Not enjoying life much

LegacyUser

Hi,

Anyone ever feel a bit unfullfilled? I have a good job, no particular problems, no major financial problems, a great family (although they are the other side of the country) and my health. I have a house, car, and really I can't complain about things.

But I have a long commute daily and seem to spend my time working, driving, sleeping in a continuous pattern. Every week is the same as the last.

I have lost touch with most of my friends from college and dont have a social life. I think that might be the main issue. Some of them have left the country, others are in other cities etc.

I am in my early 30s and I think I will be 40 before I know it and will be totally depressed as I will have wasted my life. I might have a good career but that will be all.

Any advice?

Otis Driftwood

Have you considered doing some volunteer work?Ive been at it myself for a while now and it really is incredibly rewarding.The fact I know I am making someones day by simply taking an hour to sit and talk with someone be it in a hospital or in your community is immense.Plus you get to meet some really diverse and interesting people.I would highly recommend it.Just google voluntary work in Ireland or what ever area you are in it will bring up links to various sites.You can register online and fill out when you are available even if its only on a Saturday afternoon.Its certainly worth thinking about.

bethm24

Yes I have advice. It sounds easy to me. Your career is NOT your life. Work is never your life. You work to live not the other way around. So what I would do is move back near your family. Set up your life there. So what if your job is nice where you are, your clearly not happy. life is too short to be away from your famil. nothing is keeping you where you are cause you are miserable.
That is def what i would do. The alternative is all the crap of going to classes to meet people that doest work really when you are commuting and are wrecked after work. To be honest i think people who commute and the way you are describing your daily life just totally sucks so beat it! good luck....

Overheal

Vacation. Get away for a few days. Bring the kids. Head over to England or France and do something out of the ordinary. You have to remember the things you wanted to do when you were younger but would say to yourseld "yeah I really need a bit of time and money to do that" - well if you're financially stable, it shouldnt be a problem. Even if its just to whip out an old hobby.

January is in general a very depressing time of year. Its the new year, all those resolutions nobody keeps, all that money you just spent on christmas, and then they plant Valentines Day on you. Not to mention its cold and dark and wet. So you have to be aware of that, and do something about it.

karen3212

Yeah, commuting is taking up all your leisure time. You are too wrecked to contemplate doing anything that might help you meet and make some new friends.

Cut the commute - move closer to work - or if possible work from home a few days or something.

goodluck

starchild

i would echo some of the other replies its the commute that is prob causing much difficulty, try and find a way to lessen this & see if things improve

ScumLord

What bethm24 said. Quit the job pack your bags and move to India. You've been a good boy and done exactly what the world told you to do but at the end of your life do you want to look back on it and say I had a good job, a nice car and a healthy mortgage?

From what I gather you don't have any kids, so nothing to tie you down.

Whatever you do there's no point in earning loads of money if you can't spend it. Even if it's just a matter of finding more free time (however you might do it, maybe just move house) do it now. Scumlord commands thee. I'll take all the blame should it go wrong.

LegacyUser

Unregistered wrote: »

Hi,I can't complain about things.

Any advice?

Yes, you can.

What does life mean to you?

I haven't worked in a 9-5 in about 6 years and the only thing I miss is a bit of office banter with people I wouldn;t meet up with at weekends.

Look, commuting adds an extra hour or two to your working day which means you're bound to be wrecked in the evenings and then mornings.

What to do? Move closer to your work or work closer to your home. Or, why not move home to where your family is?

I don't have as much money as my friends and I drive a beat up car (over 10 years old) and I can't eat out all the time but I get to be out and about more - which really makes a difference in the winter months.

No one has ever said on their death bed "I really wished I put more hours in in the office".

If I was doing what you do, I would go mental. In fact, I suffered from depression when I used to do it... going to work in the dark, home in the dark, tired constantly... .

