Contacted by old lover

LegacyUser

Hello

An old lover contacted me in the last week and has left me upside down. I love my wife very very much, and have been with her 8 years, but I would have married my lover if she let me.

When we met she had broken up with her boyfriend and we were only together 6 months when she said she was going to go back to her boyfriend and then married him.

I have thought of her often through out my marriage and am wondering do I leave sleeping dogs lie (no pun intended). I know I would never EVER by unfaithful - but for old times sake and closure would like to meet up for coffee -

Any help would be appreciated.

Thanx

Silverfish

Closure?

What closure could you possibly need? If you've only decided you needed closure because she got in touch with you after 8 years, then you don't need closure.

If you did, you wouldn't have gotten married without getting it. What it sounds like you have is a notion that 'the grass is greener'.

You were only with this girl 6 months - you can't even have known her properly in such a short time. You've been married 8 years. Just forget it and move on.

Wibbs

I think the words you're grasping for are "No", followed by a helpful "way" and for the exotic touch at the end; "Hose". Not a good plan. Up there with attacking Moscow in winter. Move on. The reality will never be as good as the idea.

dresden8

"Closure" is to blame for a lot of sh1t.

You haven't seen her for 8 years. How much "closure" do you need?

Admit you fancy a ride. Admit it's a bad idea.

Move on.

missbaker

Forget about her . .why has she contacted you?? Do she know you are happily married . .and if you do meet her what can actually come of it . .best thing to do is forget you ever heard from her and ignore any calls or emails.

CDfm

In your situation closure was years ago.

You say you love your wife so why would you want to meet or see this woman? And you used the word lover -not girlfriend.

I wish you well and think you know the risks.

g5fd6ow0hseima

dresden8 wrote: »

Admit you fancy a ride. Admit it's a bad idea.

Move on.

Silverfish

Leif_Erikson, off-topic an unhelpful replies will earn you a ban from this forum.

Please read the charter.

Liam Byrne

If you hadn't mentioned "left me upside down" and "closure" I'd have said "fair enough" - I meet and get on with a good few exes.

But there's a reason why "getting on with" is the literal opposite of "getting off with".

Ye didn't make it to 7 months - in your head because of external factors, but in her head by choice. Would ye have made it to 8 ? 9 ? 10 ? 2 years ?

You and your wife did, and then some. She deserves your respect.

Mulan

Put the shoe on the other foot "your wife meets an old flame that turns up out of the blue" how would you feel.
Its our choices that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.

brendansmith

OP go and meet this woman and have a chat or whatever, tell your wife however and im sure she wont mind.
Ye have been married 8 years. You are a grown man, im sure you will act as such.

Its only normal to think of ex's., dosnt mean you are gonna cheat on your wife if you meet up with her!

unhappycamper

Don't go near her, you are opening a can of worms and why bring that on your wife? What has she done? If she did the same how would you feel? Let that girl go, she couldn't really care that much if it has been 8 years. Stick the hand in the fire and it will get burnt. Use this as an oppurtunity to love your wife even more so, it's your marriage not this old flames.

G&T

It would be a **** thing to do,

in 6 month's all you had was the first
flush of romance,none of the reality.

Your wife would be sick if she knew you were
even thinking these thoughts.

Grow up.

missmatty

This old flame left you to go back to an old boyf that she married. Now she contacts you again after all this time. Is she single again or just sounding you out? Sounds like she has a history of scr**ing people over, don't go anywhere near her.

Curvy Vixen

I don't think you're looking for closure, I think you're looking for an 'opening' tbh.

You had closure on this when you proposed to your wife.

Look at the real reasons as to why you want to meet up with her again. Be honest with yourself. What do you think is still 'open' that needs closing? Are you sure you're not looking to meet up to see what she's like now, how her life is, if there is still a spark? If all of that is important enough to possibly open old situations up then meet her.

Though I think it's a terrible idea...

Wagon

**** closure. It's absolutely pointless unless there is a few very important questions that you want answered. Weigh them up, see if they're that important to you and if they're not, leave it be.

LegacyUser

go for it! go meet her - and bring your wife if its as innocent as wanting closure what a plank, she didnt love you then, she left you and went back to her ex you were the rebound guy, grow up or risk it all for your stupid ego. why do some men think they they suddenly become hot and irrestible to all women when they are married a couple of years.

r3nu4l

Sometimes we all like a trip down memory lane but actually taking that walk can get your boots muddy!

I love meeting up with people I haven't seen for years, it's great but when it comes to people I was involved with, I'd rather not. Firstly I love my wife and have no interest in any of my exes but secondly, it would be very disrespectful to my wife anyway imo.

Ask yourself this: Would you be comfortable telling your wife what you were doing or showing her your original post?

If the answer is no, then don't even think about meeting your ex.

