female orgasm

LegacyUser

ok, my current girlfriend finds it hard to orgasm from intercourse, but no problem from oral or foreplay...

She can orgasm from intercourse if i put in a lot of work....

my problem is that we have sex nearly every night which i love but sometimes thinking that i have to put in the work is really turning me off it....i even dread it sometimes - it seems like a chore...
She can only orgasm in a certain position also , so we nearly always end up in this position

When she does not orgasm from intercourse and i do, i would like to just relax but i have to go to work then on her...again making it feel like a chore.

never had these problems with previous Gf, and i do want to please her ...but sometimes i would just like to have a quicky and leave it at that.

My question is should i say this to her ???
And if she agrees with quickies , is she really enjoying sex if she does not orgasm ???

Now i must state that when i am not tired or full of beans i have no problem spending all night on her..and everything else is perfect...even the sex..but if this carries on it will start affecting our relationship...

any advice??? thanks

Das Kitty

Yeah a woman enjoys sex when she doesn't orgasm! It's not a pre-requisite for sex to make sure she has an orgasm, especially if it's knackering you. Sure it's nice, but every night, sounds like work.

If she is insistent on the orgasm maybe buy a vibrator, she can also contribute herself!

louisecm

I don't expect an orgasm every time I have sex. In fact, often, I'm perfectly satisfied without one and it can be quite irritating if the guy feels he has to "provide" when I'm perfectly content. I think that men feel like sex isn't finished until orgasm, but for many women that just isn't the case.

partyguinness

TBH I wont worry about it...my ex was like that...no prob coming from oral or foreplay but cld never cum during intercourse..it was no big deal for her and never was an issue..I always made sure she came through oral etc first before intercourse so I wldnt feel so bad when I did come.

Mate at least so does come...so try not to get too bogged down on it..have fun trying...;)

shellyboo

Just to buck the trend

It would be a big deal for me... if you know how to bring your gf to orgasm, there's no reason why you shouldn't. And 'it's hard work' is not a reason.

Would you be happy if she came and then left you without orgasm? If the answer is yes, then you can discuss quickies with her... but if the answer is no, then I'm afraid you'll have to suck it up and put in the work.

Das Kitty

shellyboo wrote: »

Would you be happy if she came and then left you without orgasm? If the answer is yes, then you can discuss quickies with her... but if the answer is no, then I'm afraid you'll have to suck it up and put in the work.

I disagree. You have to be at least partially responsible for your own orgasm, there are two of you in the room, it should be a joint effort.

00112984

Would be a deal-breaker for me too.

How about an oral quickie? Develop your techique, bit of decent foreplay beforehand and it shouldn't take too long.

shellyboo

Das Kitty wrote: »

I disagree. You have to be at least partially responsible for your own orgasm, there are two of you in the room, it should be a joint effort.

Of course it should... but basically what the OP is saying is 'can I just have sex with my gf until I come and then forget about her orgasm'. And the answer would be no, in my book. For me, sex is about GIVING pleasure, not receiving... he shouldn't be thinking about his own orgasm til she's had hers, and vice versa.

I think my main point still stands - unless the OP would be ok with going without orgasm when he has sex, he should't expect his gf too.

I'm not saying he has to bring her to a penetrative orgasm every single time, through foreplay or oral is fine, too.

partyguinness

Das Kitty wrote: »

I disagree. You have to be at least partially responsible for your own orgasm, there are two of you in the room, it should be a joint effort.

I agree...it is a joint effort. I resent the notion that a man must bring a women to orgasm.

The OP is not soley responsible for bringing her to orgasm. If she has difficulties then it is up to BOTH of them to find out what works for her..its all about communication. All women are different and its just about finding out what works each time...men are not the mind readers that some women seem to think they are

You havent said how long you are with her?

That is a factor..it gets better the longer you are together.

PS I have the opposite problem..my g/f cums to quickly..kinda of a premature orgsam for women...;) I dont mind it makes me feel like a king but prob has ruined me for any future women.

