Man & Wife

LegacyUser

To cut a long story short.....I'm married to a guy, we are in our 30's, 2 kids...
I earn €18k more than him so I would put €250 more into joint a/c but everything else
is halved. I have added up want we need to put into joint a/c and it goes in and the rest of our wages is our own, wages going into our own bank a/c. He needs to buy a car but have hardly any cash saved so my question is I have 50k so do people think I should buy him one...the saying whats his is mine etc etc......

Salome

If you're asking the question, you're obviously worried that he might not appreciate your gesture. Have you had money issues in the past? Has the matter of you earning more money than him come up before? If the answer to both of those questions is yes then of course he won't like it.

You are life partners. If you have to think that much about it, then I don't think your really prepared to do it.

abi2007

yes i think you should. I think when you are married you should share everything.

Monkey61

Well would you like to buy him a car? Can you afford to buy him a car at the moment? Does he expect you to buy him a car? Does he want a particularly expensive car? How badly does he need it?

There's no harm in buying your partner an expensive present if you can afford it and you want to.

I personally don't understand serious relationships where everything isn't shared entirely equally (providing one partner doesn't have a gambling problem or the like). I can understand though if you are in a relationship where cash is kept separate and he has frittered all his wages away, then you might not want to give up your hard earned money, when he could as easily have just saved and bought it himself.

Basically it's up to you. You absolutely don't have to if you don't want to. If he really badly needs a car, then you could buy him a cheap car, which wouldn't put too much strain on your savings and which he could easily pay you back for.

The_Conductor

Personally I'd say in the current climate it would be a very bad idea to consider putting a large lump of money in a new car. I would sit down with him- perhaps go over cars of a 2003-2005 vintage, pick a few nice low mileage examples and show him what he can get for really a very reasonable amount.

If you have a 50k lumpsum floating around- shop around- you'll get a really really good rate for it- Anglo Irish haven't closed off their rates yet

At the end of the day- is it a necessary purchase- if yes, what is the most prudent way to make the purchase- and it makes sense to pool your finances, as you are married after all........ If its not a necessary purchase- make sure that you do not make the purchase........

Zaph

Frankly I think the fact that you need to ask the question is quite odd. If it was a new 50" plasma screen so he could indulge his passion for playing computer games then it's a legitimate question. But a car benefits the family, not just your husband. Assuming you have a car yourself, him being independantly mobile frees you up from taxi duties and it also means that your children can enjoy more activities with their father that wouldn't necessarily have been available to them without transport. It doesn't have to be anything flash, and car prices, both new and used, have plummeted as dealers struggle to shift stock, so you could probably get a very good deal right now should you decide to buy.

CDfm

How much does he want.IMO if you want to give him a sum and he wants to borrow the rest no probs.

The savings are your way of economising and are yours to gift.

SMcarrick is right on the type of car but focus on big mancars which are good value - Nissan micras and the like are very expensive and he could be traumatised.

CathyMoran

Would slightly disagree with my husband above - if the car is NECESSARY then do help to get him the car but do get a deal, get a second hand one or one from the UK of you have too...my husband earns a bit more than me so has helped me out in the past when I need his help but the tables were turned at different times in our lives - it is a partnership, a family after all.

MagicMarker

If he wants a car he should buy his own!

There's halving the bills and then there's taking the piss.

If you want to help him out then do so, but make sure it's known any money you give him is a loan! I'm not talking about 20k for a brand new car, I'm talking about a couple of grand to help him out with a deposit etc.

If he wants to buy toys he should learn how to save for them.

metrovelvet

Sure, why not? If he needs one and you can afford one and you want to give him one. What is the problem?

Suaimhneach

You can get a really decent car for 3k.
You're life partners ffs...

helimachoptor

CathyMoran wrote: »

Would slightly disagree with my husband above - if the car is NECESSARY then do help to get him the car but do get a deal, get a second hand one or one from the UK of you have too...my husband earns a bit more than me so has helped me out in the past when I need his help but the tables were turned at different times in our lives - it is a partnership, a family after all.

Would agree 100%

CDfm

Alpha 156 T Spark - yup

A friend has a low mileage 01 one bought for 2.5k and she is a girl and its a real car and she wont share it.

