Girls, would you run from a virgin?

LegacyUser

Ok, so this girl is 24 and just out of a 3 year relationship and I have kind of been seeing her a few times since. We had a few drinks one night and ended up back in mine and it came to doing the deed but I never went through with it. We were messing around and I realised I didnt really know what I was doing. The reason for this is im still a virgin.....at 26!! Now its not like I planned it, it just sort of worked out this way through a series of not wanting to lose my virginity too young, then I was waiting for that special someone (stupidly), ran away from a few "on a plate" opportunities and now I just want to get it over and done with before I wake up one day and find im a 40 year old virgin!

The funny thing is everyone seems to think I have slept with lots of women. I never talk about women or lead people on to believe this in any way but because Im a good looking guy (apparently) and have my fair share of admirers (which also apparently Im too blind to notice) this is what they think. Im quiet shy and so never aknowledge any of this and in fact usually go home alone on nights out as I am generally too shy to make a move. A girl would virtually need to ram her tongue down my throat for me to notice she liked me!!

So my question to the ladies is would you run away from a guy if at 26 he was a virgin? She has obviously had regular sex for the last 3 years and Im sure she is gonna notice how bad I am if we do do it! I know people are going to say things along the lines of "well if she does run away she is not the girl for you" or "tell her about it and if she cares for you she will be understanding". I would just like to know if it would generally be a deal breaker or a turn off or not! Sorry about the length, thanks for listening.

louisecm

In a word: no.

Wouldn't bother me unless it became a problem because it was such a major issue for the guy.

LegacyUser

louisecm wrote: »

In a word: no.

+1

Nevyn

That simple fact alone no, not at all.
If it was a huge deal for the person and effected their confidence to a point that
I found them to be to hestiant and insecure then yes I would find that off putting.
Or it they had it built up too much in thier heads or had too much emotional baggage
about it then yes I would consider not dating them or having sex with them.

You need to talk to her, there is no need to rush into it there are plenty of ways
in which you can learn about each other's bodys and explore both your sexualities
with out diving in to peneatrive sex.

Talk to her, wether you tell her or not is up to you, it is easy to explain you want
the first time you have peneatrive sex with her to be special and you want to build
up to it which will help build your confidence.

Or it could be she may enjoy and relish getting to be your first and will work with you
to make it a wet dream come through as much as possible.

But you need to know what you want and have the confidence to make it happen.

Otis Driftwood

From a blokes point of view I wouldnt let it bother you mate. The key thing is being with someone you trust and that you can tell you are a virgin.If she has an issue with it - NEXT - Everyone was a virgin at one stage or another so its not the end of the world. Also bear in mind practice makes perfect my friend.;)

louisecm

Thaedydal wrote: »

Or it could be she may enjoy and relish getting to be your first and will work with you
to make it a wet dream come through as much as possible.

But you need to know what you want and have the confidence to make it happen.

Ooh, yeah, I would probably find that quite exciting.

Terodil

Thaedydal wrote: »

I found them to be to hestiant and insecure then yes I would find that off putting [...] But you need to know what you want and have the confidence to make it happen.

I'll go out on a limb here and ask you if you were perfectly secure and confident your first time.

I doubt that many people are, and such comments are not going to help because they will put even more pressure on the first-timers ('must... stop... being... self-conscious... must... be... confident...' = fail).

Be honest about it, tell her it's your first time, and she'll help you over it. And if it goes wrong, as it would be perfectly normal to happen, I'm certain she'll also understand. (At least I hope so. I was terribly insecure the first time and failed. My gf was wonderful about it and it has worked like a charm since)

Salome

No. Go for it!

00112984

I think I'd be quite flattered, actually.

LegacyUser

Im a girl and it would not bother me she would prob be happy about it , just tell her what you told us. At least your not one of those guys who has been with a zillion ladies. Shel feel lucky. Just chill out and say it to her, then enjoy yourself safely

georgem25

00112984 wrote: »

I think I'd be quite flattered, actually.

+1

muffinob1

God don't worry at all. Fair play for waiting and wanting someone special and don't just get it over with now the someone special will come and a girl on th rebound might not be it!! Don't get hurt now you've waited this long. Be careful, enjoy and make sure ya trust her

LegacyUser

Hey,

I was with a guy in his 20s who was a virgin. He didnt tell me till much later on, but I figured it out. It didn't bother me, but I woulda appreciated knowing beforehand, because I felt a little guilty making the assumption. So long as you're honest it should be okay.