LegacyUser

op here,

no i would not be happy if she came and left me stranded....but men can come in such a short period of time its not too much of an effort.

my prob is when i am tired i would just like to have sex and sleep, not for it to take a long time..and feel like work...
i am already trying to make excuses as in im tired etc ....

My main fear is that if i continue like this she will be unhappy as she has a high sex drive..and i dont mind having sex everyday, just as i said sometimes the work is a pain in the ass...

as for the vibrator idea - we have one and do use it at the end.....to be honest i dont mind using it but would feel like less of a man if we were to use it everyday. And had to depend on it for orgasm all the time.

am i to believe we prob just are not compatible. ???

jim o doom

shellyboo wrote: »

Just to buck the trend

It would be a big deal for me... if you know how to bring your gf to orgasm, there's no reason why you shouldn't. And 'it's hard work' is not a reason.

Would you be happy if she came and then left you without orgasm? If the answer is yes, then you can discuss quickies with her... but if the answer is no, then I'm afraid you'll have to suck it up and put in the work.

Agreed. I ain't happy personally and wouldn't feel totally sexually satisfied if my girlfriend didn't.

And to the poster who suggest that we are responsible for our own orgasms;
Any man in a situation where the woman came & was then told to "look after himself" would be VERY annoyed and frustrated (and rightly so).
I would imagine it would be the same for the girl. I mean the man is basically coming, BECAUSE he is in the woman; if she isn't, then work is needed, it ain't her fault that he *can* (but can also wait until the right time) come earlier than she. It's not his fault either, it just means more work is necessary.

Also longer sex/more work in sex is great fun exercise, would you rather a long tiring shag or a run on a treadmill to keep the aul gut down?

00112984

partyguinness wrote: »

If she has difficulties then it is up to BOTH of them to find out what works for her..

Who said she had "difficulties"? She just doesn't orgasm through penetrative sex- this is very, very common. It's like the way some men can't climax from oral etc.- not a "difficulty" just personal preference.

She knows what works for her. She's told the OP. He's just concerned that he's spending too much time on getting her off.

Come to think of it, if there was that much pressure on me to reach orgasm everytime we had sex, I probably wouldn't either.

jim o doom

partyguinness wrote: »

I agree...it is a joint effort. I resent the notion that a man must bring a women to orgasm.

</p>
Yeah, but in sexual intercourse - the male comes BECAUSE he is in the woman & they are pleasing each other.. so it is her that has caused him to climax.. so she has done her part of the "joint" effort, why should she be left "out in the cold" to look after heself after that part?

Das Kitty

jim o doom wrote: »

Agreed. I ain't happy personally and wouldn't feel totally sexually satisfied if my girlfriend didn't.

Yeah but would your g/f be satisifed?

And to the poster who suggest that we are responsible for our own orgasms;
Any man in a situation where the woman came & was then told to "look after himself" would be VERY annoyed and frustrated (and rightly so).
I would imagine it would be the same for the girl. I mean the man is basically coming, BECAUSE he is in the woman; if she isn't, then work is needed, it ain't her fault that he *can* (but can also wait until the right time) come earlier than she. It's not his fault either, it just means more work is necessary.

Scuse me I said partially responsible. It's up to both people to make sure that both are sexually satisfied.

In my experience it's very difficult for men to be sexually satisfied without orgasm but with women it's different, you don't need to come to be done!

partyguinness

00112984 wrote: »

Who said she had "difficulties"? She just doesn't orgasm through penetrative sex- this is very, very common. It's like the way some men can't climax from oral etc.- not a "difficulty" just personal preference.

She knows what works for her. She's told the OP. He's just concerned that he's spending too much time on getting her off.

Come to think of it, if there was that much pressure on me to reach orgasm everytime we had sex, I probably wouldn't either.

YOu might note the word "If" at the start of my sentence :rolleyes:and yes I think the OP feels like he has difficulties with her in that she orgasms in a certain position.