Salome

I think you may be all missing the point - I don't think it's the money, I think it's the principle of having his wife buy his car for him. Otherwise, she wouldn't be asking the question.

They seperate their money - his and hers accounts. If it was all THEIR money, she wouldn't be asking this question.

She knows he won't like it.

The_Conductor

Salome wrote: »

I think you may be all missing the point - I don't think it's the money, I think it's the principle of having his wife buy his car for him. Otherwise, she wouldn't be asking the question.

They seperate their money - his and hers accounts. If it was all THEIR money, she wouldn't be asking this question.

She knows he won't like it.

Well- if he has not saved the money up- which he hasn't- it makes far more sense for his wife to fund the purchase than for him to go out and initiate borrowings.......

To be honest- they are husband and wife- they really need to sit down and decide why they manage their finances in this manner. It really doesn't make any sense...... Lots of people do something similar I guess- but you are supposed to be supporting each other, and doing things like this simply doesn't make a lot of sense.

Out of interest- if the OP has been paying more into the joint account than her hubby- leaving both with a similar amount of petty cash elsewhere- how has she managed to save 50k and her hubby absolutely nothing? Is he gambling or drinking- or does it simply spend it elsewhere in the relationship- be it meals out/stuff for the house etc?

Its all just a little strange......

Salome

smccarrick wrote: »

Well- if he has not saved the money up- which he hasn't- it makes far more sense for his wife to fund the purchase than for him to go out and initiate borrowings.......

To be honest- they are husband and wife- they really need to sit down and decide why they manage their finances in this manner. It really doesn't make any sense...... Lots of people do something similar I guess- but you are supposed to be supporting each other, and doing things like this simply doesn't make a lot of sense.

Out of interest- if the OP has been paying more into the joint account than her hubby- leaving both with a similar amount of petty cash elsewhere- how has she managed to save 50k and her hubby absolutely nothing? Is he gambling or drinking- or does it simply spend it elsewhere in the relationship- be it meals out/stuff for the house etc?

Its all just a little strange......

Oh I agree - I earn a little more than my OH but our joint account is OUR joint account. If he needs something and WE have the money, problem solved and vice versa.

miss no stars

It's very simple. If you're willing to give him a few k (be it a loan or otherwise) to get a car, offer. If you're not willing, don't. It's your money.

Splendour

Man & wife wrote: »

To cut a long story short.....I'm married to a guy, we are in our 30's, 2 kids...
I earn €18k more than him so I would put €250 more into joint a/c but everything else
is halved. I have added up want we need to put into joint a/c and it goes in and the rest of our wages is our own, wages going into our own bank a/c. He needs to buy a car but have hardly any cash saved so my question is I have 50k so do people think I should buy him one...the saying whats his is mine etc etc......

If the roles were reversed here and this was written by a guy, I think most people would say he's being tight fisted and perhaps even a bit controlling. I dunno but sounds strange to me that everthing isn't in one account, unless as someone else has mentioned there's an addiction problem of some sort.

Stheno

Splendour wrote: »

If the roles were reversed here and this was written by a guy, I think most people would say he's being tight fisted and perhaps even a bit controlling. .

+1 imo, at the end of the day (given what detail we have from the OP) it's not sounding as if the husband is potentially looking to spend all the 50K, in fact I wonder does he even know of the existence of the 50k?

If not then that's downright strange.

As for the joint finances, some couples are happy to deal with things in that manner, i know of one couple where there was a difference in earnings such that one earned three - four times what the other did and all joint expenses were split proportionally

the_syco

Man & wife wrote: »

I have 50k

If he had the €50,000 and the situations were reversed, would you like for him to buy you a car?

Saying that, you don't spend €50k on a car. €15k would buy a good second hand car, maybe a 07 or 08 model. Also, what does he need it for? Commuting, or does he need it for a trade? If a trade, he may go for a car-van (front part car, back has no seats/side windows).

CathyMoran

Splendour wrote: »

If the roles were reversed here and this was written by a guy, I think most people would say he's being tight fisted and perhaps even a bit controlling. I dunno but sounds strange to me that everthing isn't in one account, unless as someone else has mentioned there's an addiction problem of some sort.

