Photos of my boyfriend and his ex together, just uploaded on Facebook by his friend

LegacyUser

Hi there. I have been seeing my boyfriend for over a year. Today, one of the people on his Facebook tagged him in lots of photographs (ones from 2 years ago). This person only added all these photos a few hours ago. A fair few of them are of my boyfriend and his ex holding hands/ kissing etc.

The person has added captions to one of these (about my boyfriend and his ex being a 'couple' etc, and to be honest it bugs me a bit. Apologies for the rant here, I know I can't say anything to either the person who added and tagged the photos (probably has no idea that I'd find them a bit annoying...). I've never me him. I can't say anything to my boyfriend (it's not like it's his fault!).

It just puts me out a LITTLE bit, going when there's 4 'just tagged' photographs at the top of his facebook page showing him kissing his ex on the cheek and another one of them holding hands :!. Would anyone else be slightly put out by this, or is it just me? Thanks in advance for any comments!

MagicMarker

Are these photo's solely of your bf and his ex? Or are they random group photos in which your bf and ex just happen to be in?

I'd be a little bewildered at why his mate would put up 2 year old pictures of himself and an ex?

Other than that though, why does it matter? You knew he had an ex right? You know he's kissed other women before?

Just don't look at them.

Sir Humphrey

Of course anybody would be put out by such thoughlessness, but you should be warned to expect many "everyone has a past, deal with it" and "if you are secure in your relationship it shouldn't be a problem" type advice.

Cool_CM

Sir Humphrey wrote: »

Of course anybody would be put out by such thoughlessness

It's not his thoughtlessness, it is his friend's. Any yes everybody does have a past, which cannot be changed. If the OP's bf deems it to be inappropriate to have himself tagged in pictures that might upset his current gf then he will remove the tag himself.

abi2007

it's facebook.. not ment to be taken too seriously, he could have done it to piss your BF off or he could just be putting up all his old pics.. maybe he didn't have facebook 2 years ago.

I'd be worried if your BF did it, not his mate.

LegacyUser

Thanks for the replies. I'd deem myself quite secure in the relationship. I and my boyfriend go out separately with our own friends and I never have any problems ever with him hanging around female friends on a night out by himself etc.
That's a good point about his friend might not have had Facebook 2 years ago (as I do not know this person I can't confirm this).
Some of the photos are group ones. They don't bother me at all.
Others are solely of my boyfriend and his ex. It's the more intimate ones, of him kissing his ex or them with each others arms around each other put me out a bit.
I won't mention it at all to him.
Cheers for the replies.

vibrant

Upload loads of photos of you and your boyfriend over the next few days so he has more than those 4 tagged photos on facebook.

Koushki

I totally understand why you're annoyed about this, i'd be fuming tbh.
wtf is your bfs mate playing at.
I know the right thing to say is don't worry about it because she's in the past and you're the one he loves now, but that doesn't mean you don't have the right to be annoyed.
Personally if this happened to me i'd ask my bf to untag himself in the photos as it DOES look weird him having all these photos of him and his ex at the top of his page and it makes you look stupid.
well, i'd feel that way anyway.

his friends a knob if you ask me.

Peewee_lane

His friend fancies your boyfriends ex...

MissHoneyBun

Hmm not the nicest thing for an alleged friend to do. To be honest there's not a whole lot you can do about this and personally I'd be more upset about the friend's motivation for posting the pictures rather than their actual content. If you are especially bothered by the photos you could contact the friend, explain that it's unpleasant for you to see photos of your boyfriend being intimate with someone else and ask to have them removed. Or (and personally I would go with this one) you could simply acknowledge the fact that yes everybody has a past and whereas it may be unpleasant to see this manifested in Facebook photos you could simply rise above it and accept that there's no point in dwelling on your boyfriend's past when you are his present and future.

Lemming

Koushki wrote: »

I totally understand why you're annoyed about this, i'd be fuming tbh.
wtf is your bfs mate playing at.

Maybe he's not "playing" at anything and put up a bunch of photos that he had probably forgotten about (2 years old after all), found and thought he'd put them up somewhere after 2 years of lying around.

I know the right thing to say is don't worry about it because she's in the past and you're the one he loves now, but that doesn't mean you don't have the right to be annoyed.

There's no real "right" to be annoyed since, a) it's his ex, b) they're old photos i.e. he has a past. So do you. So does everyone. Get over it. and c) the b/f didn't do this, his mate did. Most probably thinking it harmless since ... see points a & b already.

