Unfaithful because of pregnancy?

LegacyUser

I recently found out I am going to be a mum !

I am trilled, but my friend has really put a dampener on it by telling me that men have a tendency to go a bit nuts when they find out they are going to be a dad and very often become unfaithful in order to prove they are still 'up for it' if you get me.
Is this normal?
I don't mean, that they do it, but is it normal that men feel like this when their partner becomes pregnant ?

I have enough on my plate without worrying my O/H is going to be out like a rabbid dog while I get as big as a house !

Jammyc

Unregistered wrote: »

I recently found out I am going to be a mum !

I am trilled, but my friend has really put a dampener on it by telling me that men have a tendency to go a bit nuts when they find out they are going to be a dad and very often become unfaithful in order to prove they are still 'up for it' if you get me.
Is this normal?
I don't mean, that they do it, but is it normal that men feel like this when their partner becomes pregnant ?

I have enough on my plate without worrying my O/H is going to be out like a rabbid dog while I get as big as a house !

Do you love your OH?
Does he love you?
Is he a decent gentleman?
If youve answered yes to these, I wouldnt imagine youve got much to worry about!

Oh and congratulations, and many blessings.:D

MagicMarker

Ignore your friend, she's what we like to call, an 'idiot'.

Toots

MagicMarker wrote: »

Ignore your friend, she's what we like to call, an 'idiot'.

QFT!!

Sounds to me like your friend might be a little bit jealous.

I've never heard of this, and any guy who uses this as an excuse for cheating isn't worth being with anyway!! If anything I'd say it has the opposite effect!

Congratulations and the very best of luck to you both!!

chillywilly

Forget what your friend says. I dont know why she would say this to you anyway! Its not true, if you have trusted your boyfriend up to this point then you have no reason not to trust him during your pregnancy! And congrats:D

CathyMoran

We just lost a baby but my husband was the most loyal, kind and thoughtful man through our pregnancy, he did everything for me, even putting up with me doing 3am blood tests (am diabetic), he also hugged me and baby every night. Me thinks your friend is jelous...

Dizzyblonde

Congratulations on your pregnancy, and your friend is misinformed. Pregnancy will only enhance a loving relationship.

Spades

MagicMarker wrote: »

Ignore your friend, she's what we like to call, an 'idiot'.

I agree with this, my wife was pregnant and now we have a beautiful 3 month old baby girl. It never croseed my mind to cheat. I think your mate is either a little bit soft in the head or maybe she has another problem. being pregnant is or can be stressfull enough without listening to any nonsense from your idiot friend.

Congrats

redfacedbear

When my wife was pregnant for the first time I had occasional panics - thinking things along the line of 'OMG our lives will never be the same again - what have we done?!" and generally worrying about how I'd measure up as a father.

Also, with the hormones it was like living with somebody with the worst imaginable PMT for nine long long months :pac: - which was hard at times.

All of which is perfectly normal and to be expected.

To suggest that this will turn any but the most pathetic weak-willed man into a philanderer is absolute nonsense

A tendancy amongst men? - bollox

seamus

Female friends have a long history of providing the worst possible relationship "advice" to their other friends. The closer they are to you, the greater chance of them talking complete and utter crap.

On the other hand, some people are determinedly negative and will find a negative flaw in anything, no matter how good, so her response to your thrilling news of having a baby is, "Oh I hear that makes men want to cheat on you". These kinds of people are very frustrating and you have to take everything they say as a product of irrational fear and worry and nothing approaching the facts.

wolfpawnat

I am only with my OH for 2 years (anniversary 6th of Jan) and I am 36 weeks pregnant, I am not living with him at the moment as he is studying in Dub and I am minding his mother in Co. Clare.

So I am leaving a 24 year old in a huge house to do as he will and do I think he will cheat........nope!

Your friend is trying to ruin your amazing news. Men for the first 24-48 hours after finding out dont always take it well (my fella included) but that included goig for walks for himself and not talking much, not going off after every girl with a pulse!

If you love your man and he loves you, you are about to have the most amazing time of your lives:D

LorraineL

She's jealous. Maybe she knows this will bring you and your man closer and is worried about being left behind. Either way, what she has said, in my experience, is rubbish. Ignore her comments and enjoy your pregnancy with your partner.