I agree, though I must admit that the hubby and I have separate accounts (though we know what is in each and always spend all our money on one another)...I suppose I like the idea of getting him the odd treat (and vice versa) and not feeling that we are spending the other persons money - is purely psychological only though.

miss no stars

also OP, you said your husband needs to buy a car.

If he hasn't got enough saved to buy one there are two options.

You give him the money (maybe to be repaid)

or

he borrows and repays including interest.

Would you be happy with his money going to a lender when you could have loaned him it?

star-pants

On first reading I was of the opinion that if you're asking us, then perhaps there's an issue with you being the one to buy the car.
If you wanted to spend a few K on a car for him fine, as others have said you certainly don't even need half of 50k for that. If you think he'd have an issue with it, why not ask him, explain you have some spare cash and that you'd like to help him out with getting a car (if you do want to spend your money on it)

Others have mentioned the fact that you have managed to save a lot of money and perhaps he hasn't and is there a reason behind this ? (i.e. has he been bad with money)

Personally I wouldn't have an issue helping out my OH with something like a car, it's benefical to him / any children. I would see it as a family improvement.

metrovelvet

You know... actually... it would be kind of mean if you didn't and its a case that he needs one. You dont need to buy a new merc. You can get something that is safe and reliable second hand or possibly new. He will need it for the kids also right?

Toots

If he actually NEEDS one, then I wouldn't see a problem with giving him a few grand to get one. Obviously you'd be mad to spend 50k on a car, but there are some bargains to be had out there and you should get a very decent one for about 10k, or less. If he has a problem with taking money from you, then you could agree that he pays it back over a period of time.

professore

I think there's a bigger issue here ... what happens if your OH loses his job ? Does that mean that he has to eat beans on toast while you go out for meals every night? Worse, if he needs an expensive operation, then tough?

Why can you not sit down and discuss this, instead of using the money as a power thing in the relationship ? I would be majorly pissed off if my wife did something like this and would never do something like this to her. We discuss big purchases like this together and see what money is available.

Aloysius Flyte

Question for you OP, if the shoe was on the other foot. If your OH earned €18k more than you and could afford to buy you a car, would he buy you one and would you accept it?

You are in the relationship together. In my opinion it should be a no brainer. Buy him a car. And there are some fantastic bargins to be had.:D:D

Caryatnid

Man & wife wrote: »

so I would put €250 more into joint a/c but everything else
is halved.

Man & wife wrote: »

I have 50k

Am I missing something here?
If the OP puts x amount into a joint account, and halves 'everything else', then how do you have 50k savings that your OH doesn't have? Does the quote above not mean that everything is halved already??

I agree with the posters who pointed out that you said your OH needs a car. If he needs it, he needs it. I can't really understand the issue here, I think that when you get married, you agree to share everything, yet you seem to be saying (from the first quote) that you already share everything, in which case the 50k belongs to both of you, in which case it should be a joint decision on how much gets spent on the car - not yours?

Stheno

Caryatnid wrote: »

Am I missing something here?
If the OP puts x amount into a joint account, and halves 'everything else', then how do you have 50k savings that your OH doesn't have? Does the quote above not mean that everything is halved already??

I agree with the posters who pointed out that you said your OH needs a car. If he needs it, he needs it. I can't really understand the issue here, I think that when you get married, you agree to share everything, yet you seem to be saying (from the first quote) that you already share everything, in which case the 50k belongs to both of you, in which case it should be a joint decision on how much gets spent on the car - not yours?

It sounds to be from the first post that the joint account is used for all joint expenses, which the OP has calculated, and that they each contribute to that account but the OP puts in €250 extra, and that they then keep their own cash once they have contributed to the joint expenses to themselves.

wasper

Man & wife wrote: »

To cut a long story short.....I'm married to a guy, we are in our 30's, 2 kids...
I earn €18k more than him so I would put €250 more into joint a/c but everything else
is halved. I have added up want we need to put into joint a/c and it goes in and the rest of our wages is our own, wages going into our own bank a/c. He needs to buy a car but have hardly any cash saved so my question is I have 50k so do people think I should buy him one...the saying whats his is mine etc etc......