Personally if this happened to me i'd ask my bf to untag himself in the photos as it DOES look weird him having all these photos of him and his ex at the top of his page and it makes you look stupid.
well, i'd feel that way anyway.

his friends a knob if you ask me.

If you ask me (and nobody is), this is a classic case of captain over-reaction.

Edit: as a further question, what if they'd been photos from some special event like somebody else's wedding or an engagement party or a christening or some such. Would you be demanding the pictures be removed as well? TBH, it screams personal insecurity and edging into control-freak territory to me (re: historical revision of your b/f's life before you, by you).

towel401

well don't go on facebook. stay on boards.ie
delete account and if anyone asks just say 'i dont bother with that **** send an email if you want to stay in touch'

that site is magnet for drama / gossip needler types that want to see who unfriends who and what is going on in all their 'friends' life. and it even stirr up a good bit of drama from the comfort and safety of your own computer screen as is happening in this case. even if things go bad for the agitator there is very little consequences for them on facebook because its largely unmoderated and unpleasantries are purged by 'unfriend' and 'delete' buttons. and who ever is stirring up **** probably has another 400 people on their list they can go and annoy.

i don't get this business with uploading pics of other people. it seems bad form and this tagging stuff is nothing but bad news

Dr. Loon

I have "friends" on facebook who I haven't spoken to - in reality - in a very long time. How close is this friend to your boyfriend? Is he actually a friend, or a facebook friend?

Either way, you are overreacting. Get over it. Maybe he's just ****in with ya. It's not like the friend posted pictures of your boyfriends ex with his cock in her mouth. Kissing a cheek or hugging someone is a perfectly acceptable thing to be doing. Ex or not. What if he was friendly with her still, and you saw a picture of him hugging her. Would you be angry?

Sir Humphrey

Cool_CM wrote: »

It's not his thoughtlessness, it is his friend's. Any yes everybody does have a past, which cannot be changed. If the OP's bf deems it to be inappropriate to have himself tagged in pictures that might upset his current gf then he will remove the tag himself.

I didn't use the possessive adjective at all. I never said whose thoughtlessness it was or wasn't. I'd have thought it was fairly clearly implied that it was the thoughlessness of the person who put them up was in question but apparently it wasn't all that clear for some reason.

Sir Humphrey

Lemming wrote: »

Maybe he's not "playing" at anything and put up a bunch of photos that he had probably forgotten about (2 years old after all), found and thought he'd put them up somewhere after 2 years of lying around.

There's no real "right" to be annoyed since, a) it's his ex, b) they're old photos i.e. he has a past. So do you. So does everyone. Get over it. and c) the b/f didn't do this, his mate did. Most probably thinking it harmless since ... see points a & b already.

If you ask me (and nobody is), this is a classic case of captain over-reaction.

Edit: as a further question, what if they'd been photos from some special event like somebody else's wedding or an engagement party or a christening or some such. Would you be demanding the pictures be removed as well? TBH, it screams personal insecurity and edging into control-freak territory to me (re: historical revision of your b/f's life before you, by you).

I fail to understand why the length of time and the fact that the photos might have been "lying around" and "he probably forgot about" (pile on the excuses why don't you?) means that someone is not a thoughless idiot for putting them all up or precludes them from some responsibility to be reasonably selective in the circumstances.

I think you are a bit of a 'captain over-reaction' yourself - the OP is not "demanding that the pictures be reomved nor has she suggested she will".

Lemming

Sir Humphrey wrote: »

I fail to understand why the length of time and the fact that the photos might have been "lying around" and "he probably forgot about" (pile on the excuses why don't you?) means that someone is not a thoughless idiot for putting them all up or precludes them from some responsibility to be reasonably selective in the circumstances.

I never said the friend wasn't thoughtless. TBH, none of us have seen these pictures so we haven't a clue as to just how far they go. Two people posing together in a photo and smiling, or a hug/kiss on the cheek is radically different to seeing a picture of two people eating the faces off each other or the like.

Perspective is what's important. To anyone who isn't the OP, the pictures (assuming they're not of the in-your-face-snogging variety) would probably seem fairly harmless.

I think you are a bit of a 'captain over-reaction' yourself - the OP is not "demanding that the pictures be reomved nor has she suggested she will".

