Asked to be brides maid

tismenotyou

so yesterday i was asked to do brides maid not of honour or anything but...

the bride was my maid of honour when i married and during the process of arranging my wedding i made it clear to her and the other bride maids that i would not expect the favor in return .. in fact please dont ask as i didnt want to seem ungreatful to them ..

this girl is very close to my heart like a sister to me
and her other choices well lets just say not as close but nice girls all the same ..
i dont feel that i should do it for meny reasons .. one being that i feel ive been asked to return the favor ..
she has had her brides maids for a while now and ive only been asked so also a second thought / guilty con..
whatever it is i dont no

i like to think im a level headed person and fair in my judgements although not perfect by a long shot ..

thing is how do i say no respectfully ?
i really think no matter what i say she may think im being bitchy or whatever but i honestly just dont feel i fit in (kniw)

or do i bite my lip and get on with it ..
its her day ive had mine
be a good friend and go with the flow ???

Malari

tismenotyou wrote: »

so yesterday i was asked to do brides maid not of honour or anything but...

the bride was my maid of honour when i married and during the process of arranging my wedding i made it clear to her and the other bride maids that i would not expect the favor in return .. in fact please dont ask as i didnt want to seem ungreatful to them ..

this girl is very close to my heart like a sister to me
and her other choices well lets just say not as close but nice girls all the same ..
i dont feel that i should do it for meny reasons .. one being that i feel ive been asked to return the favor ..
she has had her brides maids for a while now and ive only been asked so also a second thought / guilty con..
whatever it is i dont no

i like to think im a level headed person and fair in my judgements although not perfect by a long shot ..

thing is how do i say no respectfully ?
i really think no matter what i say she will think im being bitchy or whatever but i honestly just dont feel i fit in (kniw)

or do i bite my lip and get on with it ..
its her day ive had mine
be a good friend and go with the flow ???

That's a difficult choice. Your post seems a bit contradictory though...you say she is as close to you as a sister, but would think you are being bitchy if you refused? Also why do you think you are last choice as a bridesmaid? If you are so close to her, and have openly stated you don't really wish to be a bridesmaid, why do you think she asked you?

Maybe you should do it to be a good friend, if you think that's what she would like?

kayos

Huh? I dont get your problem are you annoyed your not the chief bridesmaid or maid of honor or what ever its called? Or that you just dont want to do it even though she is like a sister to you?

When I got engaged I knew exactly who I wanted as my best man asked him straight away (well more told him but any way) as for the rest of my side of the party I've not said a word to any of the people I'm thinking about yet. My OH is the same the main brides maid has been asked but the others are still up in the air.

Its not easy to pick who you want and takes time to come to final decission. I know if my best man refused I would have been very upset and annoyed. Its an honor to be asked to be part of the wedding party and if she was your maid of honor she obviously plays a big part in your life. Just because she might have picked a sister or another friend as her main does not mean she's only asking you out of obligation its because she wants you to be a part of the whole thing and not just as a guest. Heavens sake people pick who they want in the wedding party out of friendship and love of the person not cause they want to return a favour.

Saint_Mel

Hmmmm, maybe Im reading into this completely wrong and if so apologies.

Anyways, from speaking to my OH, I'm reliably informed that being a bridesmaid etc is quite a bit of hassle and although nice to be asked it can be a pain in the backside rather that a great favour!

Looking at it from that point of view it sounds like you were happy to pass the work involved on your mate when you were getting married but not all that keen on helping them.

From their previous involvemnt with your wedding, if they ask you to be involved its not about them returning the favour in asking you, its about you returning the favour in helping out.

Poloman

Bite your lip and get on with it.
See it as an honour. You are helpping this girl out.. she helped you out on the day maybe she didnt want to be maid of honour but she did regardless

Dont be selfish and gratefully accept. You can moan to yourself but its the most important day of her life so I think you should bite your lip as you say.

Good Luck!

tismenotyou

kayos wrote: »

Huh? I dont get your problem are you annoyed your not the chief bridesmaid or maid of honor or what ever its called? Or that you just dont want to do it even though she is like a sister to you?

When I got engaged I knew exactly who I wanted as my best man asked him straight away (well more told him but any way) as for the rest of my side of the party I've not said a word to any of the people I'm thinking about yet. My OH is the same the main brides maid has been asked but the others are still up in the air.

Its not easy to pick who you want and takes time to come to final decission. I know if my best man refused I would have been very upset and annoyed. Its an honor to be asked to be part of the wedding party and if she was your maid of honor she obviously plays a big part in your life. Just because she might have picked a sister or another friend as her main does not mean she's only asking you out of obligation its because she wants you to be a part of the whole thing and not just as a guest. Heavens sake people pick who they want in the wedding party out of friendship and love of the person not cause they want to return a favour.

no way im in no way jelous or feel let down by not being asked to do maid of honour or anything thing like that ..

i put off my own wedding for years because im just not into them
im over the moon for her and would do anything for her for any reason not just because she`s getting married..

tismenotyou

Saint_Mel wrote: »

Hmmmm, maybe Im reading into this completely wrong and if so apologies.

Anyways, from speaking to my OH, I'm reliably informed that being a bridesmaid etc is quite a bit of hassle and although nice to be asked it can be a pain in the backside rather that a great favour!

Looking at it from that point of view it sounds like you were happy to pass the work involved on your mate when you were getting married but not all that keen on helping them.

From their previous involvemnt with your wedding, if they ask you to be involved its not about them returning the favour in asking you, its about you returning the favour in helping out.

again its not about doing the work as i would do it anyway
she was over the moon when i asked her as it is her sort of thing
im not trying to avoid work or getting involved

tismenotyou

Malari wrote: »

That's a difficult choice. Your post seems a bit contradictory though...you say she is as close to you as a sister, but would think you are being bitchy if you refused? Also why do you think you are last choice as a bridesmaid? If you are so close to her, and have openly stated you don't really wish to be a bridesmaid, why do you think she asked you?

Maybe you should do it to be a good friend, if you think that's what she would like?

i ment i dont know if she would see it as bitchy
by no means would i ever intentionaly hurt her for any reason

last choice part / she asked the rest some time ago
and learned they added a grooms man to match the amout of brides maids

i love this girl to bits and ill do it if thats what she really wants
i dont mean to sound selfish ..
im just confused ..

implausible

What's happened is they have an extra groomsman and your friend and her OH have obviously had a conversation about this. She knows you don't want it and that's why you weren't asked earlier. But now, to have even numbers, she has asked you and is desperately hoping you won't mind.

TBH, I don't see the big problem. She did it for you, to refuse her is rude. You say you'd do anything for her, that's obviously not true. You'd do anything for but put on a frock, smile and help her in the run-up to her big day.

A true friend would suck it up.

tismenotyou

advice taken

thank you all for the op`s

ilovecars

get pregnant or put up 5 stone i say.. great excuse..