My wife & I married for 21 years & have no kids. We have one joint account. Never once during we questioned each others spending. I dont have another account.
This indicates to me that you or both put money issues between you.
It's not his fault if he earns less than you. You have kids that binds you together.

Does he waste his money? And thats why he doesn't have any savings.

metrovelvet

Do you want to buy him one but need approval to do so?

MissHoneyBun

smccarrick wrote: »

Out of interest- if the OP has been paying more into the joint account than her hubby- leaving both with a similar amount of petty cash elsewhere- how has she managed to save 50k and her hubby absolutely nothing? Is he gambling or drinking- or does it simply spend it elsewhere in the relationship- be it meals out/stuff for the house etc? Its all just a little strange......

What's so strange? The fact that the woman has stockpiled a load of cash and the man has none? We've been told that the guy doesn't earn as much as her -why does there have to be some sort of sinister conclusion? Also maybe he's more quick to lavish gifts on her than she is to him.

The Sweeper

OP, how did you guys manage cash and bills while you were having your two children?

karen3212

Minesajackdaniels wrote: »

OP, how did you guys manage cash and bills while you were having your two children?

As far as I can tell, they have a joint account from which their household bills etc are paid. Because the op earns more, she contributes more to said account. They then half all other expenses.

The best thing to do op is to talk to you husband and see how he feels. But as others have said, if you're not rich 50k is way too much for a car.

The Sweeper

Yeah, but she wouldn't have been earning for at the very least six months across both pregnancies, hence the question on how they got around that.

Splendour

CathyMoran wrote: »

I agree, though I must admit that the hubby and I have separate accounts (though we know what is in each and always spend all our money on one another)...I suppose I like the idea of getting him the odd treat (and vice versa) and not feeling that we are spending the other persons money - is purely psychological only though.

I agree that everyone needs their own 'pocketmoney' so to speak. When two people get married they become unit but still with their own indentity and needs! However IMO, the purchase and running of a car should come under household bills.

LegacyUser

OP I and my other half have exactly the same situation as you;joint account for everything household related/family related, and then everything else goes into our own accounts for ourselves.
If he hasn't actually asked you for the money, and you are just suggesting it yourself, then sit down with him and talk over what you'd like to do.Maybe you could give him a dig out. I'm very fussy personally, in that I prefer not to take money from my OH if I can avoid it.It's just me, I'm the same with my friends;no problem lending them some money when necessary, but I hate taking anything from them.Maybe you could work something out where you contribute to it, if that's okay.But you definitely need to talk about it.

LegacyUser

Personally, I don't agree with the idea of his and her money in a marriage your life partners, by being married you combine your assets. I think that in marriage all money should go into one joint account and then be considered "ours". then from that any pocket monies are agreed by both etc.. at the end of the day the car is going to be yours and his in my eyes. its the car that you both own that he uses more.

that's may take on things.. I can see money getting between a couple any other way.

CDfm

I detect a mood change on the thread- buy him the car.

Should we be suggesting makes,model and colour;)

Molberts

Personally I wouldnt be happy for my partner and I to pool all our earnings. For a start he earns more than me so it wouldnt be fair imo.

We have a mortgage and we both pay half that each, same with household bills.

We don't have a joint account but tbh, its cos we just haven't got around to getting one yet :rolleyes:

Our household bills and mortgage are split 50/50, the rest is separate and for us individually, eg, we both have car loans, credit cards etc.

I don't know how much he earns, but its more than me anyway... I drive a beetle but he has a porche lol I wouldnt ask him and he wouldnt ask me, "our" money for the house is ours, but the rest we earned separately so its separate, I wouldnt have it any other way tbh.

I personally wouldn't feel comfortable with him buying me a car if I didnt have one... havng said that if we had children and they needed me to have one maybe I'd think differently.

OP, is the issue that you think he may not feel comfortable with it, or that you dont?

CDfm

Molberts wrote: »

I don't know how much he earns, but its more than me anyway... I drive a beetle but he has a porche lol

Op's hubby -hold out for a Porche

Nevyn

Unhelpful and off-topic posting will get you banned from this forum.
Do take time to read the charter which contains the rules and abide by them.
Have a nice day.
Thaedydal

otwb

It sounds like you saved and he spent.