Damomayo

Agree wit all above ur friend seems jealous and should have shared in ur happiness instead of turning it into a problem

Congrats BTW

deisemum

Ignore her, there are some people who will always try and put a damper on someone else's good news.

There are some men that do ****ty things but there are a lot of decent men around.

kayos

Odds on your friend is single and see’s this as an even bigger sign that she is being left behind by her peers…so she goes and says very insensitive remarks and is just being a cow really. In fact I would not call her a friend. What will she say next? Tell her to stop projecting her insecurities onto you.

BIG congrats though and I hope the pitter patter of little feet around the house will bring you joy for years to come.

jellie

shes just jealous. even if it was TRUE (which I dont believe it is) why would you say it? some girls are just b*tches, take no notice.

Congrats OP

neosmaster

My g/f and I have just had a baby boy and I never for one second even thought of cheating while she was pregnant.
As far as I was concerned she was ( and still is by the way ) the most beautiful woman in the world while she was carrying our son......

There was something very very sexy about her being pregnant:P

SarahJ

Why would a 'friend' tell you something like that? Talk about painting every man with the same brush, they are all quite different, according to my vast knowledge on the species


Enjoy your news with your partner, you're having his baby, so if anything, he will love you more!

ohnoigotsick

what everyone else is saying , if it's not planned then the bloke will prob go off on one, time on there own get hammered or whatever to get their head around it , but riding everything with a pulse is not one of them.

your mates a fool

Wagon

Unregistered wrote: »

I recently found out I am going to be a mum !

I am trilled, but my friend has really put a dampener on it by telling me that men have a tendency to go a bit nuts when they find out they are going to be a dad and very often become unfaithful in order to prove they are still 'up for it' if you get me.
Is this normal?
I don't mean, that they do it, but is it normal that men feel like this when their partner becomes pregnant ?

I have enough on my plate without worrying my O/H is going to be out like a rabbid dog while I get as big as a house !

Interestingly, my girlfriend is doing a bit of psycology as part of her course and she told me that men tend to be more unfaithful than then women. It's because they want to "spread their seed". I think it's bull. So does she.

These type of "facts" are given to the public to read as it fills up the pages in Hello magazine. None of them are true. If you and your partner are happy, then you have nothing to be worrying about And congratulations too!

LegacyUser

Odds on she's single, and based on what she said to you I can see why. Many congrats to you and your BF.
Although you may want to consider your choice of "friend".

January

I've just had a baby (5 weeks). She was unplanned and my boyfriend and I were only together for a year when she was conceived. When he found out I was pregnant he went into complete paternal mode (we have to buy this, we have to buy that, we have to move into a bigger house, we have to set up a bank account for baby). He spoke to my stomach every day, told me I was gorgeous, sexy. I lost my sex drive for a while at the start but he never did!

Your friend is an idiot, and I'm not being bad or anything but be careful around her because if you go out on nights out together with her and your boyfriend then if she gets a few drinks on her, she might try something with your man. She sounds jealous that you're going to have a family...

Lollipops23

congratulations!!!!you're mate sounds like a jealous cow...when one of my mates found out she was expecting every girl she told was scarliy excited for her and wanted to know every little thing about the pregnancy!i'd be very careful around her,as adrienne said she may try it on with your bloke!i mean,sheesh, early pregnancy is stressful enough without being paraniod your bloke is gonna stray!

Aloysius Flyte

Hi there OP. Congratulations on your pregnancy.

What your friend said to you was quite foolish and insensitive and I'm sure she has her own reasons.

What she said however, does have some truth to it.
During the 1st pregnancy and arrival of a 1st child, some men (and I mean some) start feeling isolated in the relationship, especially if the Mum to Be is having a difficult time and not able to express her feelings to him in a way that he can understand. He might not feel part of the pregnancy and as important in Mum's life, and he stupidly looks for solace elsewhere.

Now this doesn't mean that all Dads to Be do this, or feel like this, but if a man is going to cheat, this is one of the situations that might trigger it.

Obviously, it depends on the relationship and I'm sure you and your OH have a very healthy one.