This is not unusual and he really should not get bogged down. Every women gets off differently and vice versa.

LegacyUser

op here again,

i get that i need to please her....

I work two jobs each day, get home at 9.30 pm, have dinner, talk for bout 1 hour, go to bed at 11ish and then the fun starts...sometimes i just want to have a quicky but she needs to come...

weekends no problems, bring it on....but weekdays quickies would be fine...

so am being told to suck it up and put the head down (no pun intended )

or any opinions on how i bring this subject up with her.

i am with the girl just over a year and we live together.

thanks for help

LorraineL

Das Kitty wrote: »

but with women it's different, you don't need to come to be done!

I think that's a personal preference too though.

Das Kitty

I must agree though, if your partner is expecting you to orgasm it makes it much more difficult to achieve.

partyguinness

jim o doom wrote: »

</p>
Yeah, but in sexual intercourse - the male comes BECAUSE he is in the woman & they are pleasing each other.. so it is her that has caused him to climax.. so she has done her part of the "joint" effort, why should she be left "out in the cold" to look after heself after that part?

I am not suggesting that for one minute that he should leave her in the cold..and where exactly did I say that as you have used quotation marks?

If my posts are read in totem, I am saying that if a women likes different positions etc..she should say so and not expect the man to automatically know..

Das Kitty

LorraineL wrote: »

I think that's a personal preference too though.

Obviously.

jim o doom

Das Kitty wrote: »

Yeah but would your g/f be satisifed?

Well yes actually; Like I said, I wouldn't be satisfied if she wasn't - so I mean the only logical conclusion you can draw from that is that I first satisfy her & then allow myself to follow that same route of being satisfied.. She is happy with the situation, so am I..

>

Das Kitty wrote: »

Scuse me I said partially responsible. It's up to both people to make sure that both are sexually satisfied.

And you are correct in my view, it is up to both people, but if the man has "hit the wall" so to speak, then he and her have done "their" job for him, and now it is up to *both* of them to do their job for her as well..

Das Kitty wrote: »

In my experience it's very difficult for men to be sexually satisfied without orgasm but with women it's different, you don't need to come to be done!

Agree with the first part, if I had sex & no orgasm I would just be a ball of pent up frustration.
Sure there has been the rare time when my OH hasn't got there & has said, "no it's ok, I'm happy with what happened - It ain't gonna go all the way this time". When that happens, All I can do is agree BUT I try all the harder the next time to make sure those instances are as rare as possible

partyguinness

Unregistered wrote: »

op here again,

i get that i need to please her....

I work two jobs each day, get home at 9.30 pm, have dinner, talk for bout 1 hour, go to bed at 11ish and then the fun starts...sometimes i just want to have a quicky but she needs to come...

weekends no problems, bring it on....but weekdays quickies would be fine...

so am being told to suck it up and put the head down (no pun intended )

or any opinions on how i bring this subject up with her.

i am with the girl just over a year and we live together.

thanks for help

I hear you.. Ilived with an ex for a few months and she was very demanding..she only worked part time a few hours during the day and I was up at 8am every morning until 7pm..wasnt up for much during the week..but she wanted sex constantly and every night..

I even said I had a headache a few time just to get to sleep. One day she turned around and said that we hadnt had sex for 3 days..TBH I hadnt noticed..and then she said that if it went any longer she wld consider breaking up..she was 20 at the time and naive..

She always had her orgasm but one night she didnt and she actually gave me the silent treatment until the next night (wasnt complaing to TBH:D)

OP..try this trick..get her to use her hand to stimulate her clitoris (in different positions) until she orgasms while you penetrate her..it has worked for me in the past

Das Kitty

OP you have to talk to her about it. She's obviously a person who needs her orgasm, so you're going to have to suggest ways to get her to pitch in to achieve that.

It could also be taking so long because she's demanding an orgasm of herself every night. If it didn't matter whether she did or not my guess is she'd come quite easily.

fishcalledpaddy

op here..had to sign up..

thanks for your advice...im still in a no mans world really.

i love this girl and would hate to think that something like this would break us up...
thanks to partyguinness for some good advice....

