Confused.....big time!

LegacyUser

I am 29 years of age and I am married. Have been for 2 years now. I met my OH 5 years ago while I was in another long-term relationship (my first real one). I ended the relationship and started going out with my OH. We had a wonderful time and 4 years on we got married.

All good so far….

I used to lack confidence in certain social situations (although not many close to me would have thought this but I did). It wasn’t serious in that I wasn’t getting panic attacks or anything like that – just an uncomfortable feeling. Over the last few years I have become more confident, probably resulting from getting older, getting on with career and relationship with OH.

In the past year, on a few nights out with friends I have flirted and chatted to strangers. I enjoyed the thrill and excitement of it. Afterwards, I would ask myself why I was doing this and question my feeling towards my OH. Couldn’t really answer it so moved on.

Then I met someone I knew a long time ago. We chatted and went our separate ways. We have bumped into each other a few times since (works in nearby office) and I really enjoyed our chats… I think I am starting to get feelings for this person and suspect the feeling could be mutual.

I know the grass is always greener and I am not considering having an affair with this person nor am I considering separation over this person.

I think the root of these feeling and actions is the fact that I have had only 2 long-term relationships and never been alone. Never lived the single life or “found myself”.

I was just wondering if anyone has ever felt like or being in a similar place.

kiwikid

as a married 30 year old who could have written the first few paragraphs of your post I can kinda give my perspective if i may:

What did you feel when you married him? this is the one and only forever?

living the single life i can say is BS , as an insecure / non-confident person it was hell trying to be a sucessful dating singleton - look at Brig Jones - it was not 100% off base believe me.

You need to sort out how you feel and have always felt for your hubbie.

I have only had 2 long ish term relationships before DH and have never even thought of straying - i have thought jeeze he's gorgeous - i bet he would do it for me - i wonder if i had stayed with yer man would i be happy... but not once did i have the hots for someone else. Sorry its probably not what you want to hear.

Salome

In my experience, situations like these arise out of dissatisfaction with other areas of your life - don't ever feel tempted to act on them. It will ruin everything for you. Instead, try and identify what the problem is - I don't believe that you're unhappy with your OH - I think it's you that you're unhappy with - try and resolve it because in the long run, you'll be a lot happier.

LegacyUser

Thank you for your comments. Salome, I suspect you’re right. It’s me. I have made an appointment to talk to a prof next week. I need to get to the bottom of this.

Kiwikid, thought about how I felt when we got married and yes she was the one forever but there niggling doubts (but that’s probably common), I guess? Also, the feelings I referred to for this other person are, worryingly, much stronger than just a passing fancy.

I haven’t given the full picture. The thing is that I have totally withdrawn from my relationship. Not communicating at all. I keep trying to make an effort but I can’t seem to get past this. This is totally unfair on by OH and this makes me feel very sad.

My big worry is that this is not a phase and that at some stage down the line I will realise this and it will be too late… We are both still young (well youngish) and don’t have kids. I feel if we did have kids this would be a closed case but we don’t.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.