My post was a bit of a combination of reply between the Op and Koushki - more so at Koushki.

That Girl..

Say it to your boyfriend and get him to tell his friend to delete them..

If my boyfriends friend uploaded pics of him and his ex i'd go spare..
And he wouldn't be too happy either.

If i were you i'd say it and i'm sure your boyfriend would understand.
He wouldn't like to see pics of you and your ex just uploaded either..

LegacyUser

That Girl.. wrote: »

Say it to your boyfriend and get him to tell his friend to delete them..

If my boyfriends friend uploaded pics of him and his ex i'd go spare..
And he wouldn't be too happy either.

If i were you i'd say it and i'm sure your boyfriend would understand.
He wouldn't like to see pics of you and your ex just uploaded either..

Why?

Would you ask him to delete all pictures of his ex that he already has on his facebook?

And then get him to ask his friends to delete any pictures they may have on theirs?

And what point would you think you are bit controlling?

It's a big how do about nothing really OP.
Forget about it.
Unless these photo's on facebook are your browsers homepage then [as highly unlikely as that is lol] just forget about them.

They aren't going to impact on your relationship by the sounds of what you wrote so again ignore.Simple really.
I'm sure there are or will be more important things to think about as time goes on

That Girl..

Unregistered wrote: »

Why?

Would you ask him to delete all pictures of his ex that he already has on his facebook?

And then get him to ask his friends to delete any pictures they may have on theirs?

And what point would you think you are bit controlling?

No, pictures that were just uploaded?? Like obviously the OP is gonna be pissed off about it, it's a natural feeling..

I know for a fact that my boyfriend would feel the same as me..
And if he cared about me he'd understand, obviously.

And no, i wouldn't call it 'controlling'. Thats a whole different subject altogehter.

AngryBadger

Lemming wrote: »

Maybe he's not "playing" at anything and put up a bunch of photos that he had probably forgotten about (2 years old after all), found and thought he'd put them up somewhere after 2 years of lying around...There's no real "right" to be annoyed since, a) it's his ex, b) they're old photos i.e. he has a past. So do you. So does everyone. Get over it. and c) the b/f didn't do this, his mate did. Most probably thinking it harmless since ... see points a & b already...If you ask me (and nobody is), this is a classic case of captain over-reaction.

+1

What's the problem exactly OP? That your bf had other girlfriends before you? So what if someone put up 2-year-old pictures of her current partner with his former partner.

OP if you're bothered by this at all I think you need to look at your own insecurities. Of course your bf had other girlfriends before you, just like you had other boyfriends before him, so what's your problem exactly?

Karen_*

AngryBadger wrote: »

OP if you're bothered by this at all I think you need to look at your own insecurities. Of course your bf had other girlfriends before you, just like you had other boyfriends before him, so what's your problem exactly?

Yes she knows he had a life before her but she doesn't want to see photos of the man she loves kissing someone else. Whats so hard to understand about that?

Karen_*

Unregistered wrote: »

Why?

Would you ask him to delete all pictures of his ex that he already has on his facebook?

And then get him to ask his friends to delete any pictures they may have on theirs?

And what point would you think you are bit controlling?

So you wouldn't mind seeing photos every day of your OH kissing someone else? Has the OP asked anyone to delete anything? At what point would you think you'd jumped the gun a bit there?

shellyboo

Karen_* wrote: »

Yes she knows he had a life before her but she doesn't want to see photos of the man she loves kissing someone else. Whats so hard to understand about that?

So don't look at them... you can remove anything that you don't want to see from anyone's feed on Facebook. No need to go deleting the photos.

Eibhin

I would just ignore it tbh. Let it go.

Bottle_of_Smoke

Seems a really weird thing to do. Admittedly I don't have facebook but I use bebo & I think if I put up photos of my friend and his ex of two years he'd find it a bit odd to say the least. Especially odd if he was with someone new.

Ask your boyfriend to tell him to get rid of them. You said you can't say anything because it's not his fault. You certainly can't blame him but that's not to say you can't say anything!

humanji

I'm quite surprised that so many people have a problem with this. It's a non-event. In a couple of days everyone elses updates will push those photos off of the front page.

To be honest, if any girlfriend of mine tried to get me to remove all traces of my past I tell them to cop on. If they didn't then I'd dump them. Nobody needs to put up with that sort of shìte.

humanji

Bottle_of_Smoke wrote: »

Seems a really weird thing to do. Admittedly I don't have facebook but I use bebo & I think if I put up photos of my friend and his ex of two years he'd find it a bit odd to say the least. Especially odd if he was with someone new.