When i met this girl she said she had never orgasmed from penetration. After a while of getting to know each other we worked out what would make her come this way...it takes a lot of work...

In my silly mind i think that these orgasms are best so i feel like i might be letting her down if she uses her hands ??
Is there mush of a difference in pleasure which way a girl comes ? do you really mind which way ?

should i raise the issue with this girl ???

jim o doom

partyguinness wrote: »

OP..try this trick..get her to use her hand to stimulate her clitoris (in different positions) until she orgasms while you penetrate her..it has worked for me in the past

The above is excellent advice - especially if you are tired. I would suggest if it really is destroying you, suggest the above.

partyguinness

Yes you have to talk to her and tell her..I mean you are living together for the last years so the lines of communication should be good...my g/f doesnt always orgasm..she knows it and she will tell me to work away and its no big deal..a quickie is fine every so often...

Talk...talk...talk...is the only way forward.

If she realises that it is putting you under pressure she will appreciate it and try to reassure you and something can be worked out...IMO..it shows her you are the nice caring b/friend;)

Faith

louisecm wrote: »

I don't expect an orgasm every time I have sex. In fact, often, I'm perfectly satisfied without one and it can be quite irritating if the guy feels he has to "provide" when I'm perfectly content. I think that men feel like sex isn't finished until orgasm, but for many women that just isn't the case.

I'd agree with this. I enjoy sex for sex itself, I don't do it just so I can orgasm. It's not like I feel absolutely nothing except for the few seconds of orgasm, the whole thing is great.

Maybe I missed this, but why don't you go down on her first? Go down on her - she comes. Have sex - you come. Sleep. Everyone's satisfied.

Das Kitty

fishcalledpaddy wrote: »

op here..had to sign up..

thanks for your advice...im still in a no mans world really.

i love this girl and would hate to think that something like this would break us up...
thanks to partyguinness for some good advice....

When i met this girl she said she had never orgasmed from penetration. After a while of getting to know each other we worked out what would make her come this way...it takes a lot of work...

In my silly mind i think that these orgasms are best so i feel like i might be letting her down if she uses her hands ??
Is there mush of a difference in pleasure which way a girl comes ? do you really mind which way ?

should i raise the issue with this girl ???

A - Yes raise it with her, she's your g/f you should be able to talk freely about your sex life to her.


B - To be honest (and this is only my opinion, please don't shoot me) I think the source of orgasm is always from the clitoris. I think that people who come through penetrative sex do so because the motion pulls skin down over the clit stimulating it. It does feel different if there is penetration at the time though than if there isn't. Even if you're coming in the same manner every time as a woman it can feel totally different, it's bizarre!

There is no better or worse type of orgasm IMO.

fishcalledpaddy

thanks for all your help....im looking forward to trying some things tonight...although when it reaches 9:30 tonight might be a differnet mood but for now we are all go..

thanks again

LolaDub

I understand that you're tired when you get home, everyone has those days when they're too tired for sex-but you're not too tired for sex, you're only too tired to give her an orgasm? Tbh i would think you're either too tired for sex or you're not. Sounds like you want your orgasm regardless of tiredness but not hers

Wibbs

Faith wrote: »

Maybe I missed this, but why don't you go down on her first? Go down on her - she comes. Have sex - you come. Sleep. Everyone's satisfied.

+1.

Das Kitty wrote:

B - To be honest (and this is only my opinion, please don't shoot me) I think the source of orgasm is always from the clitoris. I think that people who come through penetrative sex do so because the motion pulls skin down over the clit stimulating it. It does feel different if there is penetration at the time though than if there isn't. Even if you're coming in the same manner every time as a woman it can feel totally different, it's bizarre!