Your time is overly dedicated to your work... can you negotiate working from home a few days a week or reducing the hours that you work?

nyarlothothep

Of course you feel unfulfilled. Working and consuming are meaningless activities. The best thing to do is find work that means something to you, establish a good social network and factor in leisure time for reflection and other pursuits.

partyguinness

Be honest everyone...

Is anyone really fulfilled? We are all searching for some sort of meaning in life...

I think the title of the thread shoule be:

"Is this as good as it gets?

bethm24

ScumLord wrote: »

What bethm24 said. Quit the job pack your bags and move to India. You've been a good boy and done exactly what the world told you to do but at the end of your life do you want to look back on it and say I had a good job, a nice car and a healthy mortgage?

From what I gather you don't have any kids, so nothing to tie you down.

Whatever you do there's no point in earning loads of money if you can't spend it. Even if it's just a matter of finding more free time (however you might do it, maybe just move house) do it now. Scumlord commands thee. I'll take all the blame should it go wrong.

Am? I didnt say move to India? I said move back to her family. whats the point in living in a place to suit your work. You should suit your life

AngryBadger

OP, your routine has turned into a rut. As you say yourself you're commuting a large part of every single day. Consequently socialising is difficult, as is finding the time for other activities that you might enjoy.

I always start by looking at the logistics of a situation, the commute is the killer here, could you move closer to work? I know you have a house, but would you consider renting it?

Could you find a job closer to where you are which would cut the commute out altogether?

Is there any alternative way to get to work? I have no idea where you're commuting from/to but is a train a possibility (at least you could sleep on the journey!).

There's no point in having all the worldly possessions if all we can do is sleep-work-sleep-work, where's the love?

Look at your circumstances, see if/what you can change. Maybe small things will be sufficient, maybe you should look at changing jobs.

Wibbs

booooooom wrote: »

YNo one has ever said on their death bed "I really wished I put more hours in in the office".

Rarely truer words spoken. The extension of that is what to you place importance on and your self esteem on?

Work? Your career? OK many do feel like that, but you could be let go tomorrow, so while understandable, it can't be the be all and end all. No matter how good you are as an employee, 99% of the time you can be replaced, so to think of that as your defining characteristic of a life well lived is a house built on sand.

Money? Yep moneys good. How much money? Enough to live your life well. Strangely enough that's a lot less than most think. Consumerism has led too many to feel incomplete without the latest plasma whatsit. Look at it another way; for many their happiest days and times was when they were kids and they were flat broke then. Yes a practical amount of money is needed, but as I say it's usually a lot less than people strive for.

Further from that; the most valuable commodity money should buy you is time. Time is the most valuable thing you have. You have it already, but it's finite. If I go to a multi billionaire who is 80, I guarantee that if it was within my power to make him your age again, he would give me every single cent of his money to do it. He would do it if I made him 50, never mind 30. Would you take his money if I made you 80? Ergo time is far more valuable than money.

Maybe this feeling is an indication that it's time to take stock of your life and where you want to go next. As such it's a good thing. All too often people follow a well worn path that millions followed before them. They grow up leave school, hit college, have a bit of fun there, then into employment, maybe with a few career detours along the way, look forward to the weekends, take a two week holiday, meet someone, lose someone, meet someone else, have kids, help them grow up, retire, play golf, die. All the while wondering was that it, or worse look back on all too brief halcyon days where they thought it was great. This suits many and fair play to them. It is not a criticism. It may not suit you though.

All too often it is and feels like you're another cubicled drone on a treadmill, ever running for the next fix of whatever you think will make you happy, looking forward to the weekend when you can relax or whatever. I think that's why so many say life flies by, it's because they are living from one weekned to the next, one hoiliday to the next, one fix to the next. On that basis any year is reduced to 100 odd days of memories, the rest the grey of the 9 to 5. Again that suits many. Their is a safety in this, which can't be underestimated.

You will only find out if this life is for you if you step off that treadmill and really look at what will make you a healthier person. You don't have to leave your job, dump your partner or live in a hippie commune handweaving tampons for bolivian indian women either.