Ask your boyfriend to tell him to get rid of them. You said you can't say anything because it's not his fault. You certainly can't blame him but that's not to say you can't say anything!

As said above, it also depends on the ciscumstances of the photos, though. Say for example it was a set of photos taken at a party 2 years ago. The friend may have just uploaded all he had. If it was just a collection of random photos with some of the boyfriend and the ex then that would a bit odd, but still nothing to worry about.

Bottle_of_Smoke

Lemming wrote: »

Maybe he's not "playing" at anything and put up a bunch of photos that he had probably forgotten about (2 years old after all), found and thought he'd put them up somewhere after 2 years of lying around.

Went to the trouble of tagging & adding captions, seems a bit odd to me.

There's no real "right" to be annoyed since, a) it's his ex, b) they're old photos i.e. he has a past. So do you. So does everyone. Get over it. and c) the b/f didn't do this, his mate did. Most probably thinking it harmless since ... see points a & b already.

I can see why she's a bit put out, there's a fine line between having a right to be annoyed and being annoyed. I'm guessing she's a bit miffed that everyone they know are going to see her boyf kissing some girl and not know why/the history behind it.

If you ask me (and nobody is), this is a classic case of captain over-reaction.

She hasn't reacted as yet. She's said nothing to her boyfriend. By this stage I think a lot of girls would have made some sort of objection.

Edit: as a further question, what if they'd been photos from some special event like somebody else's wedding or an engagement party or a christening or some such. Would you be demanding the pictures be removed as well? TBH, it screams personal insecurity and edging into control-freak territory to me (re: historical revision of your b/f's life before you, by you).

I think in that particular case it would be very unreasonable to ask to remove them.

who007

yeah - I'd be peeved - would think the friend was up to something or didn't take me seriously, But it's a dumbass insensitive friend, not your bf, so let it peeve you for today and then just forget it!

SarahJ

If it was a close friend, I'd be p*ssed off for sure, and I'd get my boyf to ask him to take them down, cos I'm pretty sure my boyf would be annoyed about it too. If it was someone he doesn't see all the time, I'd just think he was quite sad.

Sir Humphrey

humanji wrote: »

To be honest, if any girlfriend of mine tried to get me to remove all traces of my past I tell them to cop on. If they didn't then I'd dump them. Nobody needs to put up with that sort of shìte.

I have to say that I missed the bit where the OP said she wanted all traces of anyone's past removed. It's amazing how many people reply to things they think were written here but weren't.

paddylishious

US BLOKES JUST DO THING WITHOUT THINKING, JUST POINT OUT THAT YOU DON'T LIKE THE FACT HIS MATE PUT UP THE 'OLD' PHOTO ON FACEBOOK AND COULD HE UPDATE IT

humanji

Sir Humphrey wrote: »

I have to say that I missed the bit where the OP said she wanted all traces of anyone's past removed. It's amazing how many people reply to things they think were written here but weren't.

It's all or nothing. Selective deleting of someones past is even more disturbing, IMO.

LegacyUser

Hi, thanks for the replies.

I was just trying to see if I was the only one in the country who might be a bit put out by that guys actions (for those who ask what my problem is exactly). I did not want to say anything to my boyfriend (for fear of sounding controlling etc). I'm glad I didn't, especially after considering some people's opinions on the matter. The photographs were taken at a music festival (so there were some very drunken ones, with not so many clothes on etc...). I completely understand that my boyfriend has a past. I accept that. And I'm glad of it, as it makes him who he is. The person I love. The main thing was that it was just darn annoying to see photos of my boyfriend with another girl...being all coupley...without his top on..or a photograph of them obviously being on top of each other (only the heads shown).

I really like the idea of adding more photographs of my boyfriend and I together, if I get a chance. I'm ok with it all now, so thanks everyone.

Katgurl

OP its not really a big deal, sometimes guys just dont' think about these things the way girls do. I'm sure your boyfriend's friend just wasnt' thinking.

Mention it in passing to your boyfriend casually or make a joke out of it.

Similar happened to me with my last boyfriend but the other way around, he just smiled and said to me he was thrilled to see photos of me wrapped around another bloke, then he changed the subject.

I untagged myself that evening.