Just keep the lines of communication open and I'm sure you will be fine.

kittensoft1984

Congrats on the news.

My sister had the same feelings through her pregnancy. Totally unfounded but it was her first!

Seems that your friend is just jealous and is trying to plant seeds. Dont listen to her! Like the last poster said, just keep talking to your OH and everything will be fine.

Enjoy it!

sassa

Now that's what I call a friend :rolleyes:

I really wouldnt pass any remarks on this if he hasn't cheated before and you've had no reason to doubt him before why start now cos your friend said he might?? what a bitch!!

implausible

What your 'friend' said is rubbish! Even if it were true, why would a friend's first reaction to your pregnancy be to

Unregistered wrote: »

really put a dampener on it

?

Either she's got issues of her own or is a jealous spiteful c u next tuesday!

syklops

There are some things, that most humans are not smart enough to undersatnd. Some of these are the meaning of life, how the universe was created, corporate tax law and so on. One of these I believe is statistics. Without explaining it, statistics can be used to argue any side of any argument.

There may be a statistic that men are more likely to cheat when their girlfriend/wife is pregnant, but is is my opinion that the reason for this is the following.

Girl A gets pregnant by Boy A.
Girl A has three friends Girl B Girl C and Girl D.
B,C, and D each want a baby badly. They consider themselves more attractive than Girl A. They each are better catches and so assume men willbe falling over themselves to impregnate them. They have several relationships and the men they are attracted to are either, alcoholics, workaholics or perverts and invariably are sterile or impotent. And the men they are not attracted to they do not bid the time of day to.

Girl B, C and/or D, realise your fella, Boy A, is both attractive, stable enough to keep a relationship(he is still with Girl A isn't he?), and is definetly not sterile as he just got you pregnant. He now becomes the ultimate prize, and they throw themselves at him whereever and whenever he most vulnerable.

That might have been a bit too clinical, but basically my point is, possibly the reason men cheat more often, is because the women in the area now know that such and such is up to the job, and see him as the best option of sewing their seed.


***OP, If you could not be bothered reading the above, I concur with everyone else, your friend is either jealous, or, well, yeah, your friend is jealous.

Tupins

This so called friend of yours sounds exactly like an ex-friend of mine.

Hence the 'ex'!


People like that rarely realise how insensitive they are being. You should tell her that you were very upset by it and hopefully she will be more careful about ignorant throw away remarks in future.

Why on earth would your "friend" say something like this to you? clearly a wagon!

also, i actually think the opposite is true of men, as long as you are in love, he will be more protective of you and men have a tendency of finding their pregnant missus more attractive so enjoy every minute of your free time together!!

As you've said - you have enough on your plate without worrying about a stupid ignorant comment.

Salome

Your OH will probably get a bit of a shock initially but if he loves you and you love him, the shock will change to excitement!

Not all men are rabid dogs - maybe that's been your mate's experience - don't let her disappointments cloud your happiness.

I'm surprised you told your mate that you were pregnant before you told your OH though....

But congratulations!

CDfm

guys do go a bit nuts and sit on the toilet for hours looking down muttering "howdithappen"

but other then that its business as usual and no need to use condoms:D

Salome

CDfm wrote: »

guys do go a bit nuts and sit on the toilet for hours looking down muttering "howdithappen"

but other then that its business as usual and no need to use condoms:D

There's always a silver lining eh

Sleepy

Would your friend be the type of girl who buys womens magazines and treats the articles in them as actual advice rather than something to laugh at?

She sounds like the kind of idiot who regards Sex and the City as a lifestyle guide rather than a comedy.

Darragh29

Toots85 wrote: »

QFT!!

Sounds to me like your friend might be a little bit jealous.

I've never heard of this, and any guy who uses this as an excuse for cheating isn't worth being with anyway!! If anything I'd say it has the opposite effect!

Congratulations and the very best of luck to you both!!

+1, have never even heard of this, of all urban myths, this is one I haven't heard before. Any of my mates that have recently become Dad's, it's hard to even get them out for a pint now and when they do come out, they are dying to tel us all about their kid and the last thing they are doing is chasing women around the pub like Benny Hill. Sounds like your mate is jealous to be honest...