourself out there, and do it.

No-one can do these things for you, you have to do them yourself, so getting yourself motivated to do the things you want is the first (and most important) part. How you go about it, can be decided on later, to best suit you.

LegacyUser

Well the problem is that most friends i've had in the past years have come from an addiction based activity so i've left most of them behind. The inclination for friendship doesn't come naturally for me so i have to physically attempt to engage with people at that point i find its fairly easy and i can be all charm but after a while everything seems to just slip away and i grow tired.
You're right though i do have a bit of duel outward appearance one being a very insecure one from my past and the other a very confident and chatty one.
I used to do a bit of online gaming and friends that i've held on to are on the technicial side and thats fairly much what i'm into.

Beruthiel

Very soon you will be starting college where a whole new world awaits you.
As has been said already, life is only just starting for you, make the most of it!
As Chef said, "there's a time and place for everything and it's called college"

Dublin_Gunner

Unregistered wrote: »

Well the problem is that most friends i've had in the past years have come from an addiction based activity so i've left most of them behind. The inclination for friendship doesn't come naturally for me so i have to physically attempt to engage with people at that point i find its fairly easy and i can be all charm but after a while everything seems to just slip away and i grow tired.
You're right though i do have a bit of duel outward appearance one being a very insecure one from my past and the other a very confident and chatty one.
I used to do a bit of online gaming and friends that i've held on to are on the technicial side and thats fairly much what i'm into.

Well, I think you've merely pointed out that you havent really found anyone that you share enough, or any interests with.

I'm an avid gamer myself, and have many 'technical' friends as you call them, but you have to strike a happy balance with the outside world too.

As Beruthial stated, if you're going to go to college, a whole new world will openup there, and you might find there are more people just like you and that you'll get on with than you've ever imagined. Its a big daunting world out there, but you just have to find your feet.

Don't dwell on the problems for too long, in the end, the only one who'll have a problem is you. Make time for the thiings you like, and put up with what you dont like, and compromise.

Maybe from all the internet stuff you've gotten yourself in a closed room, where you're surrounded by stereotypes, and others who really are just using fake persona's for their own personal satisfaction.

You need real people, real interactions, and real fun. Then you'll be A-OK.

Permabear

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