LegacyUser

OP here. Thanks for all the replies...im still bricking it having to tell her though! In the back of my mind Im also thinking that if we do have sex and its bad then she might just say "see you later" and off she goes and finds someone else because honestly this girl is stunning and she would only have to click her fingers and she would have men all over her. Not that she would though, she is a lovely person and I know deep down that she will be understanding but still the fear remains. Its a chore even going for a drink sometimes because some men are so cocky and ignorant that they will chat her up whilst im standing there holding her hand!! Where do people get balls like that? Maybe its because she gets all this attention that I feel I need to perform....i dont know. Anyway im just rambling and sure it may never even happen if I dont get my act together and go through with it....I have never looked at so many sex education videos in my life as I have this week!!!! Finally a subject im interested in learning about:)

lolli

I have to say if I was dating a guy and he was 26 and told me he was a virgin and that he wanted to lose his virginity to me then I would be completely flattered. He has waited this long to find a special girl to lose it to and he chose me.

Dont worry about it, you'll be fine. Practice makes perfect. Fair play to you for waiting to meet the right girl.

Kirnsy

Unregistered wrote: »

OP here. Thanks for all the replies...im still bricking it having to tell her though! In the back of my mind Im also thinking that if we do have sex and its bad then she might just say "see you later" and off she goes and finds someone else because honestly this girl is stunning and she would only have to click her fingers and she would have men all over her. Not that she would though, she is a lovely person and I know deep down that she will be understanding but still the fear remains. Its a chore even going for a drink sometimes because some men are so cocky and ignorant that they will chat her up whilst im standing there holding her hand!! Where do people get balls like that? Maybe its because she gets all this attention that I feel I need to perform....i dont know. Anyway im just rambling and sure it may never even happen if I dont get my act together and go through with it....I have never looked at so many sex education videos in my life as I have this week!!!! Finally a subject im interested in learning about:)

if you REALLY think she'd do that after you telling her you're a virgin...is she really the one you've waited for??

Scarinae

I've been with two guys who were virgins (not at the same time! ) and I didn't mind. I'd advise not rushing straight into sex - do a few other things first, get to know her body, and listen to her if she tells you what she likes. What are you worried about the most? If you're honest with her, I really don't think she'll mind. Ok so you probably won't make her have a screaming orgasm the first time you have sex, and you might come earlier than you want to, but that's not just because it's your first time - some guys have been having sex for years and still don't know how to get a girl off. If you pay attention to what she enjoys, you'll soon be getting it right. That's what I did with the guys I was with who were virgins - showed them what I liked, and the sex was great. Just don't build it up as a huge big thing in your head - like other posters have said, she will probably be flatttered, and she'll probably be delighted that you don't have exes with bigger boobs or better sex tricks than her!

Partizan

OP, just take a chill pill bro, relax and go with the flo. I lost my virginity at 23 in a drunken one night stand in Ayia Napa about 8 years ago and looking back while it was good to get off the mark, I regret that it wasnt to someone I loved.

Tell her, she will be flattered and when you have her on her back, in that loving embrace ready to enter the Promised Land... to quote Rudyard Kipling, "The world will be yours and everything in it, what's more, you'll be a man, my son".

jessbeth

Wouldn't bother me at all. What are you most worried about? A friend of mine in the same situation as you was most worried about the condom bit so I told him to practise at home and then he felt a bit more comfortable with it and I expect you might also be a bit worried about not being able to hold out for long. Well a bit of DIY at home beforehand will help that too. If the girl genuinely likes you and is not just out for sex then I expect she will have no problem with it. Good luck.

iMax

Can I just make a quick point here. Please wear a condom.

Nerves are natural. Tell her first, tell her that you want to take it slow & build up to it over a number of "dates" rather than just (muff ) diving right in.

Find out what you both like with foreplay first. Sex doesn't have to be penetrative to be fun, there's loads of stuff you can do while getting to know what you both like & dislike.

When you feel up to it, "clean the pipes" before you meet, make sure you wear a condom as this will also desensitize you & it will not be over in minutes (seconds), as well as the other two reasons for wearing a condom!

Also practice putting on & taking off a condom on your own first. Or, let her put it on you.

