Feel so alone

LegacyUser

Sorry if this comes across as moany, really don't intend it to. I grew up in a busy house with brothers and sisters, had plenty of school friends. Went away to college when I was 18 and this was the first time I felt truly alone. I lived in halls but never really got involved in going out and hanging out with people for some reason. I used to sit at home with a sick feeling in my stomach listening to other people having fun and feeling so lonely and depressed. I'm not antisocial at all, I love being around people, but I find it hard to meet people I guess. I wouldn't be the type of person to just go up and introduce myself to randomers. I did my best through college and ended up fairly OK, as I made some good friends, especially on my Erasmus year. There were still lots of times I ended up on my own on a Friday or Saturday night, though.

During my final year in college, I met my boyfriend, and my life changed for the better. It was a great feeling having someone who cared about me and someone to spend time with. when I was on my own, I knew that I had someone who was there for me, so I didn't feel isolated. We broke up last year, but things were alright as I did a course where I met some new friends, including one guy who I started seeing a couple of months ago. Unfortunately, we both moved to different countries for jobs. I don't know anyone here, and all the feelings of loneliness and isolation have returned for the first time in over 2 years. I have nobody to go home to, nobody to sit in on a weekend night with. I do have some friends/acquaintances, but they all have their own lives and are not available much. I send out texts asking if anyone wants to go for a drink, but usually nobody can. At least when I was 18 or 19, lots of other people were single. Now I'm 23, every single person I know seems to be attached. It's crazy.

Does anyone else understand these feelings? It's even worse now than the first time around, as I've experienced having someone around all the time and having places to go and people to meet. I'm not a clingy, desperate person - I am happy with my own company but not ALL THE TIME. I mean, it's fun to spend a night in cooking or watching a film sometimes, but it gets old quickly when that's your life. I've been told I'm very good company and people seem to like me, but it's so hard to meet people. Everyone seems to have their own life and not much interest in making new friends.

lainypops

lonelygrl wrote: »

Sorry if this comes across as moany, really don't intend it to. I grew up in a busy house with brothers and sisters, had plenty of school friends. Went away to college when I was 18 and this was the first time I felt truly alone. I lived in halls but never really got involved in going out and hanging out with people for some reason. I used to sit at home with a sick feeling in my stomach listening to other people having fun and feeling so lonely and depressed. I'm not antisocial at all, I love being around people, but I find it hard to meet people I guess. I wouldn't be the type of person to just go up and introduce myself to randomers. I did my best through college and ended up fairly OK, as I made some good friends, especially on my Erasmus year. There were still lots of times I ended up on my own on a Friday or Saturday night, though.

During my final year in college, I met my boyfriend, and my life changed for the better. It was a great feeling having someone who cared about me and someone to spend time with. when I was on my own, I knew that I had someone who was there for me, so I didn't feel isolated. We broke up last year, but things were alright as I did a course where I met some new friends, including one guy who I started seeing a couple of months ago. Unfortunately, we both moved to different countries for jobs. I don't know anyone here, and all the feelings of loneliness and isolation have returned for the first time in over 2 years. I have nobody to go home to, nobody to sit in on a weekend night with. I do have some friends/acquaintances, but they all have their own lives and are not available much. I send out texts asking if anyone wants to go for a drink, but usually nobody can. At least when I was 18 or 19, lots of other people were single. Now I'm 23, every single person I know seems to be attached. It's crazy.

Does anyone else understand these feelings? It's even worse now than the first time around, as I've experienced having someone around all the time and having places to go and people to meet. I'm not a clingy, desperate person - I am happy with my own company but not ALL THE TIME. I mean, it's fun to spend a night in cooking or watching a film sometimes, but it gets old quickly when that's your life. I've been told I'm very good company and people seem to like me, but it's so hard to meet people. Everyone seems to have their own life and not much interest in making new friends.

Hi OP. Unfortunately this seems to be a common problem these days. I myself have been where you are. In fact, my last relationship just ended a few weeks ago so I guess I'm in a similar boat again. I'm a couple of years older than you and most of my friends have settled down too. During those dark, lonely times, just try to remember, you're not alone in this. We just haven't quite found our niche yet.

As a side note, I've decided to try to meet new people at www.meetup.com It may not be your cup of tea but hey, you might as well check it out. You could find a group or two that interest you.

Yakult

lonelygrl wrote: »

but things were alright as I did a course where I met some new friends,

Theirs your answer again.

Go out join club/activities and have fun. You wont gain a whole lot by sitting around feeling sorry when you could be out meeting new people and enjoying yourself.

LegacyUser

Go out join club/activities and have fun. You wont gain a whole lot by sitting around feeling sorry when you could be out meeting new people and enjoying yourself.

How can I find such a thing though? In college I joined every society going and I still made only a handful of good friends and one boyfriend in 4 years. I haven't seen any info on activities or clubs in the city I live in now. Everyone I meet here seems to have come with friends or a partner and nobody seems very interested in meeting new people. I wouldn't even know where to start. I get the vibe that people think I'm a bit sad/desperate when I suggest going for a drink or something, and the locals here are very very reserved compared to people in Ireland.

jessbeth

I can understand, it's a horrible feeling to feel lonely and left out and nowadays it's harder to meet people as people all seem to have their clicks already. How about joining a walking or hiking group. They usually meet every weekend to go for a walk and that would be something to do. What country are you in?

LegacyUser

I'm in Belgium.

jessbeth

Yeah it's a different sort of culture there but I know people in Belgium and once you've made a friend then you've really made a friend. How about a new hobby like photography or something? Get a little digital camera for yourself and find a group.
I was looking online and it seems like your not the only one who finds it difficult there.
http://www.justlanded.com/english/Belgium/Forums/Culture/Why-is-it-so-hard-to-make-friends-in-Belgium
Some people on this gave email addresses etc. Perhaps if you joined that forum and made some new pals.