I would agree, though it's not just the external clitoris. The internal structure is much bigger than many think and that can be stimulated by intercourse alone for many women. Throw in the G spot and that adds to it. I've known quite a few women to orgasm just from penetration alone with out any external clit stimulation. They vary a lot in how easy or difficult it is for them and some can take ages and like the OP's partner in certain positions or need clit play too, but funny enough and contrary to what I've read on the web stats wise I've only ever known one woman who said she couldn't at all that way..

fishcalledpaddy

to loladub

nope not too tired for sex.....

the scenario for her to come through penetrative sex is that we need to go to a certain position...so if we are doing it another way then i know she is not going to come that way...so it then becomes a chore to switch to that way and for me to basically work my ass off....
im not to tired for sex - just too tired to work that hard...i love sex

LolaDub

fishcalledpaddy wrote: »

to loladub

nope not too tired for sex.....

the scenario for her to come through penetrative sex is that we need to go to a certain position...so if we are doing it another way then i know she is not going to come that way...so it then becomes a chore to switch to that way and for me to basically work my ass off....
im not to tired for sex - just too tired to work that hard...i love sex

It sounds like you love the sex you want but not the sex that she wants, which seems a bit one sided to me. I don't think you're going to get the answer you're looking for here, your girlfriend is the only one who can tell you if she's ok with orgasms only on weekends.

Personally for me if a guy wanted sex with me until he came but claimed to be too tired to give me an orgasm i'd have an issue. As i said everyone understands people being too tired for sex but thats not what you're describing.

kayos

Das Kitty wrote: »

B - To be honest (and this is only my opinion, please don't shoot me) I think the source of orgasm is always from the clitoris. I think that people who come through penetrative sex do so because the motion pulls skin down over the clit stimulating it. It does feel different if there is penetration at the time though than if there isn't. Even if you're coming in the same manner every time as a woman it can feel totally different, it's bizarre!

Not true. I’ve seen orgasms occur via a foot massage, breasts and if you are solely talking about the pubic region with no stimulation to the clit. There is more than one way to skin a cat.

Das Kitty wrote: »

There is no better or worse type of orgasm IMO.

Yes there is, a full body orgasm is a much -> infinity better, imho, than your run of the mill but that’s a whole different ball game.

Das Kitty

kayos wrote: »

Not true. I’ve seen orgasms occur via a foot massage, breasts and if you are solely talking about the pubic region with no stimulation to the clit. There is more than one way to skin a cat.

fair enough, the lucky sods.

Yes there is, a full body orgasm is a much -> infinity better, imho, than your run of the mill but that’s a whole different ball game.

Ah yeah, but he thought that the best ones are ones achieved by penetration and that manual, oral ones are somehow less good.

shellyboo

Das Kitty wrote: »

There is no better or worse type of orgasm IMO.

Das Kitty wrote: »

Ah yeah, but he thought that the best ones are ones achieved by penetration and that manual, oral ones are somehow less good.

Lol, manual and oral ones ARE less good, for me anyway... penetrative orgasm is much, much better. I can do the other kind on my own, thanks!

fishcalledpaddy wrote: »

In my silly mind i think that these orgasms are best so i feel like i might be letting her down if she uses her hands ??
Is there mush of a difference in pleasure which way a girl comes ? do you really mind which way ?

For me there is, maybe not for your gf. However, just because a penetrative orgasm is better doesn't mean I expect one every time... I'm just as happy with a clitoral one on occasion, and by on occasion I mean no more than once every other time I have sex. That's my personal preference, it may not apply to your gf.

fishcalledpaddy wrote: »

should i raise the issue with this girl ???

You definitely should, but you need to be very clear about what it is you want. You simply cannot deny her orgasm just because you don't feel like putting in the effort to give her one. You need to phrase it the way you asked us, as if you're just enquiring - 'Does it feel different? Is it better? Do you mind if you don't orgasm that way every time we have sex?'

If she says she doesn't mind, then establish what SHE thinks is acceptable... she may say once every other time you have sex, once every three times, or just at weekends... she may say there's no difference at all and she doesn't mind if she never has a penetrative orgasm!