Best of luck, don't fret, it gets amazing with time & the right person.

homerun_homer

My god OP... Your post reads like I went back in time and wrote it. I was the exact same as you.
Here's how it panned out for me, I didn't tell the first girl I slept with that I was a Virgin. she was younger and I presumed had more experience though I couldn't say she had a 3 year relationship to hone her craft. Either way, I felt bad cause I was older and she had more experience. Me and herself were on a first date having hooked up in the local club a few weeks before. I didn't realise she would be so full on since I tend to be the type to hold back, not wanting to scare anyone off.
The sex first time was rubbish, ask anyone about their first time and more often than not they will tell you the same. Once you get over the initial insecurity you can relax more and get used to everything, what you like & what she likes.
I didn't keep seeing this girl after we slept together but I ended up telling her nearly a year later that it was my first time. I was drunk and felt the need to explain myself embarrassingly.

If this girl likes you she won't care that it's your first time. She's not gonna think it's sad and get cold feet. I will say that it is up to you whether you tell her before the deed is done. Maybe for your own feeling of security it will make you feel less pressure with her not knowing until after the fact.

Oh, and in terms of performance, you will catch up in no time.

Mistika

I definitely wouldn't run from you. I think there's nothing wrong about your virginity. It's your desicion to stay virgin until you find someone special, right? So how can anyone judge you for this?
Anyway, if I were you, I wouldn't tell her directly that I'm still virgin. Maybe I'd mention that I'm not very experienced in sex or something like that... I'm not offering you to lie, but as I can see, you're very concerned about all this matter so it would be much better to keep your 'secret'
Just go for it - you have a good opportunity, so don't miss it Good luck

trio

I'm a girl and wouldn't have ever have given a damn.

I would explain it but I would explain it exactly as you have here:

Now its not like I planned it, it just sort of worked out this way through a series of not wanting to lose my virginity too young, then I was waiting for that special someone (stupidly), ran away from a few "on a plate" opportunities

Cos that sounds like a fairly natural course of events, rather than you still being one for some "heavy" reason. I wouldn't give a damn if a 26 was one just because it hadn't happened organically.

And yeah, I would be pretty flattered that I was the chosen one. It'd make me feel like you saw me as being more attractive than any girl you'd met before.

VeryBerry

It wouldn't (and didn't) bother me at all.

My hubby was a virgin when we met Like you OP, not from lack of opportunities, just hadn't happened. He was 5 years older than me, but I'd had three pretty serious relationships before meeting him, which I know freaked him out a little bit. It didn't worry me at all that he was a virgin, like the others said, I was flattered.

What did annoy me was that he wasn't honest with me about it from the start. Initially he'd told me he'd been with 4 or 5 other women, it was only when we'd known each other a bit more and had decide to sleep together that he told me the truth. It did p*ss me off a bit that he hadn't just told me straight up, but I got over it, and 10 years down the line here we are!

So my advice would be to definitely tell her, she'll probably be flattered but a bit miffed if she finds out afterwards, and its much worse if you lie.

username123

No.

Id be delighted.

LegacyUser

OP here. Just off on out to meet her tonight. Thinking of maybe going down the "Im not very experienced" route with this...I still dont know though! Im not worried about putting a condom on or anything and yes, i have used the excuse of "oh I havent a condom on me" to get out of a few situations before. Sure we shall see what happens. Some good advice guys, cheers. I know myself if I had experience I wouldnt care in the slightest if a girl I was with was a virgin so maybe I should just think about it that way. Wish me luck.....now where did I put that condom!!

Me to you

Go for it. Throw in an old joke about not having an sti if you want to lighten the conversation up a bit but i honestly cant see it being a problem.

panda100

Me to you wrote: »

Go for it. Throw in an old joke about not having an sti if you want to lighten the conversation up a bit

Ya I think mentioning STI's or pregnancy in the vicinity of the bedroom is an immediate passion killer

Best of luck Op. Honeslty,its not a big deal, it wouldnt bother me in the slightest wether a guy is a virgin or not. Just relax and try and enjoy your first time

LegacyUser

Man just act out your desires with her, you couldn't be a bad partner if ya tried it's easy like. Just do everything ya want and of course you're going to please her if ya do everything ya really want to.

If ya can't last long, masturbate before hand, wear a condom, go down on her first man. Don't make a big deal of it in your head I did and when I lost my virginity I made the girl cum atleast 4 times. No I can make me girlfriend cum 7-8 times untill I get tired lol.

It's easy man just do what ya want to and she'll proberly cum before you.

MODS: I hope this post isn't too dirty, if it is I understand. But sure kids talk about worse these days. lol