Giggy

Please tell me you're going to listen to everyone who replied to your OP.... don't do it, you had closure, grow up, respect your wife, I think you have your answer, delete her number or whatever and just forget about it.

Bottle_of_Smoke

I'd say go for it. You'll prob regret it if you don't.

What's the nature of the contact, I mean if she's still married all she probably wants is coffee and a chat.

DamoKen

this is just asking for trouble. why after 8 years would someone you went out with for 6 months "suddenly" turn up again out of the blue? The only reason I can see is it's now off with her husband and the little black book of ex's has resurfaced.
Maybe not the case, but if someone I went out with briefly, and 6 months is brief suddenly got in touch after all that time, I would smell a rat.

It sounds like you've discovered that you still have some feelings for her. This can happen with a breakup where you are the one dumped, especially if you were really into them. If you had been the one to finish with her you probably wouldn't give it a second thought, but now your curiousity is piqued.

And what does curiousity do???

I would leave it. If you must, ask her by whatever means she contacted you why the sudden renewal of contact. I would leave it at that though. To be honest I don't think I would have replied to the original contact. You're happy, you're with someone you love. Remember she dumped you years ago without a second thought, don't think she needs one from you now.

jojobrad

They're called ex girlfriends for a reason.

Dizzyblonde

You're looking back with rose coloured glasses. Your relationship with the ex didn't even last beyond the first, exciting phase so you think it would have been fantastic if only.....
I could understand you wanting to catch up with her if you'd been together for years and she'd been a huge part of your life, but six months? Come on!
As someone else said, you need to grow up. If you want to have a thrilling evening, plan something to do with your wife - surprise her, be the kind of husband you think you'd be if you'd married the ex.

Salome

You seriously need to grow up. You were a rebound guy, she dumped you when the ex came back. Why on earth would you risk 8 years of marriage to meet someone who treated you like nothing. You were only together for 6 months, you are with your wife for more than 8 years - I know which one deserves your respect.

If you insist on meeting her, bring your wife and remind yourself that the grass is most definitely NOT greener. Cop on.

Me to you

No way! "I am not in the habit of repeating myself..." but NO WAY!!! Closure?? Dont bs, the grass isnt greener on the other side.
How would you feel if your wife wanted to meet up with her old lover???

Aurora Borealis

If you can be upfront and honest with your wife about meeting her and don't feel like you've anything to hide than why not meet her. For most adults eight years is long enough time to drop a grudge.

LegacyUser

Wow ! I really hit a nerve here.

Since posting this thread I sat back and looked at my life. And lads and lassies - you are right. Of course my ego took a boost that she contacted me - Of course my interest was pique'd as to how she was - but you are again right.

I love my wife dearly and we have literally been through all the marriage vows since we got married, the sickness & health especially - and I was the sick one - the richer and poorer and thankfully, more good than bad.

I will be telling her an ex contacted me, and I sent an email to say hi, but that I won't be contacting her again and I will show her the email if she want's to see it.

I suppose I just wanted to see was she as hot as she was when we broke up or as I remember her and wanted to gloat a little, my wife is hot and she is after 2 kids she is slimmer now than when we got married and that I am happy and have gotten over her.

I think I'll be taking my wife out for dinner and champagne this week end. Thanks Lads

r3nu4l

Great to hear man Nice one. Glad to see that this has been a help to you.

One note of caution, be careful how you tell your wife about this, I'd leave out the bit about even contemplating going to see her and also the bit about posting about it on the net

DamoKen

ditto on r3nu4l's post.

enjoy your weekend, and remember the grass is definitely greener on your side of the fence

Curvy Vixen

r3nu4l wrote: »

Great to hear man Nice one. Glad to see that this has been a help to you.

One note of caution, be careful how you tell your wife about this, I'd leave out the bit about even contemplating going to see her and also the bit about posting about it on the net

As well as the bit about wanting to see if she was still hot!!

I'm glad you took that route though...hope you both enjoy your weekend!

Liam Byrne

I suppose I just wanted to see was she as hot as she was when we broke up or as I remember her

I seem to remember "Magnum P.I", "MacGyver", "Midnight Caller" and "Shoestring" being VERY watchable when I was younger, and was dying to see them again.....

I got my chance - because they're on satellite channels now - and they don't have the same appeal.....either nostalgia clouded my opinion or I've grown up to expect more.....

And now I'd actually have fonder memories of them if I hadn't checked them out.

Old TV Shows & Old Lovers, who'd have thought there'd be a parallel ?

So leaving aside that crudely-disguised analogy :rolleyes: ....well done OP!

Natural to be curious but you did the right thing! :cool:

Giggy

This is great news, I think everyone was so hard on you cos they really wanted you to do the right thing and wanted you to realise that you would definitely regret meeting the old lover if you had. Even though I don't know ya I'm so proud of ya Have a great weekend.

gubby

brings to mind a song by Garth Brooks. "unanswered prayer"