HouseHippo

You must remember first that only around 35% of women actually orgasm from penetration.It is mainly clitoral stimulation.Try stimulating her clitoris while you are having sex or use an aid such as a durex play ring which will be pleasurable for both of you.

If none of that works talk to her about the issue,if you spend time pleasuring her she should do the same for you.There has to be some give and take in a relationship

Koushki

You sound selfish in bed tbh.

So once you've come you just wanna chill, and you rather just have quickies. god you sound great.
you do realize this does NOTHING for woman, sticking it in for less than three minutes.

Just make her come with foreplay then have quick sex i guess.
Still.. there's no feeling of love in that if you ask me.

Koushki

Unregistered wrote: »

weekends no problems, bring it on....but weekdays quickies would be fine...


thanks for help

Fcuking hell.
5 days out of seven your gf gets a quickie.
i feel sorry for her.

Wibbs

No maybe I'm wrong, but while he may be frustrated and trying to find a compromise, I for one don't think he just wants a quicky, just frustrated and not understanding of this particular woman's needs.

Koushki

Dunno if Wibbs was directed at me?

He says it's alot of effort to make her come though, and it really isn't when you think about it. He penetrates, she touches herself, they both come. maybe at different times but whatever. If i only got quickies during the week i'd be very p*ssed off. Plus the op probally drinks and goes out on the weekend, which means less chances of having good sex. all im saying is , sounds like bollox to me.

jessbeth

You know what I can't understand is why people can't talk to each other, I can kind of understand where the OP is coming from, sometimes you are just tired and don't want to, so then why don't both just abstain for a night. I'm a woman and would personally find it annoying if you couldn't have a quickie every once in a while instead of having to go all out, if you know what I mean. Talk to the girl OP, I know a lot of girls who like the sex for the emotional and physical comfort of it and don't need to come all the time. Maybe you guys can reach some compromise but that can only be reached if you guys talk about the issue at hand.

994

partyguinness wrote: »

I hear you.. Ilived with an ex for a few months and she was very demanding..she only worked part time a few hours during the day and I was up at 8am every morning until 7pm..wasnt up for much during the week..but she wanted sex constantly and every night..

I even said I had a headache a few time just to get to sleep. One day she turned around and said that we hadnt had sex for 3 days..TBH I hadnt noticed..and then she said that if it went any longer she wld consider breaking up..she was 20 at the time and naive..

She always had her orgasm but one night she didnt and she actually gave me the silent treatment until the next night (wasnt complaing to TBH:D)

OP..try this trick..get her to use her hand to stimulate her clitoris (in different positions) until she orgasms while you penetrate her..it has worked for me in the past

not surprised you left her, a man who behaved that way would be seen as abusive

louisecm

Unregistered wrote: »

ok, my current girlfriend finds it hard to orgasm from intercourse, but no problem from oral or foreplay...

She can orgasm from intercourse if i put in a lot of work....

my problem is that we have sex nearly every night which i love but sometimes thinking that i have to put in the work is really turning me off it....i even dread it sometimes - it seems like a chore...
She can only orgasm in a certain position also , so we nearly always end up in this position

When she does not orgasm from intercourse and i do, i would like to just relax but i have to go to work then on her...again making it feel like a chore.

never had these problems with previous Gf, and i do want to please her ...but sometimes i would just like to have a quicky and leave it at that.

My question is should i say this to her ???
And if she agrees with quickies , is she really enjoying sex if she does not orgasm ???

Now i must state that when i am not tired or full of beans i have no problem spending all night on her..and everything else is perfect...even the sex..but if this carries on it will start affecting our relationship...

any advice??? thanks

I think its unfortunate that you don't feel you get anything from making her orgasm, the "chore". Not all guys come quickly, and sometimes women have to do things that aren't their favourite for a long time too - however, the pleasure comes from giving their partner satisfaction. One of the biggest turn ons for me in bed is knowing I'm pleasuring my partner, whatever that takes.