Just step back in your own head. Look at what you really want to do with your life. Look and see if it's doable. Becoming a rock star is probably not an option, becoming the first person to walk on mars is probably not an option either, though weirder things have happened. Starting your own business is an option, downsizing(though I hate that word) is another option. Education is another. If you have few responsibilities travel is yet another option. You have a damn near infinite world of possibilities out there, but a sadly finite time to start living some of those possibilities. That can be a boost though. Knowing this should help you make the decisions you need to make sooner rather than later.

Take a piece of paper. Write down say 10 things money and time no object that you would like to do or have in your life. Read them back the next day. See which ones you could subtract(ferraris and the like), reduce them down to the ones that in an ideal world you couldn't do without. Those that are left are a fairly good indication of what you may want, or at least what you think you want.

Now see how much money would be required to do this. See how much time. Take it from there.

Now with this internal life stocktake you may very well decide that your life as it is with a few additions is what makes you happy and that's great. This stocktaking will just help you polish it more.

My 2 cents anyway.

seraphimvc

commuting for long hour is the biggest issue you should solve imo.

working life+less socialising/drinking is normal,but with the add on of long commuting the whole thing becomes dreadful.i know how exactly it feels to feel like your days wasted totally,days and days - it is scary and frightening.

make a change from that,good for yourself,no matter how good the job is.move closer or get a new job - in that way you give yourself a new start too

LegacyUser

Thanks for all the replies and some very good advice, its encouraging and makes me think.

The commute is the big one to try to solve, daily I am spending just under 3 hours in the car 4 days a week (I do work one day a week at home, maybe I will try to make it two days). So with a minimum of a 8.5 hour day its at least an 11.5 hour total including the driving.

It would be a scary thought of quitting my job and moving elsewhere, jobs are not too plentiful at the moment and I am earning a fair wage. I dont spend much, I dont care about material things, in fact the things I like in life are simple things. For the last few months I would actually have seriously considered voluntary redundancy if it came up or if I was let go I would feel "Thank God for that, now I can move on to something better". I am staying in the job purely for the money now.

Since I started working about 7 years ago I have made a good career for myself but in return for loosing out on life, not enjoying it as much, getting fatter, getting fed up with it all, loosing friends and looking back on the good times rather than forward.

So my options;
1) Work at home at least twice a week
2) Move closed to work
3) Move to another part of Ireland, closer to family (I am currently based in Dublin)

I actually used to work at home twice a week and lived closer to work at the time and I was happy then, I aso had a good friend living near by and we used have a good few nights out. Now he has since moved away.

I dont want to waste my life working, I am sure of that. Roll forward 10 years and at this rate I can see myself as having wasted some of the best years of my life in return for a few extra digits in a bank account. Feck that.

Thanks for the help! I dont know what I will do yet, but good to hear all your responses.

LegacyUser

Hey,

1) Go to FourHourWorkWeek.com and then also read the book. You can actually find it as a ebook online (free) and then so you can read straight away!

Basically the guy who wrote that book said, F#ck it, I want to Live!! So he decided he would minimize his work, outsource some of it and live on less and just enjoy life!!

2) Take up a sport like Surfing / Windsurfing / Kitesurfing, you get unreal rush from doing these and you will become obsessed (you prob have a bit of cash if you have a job). Just do it!

3) Im currently self employed and was working 7 days a week and 12 hrs a day. Good money but 0 Life so I said F#ck it snd packed it all in.
Now I work part time and invest cash too so eventually wont have to work that much!!

I windsurf / surf all the time now and its unreal!
Great excuse to travel & btw and you will make a lot of friends!!
just living!!

Also, if you need a way to learn how to invest (not gamble!!) but actually learn to generate passive income check fastlanetomillions.com. Its a great site.

Check these sites and make ur own opinions but remember that time is your most important asset not cash!!

Good luck!

Ryan