IMO if he needs a (very small) hand out then well and good, but I wouldn't buy him the car straight out. If he saved sensibly then he would have savings and be able to buy the car himself. Consequences of his not saving are that he gets a car that he can afford, rather than waste your savings.

You obviously had a discussion re finances at some point when you agreed on the use of a joint account as well as your own accounts. He should stick to his side of the bargain.

Tupins

A lot of people are saying that it's strange to have separate money when you're married but to me it makes perfect sense.

At first my husband and I just had 'our' money but this sometimes led to minor arguments over things that he wanted to buy that I thought frivolous and vice versa. We now have a joint account out of which is paid, rent, household bills, food shopping etc. We also have separate bank accounts and we view this as our own 'pocketmoney' ie we can spend it on whatever we like for ourselves as individuals. This normally means, cosmetics/clothes/going out with friends for me and cigarettes / gadgets / going for pints for him. We also own a car each and petrol / maintenance for each car is paid for individually. He is definitely more of a spender than I am. I try to save a bit - he doesn't :rolleyes:! His car cost more than mine, uses more petrol and costs more in tax/insurance but that was totally his choice just as it was my choice to choose a car with a smaller engine and thus save money - everyone's happy!

We are by no means rich and we have no choice but to put the majority of our wages into the joint account. Some weeks we would not have much 'pocketmoney' leftover. But the point is that neither of us have to justify what we spend our own money on. If we want something we can save up our own money for it. I know some women who hide new clothes as 'their husbands would kill them' for spending money on clothes, similarly some men are 'afraid' to buy a new sat nav because their wives will complain of them wasting money. I personally could not bear a relationship whereby I would have to explain myself anytime I bought a new pair of shoes!

At the same time, we are still a team. We dont take the whole 'your money my money' to the extreme. If I'm ever short of money and I need something he'll give me some without question and vice versa and it's not like we have to pay it back or anything!

Also, when it comes to giving presents it means much more to get something from someone when you know they saved up for it themselves and didn't just get it out of the joint account ie you've paid for half of it yourself. It's not how much it cost but it just seems 'more' when they've spent their own money on it.

In response to your question OP - I think you should be asking your husband really as I'm not sure I understand the problem. But for god's sake don't spend 50k on a car!!!

jessbeth

What a strange situation, I thought when married that things were about being 'ours' and not still 'yours' and 'mine'
I would just buy the car for him.

Tupins

wasper wrote: »

My wife & I married for 21 years & have no kids. We have one joint account. Never once during we questioned each others spending. I dont have another account.

This indicates to me that you or both put money issues between you.
It's not his fault if he earns less than you. You have kids that binds you together.

It sounds though as if you and your wife are not in financial difficuly nor have ever been. It's easy not to question one anothers spending when money is not a major issue. Things might be different if you had to watch every penney due to financial hardship.

I'm not trying to have a go here but I feel this issue is being over simplified by a lot of people here into ; a loving relationship = no money issues between you.

This may work in some situations but everyone is different. To accuse the OP of deliberately putting money issues between them is unfair imo.

echosound

I can't understand people who get married but don't share finances. What happens if one of you loses your job/gets sick? What happens if you go out on maternity leave again and you don't have a personal slush fund saved up to see you through? What happens (god forbid) if anything ever happened one of your children and one of you had to leave work to look after them fulltime? What happens if you have a shedload of money saved and want to move to a bigger house, but your OH can't afford to move?

When you get married (and especially when you have children) income (IMO) should be pooled for the benefit of the family unit. I know a few people who keep seperate finances, where the situation arises that one of them can afford to go out every weekend and have steak dinners while the other one sits at home or has to eat beans on toast. That is just ridiculous. How anyone can sit by and watch as their wife/husband/parent of their child struggles for money while living under the same roof....

OP if you have the hard cash savings, and you really don't want to just "give" the money towards buying a car that your husband needs, at least loan it to him so he won't have to pay huge interest on a bankloan. You can pick up a decent family-sized car for less than 2k second hand nowadays and you'll still have your 48k savings left.